The Worst Thing To Do To A Narcissist

If you were to ask me what the worst thing I have ever done to a narcissist has been…

I’d have to take a long pause to think about it while I sort through all the imaginary worst things which the narcissists in my life think I’ve done to them (and spent hours on end telling me about because I needed to know this… like the mysterious case of the missing spoons) and come across something I did actually do.

The list of worst things you can do to a narcissist is pretty much endless if it’s the narcissist who compiles it.

A real narcissist (and I’m using ‘real narcissist’ simply to distinguish from the plethora of ‘narcissists’ which are out there according to people who are under the influence of what is hot, trendy and popular… the label of the moment to apply to people who piss you off with their behaviour is ‘narcissist’) tends to look for the worst (while often claiming they look for the best… but no one ever meets their standards of best) and find it because they’re looking for it and really want to find it then point it out like a child finding an Easter Egg during a Treasure Hunt. Look, look, look… I found a golden ticket to the Chocolate Factory!

Go anywhere online, particularly to something which is going viral and you’ll find comments on the viral post by narcissists finding the worst in something which others are enjoying…

Like this tit bit – This K-Pop Star Firing An Arrow Might Be The Most Majestic Thing To Ever Happen – which pretty much invited all narcissists to engage and criticise as it waved the bacon of – the most majestic thing to ever happen – in their faces. They need to tear whoever isn’t them off the majestic pedestal right now! The most likely to be narcissists (or just very narcissistic) are the ones who comment with – this is a terrible thing to do as it will tear your scalp off your head! Thank you, pussy generation (pus-gen trademarked by Clint & son), for pointing out what could have happened but didn’t happen and can we get back to enjoying this random act of maybe beauty in a chaotic world without needing to make it ugly because there’s already enough ugly out there and within us all just because you’re not part of it – as in you’re not centre stage being celebrated for being the majestic one of the moment.

If the narcissist in your life is a sensitive soul (who has tested online as an HSP and/or INFP/J and uses these results to justify why you can’t do or say anything around them without them getting upset at you. They’re SUPER SENSITIVE!!! and they’ll hold that against you like a loaded gun with a hair trigger) who is easily bruised… expect even more worst things that you’ve done to them to be a part of your personal landscape.



(I’m only telling you this awful truth about yourself because I love you… said every narcissist everywhere)


There was that time that I said exactly what I was thinking (this is where I go wrong – or right when viewed from a certain, dare I say healthy, angle – every time with every narcissist I have ever known) because the narcissist asked me to be honest as ‘they’d rather have the painful truth than a comforting lie’ – I knew they were lying about that, but I decided to test them and their claim that they wanted honesty rather than white lies catering to their hyper sensitive self/ego. How did I know they were lying? Mainly because I’d been honest with them all along and somehow they seemed to see my regular honesty as not honest or not honest enough (by a narcissist’s warped ideal standards) enough for them (ah, narcissists… nothing is ever enough for them!). Usually I softened my honesty with them (with everyone because… diplomacy and do you really need to say things that bluntly…?),ย  but this time I didn’t tape bubblewrap to its hard edges.

And of course you know what came next if you’ve had dealings with a ‘real’ narcissist – drama, drama, DRAMA!!!

For a narcissist who had been ignoring me on a regular basis unless they needed attention (and my ignoring them in return was tantamount to Mount Vesuvius doing another Pompeii), they suddenly couldn’t not ignore me me enough… except for the time in between replying to me where they needed to think and think the way only a narcissist knows how to do – really stiffly and totally not able to do spontaneous.

The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to put them on the spot and expect them to deal with spontaneous moments of anything. Hello, life calling and you either answer the call right now and say whatever pops into and out of your mouth or… How dare life do that to a narcissists! They need to figure out what their spontaneous response will be and if it will give them gold stars on their chart.

Luckily I was in a bad place and it was a bad time for me (which I’d warned them about repeatedly because I knew they couldn’t handle real person being real stuff… and they typically for a narcissist they completely didn’t heed the repeated warnings – to stay the eff away from me for their own narcissistic good – because their needy needs needed my attention, now, now, NOW! as life was being mean to them and they wanted a pick-me-up) so I wasn’t feeling thoughtful, compassionate or any of those other things which narcissists tell you that you are, prepping you for being the person they need you to be for them.

They flatter you with how patient and nice you are… and your vanity gets the better of you and you go out of your way to live up to this saint that you’re supposed to be for them…

I was in no mood to be a bloody saint for them or for anyone, eff this shizzum… and very much in the mood to crucify anyone who didn’t heed my warnings (given aplenty and in advance, along with apologies for being a bitch going through a time in life which pressed my bitchy buttons).

If I had the chance to do it over all again with them… I’d be less thoughtful than I was and more bitchy than I was because I held myself back (why did I do that!?!) and the results showed me that there was no need to do that as things were going to go where they always go so you might as well enjoy the ride and give vent to whatever needs venting…. because they certainly ain’t going to appreciate your sacrifice nor are they going to hold back (because you have needy needs which need some slack cut while you sort yourself out).

I’d say that the worst thing I have done and continue to do to narcissists is to say and do as I please because… I tried doing things the other way – say and do what would please them – for far too long (and this training is a frigging hard habit to break) and it’s never enough to satisfy their giant pit of needy needs needing more and more and more…



(why does this quote come with an image of a person riding on a horse… is that person a narcissist forcing a horse to ride through the surf because their needy needs need an awesome shot for their instagram which others will envy? Look how superb I am living my special life… says the narcissist, while the horse hopes that whoever grooms it isn’t the narcissist because it’ll end up getting neglected as its done what the narcissist needed from it and it no longer serves a purpose… until the next time )


The reason I’m writing a post about – The worst thing to do to a narcissist – is because I spotted those words in my blog search term stats, and whether it’s phrased that way or differently, this is a popular search term. People want to know how to hurt, get back at, payback, get revenge, etc on a narcissist. It’s a natural very human reaction to being hurt by… anyone really. We’re all a bit prone to wanting to lash out at those who hurt us…

Lashing out at a narcissist who repeatedly hurts you… you just want them to feel YOUR pain. They never will… but this won’t stop you from thinking that maybe you can get through to them where no one else ever has. Narcissists can’t feel your pain because they’re in constant pain and their pain will always trump yours (if you want to ascertain this for yourself you should have personal examples aplenty if you’ve been in a relationship with a real narcissist of the typical competition which ensues if you even stub your toe around a narcissist which prompts them to bash their ankle or slice their finger or whatever wins them the prize of a better injury than yours in the moment).

People may feel that the narcissist (or someone they’ve decided is a narcissist) in their life has done them wrong and to balance the scales of shit this person did to them versus shit they did to the person they’re after a way to do their worst… right back at you!

This is going to solve everything… especially if you’re dealing with a real narcissist because they’ll totally be struck impotent by the worst which you do to them, they’re not going to be petty, they’re not going to seek to do even worse to you (so you won’t have to search online for – how to do even worse than the worse thing to do to a narcissist), they’re not going to bounce back from having written you off, they’re not going find this the perfect storm for more drama on their part which will rain a storm of hurt down on you (because you’re not the only one who wants those who hurt you to feel YOUR pain – this is something a narcissist feels even more strongly than you do about, they want others to feel THEIR pain and feel it… for them. Narcissists totally play fair and will let you win… they’ll wave a white flag and give up, yeah? Nah! If this is the route you’re going down with a ‘real’ narcissist then you may be stuck in this ever-deepening rut for years to come, hope you don’t have better plans for a better life.

I can understand the desire to go there…




I also know from experience that going there is going nowhere most of the time… sometimes you end up in a hell which you created for yourself and admitting that your self-created hell is worse than the hell you were in which they created can be difficult to do.

They did something to you, something which hurt you and so you did something to them,to hurt them back… which ended up hurting you far more than it ever made any impact on them… worse still they’re kind of pleased that you’re more miserable than ever before because at least you’re not better off than they are and that’s something they need – for others to be worse off then they can feel better about themselves.

Poor you, they always knew you were a loser, they tried to save you (by holding you underwater and waiting for you to drown while calling it something else…)… but you were a lost cause and they had to cut you loose to save themselves…


daniell koepke - toxic people

(this is quite a good version of a trend which has been around for awhile – getting rid of ‘toxic people’ from your life – narcissists often think that’s what they’re doing when they ‘discard’ you, and since it’s trendy, society approved, they can discard away with popular justification to back them up)


These days I tend to view people who wonder how to avenge themselves on a narcissist as possibly being a narcissist who has decided that someone who isn’t a narcissist is one and they want to hurt them – because hurting people is something narcissists tend to want to do, and do even when they don’t want to do it.

(I know this thinking is faulty… but… oh, those ‘buts’ which keep us going!)

Narcissists always feel that they’ve been wronged… and wronged by you, me, everyone else on the planet.

How do we all wrong them?

Well… if you’re a complete stranger, you wrong them by not knowing they exist. If you walk by them in the street you should be staring so hard at them that you burn them with your gaze. Your lack of paying attention to them has wronged them. Just be careful that you don’t make them feel awkwardly awkward if you do notice them as that could wrong them too… unless they are method-acting their way through a persona who thrives on being awkward because it’s so ‘IN’ to be that way. Weird is cool… so make them feel weird about themselves… but in a good way!

If you’re a celebrity… why are you a celebrity and not them!?!… that’s how you, Celebrity, have wronged them. You could at least become best friends with them – they’re not like your other ‘ordinary’ fans and obsessed stalkers – as your friendship with them would elevate them above the teaming masses who adore you to that special place where they belong and that would mitigate their increased loathing of you and the pain they feel which you’re inflicting on them. As your best friend they’d still hate you for being a celebrity when they’re the ones who should be celebrated… but next to you they’re almost in the spotlight (and will figure a way to knock you out of it and knock themselves into it using you).



(if you’ve had a relationship with a real narcissist watching this series will be nigh on impossible unless you’re okay with frothing at the mouth and walking out of the room while its on on a regular basis… pity, because it’s very good… for those who want to see a narcissist at work in a relationship)


If you’re a casual acquaintance… how dare you be so casual towards them!!! They’re important and you should make it known that you know that or they’ll get a big case of the sulks (and if you’re someone working in a shop they frequent they may even try to get you fired because they’re doing the right thing and you’re doing it wrong so you don’t deserve to have a job, make money, keep a roof over your head, pay your bills, and other things which aren’t the narcissist’s concern – their concern is that you didn’t show enough concern about them as your lord and master when they bought a lottery ticket from you – their lottery ticket didn’t win the jackpot, how dare it and how dare you sell them a ticket which didn’t win!).

If you’re a friend… where were you when they texted you and needed an immediate reply. What’s that? They never reply immediately to your texts… ffs, they were very busy during those times being very busy and important while doing special stuff. What? So were you when you didn’t reply immediately to their text… OMG! How very dare you! You don’t have a life, only they have a life!

Did you not drop everything when they had an emergency!?

Did you not understand that their cry for “Help, help, HELP!’ wasn’t a little boy who cried ‘WOLF!’ ?

Did you think that because of all the other times they’ve had emergencies, dramas that needed immediate attention, and cried for help, Help, HELP! (not WOLF!) and haven’t responded to you to say thank you, let you know they’re okay, and have survived once again (from a wolf attack) after you’ve quickly in a panic to help them responded to them… that meant that this time you could relax and take your time, maybe even ignore them…IGNORE THEM!!!! That’s only something they’re allowed to do to others because they know that others are not important enough, but them…. NO ONE IGNORES THEM!

Sorry, you were what? Holding your baby at the time and dropping it is not advisable? How is your baby more worthy than the narcissist of your immediate care and attention? They had a hang nail which was causing them distress, or a light bulb which needed changing, or an insult they needed some sucking up from you to undo the harm it had done… their pain knows no bounds and their needs for pain balm requires immediate application form you because you’re the pain balm applier of the moment. Your lack of ability to fulfill your duties has been duly noted in the narcissist’s black book of disappointment and hurt caused to them by others… people who must be paid back at some point for this crime against such a delicate flower or strong macho plant which is very misunderstood.



(something is not right with this picture/quote… or maybe I’m just misunderstanding it)


If you’re more than a friend, in an intimate relationship with them… you’re breathing, right? Your breathing is bothering them and that’s the worst thing in the world for them, listening to you breathe. Ugh! The way you chew your food is painful to watch and is the worst thing you could do to them. The manner in which you walk… that’s embarrassing them… why are you stopping? That’s even more embarrassing for them! Don’t walk but don’t stop walking either – both are the worst thing to do to them! Your speaking voice… it grates and their ears are now bleeding because you’re talking – that’s the worst thing, stop talking!

Wait, what do you do now that they’ve asked you if they look good in that outfit!? Talk? But if you talk it hurts them… but not talking is now hurting them too? Why are you being silent!!! They hate the silent treatment… it’s the worst thing you could do to them right now as they’re in the middle of some dire need drama!!!

If you have been in a relationship (of any sort) with a real narcissist (rather than someone you’ve decided is a narcissist because they caused a red flag to flutter for you, the sort of red flag anyone might accidentally flap because… oops… they were being human, perhaps a little selfish, maybe mildly deceitful saying they had more inches or kindness than they actually have…) you’ll know by now that anything you do (even just existing once a narcissist would like for you to cease to exist, even if it’s just temporarily when it suits them…) is the worst thing to do to a narcissist…


your asking of that question has me asking questions about you and your ‘narcissist’.


what we see in others


If you’re the narcissist then the worst thing to do to a person whom you’ve decided is a narcissist (but they’re not, you are) is keep pummeling them with your presence in their life because that’s torture for them, even if they put up with it and love you regardless of all the shit you put them through – they keep hoping that the person you pretended to be while wooing them and sweeping them off their feet (because you wanted to be the person you pretended to be and you thought they could make that happen for you as they matched some ideal perfect partner for a perfectionist like you that is unrealistic, but… as a narcissist what is unrealistic is a dream you’re determined will come true as long as you keep believing in it coming true, don’t settle for anything less – anything less is not good enough for you –ย  and everyone sacrifices themselves for it to come true for you… and throwing themselves into the volcano will never appease the volcano god, but…) will one day be the person you re-become even though that’s never going to happen, not for them anyway (might happen for someone new during honeymoon phase time).

If you’re not the narcissist then the worst thing to do to a narcissist is to stop spending so much of your life time searching online for what the worst thing you can to do a narcissist is. If your narcissist is a real narcissist everything you do is the worst thing to do at some point in you doing stuff which is normal human stuff.

Being born is the worst thing you did to your narcissist parents… even though they may have deliberately gone out of their way (huff-puff) to have you…

Being alive is the worst thing to do to a narcissist who sees you as representing everything they want to cease to exist – they’ve projected and transferred all their bad shit onto you and you must now die to free them from it… even if all that stuff has nothing to do with you or your life and right to keep living…

However if you need some less philosophical, existential, and more practical ‘worst things’ to do to a narcissist because you’re determined to have an impact on someone made of solid non-impactable substance – check out the advice given on how to ‘get rid of a narcissist’. which you will find in every article, post and book written about narcissists.

Things like No Contact and Gray Rock Method…



excerpt via Lovefraud: The Gray Rock method of dealing with psychopaths


(I hadn’t heard of the gray rock method – although I have used and recommended something similar long before it had a label and official ‘methodology’ – until someone mentioned it in a comment as something they tried which only made things worse with their narcissist) fall into the parameters of – stuff which narcissists don’t want you to do to them (but which they might do to you, particularly if they’ve convinced themselves you’re the narcissist, have researched what to do to a ‘narcissist’ online, deal with you accordingly and do everything advice articles on how to handle narcissists tell you to do, ’cause everyone’s the same in narcworld, only the narc is different from everyone, so treat all people as though they’re machine made in a factory. That should work… as the worst thing to do to people).

The worst thing to do to a narcissist is to treat them as an ordinary person. Expecting them to be okay with being treated that way – like you are when they do that to you (because narcissists love it when you do to them what they do to you – NOT!) is folly. They’re never okay with being treated as though they can handle being human and what humans are used to handling on a regular basis.

If you really want to know what’s the worst thing to do to your particular narcissist it’s worth bearing in mind that they never shut up about the things which hurt, harm, pain, distress and disappoint them. They’ve probably told you what the worst thing to do to them is – because they’re stupid…ly generous like that. But you probably weren’t listening with an ear to list shit which hurts like hell for them. You might want to look in your list of shit I should never do to this person… you know that list you made while you were trying to be the best person for them, and they kept adding things to it for you because your best was never enough for them. You changed the channel on the TV after they bitched about what you were watching but then they bitched even more about your change of channel – you’ve ruined their favourite show for them by flicking away from it at a crucial point (no, they don’t have the ability to replay that episode like everyone else does… it’s ruined… by you… replaying it will just remind them of you ruining things for them!!!!)

Look at the list of stuff you’ve put on the – I probably don’t want to do this to them as I’m the sort of human who doesn’t want to hurt others deliberately – and you may find stuff you can now do deliberately to hurt them because they’ve lifted the embargo on it by being someone who you know want to hurt deliberately.

Are you a ‘bad person’ for wanting to do that?

Some might ask this while others won’t… does the answer matter? You’re done giving fecks, right? Including those fecks which might save you a whole lot of trouble… I mean, a whole lot more trouble than you are already dealing with.

Think not what the worst thing to do to a narcissist is… think what is the worst thing a narcissist could do to you (and did you accidentally tell them what that was while you liked and trusted them? They will use it against you, probably already have while you were still supposedly allies…

Worst thing I ever did to a narcissist was… be a selfish fuck and do shit for myself and not think about them at all… as in forget them because thinking about them is damaging my grey cells (and at my age I need to look after those strange beings if I want to think… maybe I shouldn’t want to think).




Ultimately whatever you choose to do, whether it is to do worse things to a narcissist to get even with them (you’ll never get that if they’re the ones keeping score, and if they influence your score-keeping) or to opt out of a game which is sometimes called – damned if you do and damned if you don’t…

Best wishes on your adventure… this is part of your story, of you as much as it is about their story and them…

sometimes we confuse which is which and get perplexed by it…

that’s okay,

we’re human and humans are still figuring this thing called being human out (in some crazy and complicated ways….)

some people think narcissists aren’t human… in some ways they’re more human than non-narcissists, the primal kind of human who uses their gift of strength to punch people instead of to endure the shit people sometimes throw their way… turn the other cheek, cut some slack, say hey man… I get it, let’s both chill and maybe avoid each other until we can deal on some other level…

others help us to know ourselves…

we help them to know themselves…

we don’t always want that much information about ourselves… or others…

and we get a little bit stuck somewhere, with someone, while we wait for ourselves to be ready to move on…


(it’s funny how the things we used to ‘ove reveal so much about our situation… I used to love this song and thought it was about real love… until I realised it was about narcissistic love and that is the worst kind of love to be loved with by another… and the most painful way to love another)


which may require embracing, accepting, the dark side of ourselves…

and of others…

and then saying this dark side stuff is too laborious, I’m gonna go with some light side stuff instead.

Or try… but the dark side keeps pulling me back in (is it really or are you pushing yourself there).


    • That was a hard part of the process for me too with my parents, especially when they kept saying how much they cared and cared better and more than others could ever do so – yet their actions never backed up their words. When a stranger would notice something about me which my parents hadn’t and express concern my parents would get this look in their eyes of a certain type of fury mixed with disdain – how dare anyone see what (was obvious) they could not see, and how dare anyone notice me when my parents were there and should always be the one and only people others should notice.

      Part of their inability to understand others is that – a) they’re waiting for someone to understand them first, but they’re kind of pleased that no one can understand them and go out of their way to be as mysterious as possible – b) they don’t really understand themselves, if you lack understanding for yourself then you can’t understand others, or at least understanding others becomes a detached intellectual pursuit without connection between self and other.

      Accepting that they are the way they are is incredibly healing, but takes awhile as we have to deal with accepting ourselves as we are ๐Ÿ™‚


  1. I have read this blog three times I think I get it, really well written, I hope I don,t sound creepy when I say that ,? Luckily the narco,s I ve come across I am able to humour until I remember that I,ve left something in the oven. I hope I,m not one can,t be I think more about others than myself Really love it when someone changes my views so open to that!!! big thanks


    • Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      You’re definitely not a narcissist, far from it from the sounds of it.

      Most people aren’t narcissists. Psychologists reckon that only about 1% of the population are real narcissists, however narcissistic behaviour is fairly common and can be as troublesome as a real narcissist sometimes.

      It made me chuckle when you said that you humour narcissists until you remember that you left something in the oven – a narcissist would expect you to let your house burn down rather than leave them when they’re not ready to be left ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I love it too when someone changes my perspective, it’s one of my favourite experiences in life, even when it comes from something unpleasant or I’m resistant to altering my view. It’s like opening a window and a strong breeze comes in and moves all the furniture around… it’s so inconvenient because you had everything set up just so and now it’s a mess, but then you find something you thought you’d lost or discover a trapdoor under the rug which leads to a cavern full of treasures.


  2. My but that was a delicious rant! Great to read your stuff again, I’ve been locked away in an ivory tower with no access to my own blog for almost a month (actually my computer fried a head drive, and I lost everything, including my backup codes) …but at the risk of going all narcissistic myself…damn, girl! Good show. This was totally worth using my cell phone’s teeny tiny keypad to respond. Happy Autumnal Equinox!


    • Thank you very much ๐Ÿ™‚

      Happy Autumn Equinox to you too!

      It’s strange isn’t it when your computer goes and suddenly this window on the rest of the world goes dark. I hope this is one of those cases of a blessing in disguise of a curse and something wonderful comes out of it.

      Best wishes!


  3. So well done. ๐Ÿ™‚ I love how the style of your rant mimics that of the narcissist – it really drives home your point. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m sorry to know that you had to experience all that crap. I think about that a lot.


    • Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

      I used to feel sorry for myself for having to go through that kind of crap (while also feeling guilty about feeling sorry for myself because other people had it worse and many were doing far more with it than I was – yet another reason to mope about being me), and often wondered who I’d be, what I would be like, what kind of life I would have had if I hadn’t gone through that crap… of course those wonderings were pixie-dust sprinkled ideals where I was so much better than I am (as in not myself at all but a totally fictitious me), with a better life – basically the kind of imaginings that a narcissist has which make them never satisfied with who they are and life as it is.

      I used to think myself into knots of frustration considering all the other possible ways things could have gone or been. Then one day a metaphorical brick fell on my head and knocked some sense into me. All that crap is fertiliser, what grows out of it is the tree of our self. There’s a lot of good things which have come out of that crap and without it those good things wouldn’t have been a part of my life. So when I think about it I remind myself of the good things I’d lose if the crap hadn’t happened.

      For instance I wouldn’t be talking with you right now, I wouldn’t have had the wonderful opportunity to connect with you and enjoy our conversations and benefit from the inspiration you offer.

      If things had been different there’s no guarantee they’d have been better or without crap of a different sort. I sometimes think I’d have been a shallow a-jole (that’s a typo I quite like so I’m keeping it) if I’d had only good things happen. The bad things help us to go deeper and force us to forge a stronger sense of self… or something like that. They also deepen the understanding of human nature, of life, and of this planet

      That crap and what it has taught me has given me a calmer approach to the chaos of the world.

      I am still curious about who I might have been if things had gone differently, but I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t have liked that person as much as I like the one that I am (and there’s a lot I don’t like about myself but it’s an affectionate dislike).

      That’s a roundabout way of saying I’m okay with what has been, it’s been…


      • For sure. ๐Ÿ™‚ I recognise that about myself, too. And when I’ve entertained the idea of changing something about my past, I’ve always immediately gotten that I wouldn’t want to. The idea of crap of a different sort is also very off-putting. I can get a little emotional about it sometimes, though – I picture you as a child having to deal with these people who were supposed to be your parents and weren’t, even though I know there are many, many who have it much, much worse.

        I had a job interview today with an iconic Canadian company and am hoping for the best – that wouldn’t have happened if a bunch of other recent things hadn’t happened. ๐Ÿ™‚


        • Are you picturing me or yourself as that child having to figure out how to deal with a narcissist parent? You’ve been through what I’ve been through, you know what it is like, you also know how it has shaped you in part – is this shaping something to wish had not happened?

          It is a confusing experience to have narcissists as parents (one or both alters reality), more so when you get older and become aware that all parents are not like yours, and that some parents are actually supportive, kind and helpful towards their children rather than constantly competing with them and berating them, and telling them that life would have been hunky dory for the parent if the child hadn’t been born (you do eventually realise that this is absolute caca del toro).

          Best wishes for the interview – they’d be mad not to hire you, but lots of people are mad, especially at the moment. Let me know what happens ๐Ÿ™‚


          • Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ This is a dream job & I never seriously thought I’d get an interview, but surprise!

            Yes. Mad is right. I’m not sure what our neighbours to the south are up to, or maybe I should say upside down to. ๐Ÿ™‚ People are shocked, but I did have the sense that Trump would win. He just kept sliding past all sorts of things that should have cratered him.

            A very astute observation. When I thought about how I picture you, particularly as a child, you always have dark hair and a dark complexion, even though I know that you have red hair & a light complexion. My creation is also not me, because I am blond (actually, more grey now than anything else ๐Ÿ™‚ )with very fair skin. I thought I was thinking about you, but maybe it’s a hybrid child, a representative of all children who have to deal with crap. Thank you. ๐Ÿ™‚ Something to think about.

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  4. This sounds bitter and more narc itself – as these mentioned types and those with bright or colorful auras do have issues with narcs flocking to them like moths to a candles flame. : “If the narcissist in your life is a sensitive soul (who has tested online as an HSP and/or INFP/J and uses these results to justify why you canโ€™t do or say anything around them without them getting upset at you. Theyโ€™re SUPER SENSITIVE!!! and theyโ€™ll hold that against you like a loaded gun with a hair trigger) who is easily bruisedโ€ฆ expect even more worst things that youโ€™ve done to them to be a part of your personal landscape.” I doubt they do this and I find it funny would be quick to jump to conclusion they are a narc when they get lower energy individuals as I said – very attracted to their energy… we all get triggered no matter the personality type/soul type (hsp/empath etc they Are more susceptible to people’s bs/projections I note and it can trigger them…as they/more so An empath, feel another’s energy emanations – literally so (in their corporeal form). BUT, I’ll conclude it at this: the long and the short of it is :-

    We all have Jekyll and Hyde, that’s being human for you on this planet 4th density some say 3rd, (shrugs shoulders)!


    • Thank you for sharing ๐Ÿ™‚

      FYI, I wasn’t talking about people who are genuinely HSP, INFJ, INFP, Empaths. They are indeed lovely souls whose sensitivity gives them great compassion, understanding and empathy, they shine with a beautiful light which does attract narcissists, it attracts everyone. Those who are genuinely HSP, INFL, INFP, Empaths, etc, do not use their sensitivity for purposes of emotional blackmail or manipulation for personal profit. They’re usually being too considerate about how they’ll affect others, don’t want to bother others or impose, to even mention that they’re as sensitive as they are.

      I was referring to narcissists who take online tests and answer the questions in a specific manner so that they can get a desired result – HSP, INFJ, INFP, Empath – all of which are considered ‘special’ and therefore exactly what a narcissist wants for themselves. Once they’ve gotten the result from the online test which they wanted they can then use it to excuse themselves and manipulate others.

      Covert narcissists are particularly prone to doing this and if you ask anyone who has been on the receiving end of the sort of games a Covert narcissist plays they’ll most likely tell you that they ended up walking on eggshells so as not to hurt a poor sensitive narcissist who didn’t return the favour even though the label they had applied to them advertised that they would.

      This isn’t about labeling all those who say they are HSP, INFJ, INFP, Empaths, etc, as narcissists, it’s about saying be careful… just because someone says they’re an angel doesn’t mean they’re what they say they are.


  5. i’m found out recently i’m an infj, i’m also a scapegoat to a narcissistic mother and used to attract narcs throughout my life until i learned what i was dealing with. if you do a quick google search you’ll find that many infjs have a narcissist parent, shame you have to state here that infj/infp are indeed narcissists.


    • Thank you for sharing ๐Ÿ™‚

      I did not state that all INFJ’s or INFP’s are narcissists. They’re not and that would definitely be a terribly wrong statement to make. What I thought I was saying was that when a narcissist takes a personality test (it’s often their persona who takes the test) they often use the results they get (which they may have manipulated to get a desired result – and INFP/INFJ are ‘desired results’ for a narcissist because the types are rare and special) to manipulate others, and quite a few of the narcissists I have known see themselves as highly sensitive types, and as highly sensitive types they use this to cripple everyone else, make everyone walk on eggshells around them because they are so sensitive (they are about themselves, just not about others – hence they’re not really a real INFJ or INFP, but they may claim that they are).

      Your narcissistic mother who scapegoated you – what personality type would she have chosen for herself? Did she use the – I’m very sensitive so you, my child, must be very careful around me tactic to control and scapegoat you? Were you constantly walking on eggshells in an effort not to hurt her because she was so sensitive, did she often tell you and others how caring, empathic, sensitive she was to the suffering of others and how it hurt her, how the pain of others affected her deeply (and would everyone please stop feeling pain around her because it hurt her)… and yet in person she did not back these personality statements up, in action she was unempathic, insensitive and uncaring, but still if she took a personality test online she’d get a result which reflected how she saw herself rather than who she was, or how you experienced her.


  6. I love that I did think The 1986 song
    “Every Breath You Take” was so romantic. -and I could be, “ever so fortunate” to have a loving partner that would pay so much attention to me!
    I get it now. Married a narcissist in 1995, and guilty of mistaking what I felt as Love, was not.

    Since reading this blog, I have begun to heal. Struggle everyday. Struggle for me means progress.
    Not sure if I will stay in this toxic marriage, and practice taking care of me, or leave.
    I am conflicted, as my husband is elderly, 16 years older than I, abused himself with drugs and alcohol, and I may feel guilty leaving.
    I know I would. That’s me, and that’s why he recruited me,I think.
    One day at a time.
    Thank you for the blog.
    Makes my insight far better.


    • That’s a good point about struggle being progress. Being conflicted and the internal conversations it stirs up is part of that process of struggling progress. There isn’t always a straightforward answer or solution, and one question may lead to another.

      When you mention feeling guilty for leaving your husband, and also being guilty for mistaking one kind of love for another, it reminded me of feelings and thoughts I had in my relationship with my mother. One of the confusing aspects of a relationship with a narcissist is how it twists and turns normal and natural traits, impulses, behaviours, into problems. The good side of us becomes bad for us. What would be admirable in a healthy relationship becomes a burden in an unhealthy one.

      This is a very long article about the pain-pleasure principle – – it’s worth reading. Understanding this principle helped me deal with my mother while I was stuck with her. It aided me in shifting out of old patterns. It didn’t solve the problem of being in a relationship with a narcissist but it did give me a perspective on myself and also on my narcissists (showed me what motivated much of their behaviour – both my parents caused a lot of pain for others and for themselves while they were attempting to escape from feeling any pain, and while they chased after this elusive pleasure of happily ever after).

      This part of the article is worth noting:

      “Firstly, your old behavior has a positive intention. It has remained a part of your life because it protects you in some way. This positive intention might of course be misguided and based on certain unproven assumptions you have made. However, the intention is certainly there, and therefore your behavior only has your best interests in mind. Itโ€™s therefore not something that is trying to work against you. Itโ€™s rather something that is attempting to work in your favor in a misguided way. As such, itโ€™s important that you clear up any assumptions that you might be making first and foremost.”

      It’s important to see the whole picture of yourself and your relationship, to see the positive in the negative as well as the negative in the positive, to pay homage to coping mechanisms and patterns which you have, especially if you are planning on making changes to yourself and your life. It’s important to practice self-compassion and understand why you made the choices you made as this will guide you in the choices you make as you move forward in your life.

      It’s also important to see that narcissists often seek out people to fill a hole in their own personality and character – in some ways they are looking for the perfect parents they never had to look after the child who never grew up. They’re terrified of being abandoned and if they think you’re going to leave them (which they’re always paranoid about happening) they pull out all the stops, press all your buttons, to keep you with them. While they can leave you at any point, you must never leave them.

      On the very day that my father’s mistress decided to leave him once and for all he had his first stroke, so she stayed to look after him and never left his side again. Their relationship was more of a marriage than the one my parents had, or at least she was more of a traditional wife to him than my mother was (but don’t tell my mother that as in her narcissist mind she was the perfect wife).

      There will be a lot of ‘crazy’ to sort through – be gentle with yourself. If you decide to stay don’t beat yourself up for it, if you decide to leave don’t beat yourself up for it. Cut yourself a lot of slack and see what happens. ๐Ÿ™‚


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