…with an unbearable sweetness

3 weights


“She was breathing deeply, she forgot the cold, the weight of beings, the insane or static life, the long anguish of living or dying. After so many years running from fear, fleeing crazily, uselessly, she was finally coming to a halt. At the same time she seemed to be recovering her roots, and the sap rose anew in her body, which was no longer trembling.”

― Albert Camus


The three weights in this photograph… I found them amongst the bits and pieces left behind in my new home by the previous owner.

Were there other weights to be found, were these part of a bigger set, or was this it?

Do these represent something?

Are they perhaps each a burden put down so that someone could move on… and pick up new weights more meaningful to them now?

We sometimes carry with us heavy loads which no longer serve any purpose to us… other than to weigh us down with the gravity of it.

Things we took on long ago.

They had meaning once upon a time.

There was a reason to pick them up and carry them.

We needed them then even if we didn’t want them.

Then their due date came… and went, yet we still carried them afterwards when we could have laid them to rest.

Why do we carry things with us when we no longer need to do so?

Is it habit?


A reflex?

A sense of not wanting to litter our path with leaden crumbs…

Or a fear of leaving a trail that might allow others to… know us from what we leave behind.

Maybe we come to view our burdens as treasures, too precious to let go even if they stop us from moving forward as they pile up on our shoulders, our feet sinking into the earth, gradually unable to keep going… anywhere but down.

At the moment I’m going through a period of adjustment.

I’ve dropped so much weight, both metaphorically and literally…

It’s a strange limbo, a threshold between old and new, between past and…

a present…

a gift which has ties that are connected in a web-like structure to everything before, to now, and to a possible after.

I like finding the things which others have left behind. They tell a story… which weaves its way into my own.


“Then, with an unbearable sweetness, the waters of the night began to fill her, submerging the cold, rising gradually to the center of her being, and overflowing wave upon wave to her moaning mouth. A moment later, the whole sky stretched out above her as she lay with her back against the cold earth.”
― Albert Camus


 Hello again…



18 thoughts on “…with an unbearable sweetness

  1. I just found your blog yesterday so i was unaware that you had been gone. I am so glad I ran across your posts in my search for information about narcissists. Your words resonate in my soul. I also am an only child of two narcissists, then was married to another for 30 years. I had given up on having anyone in my life when I recently connected up with what seemed like a wonderful man I’d met briefly 38 years ago, only to realize in horror that he was one also! Your gentle introspective words fill me with peace and help me find perspective as I try to deal with the pain and turmoil that is my life right now. Thank you so very much


    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      The move was quite an adventure, but went incredibly smoothly. It seems so natural being in the new home, I kind of feel like I’ve lived here forever and yet it is all new. I haven’t really had time to take it all in yet, my mind is a bit on the fritz and my body feels as though it’s been through a laundry mangle 😉

      How are you?


  2. What a beautiful post ! With Camus like a cherry on top ! It felt like you were talking about my life… So loved it ! Thank you for this post ! 🌺🌸🙏❤️


  3. A beautiful piece…thank you. I too am transitioning from an old way of life to a new way, l feel l may be releasing old weights for new ones, but it is a journey l feel destined to take. Mine will be a lonely journey also this I am sure of and yet l am compelled to continue…l wish you well

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      Sometimes the lonely journey is the one which brings us closer to ourselves, we go deeper within, enriching our relationship with ourselves and find company and support within us. It can create a greater sense of connectedness with ourselves which eventually brings a more profound connectedness with others.

      Best wishes and blessings on your journey, transitions are time of intense vulnerability and great personal power.


  4. Welcome back! happy to read you.
    Our burdens as our treasures.. the Nazi anthropological approach to disruption was embodied by the methodic annhilation of personal belongings.
    I am not saying we are what we own, but somehow objects can be a reminder and a reification of our past, don’t you think? xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      Objects do tend to get imbued with meaning, like talismans, representing something more, infused with memory, able to evoke emotion and thought. It’s an intriguing thing to explore.

      When we get rid of our possessions, we always end up gathering new ones. It just seems to be the way of life.


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