Who is Your Personal Rain Cloud?

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“All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him.”
― Douglas Adams

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My apologies to all those drivers who had to navigate these traffic cones (above pic) today, and slow down where you would usually be able to pretend to be a formula one driver going at mach speed while negotiating a tricky chicane, along the stretch of road which borders my house.

Those traffic cones are due to me (who knew I could have this kind of power… I wish I was inventive enough, less lazy, and less concerned about my impact on others than I am, to figure out how to misuse and abuse it). I invited the local Water Company to install a meter for my house… (this is probably a stupid idea, but apparently I can be this stupid and cancel it out later on and not pay for it…) and they did it on the rainiest day of the year so far.

If it makes you feel any better, this day of heavy rain made my hallway look like a scene from a quirky film where people put down an assortment of pots and pans to collect rainwater which is dripping through a leaky roof…

How Boho!

(if you’ve read those posts where I mentioned having to make a hole in the ceiling because of water-damage caused by an overflowing toilet… I blamed the toilet for something that was not actually its fault. Apparently it’s actually the roof that isn’t being a particularly good roof, and the overflowing toilet helped to alert me to this far more pressing problem – it’s not just a random gush which is now fixed, it’s a regular water feature which still needs fixing even though Feng Shui encourages water features in such places for auspicious good fortune reasons).

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“’It’s good Feng Shui.’
‘What’s that?’
‘It’s Chinese for throwing out your crap.’”
― Mike Bennett

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Who is to blame for this leak?

Well, it’s not the previous owner from whom I bought the house because they bought this place before me after the roof had been replaced, and then they painted the ceiling with the kind of paint which hides this sort of problem as it creates a plastic barrier (don’t worry, mate, the paint says, I’ll stop you from dealing with what lies behind the facade, I’ll keep it all pretty and prim for you…).

Is it the fault of the previous-previous owner? They fixed the roof… that is impressive because frankly no one likes doing this kind of job unless they do it for a living (and even then… you need to have a head for heights and for complications).

I wouldn’t have bought this place no matter how perfect it was in every other way if the roof needed fixing. The rest of the roof is fine (I checked it and so did the surveyor… but the surveyor did point out that there was a small area which hadn’t been finished, and that’s the area which has the problem – and it will be fixed when it is finished. Someone ran out of steam… of materials… and probably funds… and now someone else has to turn rainwater into steam to stop the stream).

Whenever I come across problems along these lines I tend to wonder if they have parallels with the more abstract.

This tendency began long ago when I read that household leaks represent repressed emotions leaking out in our other household, what you have been ignoring comes out in ways which you cann’t ignore so easily. Sounds stupid, doesn’t it? I do like me a bit of sounding stupid!

There be clouds in our lives…in our inner sky…

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“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky.”
― Rabindranath Tagore

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we can almost all relate to that.

We can almost all see parallels between things outside and things within…

between things that happen in our daily experience of being daily human beings who can be leaky and messy like the houses we live in, and things that are going on in the poetic strangeness which lies inside, those houses that aren’t houses, that inside which is nowhere and everywhere.

We almost all ask questions along the lines of – Why is this happening to me!?!

Many of us may see that this thing which is happening to me happens to others too, but we may think that, unlike us, those others don’t read any deeper meaning into it.

We tend to think that we are… not as others are even when we are.

Some of us see that this thing which is happening to me is happening for a reason which… we won’t mention to others because they’ll call us stupid for believing that our roof is leaking onto our head because our emotions are leaking into our mind… and our mind is trying to ignore the leak in a way that our head can’t, which is probably what caused the problem in the first place.

I always read a deeper meaning into things like leaky roofs and overflowing toilets because… more often than not… I’ve not been the one with the power to fix it, so… I try to find some way to feel some sort of power in a situation in which I feel powerless.

And… I’m terrified of being bored, seeing connections between random things entertains me, researching stuff (whatever that stuff is – whether it is how to fix your leaky roof or how your leaky roof means your emotions are leaking in your head, and therefore to fix one you must fix the other… and they’re both so hard to fix that you might need to call in a professional… but how do you find one of those who actually is one of those and not someone pretending they are because they look good pretending to be that way) keeps me busy and not bored.

I’ll learn a new language, even if it’s one which doesn’t exist, just to avoid boredom… sometimes our fears aren’t as bad as we think that they are, they give us a motive to go beyond where we might stay if nothing poked or prodded us.

It sometimes also enlightens me in a way which I would not classify as enlightenment of a more conventional kind… but it might light a spark in a damp place.

Thinking this way… may be completely useless and crazy, but it does make me pause for thought before I blame others for being my personal rain cloud, and then lie down in the mud all wet and whimpering because it’s all their fault and I can’t do anything about it.

I’ve done that… no one comes to your rescue. They might give you an umbrella… but that’s of little use once you’re already drenched. No one wants to get their clean suit muddy pulling you out of the mud when they save you, so they don’t save you. But they might throw you a line, as long as pulling you out doesn’t give their soft hands callouses and you don’t try to pull them in instead.

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“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.”
― Charles Dickens

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When I was younger, I loved getting wet… my favourite game as an only lonely child was to dash through the garden sprinklers in Summer as though facing a fearsome storm… or swim in the rain (unaware of how lightning reacts to you if it hits the pool you’re swimming in).

Then I learned to be scared of the storm, the rain, the clouds and the potential they held to strike you down… the fears of adults always drip, drip, drip until they penetrate the child.

My mother was my personal rain cloud. On any day I was sunny she would bring a storm to bear then hit me with the thunder and lightning of one who expects the sun to keep shining during their worst weather conditions.

My father I often saw as that kind of heavy weather which gives you a headache before it breaks… the wall of grey that accompanies a tropical storm which has just been upgraded into a hurricane.

I once watched Hurricane Andrew draw closer… then it was time to take cover, and hope that your cover was not blown… away. I fell asleep before it hit. Seriously… I can’t believe I slept through that! But rain can make you so very drowsy…

It makes pretty patterns… patterns which lull you to sleep even when your eyes are open.

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