Astrology Tips: Making Friends with the Bad Bits

I have a friend who I can annoy very easily, and get them to react to me as though I was a Mentos dropped into a full Coke bottle, just by my mentioning astrology within earshot of them. If I had a penny for every time they felt compelled to tell me that astrology is not ‘scientific’ and therefore ‘bunk’, and I have to reply that I don’t care…

(and bite my tongue because I don’t want to hurt them by telling them that their love of science is a love for pop science rather than real science…




this person likes to eat the cake which someone else made, sliced and then sold to them in a cute little take-away box wrapped with a pretty bow. They don’t want to make the cake, know how the cake was made, how the recipe came about, who sweated over a hot oven, got their fingers dirty, or where all the ingredients came from – perhaps because they might have to not eat the cake they want to eat if an ingredient came from a country which is being exploited so that my friend can have cheap cake)…

I would be able to afford an expensive slice of cake made from ‘organic’ ingredients by a top chef (who may commit suicide because baking can be stressful when you’re at the top of the game competing only with your perfection-obsessed self).



(cheap cake… yum!)


I had another friend who

(isn’t a friend anymore because I moved miles away from them, not because of them)

would froth at the mouth if I said the word ‘god’ near them. They once went on an atheist rant at me because I said OMG near them and they thought I was preaching religion… I had to be stopped!

What both these friends have in common is – they’re too easy to provoke, you can do it without intending to do it, and they’re not interested in anything other than reacting to being provoked, so they look for a provocation even if it isn’t actually there.

That’s a common thing you see online in the comments section of articles and posts. Someone taking offense to anything just so they can vent, rant, and feel… what is the feeling they’re after?

I’ve concluded that they want to feel safe somehow in a world which makes them feel very unsafe.


the internet overreaction chart


Another thing they have in common is their need to tell others what they’re not allowed to believe in – they believe they have a right to tell you that you don’t have a right to believe in what they have decided that they don’t believe in and don’t want you to believe in because… it bothers them and forces them to rant at you. Stop forcing them to do that to you! Just accept their belief in non-belief in which they believe very strongly and… Peace on earth, goodwill to all men (not sure about women and children) will reign (for about five seconds).

And it doesn’t matter how many times I have told them that the things I enjoy exploring aren’t things I necessarily believe in, that I’m not the kind of person who believes in anything enough to call it a belief and be loyal to it… to die for it or bother fighting someone else over it…

that’s a waste of breath, they’re not listening to others to hear another point of view, they’re listening to get annoyed enough to share their point of view and impose it… even though both of them firmly fight against the imposition of others’ views on them or others (just not those others they’re taking to task).

What has any of this got to do with astrology?


Fucking Astrology


Awhile ago someone showed me that astrology isn’t only about looking at your Sun sign and then trying to squeeze who you are into the skinny jeans of an interpretation of your sign.

Looking at interpretations is interesting, but those write-ups are designed to be one-size-fits-all.

For instance, I’m a Monkey in Chinese astrology… but so is everyone else born during that year and all the other Monkey years like this year. That’s a lot of people who are exactly like me! Are we really all the same? Are we all mischievous chimps whose favourite pastime is throwing our pooh at you (did we all also sniff our fingers and then lick them!) from high up in a tree where you can’t get us… unless the branch we’re sitting on breaks.


Even Monkeys fall from trees


If what I said made your nose crinkle and your mouth spout out an Ewwww!… please send your thanks to my natal Uranus trine Mercury in Aquarius who loves to imagine the ridiculous and then share it to shock.

Why do I do that? Because it’s fun and I’m terrified of being bored. Almost everything I do is a desperate attempt to keep boredom at bay… and I get bored very easily, especially with myself, but also with others who keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over…

When I catch myself being that repetitive I strap a bomb to myself and blow myself up… I love puzzles, so trying to put the post-blow-up pieces together is one way to avoid being bored, and who knows what the end result will be.

Blowing myself up in a self-destructive manner comes courtesy of having natal Pluto in the 1st house (the slice of the astrological chart cake representing the self) trine (this is supposed to be a harmonious aspect) Sun (the ego). I do find harmony in taking a wrecking ball to my ego and then starting again.

If anyone else tries to do the same thing to me… I hope you’re wearing a hard hat glued to your head and that you’re not afraid of aftershocks, and the clouds of dust you’ll kick up.

If you try to destroy me… one of two things might happen:

  1. I don’t care enough to do anything about what you’ve done or tried to do (there’s a big streak of lazy in my natal chart), and I might see what you’ve done or tried to do as a gift in a curse – time for me to change, I stayed too long in one form, grew rigid, got stuck… you’ve actually done me a favour and I owe you one, if you ever want to be destroyed so you can rise out of your own ashes, let me know. You did a solid for me, let me do one for you!
  2. You’ve just pissed of my Pluto, and once you’ve pissed Pluto off, he calls in my Mars in Scorpio, and worse still… my Capricorn becomes more Capricorn than it was before. If you think Capricorns are annoying when we’re not even trying to be that way, wait until we actually decide to be that way.
  3. There really shouldn’t be a third option when you said there were only two… welcome to my Monkey side!


Am I joking? I could be, Monkey is never sure.

If you’re not like either of my two friends,

who have to be given kudos for daring to be friends with me because…

I’m a pretty terrible friend – you can see that in my natal chart:


My Natal Chart + asteroids

This is my natal chart, plus added asteroids because people sometimes ask me about them, so here they are.



I’m also very loyal if you see past my terrible friend aspects and love me anyway.

I will stick by you while you go through your a-hole phase because I know what it’s like to go through that kind of a phase – your heart is breaking at each brick you place into that giant wall you’re building to keep others out. Sometimes you throw those bricks at them (even though that costs you – bricks ain’t cheap unless they’re made somewhere where the workforce is being exploited, but those who sell you those bricks still charge you the going rate, maybe more, because… humans are greedy for more for less!)

If you can see past all the lines drawn, you’ll spot my soft, fluffy underbelly which can be sliced with a blunt fingernail and all my guts will spew out with sticky warmth.

I will remember everything you have told me about yourself even when you thought I wasn’t listening because I looked like I was away with the fairies (the fairies were listening and took notes). I can hear the volumes your silences speak and I won’t take it personally. I know you don’t like that… I won’t do that, but if I do… I’ll understand why you hate me for it.

If you say that it’s not me but you… I’ll trust you about that. If you didn’t mean it… then don’t say the opposite of what you mean because I’ll remember that you do that and challenge everything you say afterwards.


eating alone


I can be a fucked-up fucktard, but this isn’t as awful as it sometimes feels and seems, it can give insight when mindfulness (the pop word du jour) is applied to one’s own fuf-ness into the fucked-up fucktardiness of others. It informs intelligent empathy – Dude, I totally get why you’re being an a-hole as I’ve been that a-hole too. You get a pass, a joker to play, for this game, try to use it wisely (or don’t because I’ve also wasted chances).

I am both the worst friend you’ll ever have and quite a good one… I’m that way with myself, and how I am with myself is how I’ll be with you, although I do try to tone myself down for others because I find myself to be too abrasive sometimes. I’ll use the less scratchy sandpaper with you, but you may not appreciate what I’m doing… until a long while later or maybe not even then.

I have Mars Square Mercury – if I think I’m being an idiot, I will tell myself bluntly what I think. I try not to do that with others, not that bluntly… doesn’t always work because my idea of not blunt is still too blunt (the sharp kind of blunt).




If you ask me to answer you honestly… I’ll struggle to not do it even when I know you don’t really want what you asked for (bloody Moon in 12th psychic mojo-nogo) because I know how it can feel to hear it… I especially know how it can feel when you tell it when someone does not like the feeling of hearing it.

On the flip side (and I’m all about flip sides because of my natal Jupiter in Libra in the 2nd house of personal values, and its oppositions… how those can hurt, but there is healing in that kind of pain… and my effing Jupiter is a bouncy thing, bouncing back from the negative with a woohoo I’ve found the positive in the negative!) I will tell you about your talents, abilities, and awesome side far more often than I will ever tell you that you’ve made or been a boob. Boobs are awesome!



I love my friend who hates astrology. Astrology scares them due to everything it represents to them – the unknown. They’re afraid of the chaos caused by people believing in things which seem to make them want to blow up the world… which might hurt the ones this friend loves. We all feel powerless against the crazy in the human., and we keep trying to find the crazy gene to control it… We all want to protect those we love from the crazy in the human… although we can’t always protect them from the crazy in the human that we are, we try.

One of the sweetest people I have ever met told me to stay away from them because they were damaged and didn’t want to damage me with their damage.

(I have Chiron in Pisces in the 7th – people, strangers and non-strangers, tend to blurt out their wounds when in my company, because I feel ya…)

It’s funny how those who appear to be the biggest a-holes can sometimes be the most sensitive to their effect on others, while those who make a big song and dance about how kind and sensitive they are to others…


pretending to be nice... EP David


So I put up with my friend’s need to diss my love for astrology because (they put up with me loving something they hate) they have a kind heart, their reasons for being an a-hole come from a good place.

And they remind me of something I often forget (I have a very forgetful side which can be seen in my chart… Neptune I’m looking at you in particular, because I totally blame you for my inability to tell the time even when I use a clock)… that things which I consider normal aren’t always the norm for others.

I’m weird (all of my chart points to that) and so weirdness is my normal.

And your normal if it differs from mine becomes my weird… but totally intriguing, tell me more!

I am grateful also to my atheist rant friend for being passionate beyond atheism (and they apologised once they realised they’d made a mistake where my use of the word god was concerned) – they have a gift for making sweet music which they share with others as a DJ. They help others to find their rhythm, even if sometimes it requires a bit of disharmony to find the right harmony. If you’re a passionate person… it ripples into everything. Gotta appreciate where it shines, and sometimes shrug off where it doesn’t.

Humans are… human. Astrology is quite good at helping us understand our human self and stop picking on it so much, at showing how something negative also has a flip side which is positive. You often can’t have one without the other, even though it is intrinsically human to try to blow up the negative so that only the positive exists. But it can’t exist without that which informs it… how do you recognise something positive if you don’t have a negative to compare it with?

If you’ve ever done anything you’re not proud of… you know how much it has inspired you to do things of which you are proud.


purpose of the bruises of life

(one of my scars looks like a seahorse).