A Decadent Sound

Wall face


Have you ever found yourself outside of a situation, observing it, seeing all the subtleties and nuances which… you’re certain (and perhaps rather cocky about) that no one else has noticed…

Why can’t anyone else around you see the bleeding obvious?

Are they blinkered idiots? Are you a super hot brainy genius with X-ray vision?

That’s a rather decadent inner sound, isn’t it?

It’s one you know may be bad for you, but its vibrations feel of so good. So warm. So… it’s nice to be you rather than someone else. And that’s a blessed relief when so much of the experience of being human seems to tell us that we should aspire to be someone else rather than ourselves.

“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state…Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are.”
― James Allen


Everyone else is better than us… but this time we were better than everyone else.

There are times when we can actually spot something which everyone else has missed, we’ve made a connection they haven’t, perhaps because they were distracted by something which we missed and therefore it didn’t distract us the way it did for them.

In those moments we have a tough decision to make – Do we tell everyone what we’ve seen that they’ve missed or do we keep quiet about it because chances are they’ll not like being told that they’ve missed something obvious…

we don’t like it when people do that to us, even if it can be helpful…

and then we have to deal with being made to feel foolish for being smarter than them on this occasion.


“Through our eyes, the universe is perceiving itself. Through our ears, the universe is listening to its harmonies. We are the witnesses through which the universe becomes conscious of its glory, of its magnificence.”
― Alan W. Watts


Do we trumpet our smarts or keep them undercover?

Do we share our harmony even though it might sound discordant to others?

If we keep them undercover we may suffer the consequences of knowing ahead of time that a disaster was about to happen and we did nothing to stop it. Maybe we couldn’t stop it anyway, but we’ll never know and that not knowing will poke and prod us painfully.

But if we trumpet them, we may find that what seemed like genius while we kept that music inside, is actually pretty stupid. We run the risk, when sharing our tunes, of ridicule.

And no one likes the sound of being ridiculed… even though we quite like the merry tune of ridiculing someone else (until we feel the harsh note of empathy for someone we could be at any given time with a quick flip of the switch of fate).

One moment you’re on top of the world ma, then you’re tumbling down the hill as a Jack or a Jill, or an egg-splattered mess of a humpty dumpty who had a great fall from a wall of ego.


“One heart is not connected to another through harmony alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility. There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage through acute loss. That is what lies at the root of true harmony.”
― Haruki Murakami


I often find myself on the outside of situations. Frequently I’m supposed to be inside of them but I have a tendency to detach and float off until those I’m with within the situation aren’t sure if I’m still there or not (if they noticed my everything but the body which doesn’t float all that well unless there’s water absence).

While I’m on the outside I like to assess things from that perspective. It can yield insight but it can also turn you into a bit of an idiot who doesn’t know they’re an idiot. You get so caught up in this magnificent music playing in your head about how smart you are, how much you see, and how everyone else is a dummy who doesn’t see what you see that… its rhythm mesmerises you dumb.

How can we recognise something in others which we don’t also have within us?


“Karma is the beginning of knowledge.”
― James Clavell


Can you spot what love looks like in the eyes of another if you don’t know love yourself? If you don’t know love yourself and how it looks on you, in your eyes, then surely you could mistake hate as love because it certainly makes eyes burn and if all you know of love is what you’ve read or been told about it… it makes eyes burn with fire… so anything which makes eyes burn must be love, right?

Smoking is bad for you, if smoking is bad for you does that make all people who smoke bad people, or people who are bad for you? (to be fair most never smoked in my life people don’t draw those sort of conclusions, it’s the quitters who go to those kind of extremes because… quitting is hard and sometimes you need to hate what you once loved to stop yourself from giving in to it… and so you hate those who remind you of that love, of who you once were and no longer want to be except in those weak spots along the road of life where you wonder… all sorts of wonderings).


Fortis Steel


“A man who is used to acting in one way never changes; he must come to ruin when the times, in changing, no longer are in harmony with his ways.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli



  1. It’s a rare experience – when it really works, that is. Sometimes, I think I know (and maybe I actually do) but then wind up being punished for it in some way. So I approach this “I know” thing carefully; try to just let it be what it is, no crowing. Once ego gets involved, then it’s gone. I add these experiences to my little “wisdom store” and lean on them when I need them.

    Great photos. 🙂


    • Thank you 🙂

      I’ve read a couple of psych articles which have analysed those – habits of highly successful people – and coming across as though you know stuff and are confident in your knowledge is one of those habits, but so is being able to admit when your knowledge lacks sufficient knowledge.

      Something I read said that you shouldn’t use all the terms that I tend to use a lot, like – I think, maybe, perhaps – because these give the impression that you’re not sure, which I never am even when I am, even when I definitely know something. Everything we know is still only a chapter in a larger book that is yet to be known so how can we ever truly be certain? Sometimes we just have to wing it and see what happens. Learn as we try to fly and fall.

      I do like feeling knowledgeable, but part of being knowledgeable is realising that you’re probably not 😉


    • It’s funny how we often conclude that speaking the truth will disrupt everyone and everything – is that really true? Is the truth really disharmonious?

      For me when others blurt out their truth, it’s usually a relief because you can feel it pushing to come out when they suppress it. It restores harmony when they say what they actually want to say, even if it’s not necessarily what I want to hear… I’m glad they said it.

      It is better to be ourselves, but we have to figure out who that is, and who we are naturally isn’t always the choice we’d make for ourselves to be 😉


      • Hmm I did not mean that speaking the truth would disrupt everything 🙂 Just tell the truth when you want to do so, don’t suppress it.
        I am always glad that other people express their true thought.
        Funny for your last sentence, sometimes people, including me, can’t figure out what we actually are naturally 😉


        • Figuring out who we are is the greatest enigma. It sometimes seems easier to figure others out because they’re not us. But they are us in many ways. That truth is the trickiest because we often use comparison to figure ourselves out.

          Loved your comment. I often go off on tangents 🙂


  2. “One heart is not connected to another through harmony alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility. There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage through acute loss. That is what lies at the root of true harmony.”
    ― Haruki Murakami


    • Is there a reason why you quoted the quote I used in the post?

      I do love Murakami’s view of life, although it can be very bleak at times, I quite like bleakness, there’s a certain silence within it which if listened to says nothing.


        • Sorry that sometimes I pressed the sent button accidentally 😦 I thought that quote reflected your actual thought, including mine. Sometimes truth can be painful, but people are linked more deeply through their wounds


          • Ah, electronics! And those buttons! You should see me using an i-pad (no, not really unless you like to listen to someone cussing in all the languages they have learned to swear in).

            The truth is a strange concept, so many variations of it to contend with, it can change in the blink of an eye which suddenly perceives what it hadn’t seen before. It’s the Alpha and Omega, and yet it’s neither.


  3. “How can we recognize something in others which we don’t have within us”…nice! I think sometimes we have it within us but can’t recognize it at times too. It’s a kind of mix of the two.

    I was reading the newspaper this morning and they had an excerpt about Pat Conroy’s death. You read more than most and probably have read his books- “Prince of Tides”, “The Great Santini”. I have seen the movie the “Prince of Tides” so I knew that much. But I didn’t think much of it until they quoted him saying in 1986, “The reason I write is to explain my life to myself. I’ve also discovered that when I do, I’m explaining other people’s lives to them.” And guess what happened after I read that…I thought of YOU. I then goggled him and discovered his tormented childhood with a seriously abusive father and a mother who hide it and kept the lies secret. In excerpt online about his life he was quoted as saying, “one of the greatest gifts you can get as a writer is to be born into an unhappy family.” His books reflected the truth of his life and exposed his father who would ironically (or maybe not) go to him at book signings and basically take credit for him being a famous writer but dismiss his son’s books actual content. What a painful existence but I think Mr. Conroy knew deep within that his truth whether people wanted to believe it or not was worth the risk and his humanity. Got to have respect for that. And like you, writing gave him freedom from a prison of silence and lies that he lived for so long.

    I wasn’t really sure where to put this comment in your blog but I wanted to share with you, so I guess this will do, thanks for helping me recognize things within myself and like Mr. Conroy said “explaining other’s people’s lives to them”- you do that too ❤


    • Thank you 🙂

      I haven’t read Conroy’s writing, just saw the film, Prince of Tides, as you did.

      I stopped reading fiction awhile ago. Keep meaning to get stuck into it, never quite get around to it. But those who tell stories which help us find our own – awesome writers and livers of life!

      Sometimes the greatest gift we give in life is just letting others know we’re as messy as they are when it comes to the day to day of living and being. Some do that through fiction, books and films, and some do that in other ways, like social media.

      My favourite blogs and such are always by people who share their all. I like messy people because I’m a messy people 🙂

      We like what we are.


  4. It’s poignant and interesting and of course your pictures are stunning. i love the first one and the second one makes me feel as though i were in an abandoned castle..
    I apologize, but i don’t agree entirely with your statement, “How can we recognise something in others which we don’t also have within us?”.
    For instance, i think it’s easier for positive issues but more difficult for the negative ones. As you know, i didn’t have a loving family, but when i see one it touches my heart to tears. I am not a genius, but i can easility recognize extraordinary talent in people. I have huge problems in accepting my self, but i can tackle well this problem for others, i can listen to them and i know what makes a healthy relationship with oneself, although i do struggle. knowing and succeeding are two different things to me.
    More complex issue is understanding why people use others, twisted behaviours, an evil pattern of thinking, as it is due to how the person is structured and it’s hard to find an immediate translation for a certain kind of personality.
    i also tend to see from an outside perspective more clearly, but i don’t utter it now, in the past i have done it and in spite of being right people didn’t appreciated, so i keep my intuitions for myself.on the other hand, if you have very good friendsand you feel free to be yourself, it’s a safer context to express oneself without being afraid of being misunderstood. xx


    • If you’ve grown up with narcissists and are honest with yourself about all the aspects of the experience, which can be very subtle, uncomfortable, and is not always accepted by some parts of the whole, then you know why people use others, why twisted behaviours exist, why an evil pattern of thinking can form.

      What may be more confounding is the positive, as the negative is usually easier to understand, the negative is a more common experiential element of life. The positive sometimes seems forced compared to the negative. There are positive thinking movements… why aren’t there negative thinking movements? Is it because it’s easy to think negatively and we’re all struggling with thinking positively so we have to make it a ‘thing’ to do rather than just something we do?

      What you experience often gives you a longing for what you haven’t experienced but have observed elsewhere.

      Once we see it, observe it, experience an aspect of it (even the lack of it is an aspect of it), we can imagine it – if we can imagine it then it is something we have within us.

      Even if you grew up feeling unloved, there’s an ability to have a concept of love that is not what has been experienced. It’s known sometimes as potential, but what is potential?

      We all are given the potential to be who others are, what makes us who we are? And others have the potential to be who we are, so what makes them who they are?

      That’s something we all tend to ponder, not sure if there ever will be just one answer which fits all. Vive la difference 😉


      • This is a pivotal point to me: to imagine rather than feeling.Imagination is cerebral, offspring of the intellect, while if we feel, it goes down to our depths.
        being able to conceive love as a concept and being able to love (or being loved ) are two separate realms, in certain respects my potential made for the lack of experience but my reactions of distrust tell me there is a memory in my cells when i expect to be deceived. I am not sure either that everybody has the same potential, as we are conditioned by our vecu, our past and undo mechanisms is quite hard.
        Even if my parents were Ns,i find very difficult to identify their pattern of thinking, there is something very surprising and unpredictable about it, as though I were in a land whose rules i don’t (want) to acknowledge, yes it must be a suppression as it’s too painful to be reminded.


        • I see imagination as being the meeting place of both intellect and feeling. It is the playground where we can play out scenarios which include both what we think and what we feel. It is where feelings can play with thought and thought can play with feelings, and they can safely see the various combinations of their interactions, as well as view the possible consequences of actions and inactions.

          At least that’s how I use imagination. It’s my sketchpad for life. I try things out in it and see what comes out in the trying it out. Sometimes I use it to exhaust feeling and thought so that I can go out into the world and interact with it with a blank slate rather than cluttered by feelings and thoughts. I also use it to realise that some of those ideas I have about how things would have turned out had such and such not happened, or had such and such happened instead, aren’t necessarily any better than what actually occurred – that even the most idealised version of events has consequences which aren’t going to be viewed as ideal or positive.

          I find imagination particularly useful for getting another view of things like pain. It’s where I can ask – what if this pain isn’t pain at all, what if I’m just imagining that it is painful?

          Life finds its adventure in us being ourselves, however we are put together 🙂


          • i like your view of imagination as there is a side of it i am scared of you don’t seem to be affected by.I am afraid when imagination become wishful thinking and we are sort of trapped by an invisible world where what we wish happens, even if it’s just in our mind. When you mention pain and its real implication, I am confused as for me I name Something painful if i feel it not if i am imagining it. Moon in virgo, that’s it!


            • Wishful thinking is a part of imagination, and it can be very alluring, like a siren singing and you end up crashing your boat on the rocks of Circe. Wishful thinking is also a part of hope, and reminds us that we have dreams beyond the moment, and as long as we keep steering ourselves on course, it’ll keep us going rather than scupper our hull.

              I like to use wishful thinking to guide me, as being too practical can make life dull.

              The scales are always swinging, and sometimes a tip over to an extreme can be informative. Imagining a pain worse than the one we are feeling can put the one we are feeling into a more manageable format to process. That can also work the other way too. Moon in Virgo, in my experience of it, tends to not be particularly good at feeling its own pain. But I have the Virgo Moon in my 12th house of what’s hidden. You have Moon/Pluto so that changes how you experience Moon in Virgo, things are intensely amplified. I have Moon/Neptune/Venus – imagination is a regular feature of how I process stuff.

              It’s fascinating, isn’t it 🙂


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