Single and Old…



“Or maybe this is all pure gibberish—a product of the demented imagination of a lazy drunken hillbilly with a heart full of hate who has found a way to live out where the real winds blow—to sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky, and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind except falling in love and not getting arrested . . . Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll.”
― Hunter S. Thompson



you know who you are,

except you were probably very drunk at the time and have forgotten this internet peccadillo…

you found your way onto my blog and decided to try and get this comment across more than once:


“Have your cake and eat it too sore about the tires on the brand new car
You are single and old and have nothing better to do then birch and cry”


the first time things began with ‘have’ and ended with ‘car’

but the second time you got past the ‘have… …car’ bit and managed to add what began with ‘you’ and ended in ‘cry’ before the session was over

why did the session end?

maybe you were interrupted by reality before you could add more and explain what ‘birch’ is other than a tree…

there’s a birch in my garden which is rather weepy… droopy branches always making shade…

who knows…

I’m sure it seemed very important at the time that this message get through the interwebs to whoever you thought you were messaging with this… sorry about the delayed response and not approving your comments – I thought it best not to since you commented on Love – Narcissist Style and I don’t think you necessarily meant to be an example of what that kind of love is.




My guess is that someone you love dumped you recently and accused you of being a narcissist as the reason they were dumping you – this is a common accusation which people are throwing at each other at the moment due to ‘narcissist’ being the hot and trendy label of the moment – and when someone throws that at you it hurts when it hits (especially if you research ‘narcissist’ online and read what is written about the subject and those considered to be narcissists by those who are very pissed off at narcissists).

Like it didn’t hurt enough when they decided not to love you anymore and that they didn’t want to be with you… they thought they’d add salt to that wound by adding ‘narcissist’ to all the things they didn’t like or love about you.

Ouch! Super OUCH!

They wanted it to hurt when they threw that at you because they were in pain and wanted you to feel their pain. They did not ask you if you wanted to feel that kind of pain… it’s almost as though they were too caught up in their own pain to consider such an issue, and most likely they had decided that you feel nothing compared to them and they wanted you to feel something.

It worked, didn’t it.

They got you to feel something – mind you, you were probably feeling lots of somethings long before they decided to mess with your feelings.

But maybe they didn’t notice all your feelings because you didn’t express them the way they wanted you to.

Your feels were not enough for them.

They needed something more, something else…they wanted you but not you. They had an ideal of you and you failed to live up to it…

Or maybe the two of you together just wasn’t quite right… almost but… and so…



(this image is one of those offered by Google images when you search for – when love doesn’t work out)


You loved them…

and now?

Now what?

Now that they’ve confused that feeling for you and maybe turned it into hate or something which is going there rapidly thanks to their intervention… now what do you feel?

You feel the need to make random comments somewhere to vent something which has been suppressed, repressed, left unexpressed?

Chances are that you’re not a narcissist – regardless of the comment you made… that comment falls under the ‘wish I hadn’t sent that text to my ex while drunk and missing them but also very angry at them’ category.

I’m glad that you did share that rater messy thought because… I’m a blogger and we’re opportunistic people – keeping a blog going after the ‘honeymoon phase’ has worn off can make you rather mercenary…

anyone can start a blog (keeping it going year after year is another matter),

this shit is free (unless you want the bells and whistles… but if you’re crazy like I am you already have those and don’t need to buy them – the bought version will never screech and sing like the inner one…) to create,

you could start a blog called ‘have your cake and eat it sore’ if you wanted to, and call your first post ‘birch and cry’… this medium is so adaptable and accepting of human… stuff.

You could even call out other blogs, like mine, for being a-holes who didn’t approve your comment… think about it (no need to get back to me about it).

We’re all entitled to share our free thoughts…

on our own spaces – don’t expect others to share your thoughts on their spaces just because you have a right to share – they have a right not to share what you have a right to share. Get your own space if you don’t want someone else’s personal rules mucking up your free sharing of free thought stuff!

My browser (Firefox – effing love Firefox!!! Sometimes use Safari but… I feel like I’m cheating on my partner when I do that) has this new thingy… it’s definitely a thingy… that they’re doing called ‘free thought’. Every time I go onto the main page there’s this:




I love free thought!

Can you imagine if our thoughts were taxed or charged at a going rate!?

And I am happy to share the thoughts of those who comment on here freely… but… yup, there’s a ‘but’… sometimes I am free to not share what you share because… I’m (an a-hole) not sure if this needs to be shared here. So I err on the side of caution… mistake or not.

I’ve actually done the whole – eat dessert first – thing…

when I did it I was a child who was fed up of having to eat an entire meal before eating the most important part of the meal – Dessert! Dessert was the goal but by the time I got there I was usually too full to eat it and wasted it (for shame, there are starving people on this planet, you ingrate wastrel!!!) so I decided to order it for starters one day and go from there… I kinda got away with it when I did it because the adults were in shock and didn’t react quickly enough to deny my choice, but… I didn’t really get away with it, I was allowed a pass for once because I was a child and this was written off as ‘precocious’ (the child equivalent of ‘drunk’).  The adults were bored that day and this entertained them. It totally messed with them (especially those working in the cafe where I ordered dessert first) and you do not mess with adults without consequences… more than once. Enjoy your pass… don’t expect to get another one for a long time afterwards.

So I’m sharing your comment in this post, giving you a ‘pass’, figuring that you were in an extreme state of human distress at the time of writing it and posting it… but don’t expect more than this and don’t expect there to be no consequences…



(only posting this quote because… relinquishments… what a word!)


When I first read your comment what struck me was the whole – single and old – issue. You said this in a manner which suggested that these things were somehow ‘bad’ to be. A crime! Let’s get some chalk and tape around this site!

This made me want to both laugh and rant.

Laugh because… old… OLD!!! HA! Good luck staying young if you’re ‘young’ (and being young is basically dependent upon perception – someone out there always thinks you’re too old or too young, and both aren’t compliments, both are used the way you used the word ‘old’. In an I’m angry at you so I’m throwing poo at you with what hurts you. SO your ex worries about being old and being single, right? Or is it you that worries about that?

I could call you too ‘young’ to understand the joy of being an old fart and not giving an eff what young farts think about you being old. Old has some pretty awesome benefits but you’ll never get them thinking like you do, they’ll all pass you by…. unless your thoughts aren’t your own, they’re influenced by someone, something else… like society, that fickle thing which abandons us when we need its support!

FYI – There’s this thing called aging which humans have been trying to stop but which still happens in spite of all our efforts to stop it. NOOOOOOOOOooooooooo… yes!

Rant because… single… how is single a bad thing to be when relationships are such a mess.

Single = free from relationship mess (except form self-relationship mess).

I get it (maybe) you wish someone didn’t want to be single instead of being with you – ergo being single is baaaaad because you’re good and this person is a villain while you’re a hero. They’re missing out on being with you… let them birch and cry about it later when they regret letting you go (don’t give them reason to celebrate because you’re making these kind of comments and confirming their reasons for dumping you).

But I can’t really rant about the whole – single is great – factor because if you’d bothered to find out anything about me before you commented @ me you’d know that I’m not single.

I haven’t had that status for awhile. But I don’t go on about it on my blog, I don’t think I’ve even mentioned it in my ‘About’, because strangely enough my relationship status doesn’t define me… and your relationship status doesn’t define you either.

You define you… your comments on a stranger like me’s blog defines you… but even that is flexible.

Being single is just being single.

Being old is just being old.

What you make of those things says more about you than it does about anyone else – if yu share your opinion of those online in public it exposes you to the scrutiny of others rather than exposes others to your scrutiny.

You might want to put away the technology which allows you to go online once you’ve put that glass of full SINGLE OLD malt whisky down your throat… some things are better off enjoyed in private.




  1.! Maybe the mystery birch person meant to send his/her comments to MY blog, because yes I am single and old or old and single and I birch about it a fair amount. Not because I don’t want to be single, but because society seems to think that a single state of being means the singl-ee has something wrong with them, especially if they have snow on the roof but a fire in the furnace. Me? I LOVE being single. Wouldn’t have it any other way, but it’s not for most people. Most people enjoy company. The birch person apparently does, and is angry at whatever dictated that they become *GASP* single (again or for the first time). And unfortunately for YOU, maybe they drunk texted/commented/dialed…and you got a ‘present’ that was meant for the dumped old bircher’s dumpee…? Anyway, thanks for posting this. I mean to link it to my most recent post on what a joy (or disadvantage) it is to BE single (with or without age related flavoring..)


    • Thank you 🙂

      I think the person who wrote that comment just wanted somewhere to write that comment because those words were festering in their head and they wanted to get rid of them. Doing it anonymously on a blog of someone you don’t know and don’t care about is ‘safer’ than doing it where it matters and where you might feel the consequences of it later.

      Social media seems to sometimes be a repository for random mind burps. People have opinions which they don’t know what to do with, they feel the need to do something with them because opinions always demand that we express them out loud so they plop it somewhere on the internet and then they can forget about it (I just described my blog 😉 ).

      Whenever someone says something like that which makes a status sound as though it’s something bad to be I tend to see it as a reflection of the person saying it, something to do with their own status and story, they feel bad about themselves in some way and are passing that on, because most people don’t give a hoot about others unless it has some direct connection to them and their own status.

      So those who see the ‘single’ status as something ‘bad’ are either in a relationship and wish they weren’t, perhaps they got married because they felt they had to do that to win the approval of those who pressured them, are envious of single people and their freedom, are simply repeating biased programming (perhaps from absorbing too many adverts, reading too many romance novels, or listening to rhetoric left over from previous generations) they received which they’ve never questioned, or are afraid of being alone and thus single people represent their fear for them or are symbols of those who have rejected them or have yet to reject them.

      Our opinions tell a story about us, the labels we place on others are about the labels we’ve placed on ourselves. It works for the statuses and labels which we think are ‘good’ just as much as it does for what we think is ‘bad’.

      Why is something good, why is something bad – who decided which is which and why?


  2. Bravoooo! Well that was said with lots of style and I hope that person learns somehing about aging and being single (cats not included) 🙂
    Oh and about controlling the thoughts etc… Come to Germany… They are quite good and anal in controlling everything that can be controlled. So far my opinion about it … It’s like a one big Saturn ( btw they are stores here named Saturn with a big writings all over the place) … But that kind of Saturn that didn’t learn the lesson… That the structure and the system are there to free you and make life easier, not to trap you and become self-purposeful … Really weird climate here! Btw I know I am not leaving many comments on here, but I still read each and every post regularly and thoroughly … Just busy fighting being grounded here in Germany. 🙂


    • Thank you very much 🙂

      It’s always great to hear from you!

      From the sounds of it your creativity is being stimulated through friction – typical of Saturn’s way of helping an artist to hone their craft by applying restrictive pressure. Seems like you’re experiencing the transiting Saturn/Neptune square rather vividly.

      Germany is very weird and rather wonderful. So precise, engineering genius, and yet so subversive because intense rules always inspire people to find ways around them, ways to express the human need to rebel against being told what to do and how to be.

      You’re living the adventure… the one which you have created especially for yourself. It’s a bespoke experience 😉


  3. You are a wonderful writer. I looked at all the award winning narcissist blogs. Your writing is beautiful and artful.
    And it’s a reflection of your inner beauty and giftedness.
    Chances are you wouldn’t be quite so poetic if you hadn’t had the narcissist parents and all the struggle for clarity and selfhood that this engenders.
    Your blog about magnet for narcissists remains the best info I’ve encountered. Its been and continues to be a long road to healing the pain and confusion


    • Thank you very much 🙂

      Pain makes us go deeper into ourselves, get to know ourselves better, and understand the world within, and confusion makes us search for clarity, it creates questions that inspire us to find answers. In some ways the narcissists in our life do us a favour by focusing our attention on taking care of ourselves, and what we do for ourselves ripples out of us and benefits others… hopefully 🙂


  4. Hey I wasn’t done! …pain etc that results from narcissistic parents. I’m single and “old” whatever that means. In my case 55.
    It’s all too easy to lash out on the internet since you can remain anonymous.
    People who are in pain lash out. Many people are too repressed to expose their feelings and they are horrified at others sharing.
    Birch is a wonderful northern tree with beatiful white bark you can use for wall covering at your summer lake cottage…


    • I sometimes think the internet is one of those places where people go to shout and scream where no one can hear them. They get soemthign off their inner chest and then can get on with their everyday lives as though everything is fine. I used to like swimming because I could dive down to scream underwater and then swim up to the surface and be fine 😉

      Often people ‘hate’ what they fear and run around telling others that they mustn’t be or do something (because that something scares them). Being single and old is being single and old. It’s neutral in meaning until we give it a ‘positive’ or a ‘negative’ spin. Obviously this person is going with ‘negative spin’ due to whatever ghost is haunting them and making a racket clanking chains.

      There’s a lovely silver birch in my garden which swings, sways and bends in the wind… a wise tactic for dealing with people who are blowing their stormy wind at you 🙂


  5. I didn’t know where to plant this song so thought I would on you most recent blog I’ve read, This song reminds me of anyone who has a narcissistic mother, I dunno if you’ve heard the song, but it’s very haunting and makes me cry every time I hear it.


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