People sometimes ask me questions on this blog…
And occasionally someone asks me a question, based on something to do with this blog, through my tumblr, my Twitter, or on my deviantart.
If those other social media platform accounts were friends of mine who were waiting for me to show up at a social get-together… they’d probably be rather fed up of waiting if they were actually still waiting, and they’d probably be more than slightly annoyed with me, and annoyed with themselves for waiting for such an annoying person like me.
I set up those accounts during a period in my life when I suddenly had multi-tasking abilities that I don’t normally have. For a brief spell I could focus on everything and everyone all at once.
A spell only lasts for a spell.
And life has a way of looking at you and saying – You look like you’re not busy enough, here, let me give you a bit of chaos to make your seeming order and plans for your present, based on a spell, go tits up.
I feel a tad guilty for not logging into those accounts as often as perhaps I should, or doing more on them like I used to… but my brain feels like cheese on toast under a hot grill at the moment, so it’s best if I keep things simple and focus on what I can actually focus upon (which is getting smaller by the second).
Right now I can only do what I can do now…
If you want my attention, you need to go where it is located. That’s on this blog because I really can’t focus on anything else at the moment… and this moment is going on forever.
What was I… oh, yes…
Someone asked me through my deviantart:
The first thing which struck me about this question was that this person seemed slightly embarrassed to be questioning… the Haha seemed nervous…
Questioning is never something you should be embarrassed about.
It’s healthy to do it, and it’s wise to be cautious.
And if the matter which you’re researching online has to do with narcissists…
Well, your questioning is a sign that you’re on the mend, that whatever you’ve been doing to recover from your relationship with a narcissist is working.
Anyone who has ever been in a relationship of whatever kind with a narcissist knows that one of the first things you get intimidated into stopping doing is questioning.
Before you know it you’re terrified of questioning… except yourself, of course, but that kind of questioning is the spiral into hell known as constant self-doubt.
There’s actually nothing wrong with a bit of self-doubt, in fact it’s quite healthy to question yourself as it stimulates self-reflection and that can lead to insightful discoveries.
A little bit of everything is good for you… too much of anything can lead to an overdose, and that includes too much positive thinking.
The second thing which struck me about that question is – this person stated they had received solace from the blog which they were now concerned about.
That solace they received is real for them.
However… just as your love for a narcissist is real for you, your love is real… the moment you come to view the love which the narcissist in your life has for you as being unreal… it makes you question the reality of your love.
If their love for you isn’t real, does that mean the love you had for them is also not real?
If you get solace from the writings of a blogger, but you don’t know who that blogger is, who they are in RL, what their qualifications are, and if they’re even a real person… or at least the person they told you they were… does that mean the solace that you got from their posts isn’t real?
If the blog and blogger turn out to be some version of bunkum… does that negate what you’ve received from it?
The reason I link to The Narcissistic Continuum is because it is an excellent blog.
CZBZ, the blogger behind that blog, has been blogging about narcissists since long before it became a hot trending topic. At the time that she started her blog there was only a handful of bloggers discussing NPD, and only a small collection of books written by qualified professionals about the personality disorder.
She was writing about narcissists while that term still mostly meant someone who was a bit up themselves and spent a lot of time looking at their reflection in a mirror. She was one of the first bloggers to share her story online and publicly, and since then, partly due to the reactions her blog received, she has amassed a wealth of information, resources and experience through her own quest to understand more about her own experience, which she shares on her blog.
She is private about her RL identity, as many bloggers are. There are many reasons for doing this which anyone who interacts online can relate to.
What are her qualifications? She’s been in a personal relationship with a narcissist, which is what prompted her to start her blog. And her blog has taken her on an amazing journey.
She’s an ‘expert on NPD’ through personal experience.
Like me, she would rather not have that kind of personal experience of narcissists, but it happened and blogging is one of the ways we’ve chosen to deal with it.
Blogs are usually a personal sharing of personal experience…often done under an alias.
I’ve interacted with her online, blogger to blogger, a few times. We met through her interest in one of my posts about online narcissists. She was very considerate towards me. One of the first things she asked me was – Did I mind if she linked to my post about online narcissists as she had quite a few trolls who regularly attacked her and her blog who might decide to troll my blog due to the link.
She has had a lot of experiences online which would make most of us run away from the internet, but she has soldiered on, sharing her personal experiences, learning from them and sharing that, being battered by the vicissitudes of offline and online life.
Her blog has many cautionary tales about online narcissists which are worth reading – certain types of narcissists think they’re victims of narcissists, which they can be – narcissists often end up in relationships with others narcissists – but they can also perceive non-narcissists as being narcissists. Narcissists like to place themselves in positions of authority… about NPD, especially now that it is a trending hot topic.
So… be very careful, and don’t be embarrassed about questioning your sources.
When someone asks me a question…
I usually attempt to give an answer…
I emphasised – an answer – because that’s what it is, it’s AN answer not necessarily THE answer to your question. More to the point it’s MY answer to YOUR question, and the chances of me giving you the correct answer to your question are slim because I’m me and you’re you.
I can only speak from my own experience of living and being. I’m a messy human who usually has to repeat a lesson over and over again and again before something gets through my thick skull…
If I sound as though I’m an authority on a matter about which I write on my blog… it’s mostly because I write about (and for) myself, and I am an authority on that subject.
[this is the bit where I pause to consider what I have just written… self-questioning stirs… and is often followed by a nervous laugh]
I argue with and question myself all the time, especially when I think I’m sure about something… I’m never as sure as I hope I am.
One thing I am sure of (maybe) is… questioning the source is a good thing. Even if the source is professionally qualified… everyone is human and humans are prone to all sorts of human things. Including being narcissistic even if they’re not narcissists.
Lots of narcissists think they’re not narcissists… but are certain everyone else is.
Question everything and everyone. Trust only yourself… and question yourself too, a little bit of self-mistrust is good, but don’t overdo it.
I expect you to question me…
And sometimes I have… been criticised because I encourage you to question me and won’t commit to an answer about myself on my blog.
Someone once got rather annoyed with me in a comment because I wouldn’t confirm or deny whether I was or was not a narcissist. Others have been critical of me for humorously referring to myself as an ‘expert’ on narcissists… they didn’t realise I was using humour the way I was using it – to deal with pain (the pain in the ass of having narcissists in your RL and the shit that does to you).
I think for myself… I’ve tried letting others do the thinking for me, and found out the hard way that… that’s a bad idea of mine… or of theirs for me.
And I (perhaps unreasonably and really annoyingly) expect you to think for yourselves.
That’s the third thing which struck me about that question.
Why are we all so worried about thinking for ourselves… and sometimes want others to do our thinking for us?
Our questions… aren’t about getting an answer so much as the journey we take when we seek an answer. The journey in this case is far more valuable than the answer.
What we discover along the way is… our real answer.
Listen to yourself…
Related link, a most excellent post worth reading – WP celebrity conceals evil intent Smile conceals the guile inside