To find a form that accommodates the mess…

circles

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“To find a form that accommodates the mess, that is the task of the artist now.”

― Samuel Beckett

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Why do we like circles?

Is it because we’re made of them…

whenever scientists show us what we’re made of it always seems to involve circles…

Why aren’t we circular if we’re made of circles?

perhaps because those circles of which we are made are seeking to become other shapes…

which would explain why…

we’re not always happy with our own shape…

why we want to become rather than just be…

and like artists we chisel away at it trying to make it into something else,

which will please our vision of who we could be if…

if we could just be ourselves a little less,

or,

if we could just be ourselves a little more…

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samuel-beckett - two fools

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but it’s not only our vision which need pleasing…

our eyes aren’t the only ones watching,

there are others forming a circle around our creation,

like slices of a pie,

but each slice has a different perspective…

just as we do when we are part of another’s pie…

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Samuel-Beckett tears and laughs

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And trying to collate all of that into a rounded view…

especially with all the bites and nibbles of hungry desires eating it away…

can leave us feeling shapeless,

a formless mess…

The shape I like to use to accommodate that mess when it’s mine is a circle.

The circle formed by my astrology chart,

as it somehow manages to make it look like edible slop which could actually be nourishing if I can get over my distaste of it…

and it can sometimes make a vicious cycle be more of a spiral staircase which may be steep to climb but is going somewhere other than around and back to the same place.

Recently I found myself revisiting an old cycle,

a place of fear and failure…

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beckett_ever-tried-ever-failed

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of identity and ego…

of restriction, constriction, and… the need for a straightjacket to contain primal impulses which don’t like being restrained.

It was a subtle event…

a drip, drip, drip behind the veneer of everything’s fine,

which slowly crumbles the structure but leaves the false front standing, still claiming that there’s nothing wrong.

This, in my experience (and madness), is the work of Pluto… most probably aided by Saturn,

as those two both aspect my Sun – my ego and the centre of my universe (not sure if it is but I don’t want to tell it that as it’s a Capricorn in the house of fun).

Pluto is aspecting the Sun in a helpful manner (which doesn’t always feel helpful at all), and Saturn is… just being saturnine, rainy on my sunny, drip-drip-dripping until it drives me to do something rash to break free…

(Saturn in Aries, aided and abetted by Uranus in Libra – who is a complete fruit loop – and egged on by Jupiter – who is the cheeriest cheerleader… of the blindside).

But that’s just my natal chart, a glimpse of what is and will always be in some way… but still it’s just a selfie taken at time of birth, things have moved on from there… haven’t they?

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“The end is in the beginning and yet you go on.”
― Samuel Beckett

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That’s where transits come in,

and sometimes get favoured over natal placements because they offer hope…

or something akin to that…

or not that at all if you read certain interpretations of them (there’s one prominent astrologer whose interpretations invariably make me feel as though that end of the world which is always nigh has finally arrived… but then I survive his doom and gloom, or my doom and gloom brought on by reading his words).

Transiting Jupiter is cuddling up to my natal Pluto, bringing its cheery-leading to my personal Hades. Yay! Rah! Rah! Boom… did something or someone just explode?

Usually it’s me imploding…

then wait for the dust to settle…

sort through the debris…

for a surviving remanent or revenant…

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“The dead die hard, trespassers on the beyond, they must take the place as they find it, the shafts and manholes back into the muck, till such time as the lord of the manor incurs through his long acquiescence a duty of care in respect of them. They are free among the dead by all means, then their troubles are over, their natural troubles. But the debt of nature, that scandalous post-obit on one’s own estate, can no more be discharged by kicking the bucket than descent can be made into the same stream twice. This is a true saying.”
― Samuel Beckett

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Whatever is left…

is right…

at the beginning of a new cycle…

which may well just be a rehash of an old one, and I’ll end up here again, but maybe it will be a circle which has evolved itself a little bit or a little less… spiraling up or down instead of just going around and around,

either way,

after the shocks,

those wheels which keep turning…

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those little circles within keep going even after we’ve stopped.

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10 thoughts on “To find a form that accommodates the mess…

  1. First of all Happy New Year dear invisible yet very present friend!!! Yea it is all in circles… Same like I read all your posts, but in cycles I feel a need to write something on here. It’s funny my life is now in a ‘circle’ of three cities… The one in Germany, where I am supposed to live from now on, then London that I just visited after I left, and now on the way to Dubai where I spent (non planned) four years. So future, past and present are in circle here through the cities and bitter-sweet ( more bitter though) memories … However I was more interested in you mentioning Pluto and Saturn… I believe this will be one of my ultimate posts before I experience this transit astro Armageddon… In a month or so Mr Pluto is starting squaring my 12th H stellium…starting with Saturn, and opposing my already screwed Venus, on the other side Mr Uranus ( still opposing Saturn, which is such a ridiculous period) is going to oppose my natal Pluto…on top of that he is squaring my Venus for another year. Now to add that Mr Chiron will square very soon Neptune… Yeah transit Saturn is in my second house…possible poverty it is…the only, if I can name it good thing is that badass Saturn in trine with Sun and MC, if there is such a thing as good aspect with Saturn 🙂
    Personally I dislike Jupiter transits, they always ruin me and any sweetens they bring it ends like the universe is playing pranks on me… I believe you’re very familiar with the feeling. But hey Se la vie
    It was never easy, yet I hope it will be good… Sometimes bad aspects are actually the best thing could happen to one, yet have them all together attacking from all the directions…I think I need a long winter sleep… Well even that is not a solution as my dream land is my other world as equally strong as this regular one… That’s actually where this aspects hit me even harder, as I don’t have any control over my dreams, well sometimes I do 🙂
    Please post post and post I never have enough of you :)))))

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    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      I wish you all the best for the new year! Sounds like yours has started off continuing the adventure which 2015 stirred into motion.

      You might enjoy reading this – https://chirotic.wordpress.com/2015/04/21/pluto-and-me-the-two-great-invisibles/ – it’s about Pluto and Saturn, and also about being human. I found the concept that certain planets make things invisible to the conscious mind when they aspect them very intriguing, not sure if I agree that Pluto and Saturn do that, I’ve always found they draw attention to things which have been hidden away, make them stick out like a sore thumb, however I can sort of see how they might make us invisible in certain ways when we’re going through a transformation. They seem to block us from running away from what we have to face, and only release us when we face it and learn from it.

      Saturn in the 2nd is about keeping the nose to the grindstone, hard work which eventually pays off, living your personal values in a real and practical manner. Since it’s in Sagittarius, travel (both physical and in other ways) may feature as a means to an end that has a lasting effect on the structure of your priorities – you’ll find out what really matters for you. Perhaps in your journeys you’ll meet people who offer you some opportunities but you may have to give something up to get something. It can be a great transit for making a dream come true, but to do that ideals may have to be restructured and brought down to earth. It could work really well with Pluto’s transit aspecting your 12th house.

      Pluto will go through all the stuff in the 12th that is often hidden and use it to bring about changes, it loves delving into the depths and making them a part of a new creation. A bit like going through the basement or attic of a house, finding something old that has been put away for years and re-purposing it in a new way.

      Whenever there are difficult and challenging aspects, there are always supportive ones – life rarely gives us a problem without also giving us the means to solve it, but we do have to face the problem to recognise the solution.

      You’re going to be fine whatever happens because you are very resilient and passionately driven 🙂

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      1. Thank you… This helps a lot and that Chirotic guy is just great!!! 🙂 I was actually just reading your new post and just lived this line:

        ‘Perfectionism is probably the most chaos-causing substance known to man’

        And this one is spot on:

        ‘ I often (in a reckless way) tell people exactly where to hit me if they want to knock me over. I’m like one of those video games which show you where to strike to bring down your opponent only I’m letting others know where to strike me…’

        This made my evening 🙂

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  2. It’s a beautiful imagery.
    I love Samuel Beckett’s writing and this quote is all my journals, i really need to learn from it.
    Thank you, for this philosophical, abstract and pensive mood-it’s good to ponder especially at the beginning of the year, with all our implicit and unconscious résolutions. xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      I’ve found that as I get older so many of the authors I read when I was younger are making more sense to me than they did when I first read their words. Perhaps it has to do with going around in a circle enough times to understand the cycles of another, each time we go around we pick up a bit more experience of living, and then their words borne of experience of living make sense because we’ve been there too.

      The new year is a good time to revisit our old solutions and perhaps renew them or move on from them and make some new ones.

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  3. Perhaps the circle of all of life is a result of all that we seek is already within the circle. Going from the ever expanding universe, the round planets, fiery balls of old light in the stars, our planet earth, our cells, molecules and platelets. I imagine if we could see the soul, it would be a circle too. A very thought provoking post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much 🙂

      I remember when I read ‘Waiting for Godot’ being blown away by it. I was waiting for my own Godot at the time. He just had a way of capturing what it is like to be utterly human and making it strangely fun and funny.

      Liked by 2 people

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