burning and spinning and guttering in the centre…
“They were the cars at the fair that were whirling around her; no, they were the planets, while the sun stood, burning and spinning and guttering in the centre; here they came again, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto; but they were not planets, for it was not the merry-go-round at all, but the Ferris wheel, they were constellations, in the hub of which, like a great cold eye, burned Polaris, and round and round it here they went: Cassiopeia, Cepheus, the Lynx, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, and the Dragon; yet they were not constellations, but, somehow, myriads of beautiful butterflies…”
― Malcolm Lowry
You’d think that solving a rather inconvenient problem would be cause for celebration. A time to relax and enjoy the fruits of frustration, labour and… the results of that labour.
And in some ways there is celebration, relief, and a moment of rest…
But in other ways there isn’t… instead there is a gnawing sense of worry, anxiety, and a certain unexplained sadness.
Which isn’t as unexplained as it would be if I didn’t use astrology… and know that transiting Mars is opposing my natal Saturn which is described as being “Stop and Go’ at the same time, moments of enthusiasm, feeling good, energised, which suddenly crumble into moments of feeling as though the weight of everything is so heavy that there’s not enough sleep in the world to cure the exhaustion carrying it.
It all hit me a couple of days ago… or, more to the point, I hit it… my own personal wall where I had to admit that my batteries had run out of juice.
Being this tired has its benefits… as long as I go with it rather than try to fight it.
Things like croissants and muffins make me smile…
…and somehow all is well with the universe when such things are a part of it.
I was watching a TV show last night (Transparent, season two…), where one of the characters was at an astronomy lecture which stated that everything which we see in the night sky is something that happened many years ago, it’s all in the past, yet it seems to be in the present to us because we are… but it could all be completely different now and we won’t see it… unless we live far into the future.
Somehow that was soothing in an enlightening way, but I have no idea how or why…
Sometimes when we’re in a state of disarray, when things are neither good or bad, happy or sad, but everything all at once… and we’re too tired to do anything but let it all happen, and swing like a pendulum amongst it all… things just make sense, sink in, and all seems fine even when it doesn’t always feel fine…
“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr