anupturnedsoul

One eye sees, the other feels

Benched

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“A line is a dot that went for a walk.”
― Paul Klee

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Sit down with me for a moment, rest your weary bones, your aching muscles, give the vessel which carries you around a break…

Let’s go for a walk with our eyes…

What do you see?

And when you look at what you see…

Do you see it as it is or does your mind alter it, perhaps by making a judgment…

The mind likes to make judgments… it doesn’t mean to be judgmental, but it is a mental judge… that’s just what it does. It’s job is to make sense of your world for you, to protect you and guide you through the eye of the storm that is life. Sometimes it overthinks things and turns sense into nonsense, complicating matters rather than clarifying them. Try to stop it and you will confuse it, and when it is confused it gets anxious, the kind of anxiety which tends to do something more rather than less.

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“A single day is enough to make us a little larger or, another time, a little smaller.”
― Paul Klee

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What about feeling…?

Have you noticed that subtle undercurrent flowing through you as your eyes wander, then pause to take a view in… each image you behold is like a line drawing which the mind judges and feeling colours in.

What are your feelings’ favourite colours?

Do you paint it black?

Splatter it with crimson and clover, over and over?

Get the blues?

A mellow yellow?

Or are you a greenie?

Do you colour outside of the lines, passion spilling everywhere… or neatly keep within the boundaries of lines drawn?

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Drippy Lion

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“One eye sees, the other feels.”
― Paul Klee

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Recently I’ve been more aware of how much I look at things with the eye of feeling rather than of the mind… the mind is still doing its judging routine, it’s just that when I see something or someone, my first thought is a feeling…

Not an emotional feeling… those are too volatile, erratic, swinging like a mad mouthy monkey who just can’t settle on a branch.

Perhaps it is because the past few years, the journey taken, has exhausted my mind and it isn’t really up to the task of assessing anything… it tries to think, to judge, but it’s working as well as a wind-up toy that gets stuck after one step… you can hear whirring, but nothing appears to be moving.

I seemed to have reached a plateau of some sort after a long and grueling climb, so it’s taken the opportunity to catch up on sleep while the rest of me deals with the world around me…

Things seem more colourful somehow…

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9 comments

  1. maybe you have just got rid of your past and you can see what is in front of you, just feeling the present moment without carrying the heavy burden you have analyzed and understood.this is remarkable, it’ what is called the termination of therapy.
    i am far from this and i doubt i will get there.But i am happy to hear that you have made it.Congrats and enjoy! xxx

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    • Thank you ❤

      I think part of it may be to do with a shift away from certain aspects of the past. Reliving experiences can be useful as we may get to finally confront what we never could before (or something like that), and over the last few years there's been an overdose of pain in the derriere deja vu which I couldn't escape and had to face and deal with it.

      Mostly though I think this period is just caused by being thrown into a new environment which has disrupted old patterns, being too tired to think, and being distracted by basic issues which keep the mind busy and away from psychological stuff. Still haven't sorted my septic tank out and that's a very basic issue which seems to be rather complicated to solve (I'm rather intrigued by what this issue means as I literally have to deal with my own shit) 😉

      I'm sure you'll find your way to where you want to be. Sometimes we get there when we stop trying to get there. It's weird how that works. Whenever I give up on things, they seem to materialise. Molto strano!

      Take care, bellissima!

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  3. An overdose of pain, and dealing with our own shit.I am in the middle of it and wallowing in it like a hippo:)) ..You say it well.I really hope you can sort this itchy tank out very soon and smoothly, i would be terrified! but you are brave and in spite of your love for thinking and pondering, you are practical too.
    See, if some sudden change comes from the outside, we are confronted with out psychological routine patterns, and slowly doing something different, seeing something different, our thoughts are different, our vision too and our perception as well, therefore we feel diffferently too. I have been living a very weary and long time of self combustion, where I had to find the fire in myself and ignite a rusty machine I had in my head which worked for decades to please my N parents. I feel as i were a 87 yrs old bearded hag and i look at life as though i were out of it.
    Yes, i think I let it go, I don’t expect anything anymore, I gave up.I wish you were right.You once wrote you have a witch nose ( i don’t think so) but a witch is a witch…I am in awe. Writing to oyu makes me feel alive, thank you.xxx

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    • Sometimes we just have to wallow, and let ourselves do it without criticising ourselves fro doing it or nagging ourselves to stop it. It can be cathartic in its own way. Our pain wants to be heard by us, it wants us to listen to the story it has to tell and it doesn’t let us go until it knows we’ve understood it. SO it can take some time because we’re not good at listening to ourselves.

      We just need to trust our own process, the way our system deals with our life… takes ages to figure it out because we’re always being told not to do things that way by others who aren’t really doing any better than us but like to tell us they are 😉

      You’re going to be fine in your own time ❤

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