Living in the Fifth House

There’s going to be a mix of astrology and not astrology in this post… you have been warned.

And I’m going to ramble, but you know I do that…

(and you also know that I like my dot dot dots… those indicate for me when I:

  1. pause for thought
  2. get distracted
  3. get interrupted
  4. take a break
  5.  ……………………………….. (stop it!)
  6.  … to be continued




Last night,

while still high on the brain crack that is the latest video game which I’ve just started playing – The Witness – which basically places you on an island that is absolutely beautiful, vibrantly coloured,

I’d live there if I could (which I sort of can while playing),

gives you no rules, no instructions, no tutorial, you have to figure out what to do by yourself (kind of like with life),

is deserted (except for statues of people that may not be statues at all… something weird happened in this place, perhaps, before you arrived),

and is filled with all these puzzles, some of which are a piece of piss to do and others that…

have caused a few arguments between me and my partner (we’re both very competitive when we play together, we try to be respectful of the other’s style and stuff but sometimes the other is bloody annoying – especially when they talk, think out loud, while you’re trying to think something through and figure out what you’re supposed to do)


The Witness game


I couldn’t sleep, my mind was racing like a jacked up turtle, and when it is like that all those random associations it is always making whether I want it to or not can come up with an idea which strikes me as genius even if it’s the spark of a fool who is about to burn a house down while trying to keep it warm.

I often burn my house down, metaphorically… mostly metaphorically. There was that one time (not the time when my mother accused me of smelling of candy floss but it was actually the building on fire) when the wood lintel above the fireplace started to smoke like an old style train.

I was the one who’d started the fire. I was nine or some age like that and my parents let me do it (be nine or something like that…) because… they were pretty shitty parents or something like that.

No one had bothered to teach me the rules of fire building and subsequent lighting. No one taught me how to use matches… unless it was the matches who taught me (by why would they do that).

I’d been doing this kind of thing for awhile without incident, my parents thought it was cute or something like that, and we all enjoyed the lickety-split-spitting of a roaring fireplace fire while tempers flared as we watched TV at night all together like normal families do.


xmas smoke and fire


I used to build firewood buildings on the hearth, then burn them down, and keep feeding those flames because they were beautiful… warm… welcoming…

One night the fireplace had had enough and objected.

My mother was the first to notice things were amiss because of her very delicate nose (the snout of a Lady) and her perfectly precise ability to spot what was wrong with everyone and everything and point it out with a blow horn in case you’d missed it.

The moment my mother paid attention to a flaw, I would react as though I’d been shot and needed to stem the bleeding of guilt of the person who had shot me. Quick, make haste, STAT!, take the blame for everything before someone else has to strenuously work hard to get you to accept it.

My father roared his eyes (no, that should not read as rolled) at my mother and her jumpy minion (me, through his view) – what was the fuss about now and why couldn’t these witches stop brewing up pots of broiling and broiling waters while he was attempting to relax flicking from channel to channel watching bits and pieces of this film and that (changing from one to the other just as you got involved in the story and wanted to know what happened nex………

An argument ensued while the house burned to the ground (it would have if it hadn’t been built of stone) about whether or not there was actually masses of thick smoke emanating from the lintel (there was but evidence… that kind of thing doesn’t prove anything!), and whose fault it was if there was (admitting that there was depended to an extent on whose fault it was).


Luther - Alice quote


Where is the astrology in this?

An astrology chart is made up of sections known as houses, each house represents a segment of life – the 5th house is associated with creativity in all its forms, including children and romance. It is the house ruled by Leo, the Sun, and the element of Fire…

In my natal chart, the 5th house is the home of my ego (the Sun) and of my mind (Mercury), and those two planets are aspected by other planets in other houses,

aspects are connections, a bit like pipes or wires which allow something to flow from one place to another – how it flows and how it is received depends on the kind of aspect.

I recently bled the radiators in my new house and one radiator could have filled a hot air balloon, which explains why it remained stone cold even when the other radiators could have fried eggs.

In the fifth house planets like to play

(I think it was Linda Goodman who described this house as a sandbox, and talked about each planet’s style of play in the sandbox, comparing it to other styles of play of the other planets and how they played together).


you and your gator


I do like to play,

with ideas, with life, with identity, with myself (rudely and otherwise), with others (which can get me into trouble, especially when they think I’m being serious and I’m not… that deadpan humor addiction is a bit of a curse), with creativity in all of its forms,

that playing isn’t always play, it’s more than that, it’s a way to learn about anything, everything, anyone and everyone… particularly myself.

I play with both ego and mind, which don’t always play together that well,

I have the Sun in Capricorn and Mercury in Aquarius, a typical conversation or word play between these two goes something like this:

Cap: I have decided that we’re going to build a sand castle.

Aqu: Whatever…

Cap: Here is a bucket, a spade, and some wet sand, and here are some guidelines (pulls out a blueprint for a sand mansion).

Aqu: Hmmm… everyone uses those tools and builds those kind of mansions, what if we did things a bit differently to see what happens when you… use your feet instead of hands, and dig down instead of up, or let the sand build itself into a castle… maybe it doesn’t want to be shaped that way, have you thought of that?

Cap: You’re not taking this seriously and this is causing me some consternation. I think I should be in charge of this. Take this bucket and fill it with sand, while I measure out the foundations…

Aqu: Sure thing, I’ll get right on it! (takes bucket, puts it on head… it’s a helmet! Mimics Cap being a helmet-wearing bossy-boss… chuckles, esp as Cap didn’t notice… takes bucket off of head and stares into it as though it contains the universe within it… at some point tries to get inside of bucket… wet sand dries out while Aqu is messing around, but a small portion of moist clumped particles remains… it gets eaten by Aqu who for a moment thought it looked like cake, and did always wonder what sand tasted like anyway…)

Cap: I can’t do this, this is never going to work, these foundations are too unstable…

Aqu: But it’s a sand castle, it’s supposed to fall down… and return to the sea, the earth, the atoms form whence it came…

Cap: (glares at Aqu… but can see the logic in what has been pointed out… sand castles are a waste of time and energy) I’m done with playing.


Capricorn ghosting

excerpt via Which Signs Are More Likely to Ghost You by Nadia Gilchrist for Sasstrology


Capricorn and Aquarius, Sun and Mercury, aren’t the only players in the sandbox… there’s a bit of by proxy moxie going on too.

The pipes and wires between my fifth house planets and other planets elsewhere include ones to Pluto, Mars, Saturn, Uranus, Jupiter, Venus, North Node, and the Ascendant.

When I play there’s a lot going on between the parts who are consciously playing and the other parts who may not even approve of such an activity.

Like Saturn…

Saturn is square my Sun. It’s the parental figure who walks into your playroom and tells you that it’s a mess, you should be ashamed of such a mess and you must tidy and clean it up immediately or all hell will rain down on you. He’s the boss who monitors your internet activity and may have software on your office computer which blocks certain sites. He’s the person you panic about finding you out, and try to look officially busy for even when it’s your official break time. He’s the presence that is always looking over your shoulder and tut-tutting at whatever you’re doing.

Whatever it is… is never good enough.

He’s the one who tells you that this is for your own good and it hurts him more than it hurts you… you’d like to disagree but one look at his face and you realise that those lines tell a bitter and twisted tale which would eat into your playtime if you asked him about it.



(my partner keeps playing this song, and it’s working its way into my membrane to become part of my inner soundtrack.

Gambling is sometimes associated with the fifth house… retribution isn’t really Saturn’s thing unless it’s karmic, consequences which have been brewing over a long time)


As I’ve been writing this, I’ve been interrupted twice by deliveries… by real people rather than the ones inside my head and I’ve had to actually address the public, even though the address went a bit awry…

One was a neighbour whose house has a similar name to the one my house has, a letter for us was delivered to them and they kindly redirected it in person, while wondering if their missing mail had been delivered to us. It hasn’t. So where has it gone?

The other was the postman, and we chatted about this issue of mistaken house identities – the main posties know which house is which and who lives where, but a new person on this route may get confused…

sometimes knowing what is ours and what is not ours, what is our place and what is not our place, what is someone else’s place… can be confusing for us and for others…

this can happen quite a bit when we play because playing brings out a more effusive side, and our boundaries may cross over lines like a crayon which just can’t help itself from colouring where its colour is not seen as belonging.


Drippy Lion


That’s the way that I learn more often than not… through trespassing by colouring over the lines,

it used to drive my mother to despair,

(everything and everyone did that, but I didn’t realise that until decades later)

even though it was none of her business what I did in my colouring books she it made her business.

She was a Leo…

[for those who think I talk more about her than my father… I do because she was always there (I once hid in a cupboard to get some privacy – that failed, I can still see her head on its very long neck poking through the clothes to get her face as close to mine as she could)… he was as absent as he could be without losing control of what belonged to him – his family – as he was a Cancer, and if you think the sign is all about caring… it is, just not always about you]

Leo’s are very generous, and my mother often bought me more colouring books than I actually needed. She did that because it made her feel good about herself (I know this because when she gave things to others I got to hear the behind the scenes about what her giving meant to her… and what she expected from it from others in return. If she didn’t get the return she expected for her investment in you… it often made her sad, mad and… her experience of those things was somethign she wanted to avoid and inspired her to try and control what you did with what she gave you. Hence her interference in my colouring business…)


M for... match


She was the disapproving boss of me. Everything I did and didn’t do was her business and she took it very seriously until I began to think that it did belong to her, more than that it (I) belonged to everyone, as she often used others as the reason why I should or shouldn’t do somethign, or why something I didn’t or didn’t do was wrong, but myself, and that my business was everyone else’s business but my own.

My trespassing started out with others trespassing… or did it?

From some angles the story of my creation has my very being as an interloper…

(if you start out that way, then how do you alter your course?)

and because I was born as an invader of someone else’s territory, I never had a home of my own. I was always living on borrowed space,

but I didn’t want that as the ground beneath my feet because I couldn’t build anything on it without it being seen as a potential fire hazard which could burn their house down, and if their house burned, so did mine (my temporary one… which was all I knew as a home).

My tendency to burn houses down could be seen as the juices of Pluto flowing along a pipe to my Sun. Good old Pluto, creating through destruction, playing a game which scares the shit out of others (and himself sometimes), because Hades can’t help it…


Bane quote - The Dark Knight Rises


I sometimes worry that I’ll… destroy the things which I create. It’s not an unfounded anxiety. I’ve done exactly that on many occasions, too many to count… but they do count.

I was ruminating on creativity, this house, the game (which includes houses that have been wrecked by something… but we’re not sure yet what that something is, most likely it was caused by humans playing with creation and ending up destroying because they got a bit carried away with the game…), and astrology…

As a new idea, a new way of seeing my own natal chart, flashed across my inner screen…

I fell asleep on it…

and woke up with the realisation that this house in which I am living

(and have to keep reminding myself is actually mine, and not a temporary home, or someone else’s territory…)

is the fifth house I saw while property hunting.

Although I browsed many houses online, I only went to see five of them… and shocked myself by buying the fifth.

(I don’t’ think I ever believed that I’d actually do it… that it would ever be anything other than a pipe dream to own a place of my own, one I could truly call home… I’m still not sure that I believe it)

One of the houses I saw was so similar to the one I almost burned to the ground when I was nine or… someone like that… I really wanted it, but luckily I didn’t get it…




[NB. My partner, who keeps insisting on reading my posts even though I keep telling him in a reasonable voice (yelling) that he doesn’t need to do that (to show me that he loves me), just pointed out to me that we’re actually living in the 6th house – bloody Virgo! (sixth house is the house of Virgo, my partner is a Virgo…) I forgot about one of the houses we visited, the one we saw when we first started looking and which at the time was the only one I ever wanted because it was so perfect. How things change and how easily we forget those perfect things which we thought we couldn’t live without… living in them.]




  1. I had a dream about you last night. (It was one of those nights when extreme dreaming takes place.) I went to visit you, and then realised that this was someone pretending to be you, and that the real you was actually down by the river watching the kingfishers. Not sure what all that means, and since I had a number of other vivid dreams that I’m combing through, I haven’t given it my full attention yet. 🙂 Anyway, do you like birds or are you a birdwatcher? I’m thinking that maybe I picked that up from an earlier post.

    I like that you bought the fifth house. 🙂


    • Just found out that we actually bought the sixth house and not the fifth (and just added an NB to the post) – my partner did the math instead of me 😉 which works out better as my 6th house only holds my Venus in Pisces and that’s the part of me who has longed for a home of their own the most, and it’s also quite a sweet side to what is often a fractious nature.

      Knowing about your life flow in recent times, and after having read your beautiful post (so incredibly beautiful!) about your sister… I can imagine that your dreamscape is rich with images, perhaps of a mind feverish to process so much which it can’t do during the day. I am honoured to be in your dreams, and a me who isn’t actually me suits me (one of the things I used to do as a child and later on too was a game of sorts called – me but not me – wherein I tried to figure out what or who was actually me), if that makes sense, it also goes with a comment conversation we had about plagiarism… and is often an experience for all of us. A while ago we discussed feeling like a fraud at times even when you’re being yourself.

      I’m not a birdwatcher in the twitcher sense, but I do like to watch the birds who visit the feeders in my garden, and the ones in the field beyond. There are some hawks (I think they’re hawks) who float on the airwaves and are so graceful, even if their grace is designed to kill.

      I once stayed at a sort of hotel in Portugal which was owned and run by an avid birdwatcher and during dinner one night (all guests ate at one big table with the owner and his family) he was telling us about this tiny owl he was desperate and determined to see. One of the guests asked what the owl sounded like, and as he described it… the sound echoed over his words. Next thing he was rushing around like a lunatic because the elusive owl had paid a visit. It was a spectacle of delicious fun! I’m not that excited by birds but in that moment I wished that I was.

      Kingfishers are incredible! I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in RL. They were one of the first birds I studied in school and therefore which made me aware of birds in a more conscious way. There is a nature trail which starts close to my house and in Spring I’m definitely exploring it, it’s known for having a few rare birds, but whether they’ll show themselves is another matter.

      Usually when we dream of others, those others are others but also ourselves – everyone and everything in our dreams is us. And it’s all part of our inner code. So if I appeared… it was a me who was really you. Momentarily I am code for an aspect of you or of your life. That’s dreams for you 🙂


      • Thank you very much. 🙂 The post about my sister was cathartic for me.

        It occurred to me later that we had talked about plagiarism and that’s probably why I saw someone pretending to be you. As to the birdwatching, I am into it in a minor way. I like things that fly. 🙂 I haven’t ever seen a kingfisher in real life either, but would love to. By all accounts they are magnificent. Yes, you are right about how I was actually dreaming about myself and superimposed you on top. Dreams are interesting and certainly a way for us to examine things or turn them over in our sleep. And you get to have that immediate arrival in a particular place with particular people! No fussing around. You’re just suddenly there! I am glad to have you in my dreams, so the honour was mine, but thank you. 🙂 It was nice to discover “you” watching birds by a river – very peaceful and contemplative. Maybe that’s something we both get to enjoy. 🙂

        There has been a lot of stuff to process with some additional spicy patches, too. To round out the year I was in a car accident. No injuries but the vehicle was totalled and I felt a little emotionally banged around. In many ways I was glad to see the end of 2015. It’s just now that I’m beginning to integrate all these events and have them become a part of me.

        It’s interesting that it was actually the sixth house. We sometimes get what we need in spite of ourselves and our planning or what we think we need. How are you “wearing” your house now? Maybe birds will become more important as your “house” relationship grows. 🙂


        • I looked up the Kingfisher as a totem animal and found this:

          “Kingfisher indicates a period of increased mental and spiritual activity. He will show how to manifest your destiny by listening to your intuition. Since psychic perceptions are increasing, he will instruct how to remain grounded in the earth and be comfortable in doing so. Take time for yourself in quite solitude connecting to Mother Earth. Grounding and centering is needed. Although he may be shy, he knows how to strike with determination. How are you using your “dagger-like bill”? He will teach the art of timing and when to act. Kingfisher demonstrates excellent visionary skills and will teach how track your “prey”. He directs attention to feelings and what is unseen. Watch carefully what is going around you. Listen to your dreams and visions. He shows it is time for forward movement, letting go, forgiving the past. Kingfisher’s medicine guides in seeing into the depths of emotions and into the un/subconscious. His lesson goes much deeper than what is on the surface. This is another opportunity to balance masculine and feminine energies. He aids communication and reaching higher spiritual energies along with the ability to express ideas with coherence. Take care of your upper energy centers for they will increase in sensitivity. Kingfisher presents a time of prosperity, love, warmth, and a new found peace of mind. The time period for Kingfisher is about a month of exploring and learning and another month of adapting the new energies. Pay attention to its color which correlates to the area in which to personally reflect upon.” via –

          It’s kind of interesting as the Kingfisher appeared in your dream and the piece above mentions listening to your dreams 🙂

          I’m glad to hear you’re okay after the car accident. That’s such a frightening thing to happen. Those kind of events can shake you to the core.

          Speaking of your love of things that fly, have you been doing any recently or considering doing it. It’s such a source of pleasure for you that maybe it’s just the kind of TLC you need to give yourself after so much. Even though it’s kind of up in the air, I think flying grounds you within yourself, there’s a vibe about your words when you speak about it which has an intense peacefulness.

          I think I’m still trying to figure out if I’m wearing the house the right way around. I’m on of those people who will go an entire day wearing a sweater inside out and back to front, and I’ll do it even if I notice it’s that way. So I think I might be doing that with the house, but each evening and sometimes in the morning, I’ll take a time out and remind myself to relax into it. I also remind myself that it’s my house – that still hasn’t quite sunk in. I have a very hard head (which is lucky because there are a couple of places in this house where hitting it is really easy).

          Take good care of your beautiful self ❤


          • Thank you for the animal totem information. 🙂 Yes, it is interesting that kingfishers appeared in my dream and then I am directed to listen to my dreams and visions. I noticed as of yesterday that I slowed down, somehow. Forward momentum just eased off and I realised that I started to relax. I am getting back to Mother Nature by getting out as much as possible on the many hiking trails around here. There’s a little snow still but many of them are clear. There is a very strong sense of nature here, of feeling very much a part of what we belong to.

            I haven’t been doing any flying for technical reasons – I have a medical procedure coming up this week to correct a glitch in my heart – and that has kept me grounded. But given all the stuff going on, I don’t think I would have been able to fit it in up until now anyway. As you have noticed, it does give me a sense of peace. My license will be re-instated three months from now. I am looking forward to taking off from the lovely long runway here – the planes climb over a lake. 🙂

            I think that this house might be quite happy with however you wear it. Inside out and back to front might be a part of its make-up and maybe that’s one of the reasons why it appealed to you. After all, you are living inside a piece of pottery. 🙂 The sense of it being your house and home will sink in over time as you get to know it and learn about those head hitting spots and all those other characteristics. 🙂

            You take care of your beautiful self, too. 💛


  2. I have a Chiron in the 5th. The dot dot dot many times mean drops of the tears for me. Which means also wanting to be alone.
    Anyway, thank you for everything you have posted, it was entertaining and instructing. In so many ways.
    Here in Asia we are having a Lunar New Year, so happy Monkey Year to you, may you get the best deals in all your dealings!


    • Chiron in the 5th goes with what you expressed about your journey through the creative mediums, ending up with you viewing all of life as being part of the creative process. Chiron seeks to find the healing within the wound, and where our Chiron is points to the place where we are both the wounded and the healer, but to find our healing we must experience the wound both personally and interpersonally.

      Kind of cool to find the astro in the words we share 🙂

      I just post what I post, what happens to it after that is what happens to leaves once they leave the tree. My Chiron is in the 7th house (conjunct North Node). So my wounds come to the fore in relationships, and are also healed by exploring the wounds in relating – and the wounds of others are sometimes my wounds too. Stuff like that.

      Thank you for the New Year blessings! Happy Fire Monkey New Year to you too!

      I’m a monkey so I’m hoping this year will be the kind of chaos I understand 😉


Comments are closed.