How to Think like a Narcissist

You’ve just stubbed your toe.

Pain shoots through you making you want to scream.

The doors of hell open and welcome you.

You can’t think, you can only feel this excruciating torture of intense throbbing hurt.


can't escape this feeling

(narcissists think this a lot, this for them makes them special but also increases their sense of being alone in this world)


Someone enters the room, and doesn’t notice your predicament, instead they ask you if you’ve seen their car keys. They babble on about being late for a meeting, it’s so important to them…

For a split second you want to kill them for being such a selfish prick. You’re in agony and instead of giving a shit about you they’re only giving a shit about themselves, their stupid car keys, and the inconsequential important meeting they’re missing.

Maybe you scream at them to go fuck themselves, you don’t give a fuck about them, their idiot car keys and dumb meeting. They can take a cyanide capsule and die for all you care!

The sudden verbal violence aimed at them surprises them. They feel as though you’ve just stabbed them, fatally wounding them, and as far as they are concerned they didn’t do anything to warrant this.

Now they’re hurt too. Now they feel your pain.


how you make others feel

(narcissists are always judging you by how you make them feel – you have immense power over them, their feeling, their thinking… but for you this works the other way around)


But somehow this isn’t satisfying,

in fact it frustrates you more than before because now you have to deal with even more of their shit, their issues and emotional baggage while your anguish claws at you from the inside.

A heavy fury filled with grief, or grief filled with fury, permeates the air like a thick fog.

You can’t deal with this right now!

You limp out of the room in a cloud of black smoke,

leaving the person you verbally stabbed, bleeding and confused,

and bump into someone outside who inadvertently steps on your injured toe.

You howl at them,


affectation multiplied

(a narcissist is trying very hard to not be human, to not be like other humans, they don’t want to be affected by the things which affect us all… they usually end up being more affected by those things than others are)

accuse them of being the biggest asshole in assholedom,

and run away (incredibly nimbly for someone with a damaged toe)

to find solace elsewhere.

You have become painfully aware that you are surrounded by people who only care about themselves,

who pretended to care about you,

but the moment you need them… they’re not there for you.

However there is one person who might not let you down,

who has never failed you,

who has never disappointed you,

that reliable friend whom you know always cares about everyone but themselves.


a real friend

(if you’re there for a narcissist when they need you, they’ll need you more and more because they’re very needy, especially when they’re in pain, and base their friendships on their needs met)


You find them in their kitchen making tea and chicken soup for others.

And you’re relieved that they’re where they always are doing what they always do, you sit down, place your foot on the table for them to see, and tell them all about your pain, and the selfish pricks in your life who didn’t give a shit about you and your pain…

but this time your caring friend makes a mistake,

rather than give you sympathy tea and consoling chicken soup, they tell you about that time their toe turned black and blue, swelled to the size of an eggplant, because they ignored their own pain, didn’t realise that a stubbed toe was a broken one…

How dare they minimise and dismiss your pain like that!

OMG! WTF!?! is wrong with everyone else!?!

You storm out of your disappointing failure of a friend’s kitchen and go into town,

where you plan on finding a bar which serves alcohol all day so you can drink yourself into a coma and then you don’t have to come to grips with how horrible everyone around you is…


Let go of Toxic people

(a motto for narcissists – because their problem is you)


on the bus into town (because you can’t drive with your damaged toe) you sit next to a stranger who…

has such kind eyes,

is such a good listener,

seems to understand you without knowing anything about you and your story,

you could tell them anything and they’d believe it,

they’re totally into your version of events and it feels so good…

to let it all out,

let all your friends have it,

lay into them for being so selfish,

and not come across as a crazy bitch or bastard for doing that,

instead you’re the hero in a world full of villains.


Karen Marie Moning -good,bad,evil

(that person who is always surrounded by villains… they’re so good and yet all they talk about are the bad people in their life and how bad those bad people are… to them, to good old them…)


This stranger soon becomes your best friend in the entire universe,

they are wonderful,


an angel to lift you out of the hell you were in,

they seem to be willing to listen to you as you pour all your pain out,

into them,

and they just absorb it as though they were made for doing such a thing.

You live happily ever after…



(where a narcissist abides… or aims to abide)


The following day…

your toe is fine,

you’ve forgotten what happened yesterday…

you bump into the person who was looking for their car keys,

they seem a bit stand-offish,

what the hell is wrong with them…?

You’d ask them about what’s the matter,

because you’re caring about others and their petty problems that way,

but you have an appointment with your new best friend and can’t dawdle.

On your way out you cross paths with the person who stepped on your stubbed toe,

did you see the look they gave you…

no time to worry about them and their moods…

you’re very empathic and you don’t want to absorb whatever it is that they’re feeling,

you can’t let them bring you down when you feel so up.


your problem or theirs - never good enough

(this is the sort of quote which narcissists like…as it gives them permission to focus on themselves rather than on you… don’t expect them to remember this quote when the tables are turned. Their problems are yours… and your problems are yours too)


As you pop into the local shop to get a random gift for your new friend,

because you’re so generous like that,

you meet your tea and chicken soup pal,

they seem a bit down today…

oh look, there’s an offer on chocolate cake, your new friend loves chocolate, you know that because…

for a moment you glimpse that you know nothing about your new best friend, all you did while you were with them was talk about yourself…

you love chocolate,

so of course they’ll love it and be grateful you thought of them when you present them with such a fine spontaneous act of kindness.

You’re such a great friend to have…

this new friend makes you feel so good about yourself

(unlike sympathy and chicken soup friend… ugh!)

and you’re glad they are your new best friend because they showed you that you’ve been surrounded for far too long by toxic people.


good versus bad

(narcissists really hate it and you for reminding them about those times they weren’t as perfect as they want to be and say they are… so don’t do it if you don’t want to labeled as bad for them)


You looked that up online last night – toxic friends – when you couldn’t sleep,

because your toe still hurt and reminded you of all those who didn’t care enough about you to stop time, pause their lives, and cater to your pain,

you now know all your friends are toxic,


toxic narcissists,

and the best thing for your own good is to cut them out of your life,

go No Contact,

don’t explain it,

move on and heal yourself,

using those methods advised by those experts you discovered in the first page of your search results, who told you they’d healed themselves completely from their relationship with a narcissist in 5 easy steps:

Step 1 – Blame everything on the other person. They’re the problem. Label them as evil (and yourself as good in comparison), and think the world would be a better place if all those evil people would be exterminated (by someone else doing the dirty work – you’re too good to do something like that, but if someone else did it…) but mainly you just want them to change to suit you… that would be better as it would keep your good persona intact.
Step 2 – Don’t self-reflect but call what you do do self-reflection (as only narcissists don’t self-reflect). Real self-reflection can lead to self-questioning which causes self-doubt, and self-doubt is bad for self-esteem. You’re great it’s everyone else who is shit.



(when narcissists take personality tests, their results tend to be the rarest and most sensitive of them all – they see and experience themselves differently from how we see and experience them. They keep trying to save us from being ourselves… because we’re the problem of course!)

Step 3 – Don’t ask yourself if perhaps something you did had anything to do with what happened (see step 2). Just find someone (preferably several someones) who tells you that you did everything right it’s everyone else who did everything wrong. Remove anyone who doesn’t support you and your version of events from your life and awareness (see step 4).
Step 4 – Get rid of all those who question your version of events. Label them as flying monkeys for the evil people in your life. Do not understand how anyone could be or do that but call yourself empathic anyway, and see your empathy as a problem – it gives you too much feels, and those feels feel bad because of others (others don’t feel feels as you do) never due to you.
Step 5 – Find new people to hang out with who bring out the best in you. Have awesome bitching sessions with these new friends about your old friends, all those assholes in your life who made you feel bad about yourself, and come away feeling like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders because… it’s all their fault, not yours and you’ve carried their shit for them for far too long, time to dump that shit and their ass. Eventually get rid of new friends too because they know too much and you’ve dumped stuff you no longer want onto them. They’re like a priest in a confessional… you don’t want to socialise with them.

And don’t forget to judge everyone new (as well as old) using the red flag list.

It’s not narcissistic when you do it… it’s only narcissistic when others do it, and do it to you.



A few weeks later…

You’ve just stubbed your toe.

Pain shoots through you making you want to scream.

The doors of hell open and welcome you.

You can’t think, you can only feel this excruciating torture of intense throbbing hurt.

Someone enters the room…

it’s your new (now not so new) best friend…

they’re going to ask you what’s wrong and you’re going to share your pain with them, which will make you feel so much better…


what just happened!?!

Did they just roll their eyes and suggest that you should have looked where you were going!?!

You really should have noticed that your new best friend was a narcissist because of all the red flags,

but it’s not your fault…

you’re too good,

too kind,

too empathic,

too generous, too caring…

and you let their increasingly annoying traits slide as long as those sort of things didn’t affect you too negatively.


surround sound and imagery

(the formula narcissists use regularly… they want to be you, so they hang with you, they want your life, so they live with you, et peter cetera)


You’ve put up with all their faults and flaws for long enough,

you can’t take it anymore,

so you let them have it,

you tell them about everything that is wrong with them,

they don’t look pleased,

they looked pained,

as though you did something wrong but they’re the ones in the wrong,

and your pain comes before their pleasure.

You learned that from your obsessive research online about how to heal from what other people do to you.


don't worry...

(a narcissist will always worry about what you’re saying behind their back even if they put up a front which says – bye, suckers, I’m better than you!)


You leave the room in a storm of dust kicked up by their drama…

You feel a bit lost,


fear creeps along those pain lines which the stubbed toe made raw and alive with primal thorns in tender flesh.

Suddenly you remember your sympathy tea and chicken soup for the troubled soul friend,

nostalgia warms the belly of your mind…

Why not pay them a visit,

they’ll be glad to see you!



Why, you might ask, would you want to think like a Narcissist?

One possible answer is because if you can understand how a Narcissist’s mind works then you can answer your questions about why your particular Narcissist frustrates you so much.

You’ve tried reviewing the story which has played out in your relationship using your style of thinking and… nothing makes sense.

Why are you doing the same thing over and over expecting different results…?

They’re just like you in so many ways…

because they’re human like you are,

but they can’t handle being human as you do,

so they’re not at all like you in so many ways.

Yet you can’t quite resolve this in a way which allows you to move on from where you are stuck.

Because in some ways you’ve absorbed the narcissist’s wound into yourself, their wound has opened up a wound of your own and you’re experiencing your relationship with them in a way that they experience all relationships.


you can't change someone...

(you don’t see an issue with your actions per se, you think you did everything right or as best as you could do, but the narcissist…you do see an issue with their actions,

and you think that they don’t see what you see and you think that they should,

the fact that they don’t (see things as you see them) bothers you.

They have a similar issue with you,

an issue with you being you, with you not being who they need you to be for them…

you sort of both have the same issue with each other,

albeit not exactly the same,

they think it’s you, you think it’s them)


The bits which are the same can be used to understand the bits which aren’t the same.

To think like a narcissist

(at least the average narcissist… does anyone think they’re dealing with an average narcissist when the narcissist is theirs?)

all you have to do is take what you feel and exaggerate it,

make it more important than you usually do,

switch off your logical reasoning and go whole hog into the illogical and unreasonable…

it’s not as hard as it seems,

just switch off the regular things which inhibit you,

those social mores which stop you from being a selfish prick,

and view yourself as the one person who is not a selfish prick while viewing everyone else as being selfish pricks.



You might have reacted somewhat like this to a stubbed toe,

to pain…

a narcissist is in a permanent state of stubbed toe,

and pain…

You really don’t need anyone else to explain your narcissist,

and your relationship with them,

to you

and for you…

just think about it,

think about it not just from your side of the story,

but from their side of that same story which is totally different from yours

(use that empathy you sometimes are proud of having and at others times hate having,

in its basic form and wear their bare feet which have a stubbed toe…)


torn between

(a narcissist expects a reward for being kind to you… if they don’t get it, you will hear about it in stereo surround sound)


and you’ll soon have the answers to your questions.