For Your Viewing Pleasure… Perhaps

poltergeistPoltergeist

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What’s your viewing pleasure?

Do you like watching TV shows, films, documentaries, the news, youtube videos, etc? Playing video games? Going out to see a play, opera, or to a comedy club? Strolling around a museum, gallery, park?

What thrills your eyes and stimulates your mind through your eyes?

What soothes your soul, heart, and frazzled brain?

Some people have songs which are part of the soundtrack of their lives, when they hear that tune, that lyric, it evokes a moment in time. I have a few of those, some which make me smile, others which make me cringe, and a couple which… I’m not sure how to react to those.

However, film and TV dominate when it comes to my recall and recollections.

I have been a film buff since I was a toddler. Some of my earliest memories include films in one way or another… or maybe all my memories are made of film clips.

Perhaps that wasn’t me who may or may not have been dead while riding off into the sunset, maybe I was the one crying – Shane, come back!

Occasionally it makes me rather irrational due to affection and loyalty. I refuse to watch The Lion King. It insults me… the adult in me is fine with it, but there’s a feisty child inside who bonded with Kimba and feels that my heart would be cheating on the original with a fraud. I did say it was irrational.

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Kimba

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Cheating was a big issue in my family, it permeated the environment like a noxious poison, a pall weighing heavily on the heart. It wasn’t just about adultery, even though that was my mother’s main concern and constant gripe, a source of both pain and pleasure (in her sainthood and martyrdom) for her, an intrinsic element of her identity – there were times when I wondered if she truly wanted my father not to have affairs as if he stopped doing that she would also have to stop playing the long-suffering victim, and the self-righteous rising above it better than you because you’re worse than me holier than thou mother of all. It was also about other kinds of infidelity, such as the fact that my mother had betrayed my father by having a child when he didn’t want one and was very specific about that, or that my father felt cheated in his professional life.

A friend of mine once asked me if Mistral’s Daughter was based on my family… it wasn’t, however, I could see parallels between the stories.

Watching Kimba helped me to deal with problems that reality kept offering without solutions. The box tends to box things up for you, while out side of the box it’s just a bloody mess.

I have never been able to get stuck into a soap opera, although I did love Soap. I’ve tried to watch soaps but it’s too stressful, too similar to my experience of reality when I was stuck in Narcville. Most narcissists think their life is a soap opera and if it isn’t, they turn it into one. And in my case my mother had actually studied opera, the stories are incredibly twisted and complicated, and when she had a tantrum it was like listening to the Queen of the Night (The Magic Flute – Mozart).

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My parents could turn even the simplest of things into a drama in several interminable acts. And they were constantly killing characters off, only to resurrect them awhile later as though nothing had happened.

Going to the cinema with my parents was a bit like playing a game of Saw. Luckily we didn’t do that too often. Mind you, watching TV with both of my parents could end up in the same way.

My mother’s viewing style was every critic who ever existed rolled up into one person. She could ruin a film while the titles were rolling. She had to bitch, criticise, critique, pick on every aspect of it, point out flaws, judge the fashion, scoff at the dialogue, undermine the actors (she had been an actress so this was a professional view not an amateur one, therefore it was aid with authoritah), moan, groan, and talk non-stop to enjoy what she was watching. She particularly pleasured herself in ruining moments of suspense – watching Hitchcock with her was anything but thrilling. If anyone dared to tell her to STFU… all those critics inside of her would perceive you as her new target for decimation.

My parents arguing all the way through a show was a normal occurrence. My father could argue with my mother without saying a word, he always had control over the remote. His silence (and the cigar he often smoked while lying sprawled on a sofa) while he flicked channels drove her insane with grief and fury. He would sometimes raise the volume to drown her out.

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Saw

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However, watching TV with my father when my mother wasn’t around (usually because she’d gone to bed early in a huff or due to her being an early-to-bed saint) was rather fun.

Staying up way past a prescribed bedtime for a child, watching horror, westerns, swashbucklers, noir, and the occasional musical (I’ll never forget seeing The Pajama Game with him… fairly certain we both sang along, which was weird) with my father… film allowed me to have a bond with him which was difficult at other times. Maybe the act of viewing distracted his mind from its usual course of thought and allowed him to interact from the heart more easily. In those moments he was… who he was without all the added extras. He wasn’t a man with a devious plan, he was just a human, relaxed and enjoying something which relaxed him.

Sometimes watching films and TV is not about escaping reality, but experiencing an alternate version of reality not just through the screen but where you actually are.

Watching a film with friends can be insightful, you sometimes get to see sides of them they don’t openly show when their conscious mind isn’t distracted, and sometimes what they’re seeing evokes a memory, a passion, a love, a spontaneous thought which they share, and you get to know them better.

I remember laughing a lot with my father at the blood, gore and ridiculous predicaments of monsters and hapless travelers who always seemed to get a flat tire or lose a wagon wheel or some other event which forced them to seek shelter in a haunted house. For some reason the KEEP OUT sign never applied to them. Tut, tut, tut… this is going to be messy!

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psychobitchesPsychobitches

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When I got older I realised, thanks to personal experience being a good teacher, why they were so stupid… I guess I built up quite a bit of karma simply by being smug when watching TV and Films.

When you judge someone else from a pedestal of any sort life has a way of showing you how rickety your pedestal is, and it also tends to think that when you judge someone you’re asking a question…

Q: How could they possibly do that… be that stupid, mean, evil, naive!

A (from life): Let me put you in the same position as they were in and show you.

A wallop from the personal experience of living what another person is living, making your shoes similar to theirs, should provide you with an answer and clarify that matter for you.

Do you have any more questions, because life is more than happy to oblige you with experiential answers.

Be careful of saying – I would never do anything like that – life sees that as a question seeking answer too, more than that it sees it as part of the power of attraction, as you saying – That person is doing something I’ve never done! I want to do it too!

I learn a lot about myself from the shit which goes on in my head while watching a film or TV show. The running commentary of the mind, the tangents which are inspired, the sudden shifts in perspective, new ideas, new takes on old ideas, and so much more… can be insightful.

I thought I’d share a few of the films and TV shows which I’ve watched recently that have prompted mental shit to stir in the membrane. I’m not reviewing them or explaining what they’re about (that’s what the links and videos are for), instead I’m going to scribble some personal views which went with them.

1 – Man From Reno – Fragments coming together… akin to how I think. Pieces. Connecting. How. Feeling confused about time, timelines, past, present and future indistinguishable from each other… I was making things more complicated than they actually were, I have a habit of doing that. My mind is so used to things being more complicated than they need to be, that when they’re not… defaulting to thinking that they are. The intertwining of lives… follow a thread which is unraveling fromΒ  someone else and it may lead you on a journey back to yourself.

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2 – Attila Marcel – Legacy… of memory, guilt, shame, fear, loss, trauma. Recovering the truth which the past holds that is missing from our present and is affecting our experience of life and being. Blocked. By ourselves, others, duty, routine, coping mechanisms, silence. Silence. Loud. The people who shape us… due to how we see them, how they see themselves, what we or they don’t see because something is obscuring the view. Perceptions and misperceptions. The flow of life, it twists and turns to get from A to Z. Small details overlooked, the big picture loses the little ones which make it up. I hated being forced to learn to play the piano… I wish I could play the piano.

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3 – Psychobitches – The therapy of laughter, of learning from history, of just behaving badly because it’s fun and you’re going to get judged, analysed, pigeon-holed, critcised, put on a pedestal and then torn down because you fail to live up to expectations, no matter who you are or what you say or do. New perspectives on assumptions, using the imagination to discover… it can be hilarious to embrace being human!

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4 – Gayby – Messy humans having messy relationships, life being lived… with a cheeky wise laugh. If it’s hysterical then it’s historical… so if you’re getting more upset than the situation requires, those are your issues, deal with them don’t dump them onto someone else to deal with because… they can’t deal with them for you, and if they try they’ll end up resenting you as they don’t represent you or anyone else who they are not, besides they have their own shit to deal with. And I’m actually rather relieved that I’m not a birthday person, I used to pick on myself about that until this…

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5 – Boy Meets Girl – Eric Schaeffer… how I love thee! Who you are… who decides? Acceptance, rejection, love, pain, preference, challenges, and all those other aspects of a life, and the other lives which are a part of our life… when someone truly loves you, you know it but may overlook it because it’s here, a given, and your eyes are on the over there, back there, anywhere but here… here is safe… but does it feel safe… is safe a vault in which we’re locked and want to break free… we can’t help being drawn to a risk. Why?

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6 – The Guitar – Is the life you are living the one you want to live or the one you’re living until you can live the one you want to live. What happens if… you run out of time, lose everything which was a structure holding your life together on its course, keeping the you that you have made yourself be to fit in, do the right thing, what was expected of you, in a skin you’re not comfortable in… what if you could just do anything… what would you do. I’d do exactly what I’m doing… is that weird? What if you had nothing… what would you fill it with? What if you… didn’t think about you, but just experienced being? Tick, tock, tick, tock…

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7 – Starry Eyes – Hello, Narcville. A spot on allegory of the dynamics involved in a relationship with a narcissist. Pity it’s a horror film (which actually makes it even better) as it would make a great instructional video that answers questions about why we’re attracted to narcissists and why they’re attracted to us. Why society is so narcissistic. It holds the wound within its frames. But people are put off by the darkness, especially that within them… prefer to disassociate from it, project it onto others, turn it into an icon of evil which repels and attracts in measures that may be unequal in favour of a dark desire that must never be brought into the light. To dare to know. That need to only see the light, fix your smile, and ignore the dark… it’s always others… is what makes those ties which bind so hard to sever. Drives us all to hurt ourselves, to hurt ourselves through others…

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Am I wasting life, time, grey matter while watching TV…?

Survey says… screw what the survey says, it isn’t surveying what I’m surveying. It’s eye is on a piece of the pie, while mine is… seeing other pieces which I think it may be trying to steal from me by attempting to use a distraction tactic.

Look over here at this bad thing…. while I take what is good, yum, yum, away from you.

A cat on my lap, purr, purr. A lover beside me, who loves the things I love, with who I commune without saying a word and when a word is said it is… heard by more than just the ear. Communication is in surround sound.

And me…

Together we open our minds, hearts and souls to…

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Rocky Horror Picture ShowThe Rocky Horror Picture Show

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That’s all folks…

Over to you, please share your viewing pleasures.

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Related link – A great WP movie blog – Off the Halloween Path: 13 Non-Traditional Movies to Watch on All Hallows’ Eve