I really wish you wouldn’t do that…

Have you ever felt as though someone was trying to control you?

How did you react?

Has someone else ever felt as though you were trying to control them?

How did they react?

Did you have a good reason for trying to control them… and maybe even expected them to appreciate your interference,


the Yes or No game

this may seem rather frivolous, but is it?


so their reaction seemed unwarranted…

but you couldn’t understand the ‘good reason’ someone else had for trying to control you,

and you certainly didn’t appreciate their interference,

and your reaction to that seemed totally warranted.

We don’t always like it when others do to us… what we may do them,

and expect them to like it (and still like us) because we’re the ones doing it and so it’s always a good thing…

it’s just not a good thing to us when they do it to us.


being stuck


My partner is outside right now, attempting to start his new chainsaw.

I wasn’t aware that he was doing this until I happened to go outside for a moment and find him doing it.

He didn’t like it when I found him doing it.

I could sense his senses bristle at my presence.

Perhaps because my senses would bristle if he found me doing something… I didn’t want him to see me doing.

IΒ  tried to pretend I didn’t notice what he was doing…



we both knew that was totally fake.

I knew he had bought himself a chainsaw.

He announced it after the fact… and waited for me to freak out about it.

I controlled my reaction…

because I don’t like reacting the way that people expect me to react…

they have too much control over me that way…

even if it is how I would actually react.

I tried to look as though it was not a problem.

I’m totally chilled about this, dude… if you’re chill, I’m chill…

chilled to the bone.




We both know I have a problem with this…

we’ve owned a chainsaw before…

but only I was allowed to use it.

It was unfair double-standard insensitive sensitivity central, with a side order of emotional blackmail type stuff!

I was a total control freak about it.

He decided not to fight it… even though… he usually fights this kind of thing.



Albert Einstein being wise?


My partner is one of those people who really doesn’t like to feel as though you or anyone else is trying to control them.

We share this trait…

(we both are fully aware of it… and grudgingly admire each other for it… or something like that)

and that sometimes causes problems in our relationship.

Being similar to your significant other can be bliss,

as someone else really gets you because they’re just like you…



what we don't get


and it can also be the opposite of bliss.

Those irascible traits of yours in which you take so much pride even if you know they cause all sorts of hullabaloo in your relationships… become even more of an issue when the person you’re most intimate with is exactly the same as you and takes pride in the same irascible traits…

there are moments of synchronicity which allow you to see just how irritating you are to others because the shit that you do which you thought was so you, unique, defined your individual identity and maybe was even cute because of it… is annoying when someone else does it and does it to you.

It’s not so cute now!

Those who don’t like to feel as though someone else is trying to control them… can at times be the very person who tries to control someone else.

I know I’m like that and try to curb the control freak enthusiasm… my partner does something similar because he is aware that he also sometimes does to others what he doesn’t like others to do to him.

It’s a very human thing…


the greatest cruelty


So when I discovered him in the process of playing with his new chainsaw…

I knew he didn’t want me there because…

he knows I’m nervous and anxious about him using it,

and that’s more likely to create the consequences I’m fearing…

Intellectually I know he’s an adult who is responsible for himself,

he’s actually better at being an adult responsible for himself than I am…


what he’s doing is freaking me out.

I freaked him out when the shoe was on the other foot…

I eventually control-freaked myself out of using my chainsaw,

and left it to rust in peace.

I grew too concerned that I would sever a limb in a moment of distraction…

and I also hated the maintenance the device required, it was a pain to clean…

I never injured myself while using it, but I did injure myself while cleaning and sharpening it.

And the stuff you had to do to get it started… don’t get me started on that!


looking for mute


Today, my partner was unable to get his chainsaw started…


because I never allowed him to learn what I learned from using the previous chainsaw…

He is now in the process of making the mistakes I made…

and he doesn’t want to hear about what I learned from making those mistakes,

he wants to learn from making his own,

and then soar beyond them…

Sometimes we think that we’re controlling others for their own good…

but is that really why we’re doing it?

Maybe we’re doing it for our own good,

which isn’t really good for us,

or them



unplug yourself




  1. Yes. I sometimes think that I should be the one doing whatever it is, even though I might not be very good at it … someone else doing it makes me think of all the things that could go wrong if I was doing it, which makes me want to take over, which is totally stupid. The whole control thing is so hard wired. We try to control even when it’s completely counter-productive and even dangerous.

    Great post. πŸ™‚


    • Thank you πŸ™‚

      I was trying to figure out where this stems from, what is the starting point for it when it kicks in and what created that starting point. But it can be difficult to pinpoint a precise point when it’s hidden within anxiety. Anxiety is a bit like an octopus.


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