Dealing with a Narcissist – the Awaken With JP way

I don’t know what you’ll think of this…

I didn’t know what I would think of it when I clicked on the ‘Play’ button, and I didn’t know what I thought of it as listened and watched because…

It wasn’t what I expected.

(kind of like when narcissists aren’t what you expected them to be)

I expected it to be comedy… it wasn’t that.

I expected it to be snappy and snappish… it wasn’t that.

I expected it to be…

not what it was…

once I got over it not being what I expected it to be…

I found it rather intriguing.

So I thought I’d share it:



I came across it while reading an article about another video by JP Sears on his Youtube channel – AwakenWithJP – which has gone viral, and as I was watching the viral video I noticed he’d made one on Narcissists, so I clicked on that and…

He takes awhile to get to the point and waffles a lot, but…

the subject of narcissists tends to make people waffle perhaps because it’s complicated and confusing or maybe because narcissist themselves waffle a lot and like with so much connected to them… it rubs off on others, on you, even when you really don’t want it to.

He makes some interesting points.

His take on dealing with narcissists is different from the usual take on it and that is always interesting.

(thinking outside of the box on the subject of narcissists is sometimes more helpful than thinking inside of the box – thinking outside of the box is also helpful when dealing with a narcissist)

He makes you stop and think for yourself.

Whether you agree or disagree with what he says isn’t as important as the conversation with yourself which that stimulates, because when dealing with a narcissist the best approach is to know yourself as best as you can, particularly those parts which make you uncomfortable and which you’d rather not know about.

Narcissists, directly and indirectly, make us ask uncomfortable questions about ourselves (the ones we ask about them always have a sting in their tail for us)… trying to answers those questions is how we learn about us and about them, and about what made us and them come together.

Sometimes something random is eye-opening.

Let me know what you think.


JP Sears




25 thoughts on “Dealing with a Narcissist – the Awaken With JP way

  1. I watched the video a few weeks ago and agreed with several of the points. Probably because I subscribe to the belief that people are our mirrors. First my apologies for any ignorance I display on the subject of narcissism as I don’t believe that I have ever consciously interacted with someone who I knew fit the text book definition of a narcissist. But I have dealt with my share of emotionally unavailable people since my childhood. While I recognize it is not the same thing, while watching the video I was able to insert emotionally unavailable, selfish, or con artist for narcissist and came away feeling I gained insight from him. I actually stumble across research on narcissism a lot as I try to understand emotional unavailability. I think the term narcissism is often overused by the General public and in an attempt to learn about emotional unavailability I am starting to learn a lot about narcissism. By the way I enjoy your blog and have found it very insightful. I am working hard to become a healthier person by facing my childhood demons and I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your story.


    1. Thank you very much for sharing πŸ™‚

      After having read your comment, which shows a wonderful intellect, very methodical, logical and balanced (definitely comes under the category and new buzzword – mindfulness), it also shows experience of commenting online (no need to apologise for not having had experience of a relationship with a narcissist – that’s a good thing – but I know why you might feel the need to do that as it can be a touchy issue), I did a quick search using the term – emotional unavailability. I’ve not researched the subject before although I am vaguely aware of what it means in a generalised manner just not as a distinct term, as it is similar to the ‘withholding’ connected to narcissistic behaviour.

      The two articles which I read on EU were very insightful, what I particularly liked about them was that they both emphasised the need to explore your own side of the story and how it affects your perception of the other person. I liked how they prompted the need to ask yourself why you chose an emotionally unavailble person, and also ask yourself whether they really are emotional unavailble or is that how you experience them. What does your view of them say about you. The mirroring aspects of relationship.

      I wish articles on narcissism and narcissists did more of that because ‘the mirror’ is an intrinsic element in narcissism and a relationship with a narcissist. In articles about narcissists, mirroring is mainly seen from the perspective of the narcissist with the other person as a mirror for the narcissist, which although accurate is also one-sided. They are mirrors for us too – but that side of the dynamic is often glossed over for varying reasons. It’s a difficult thing to do, and pokes us in places which are already hurting and painful.

      With regards to EU – I have to admit that if I look at myself from an outside perspective (from the view others might have of me) I probably come across as emotionally unavailable. I’ve found that being emotionally available, especially around those who are narcissists or very narcissistic is like opening an artery around people who are hungry for blood. Also sometimes those who label you as ’emotionally unavailable’ may mean something different – they may mean that they want to dump their emotions onto you and you’re not accepting it – this is particularly the case with narcissists.

      With narcissists – labels such as EU and Narcissist get thrown around like bead necklaces at Mardi Gras.

      There is an interesting intersection between EU and Narcissism on many levels. Narcissists tend to be emotionally unavailable but expect others to be emotionally available, and if you’re not whent hey need you to be they will assume that there is something wrong with you, and will most likely search online to find out what is wrong with you so they can confirm their suspicions and come at you with the results of their investigation – 8 out of 10 people say that my problem with you means that you have a problem.

      You’re absolutely right about the label of narcissist becoming a catch-all.

      Pretty much anything you search online with regards to human behaviour brings up results about narcissism.

      Sometimes when I read those lists which outline the traits and behaviours of a narcissist I come away thinking that the parameters could apply to anyone, the distinction between someone with NPD and someone who may be behaving narcissistically but who is not a narcissist has become blurred due to generalisations and the popularity of the subject.

      I think part of the reason narcissism is overused is because narcissistic tendencies can be observed in other conditions, and can be found in all human beings. With it now being a trending hot topic information about it is easily accessible and therefore it’s become an easy label to apply when someone confuses us which allows us to alleviate some of our confusion. If we’re blaming ourselves it allows us to shift the blame – which can be correct, and can be helpful, but it can also become unbalanced and unhelpful. The problem is that narcissistic behaviour is often a symptom of something else, when people are in pain they tend to react narcissistically, but we may stop at narcissism and not dig deeper, research further, look beyond the surface.

      Most of our problems with other people tend to reflect issues which are personal to us – we don’t tend to notice in others what isn’t an issue for us personally, or at least not in the same way as we do things which ‘trigger’ our own stories. We can’t solve who other people are, but we can sort of solve who we are to a certain extent – there’s always more to discover and learn.

      You’ve given me a lot of food for thought which for (an INTP) someone like me is like a breath of fresh air inviting me to explore new ideas and territory πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I thought it was good superficially but being labelled pathetic is difficult for those of us who have been seriously on the butt end of npd destruction. The analysis is too simplistic. It would be good to just empower ourselves out of being a victim but the nature of the engagement with nods renders us victims. I found it depressing.


    1. I agree that the analysis is simplistic. I think what he was doing in the video was the same as he does in some of his other videos where he tries to show that opposing sides of an issue have similarities, and that people on opposing sides of an issue may accuse others of doing what they themselves are also doing without necessarily realising it. I think he likes to be provocative to provoke thought(fulness). People tend to pay more attention (especially online) if they’re offended, triggered, provoked negatively by someone or something.

      The term – pathetics – is a provocative one to use as the word ‘pathetic’ tends to be used in the negative.

      However if you look at the etymology of pathetic – – it’s a rather apt choice. ‘path’ = feeling. And as a suffix it’s part of sym-pathetic and em-pathetic, which are usually considered positive abilities to have.

      If you look at his theory in terms of choosing between being a ‘narcissist’, therefore being with sympathy or empathy, versus choosing to be a ‘pathetic’, therefore being with feeling, it makes more sense. Pathetics = people who feel, and because they feel they may suffer, but their feelings can also heal the suffering.

      In recent times writings about narcissists have been including the term – apathetic (a-pathetic = no feeling) – which is usually used to describe those who aid and abet a narcissist and may gang up with the narcissist against their ‘victim’.

      Overall it’s a bit of a mess of a video, and I do think he should have taken more time to think things through before he did it. I think perhaps he was jumping on a bandwagon before he was really ready to ride it. His craft relies on being aware of what’s trending and being a part of the trending wave.

      There is something depressing about it, but for me personally I found it less depressing than the narc-related videos which make narcissists out to be evil villains who have all the power and everyone else is just their helpless pawn or hapless victim. And it wasn’t as depressing as those videos by ‘narcissism gurus’ who are schilling a book or system to cure people of being victims of narcissists (but you only get the miracle/magic cure if you pay through the nose for it).

      I totally agree with you that we do need to empower ourselves out of being victims – it’s just easier said and wished for than done. Getting stuck in feeling powerless is a part of the narcissistic wound and those who get involved with narcissists end up having to deal with aspects of the narcissist’s wound because they pass their pain onto us. One of the things we need to understand is that everything which makes us feel powerless is actually showing us where we have power, because narcissists show us where we are powerful through making those areas seem like a source of powerlessness.

      Narcissists don’t want to feel – be pathetic in the meaning of having feeling – because to them feeling = pain, suffering, weakness. They believe it and pass their belief on, and we buy into it because having feeling (especially around a narcissist) can make us feel weak, pain can make us feel powerless, and no one likes to suffer. But those experiences can also be what makes us strong.

      In a strange way this video is actually empowering because we can dismiss it – which shows us something we may not have noticed about ourselves. πŸ™‚


    2. I’m glad I found your review of it because I felt the same things after listening to it this morning but didn’t know what to think of it. I’m new to JP Sears and thought all of his stuff was humor. Narcissism happens to be top of mind for me these days so I wanted to see his funny take on it. But this was real — I kept waiting for the jokes to start coming and they didn’t. And then he got to the part about questioning why we’re the perfect match — ouch! He used the word pathetic which is hard to hear — he could have used other words but the message would have been the same. Hard to swallow but can’t deny the truth in it.


      1. Thank you for sharing πŸ™‚

        I think that to find humour in narcissism requires being able to laugh at things which hurt and that’s always a challenge, it tends to always feel as though it’s ‘too soon’ to make a joke about something serious. Being able to laugh at pain is helpful, but first you have to make peace with the bruises the ego gets from something that it doesn’t find funny at all.

        There is irony in a relationship with a narcissist, but it is like being hit with an iron. Being a good match for someone we don’t want to be a good match for – very ouch! We often forget that we once thought hell was heaven, that this nightmare of a person was once someone we saw as a dream come true… we don’t want to be reminded of that.

        I have come across a couple of videos about narcissism which at first seemed funny but later on… the funny hit too close to the unfunny.

        This one is a fav:

        It’s very simple, but in this case the simple is spot on.

        The reasons why we may be a perfect match for a narcissist can also be why we’re not a perfect match for them. Each trait has many levels and layers to it, the deeper we go into a trait, the more levels we become aware of, the less of a match it is for a narcissist, and a relationship with a narcissist tends to force us to go deeper into who we are and what we express of ourselves, and that makes us not a good match for them even if before we went deeper we may have been.

        The use of the word ‘pathetic’ is very clever, not sure if JP meant to be clever with it but I think he may have – his videos show a keen intellect. He seems to like to use shock tactics to snap people out of their patterns and ruts. That is something which is often useful when it comes to relationships with narcissists if we have a pattern of getting into them. We need to understand our side of the equation as well as their side of it, in fact our side, our attraction to them, is far more important to figure out than why they were attracted to us.


  3. Eh, he covers good basic ground and another spoke in the wheel about narcissists. I feel it is way more complicated than just the psychological view as in the metaphysical and spiritual and astrological. But that is my view and from my experience. A perfect match when involved with a narcissist? Not perfect. A match, yes, depending on many psycho and spiritual levels. I eventually knew exactly what I was doing being involved with a narcissist and what I was asking for in the relationship. As well, I was very intrigued with how he operated and angered him to the nth degree with my probing; in which he stated I will never ever figure him out. What I figured out for my own self is the relationship I have with me, myself, and I. And the relationship with him was more complicated than I have yet know. Anyhoo…. I could write on and on, and a lot of good stuff has already been shared by comments here, and by this wonderful blog. Mainly, I just made peace with myself and the relationship and moved on. I don’t care to write or speak about it because I am okay with the years and tears and know myself a bit better now. I do feel there is another side underlying all of this in which does deal with significance, approval, and acceptance—along with just being human. That I may in time write about in my own perspective…. Thank you for all you share!!! πŸ™‚


  4. What he says resonates with me. I’ve known for along time about this sense of insignificance as being the root of lots of issues, and if course, many people feel this way, whether they are involved with or were raised by narcissists or not.

    I disagree with him a bit, though. I think that narcissists experience perhaps a combination of feelings of insignificance and also of shame. They experience shame when they are made to feel (or do feel) insignificant. However, in many ways we are insignificant, especially when we consider the sweep of history or the age of the universe. It’s clear to me that they can’t accept their insignificance (- in a healthy way – or were never taught that or given the opportunity to learn it) and have to construct a fantasy where they have value, even if it’s only on the surface.

    Interesting. Thanks for sharing your find. πŸ™‚


    1. Thank you πŸ™‚

      So much of human interaction seems to have the insignificant/significant issue as part of it. It grows exponentially in intimate relationships as we try to get a measure on safety in love.

      Shame is definitely connected to it.

      It’s an interesting concept to explore. If you approach from a historical perspective, there have been a lot of battle fought and monuments built (and torn down) over the issue of significance and insignificance.


  5. I think he has made a good point in saying both narcissistic and pathetic traits also come from a sense of insignificance. But the difference is just the expression of their insignificance.

    Like some narcissistic ones are control freaks while the pathetic ones become their prey where they can enjoy their outward expression of their fear of insignificance. In contrast, the pathetic ones, being controlled, to be honest may also enjoy being controlled in their inner self because they would probably feel like they’re significant, which is a pathological condition, in my opinion.

    No wonder they are a perfect match for each other then, both on the surface and deep down.

    And when people are in a relationship with narcissists, they really shouldn’t care about fixing narcissists, but to focus on fixing their own insignificance problem. Try to get to know themselves and love themselves. What they should really do, perhaps, is just to learn to place significance to themselves rather than letting others control whether they’re significant or not. But remember to do this with balance because just so it won’t be too much that they would become a narcissist.

    And frankly speaking, I think the match of a narcissist and pathetic person may look like two polarisation on the surface and may seem to compensate each other. Yes it is not the truth. But it’s important to know that deep down they harmonise each other. As JP Sears says both personality traits come from a sense of insignificance. So I think their compensating with each other is not only because of difference on the surface but similarity deep down. And if they’re lucky, they might reach their own self of harmony when they split.

    As Murakami says, “One heart is not connected to another through harmony alone. They are, instead, linked deeply through their wounds. Pain linked to pain, fragility to fragility. There is no silence without a cry of grief, no forgiveness without bloodshed, no acceptance without a passage through acute loss. That is what lies at the root of true harmony.”


    1. That’s very insightful!

      I think in some ways what JP Sears was saying about the pathetics is similar to what Sam Vaknin said about inverted narcissists.

      I can definitely see that significance/insignificance played a big part in the dynamic between me and my parents, and between my parents. Sometimes it was as though there was a competition between who was most significant for others and in comparison to the others, and at other times the competition seemed reversed.

      Significance and insignificance is always a factor for narcissists and is always a part of their relationships.

      It is also a natural part of being human. The message in society reflects the urge to be significant. Yet some of the most powerful things are often those we deem insignificant until we later realise how significant they were.

      It’s an intriguing thought to explore πŸ™‚


  6. Hey, I just wanted to add something. I’ve been playing a lot of games online to keep out of my head. My favs are backgammon and dominoes. But I would only end up frustrated because they’re ‘frauds.’ I found myself frustrated trying to beat an algorithm. Programs are not based on random occurrence (some mathematical sequences eventually with behavioral patterns involved playing with others) like in real games, that’s why they’re programs. I would get so angry for just wanting to play a ‘normal’ game.

    It was the same with my relationship. The game is fixed with a narcissist. The ‘algorithm’ doesn’t change. They’re stuck playing the same game. It’s just “play, rewind and repeat” like I think you told me once. Once you figure out the algorithm, you figure out the pattern (program). The difference is, people have a choice to keep playing the same game. Narcissists (computer programs) don’t.

    Sorry about the rant. Hope it makes sense.


    1. I do get what you’re saying. I used to play Othello with a machine which always crashed whenever I was winning a game, but it never crashed when it was winning. Just like playing games with my parents πŸ˜‰


      1. This was hilarious! It actually made me LOL! I mean about the machine. I can totally see the image of you upset with and trying to put a brain to a machine crashing for cheat! πŸ™‚ I can totally understand the correlation with your parents though.

        These programs are hard to explain. They’re nothing like real games. It took awhile to figure out the simple fact they’re programs and not get frustrated about not operating ‘normally’. I found it rather enlightening and comical at the same time, that it took me so dayam long! lol


  7. Yeah, he waffles alot. My attention span doesn’t have it for wafflers. And I couldn’t get over the boogie hanging out of his nostril. lol

    I think Ross Rosenberg explains the message more precisely. He wrote, The Human Magnet Syndrome based on codependency and how it mirrors narcissists. Have you listened to or read his work? I’m a right-brain functioning type of learning and person. I think this is why it’s been really difficult for me to dig into the feelings behind what’s happened. I’ve learned my ego is VERY strong, and has done everything to avoid going within and the feelings behind them. Also, a very narcissistic trait.

    Thanks for sharing. Hope all is well at your end of the pond. πŸ™‚


    1. Thank you πŸ™‚

      Yes, I’m aware of Ross Rosenberg.

      There have been several very interesting studies of how the brain processes feeling and emotion:

      “Thus, physical evidence has revealed that the right hemisphere, while indeed the brain’s more “emotional” side, is not solely responsible for processing the expression of emotions. “Understanding emotional prosody,” says Vingerhoets, “appears to activate right hemispheric brain regions.” However, the left brain stays active to categorize or label the emotion — as befits its dominance in language processing. “Even if you pay attention to the ‘how’ information,” says Vingerhoets, “you can’t help hearing the semantic content, the ‘what’ of the message. We do this all the time; we are trained in it.” –

      “MIND: So, then, feelings are formed by emotions?

      Damasio: Yes. The brain is constantly receiving signals from the body, registering what is going on inside of us. It then processes the signals in neural maps, which it then compiles in the so-called somatosensory centers. Feelings occur when the maps are read and it becomes apparent that emotional changes have been recordedβ€”as snapshots of our physical state, so to speak.

      MIND: According to your definition, all feelings have their origin in the physical. Is that really the case?

      Damasio: Interestingly enough, not all feelings result from the body’s reaction to external stimuli. Sometimes changes are purely simulated in the brain maps. For example, when we feel sympathy for a sick person, we re-create that person’s pain to a certain degree internally. Also, the mapping of our physical state is never completely exact. Extreme stress or extreme fear and even physical pain can be dismissed; the brain ignores the physical signals that are transmitting the pain stimulus.” –

      Ultimately we need to know our system and work with it, find the method which suits who we are and helps us to understand what we want to understand πŸ™‚


      1. Dayam! I said I was a left-brain thinker, but not this smart! I think I’m pretty intelligent, but not book smart. I had learning disabilities growing up so I had to learn things in other ways. I think this can make you even smarter. I’ll have to re read and get back to you on this one though! lol


  8. I kind of liked it – and it seems to be going along with the current book I’m reading about a new take on narcissism. But the question that comes to my mind is – to me it always seems it’s the ones who calls patheticists – who are more inclined to “go there” to the unwanted places in themselves – do the work, heal, improve, what have you. The narcissists – will not go there. The ones I know personally – my parents, former partners – don’t need help, don’t need therapy, don’t need to improve. Me? Year of therapy, reading books, thinking, writing, talking about narcissism, taking numerous psych courses – always trying to get it right – figure life out – how to be in this world. The rest – they just leave and want nothing to do with me when I bring up a difficult truth.


    1. That’s an excellent point!

      Many years ago I read a book in which the author (can’t recall the book or the author) spoke about the ‘point of no return’ in self-work. Basically once you ‘go there to those unwanted places in yourself’ you step across a threshold and you can never go back to a state of not knowing what you now know. Going there before you’re ready and willing to go there can be as harmful as it is helpful to go there when you’re willing and ready to go there.

      When you can face difficult truths about yourself and know how beneficial doing that can be, you may be inclined to want others to join you in the experience. You may forget the you who once didn’t want to face those difficult truths because you left that you behind once you started doing self-work, and because you may forget that you who you once were and are focused on the you who you are now, you may find it hard to understand why others don’t want to do what you’ve been doing. You may be tempted to confront them with difficult truths about themselves, and no one likes it when someone does that – not even those who are used to facing difficult truths.

      Sometimes you just have to accept that some people will never go there, or may take ages before they decide to do so, and appreciate the fact that you went there, that you were ready and willing to do so (even if life events really didn’t give you much choice in the matter).

      There are many reasons narcissists don’t go there, one of which is that it’s the source of great fear for them, they’ve been running away from it for a long time, not going there is what they do.


      1. You are right. I remember my first time in therapy, saying something like “I wish I could go back to before – when I didn’t know what I know what I know now.” – he said he hears this often.

        I have noticed I have a life pattern of people from my past returning to me – coming back into my life. One was my first love – who is a narcissist and my reunion with him is what began all of this for me – and since then – there have been several friends from my past who have gotten in touch with me, swoop back into my life. Seem so happy to see me again – what I have been getting from this/them is the same thing I got from the narcissist who re-entered my life “Oh. So I was significant to you. Our relationship did mean something to you. You didn’t realize then but now you do.” – I think this is tied to hanging onto a false hope that I’d get this from my parents too someday. But I know it won’t happen.

        After the friend comes back – we have a great time together – and then very quickly I learn they are going through or have recently gone through some sort of drama in their life. They want a person to talk to and listen to them – hear their story – I sit and listen. Then it keeps going – no more having fun together – it’s constantly them talking about the drama going on in their lives.

        I say one thing – and BOOM – I get the silent treatment – they’ll get in touch here and there – but then I stop hearing from the all together.

        And I don’t feel I’ve said anything to forceful for the to face – it can be any little thing – for example one of these friends is involved in a very problematic relationship with a man who is splitting his time between her and another woman he lives with. It’s been making her miserable and it’s gone on for over a year now.

        She calls me when she’s having a bad night – and she has repeated said, “My life is ruined thanks to him. I’ve lost most of my friends!” – this isn’t true. She hasn’t lost any friends – and in fact has TONS of them – I’ve met them – I have very few friends – so I get a bit irritated when I hear things like this.

        I told her – “You’re having a bad moment right now and seeing everything through a negative filter. You’ve said to me before you’ve lost your friends but You have many friends who care about you, and your lucky.” – I got the silent treatment after that.

        I see I have to do better at strengthening my boundaries. When/if I let people back into my life – exercise a bit more caution and if they go into their drama – stay out of it.

        I have to watch my discomfort with loneliness – I want to connect so I let people in my life – and I fear if I don’t listen to their dramas – they won’t be my friend – but then I do – and I say one thing wrong – and I lose them anyway.

        I just wish there were people in my life – or came into my life – who would value me for me – seek me out to spend time with because of ME – not because they can use me in some way for a time then run off onto the next adventure.


        1. I know the feeling and wish to be around people who value you for you – as you are and not as they need you to be for them. I think everyone can relate to that, you see it expressed a lot particularly on the internet. Loneliness is a very human condition, as is the desire to connect, and we all tend to accept people in our lives who don’t necessarily accept us as we are just to have people in our lives.

          Setting boundaries and maintaining them can be difficult because it can’t be arbitrary, we need to bend and be flexible, cut people slack, as we all need people to do that with us too. Each relationship is different as each person is different, and each of us is slightly different with different people. So it’s kind of a case by case issue.

          With some people you can leave your boundaries unattended and they’ll never trespass as they are respectful of you because they respect themselves, for them trampling over your boundaries is something they just wouldn’t do, not even if they were starving and you had peach trees growing on your land and you let those peaches fall to the ground and rot.

          With other people all they can see is what they want – they want your peaches, and your boundaries are a nuisance, an offense which upsets them – they see strength and respect as being selfish things – to get what they want they must do what it takes and that’s that. If you get hurt that’s your problem… but if they get hurt while trespassing on your land, they’ll sue you and make their hurt your problem.

          As a child of narcissists you’ve grown accustomed to having your boundaries crossed, so when people cross them you’re immediate reaction isn’t to shoot first and ask questions later. You learned to be lenient and patient with selfish people because being any other way brought out the worst in them and it was easier to appease them. You also have a soft spot for them, you can see how vulnerable they are – you could, with everything you know about them, fell them, skewer them, but that’s not who you are because you’re not weak as they are, you don’t need to show strength to cover up weakness – you are strong, you don’t need to prove it to anyone. You also may have been imprinted with a sense that if you don’t love them, aren’t kind to them… who will love them and be kind to them as they are impossible to love and their meanness makes people want to be mean to them, but they crave love and kindness – so in some ways your power resides in being gentle with a-holes. It’s weird… but there is something in it which is hard to define so easily by saying it is weird.

          All the things you’ve learned from experience which make up you – a part of you… you know what they are and mean but others have a tendency to misread the meaning, and that is the problem. They make mistakes in their assessment of your behaviour towards them because they’re basing their judgment on people who aren’t children of narcissists, on people who haven’t had such an intense and in depth experience of narcissists that they don’t behave in the usual way towards narcissistic people. SO they miss the fact that our reason for being the way you are with them isn’t the reason they think it is.

          Children of narcissists live in a grey area between narcissists and non-narcissists, and both narcissists and non-narcissists don’t understand us – we confuse them more than they confuse us in some ways.

          We trust no one and everyone. We are always lonely yet never lonely, and never lonelier than when surrounded by the wrong type of company for us which is the kind of company that will only accept us on their terms, terms which fit into either the narcissist way or the non-narcissist way – our way is neither of those.

          Finding people who value us for ourselves as we are… has to start with ourselves. If we accept ourselves and value ourselves, it makes it easier to find others who can do that, but you’ll most likely always have to hold something back or keep it subtle. The intensity of you may be too intense for most people, but that’s okay because other people will have things that may overwhelm you too – we all cut each other slack. πŸ™‚


  9. I saw this a few weeks ago. I was thinking he makes some good points. It made me think. I like this guy and find a lot of his videos comical, bc he does show some truth w a lot that seems to be trending on the internet nowadays. Like yoga, meditation, spirituality, narcissism, etc.


    1. I agree. He has a knack for showing things that are trending from a different perspective. What I like about his style of delivery is that he doesn’t take the obvious route, he doesn’t seem to be copying anyone else, and he does provoke thoughtful consideration of the subject.

      Anyone who makes us think for ourselves is doing us a favour, imo. It’s so easy to get caught up in a trend, a group thought, and before you know it that wave has carried you away from yourself.


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