burning and spinning and guttering in the centre…

“They were the cars at the fair that were whirling around her; no, they were the planets, while the sun stood, burning and spinning and guttering in the centre; here they came again, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto; but they were not planets, for it was not the merry-go-round at all, but the Ferris wheel, they were constellations, in the hub of which, like a great cold eye, burned Polaris, and round and round it here they went: Cassiopeia, Cepheus, the Lynx, Ursa Major, Ursa Minor, and the Dragon; yet they were not constellations, but, somehow, myriads of beautiful butterflies…”
― Malcolm Lowry

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You’d think that solving a rather inconvenient problem would be cause for celebration. A time to relax and enjoy the fruits of frustration, labour and… the results of that labour.

And in some ways there is celebration, relief, and a moment of rest…

But in other ways there isn’t… instead there is a gnawing sense of worry, anxiety, and a certain unexplained sadness.

Which isn’t as unexplained as it would be if I didn’t use astrology… and know that transiting Mars is opposing my natal Saturn which is described as being “Stop and Go’ at the same time, moments of enthusiasm, feeling good, energised, which suddenly crumble into moments of feeling as though the weight of everything is so heavy that there’s not enough sleep in the world to cure the exhaustion carrying it.

It all hit me a couple of days ago… or, more to the point, I hit it… my own personal wall where I had to admit that my batteries had run out of juice.

Being this tired has its benefits… as long as I go with it rather than try to fight it.

Things like croissants and muffins make me smile…

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croissamuffi

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…and somehow all is well with the universe when such things are a part of it.

I was watching a TV show last night (Transparent, season two…), where one of the characters was at an astronomy lecture which stated that everything which we see in the night sky is something that happened many years ago, it’s all in the past, yet it seems to be in the present to us because we are… but it could all be completely different now and we won’t see it… unless we live far into the future.

Somehow that was soothing in an enlightening way, but I have no idea how or why…

Sometimes when we’re in a state of disarray, when things are neither good or bad, happy or sad, but everything all at once… and we’re too tired to do anything but let it all happen, and swing like a pendulum amongst it all… things just make sense, sink in, and all seems fine even when it doesn’t always feel fine…

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“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
― Alphonse Karr

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7 thoughts on “burning and spinning and guttering in the centre…

  1. Unwinding or unravelling are very visual terms and can be negative as well as positive. I’ve been trying to just flow along my river (as we discussed) but it’s felt out of control for a while now. Loved the picture – made me smile. 🙂

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    1. Thank you 🙂

      I was reading an article this morning about 2016 being a year for accepting that we can’t control everything (or anything, at times) and that sometimes the out of control is good for us even if it feels like the worst thing for us. It can free us but first we have to let go of certain ties which bind us, and sometimes that requires an unraveling because we’ve picked up a lot of pieces of string while we were rolling along.

      Everything can be both negative and positive, I suppose it’s up to us to figure out how to work with both sides of the whole.

      Perhaps the tumult of your river is caused by the two sides meeting and flowing together, with you riding the waves that blending creates.

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  2. Wow really relate to this one at present. With my natal Mars conjunct Saturn am so familiar with all of these feelings. I feel there is a great unwinding energy here at present, yesterday I was pinned in place on the ground, could not move to go anywhere, was just caught in the eye of the storm, fixed there. But then someone heard me and gave me love and I cried to the depths of my being. I thought I am having a breakdown but I knew I just had to bear with it. The great unravelling is not something you can explain but perhaps during these moments profound things are going on and we are being changed on a cellular level. Glad its just a passing transit for you thought but I guess the opposition’s gift is to show or give realisations that have been hidden or hard to see in the first half of the transit.

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    1. I like that term – the great unraveling – I hadn’t heard it before, it’s very visual as though we’re made of string and our string gets knotted over time until one day the knots have accumulated to a crucial point then it’s time to unwrap and untie them.

      It’s intriguing looking at transits, overlaying them on what’s going on in our lives. When they connect with natal positions sometimes it feels as though they activate something that has been dormant or which has become static and stagnant giving the opportunity to look at the old self from a new view.

      Right at this time pretty much all my natal positions are being prodded by a transit, my Saturn is being challenged from quite a few angles with t-Uranus and t-Pluto leading the challenging charge, and it does feel as though there’s a gathering of all my knots and a need to untie them or cut through them – it’s interesting to see the juxtaposition between the side of me that prefers untangling knots and the one that wants to slice them with a sharp knife.

      The thing which keeps coming up is a need to connect the individual self with the world around me in a more natural and profound manner, to notice and respect the convergence of paths and lives, there has to be a mutual benefit, for me and for others, with every action for things to get done. And every transit highlights this in a different manner, thus giving alternative perspectives of the same issue. The transit of Mars seemed to show that for me to ‘Go’ I need to be in sync with the ‘Go’ of others (Libra), and that when I try to do things just for myself or on my own (Aries), I’d get blocked by a ‘Stop’ sign.

      I’ve got t-Saturn squaring my Moon, which I think is actually rather helpful as it’s keeping my emotions in check, allowing me to be a bit more philosophical and less prone to inner screaming.

      There are some bizarre crossovers between the present and the past atm, as though it’s time to make peace with the pieces of my life story… or stubbornly decide to keep warring with them. 🙂

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      1. Those are beautiful and profound perspectives you are reaching. I think Saturn transits are a great opportunity if we don’t struggle but see where natural law of flow or stop wants to take us or block us from going. There is a great deepening and maturing with Saturn transits and yes on the Moon you expressed it exactly.
        I love the perspective you shared on Mars in Libra at present and with the opposition to your natal Saturn (that’s right isn’t it, in Aries?).
        Looking forward to witnessing and reading more of how it unfolds for you.

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