Never Going to Give You Up…

No, I’m not rick-rolling…

It might surprise, and perhaps disturb, you to learn that before Rick Astley became the figurehead of an internet meme and prank (that is now a bit old school as far as online practices and trends go)… he was just a pop star singing a song that was rather popular with a certain generation…

a generation who wasn’t as cool as yours…

who thought of computers as something rather large and cumbersome with green writing on a black screen that didn’t always make sense if you weren’t really into this modern thing which probably wouldn’t catch on and become a part of daily life.

I recall my first lesson in computers… mainly because it involved my math teacher of the time who doubled as a computer teacher, and that particular math teacher was an a-hole who hated me and… that feeling was mutual.

I once almost passed out during a maths test because I had a fever… he sent me to the headmistress to get punished – she was furious with me for coming to school when I was obviously ill and should have been in bed at home or at the doctors. She was also furious with my parents for letting me out when I should have been kept in (about that… they were a bit busy being up their own asses… like my maths teacher). She asked me wtf I was doing coming to school when I was so sick (and possibly infecting everyone else with my virus)… if I’d been more compos mentis rather than composte mentis then and more aware of business practices to come, I ‘d have told her that I was doing what the modern age expects of its people and that is to keep working our ass off until we die on the job… ’cause that’s what life and Rick Astley’s song is about!

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(oh dear look at his teeth… those would not work these days… in a world which says it wants ‘authenticity’, starts ‘authenticity’ movements that call for ‘mindfulness’, but is afraid of things which are actually authentic and demands that such things are ‘fixed’ so that the mindful aren’t made uncomfortable by what their mind notices)

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I’m one of those people for whom the 80’s wasn’t just a present day flashback into a past fashion faux-pas laugh-a-thon – look at that generation and the shit they thought was cool!

Just in case you missed such an excellent (and hilarious) decade it let’s make a bunch of films and TV shows all about it… we like those but damn that generation was all kinds of vintage mess! WTF was wrong with them!? Haha…

It’s easy to laugh at others… not so easy to laugh when those others are us… unless we pretend that somehow we weren’t us… or that ‘us’ was all someone else’s fault, delusion, problem… whatev’s… yeah…

Just you wait, present day generation, until the next generations look back at you and your idea of cool (or whatever word you use instead of ‘cool’ because ‘cool’ was a word that some other generation thought was cool), your lifestyle will be under the examination of a critical eye which somehow thinks it’s disconnected from the past, isn’t a ‘product’ of it, and isn’t laughing at itself when it laughs at you…

we all have to experience this kind of retro-ridicule…

it seems to be a rite of passage.

None of us like crossing this threshold (even less these days when ‘old’ is a scary clown who will eat you with its painted on smile) and yet it has benefits – while we have to put up with others doing to us what we did to other others, we also finally get to do to others what other other others did to us.

Pass the parcel along and hope you don’t have to be the one who holds it when the music stops because then you’ll be the odd one out and… unless being the odd one out is cool when you’re ‘it’, you’ll end up being the uncoolest uncool in the social circle.

And yet being the odd one out gives you a ‘special’ status – everyone else needs you to be ‘out’ so they can be ‘in’, without you they’d all just be neither in or out, stuck in some neutral limbo, and that scares them (more than the fake-smiley clown with perfect teeth –  bought from a cosmetic dentist who was cashing in while fake smiles were the in thing to get because real teeth made you stand out as an out – who is planning on eating them).

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pennywise

(Pennywise loves to eat the pussy generation* (*pussy generation trademarked by Clint Eastwood & son)… OMG, did I really say that!?!)

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Big hair for women was big in the 80’s… I did big hair in those days, frizzed and fried it with perms, crimped and curled it with machines, tried to break its straightness… didn’t really succeed but… it did suffer trauma at my hands while I tried to force it to be what it wasn’t because those were my dreams and it was going to be what I wished it to be.

We’re told to live our dreams and live them no matter what the cost or consequences of it is because those are our dreams, ffs!!!…

the power of positive thinking trumps everything even nature and the natural, and forcing that ‘positive’ thinking on ourselves (and others who surround us) is imperative, a show of strength, personal ‘power’, and if that thinking doesn’t take then… we’re negative (or those around us are ‘toxic’ and it’s their fault so get rid of them – getting rid of ‘toxic’ people is not a negative act at all if it’s for the sake of ‘positive’ stuff for you… um… right!?) and that kind of negativity needs to be wiped out!

I wanted to control the natural and turn it into what was unnatural. I refused to accept it as it was…

…straight hair only became cool later on in the 90’s, but the kind of straight hair which was ‘in’ then was far more straight than natural straight hair is – so once again those selling us ‘fashion’, what is ‘cool’, ‘in’, and such are just like those who tell us to accept ourselves as we are, but… they don’t really want us to accept ourselves as we actually are because… there’s no money in it for them, no profit, no gain, no power for them over us… due to us not being in pain… and they need our pain to sell us their version of painless… our pain makes us need them, they need us to need them to tell us what we need for us to be ourselves…

or something like that…

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no-pain-no-gain

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I dressed like Madonna in her early videos when she was desperate to make us seek her (I guess some things never change… oops, I used the word ‘never’… this is apparently ‘mad’ of me according to one person who commented on my blog – I’ll explain that later on)

I wore jackets with shoulder pads… those bits of foam were as annoying then as they are now but for different reasons. They moved if you moved and you ended up looking like the hunchback rather than a quarterback of Notre Dame. I already had prominent shoulders thanks to swimming and perhaps genetics, the extra shoulder stuffing just made me look like I was a bodybuilder…

…which was something to laugh at at the time… body-building wasn’t quite as ‘in’ or ‘cool’ or ‘normal’ as it is now… especially for females.

Females were only just beginning to get ‘physical’…

being ‘ripped’ was still a male thing, an ‘Arnie’ thing (and even he did two episodes of The Streets of San Francisco long before he was the Terminator who’d be back again and again until you kinda wish he’d stop due to being a bit too old for it… where his character killed people for laughing at his bodybuilding ways – baby oil was a trigger for violence or at least people laughing at his shiny was).

Women did aerobics not weight-lifting. Yoga but not yoga because yoga wasn’t yoga then….

They did ‘Flashdance’ = wear skimpy outfits that showed off their sexy probably bra-less (because the feminism of a previous generation had burned all the bras) curves… but did it for themselves, to liberate their anima from the oppression of animus, and not for the men who might be watching…

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(the ‘big issue’ of scenes like this at the time was that the actress had a stand-in who did the scene for her…)

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So having a form that was considered ‘mannish’ was then still not that fashionable a look for women or girls…

(in the 80’s I was still a ‘girl’ who was aiming to be a woman, who was still testing out what that meant for me, trying to be more ‘grown up’ than I actually was…)

There was always Grace Jones… love her and her androgynous look but I was too young trying to be too old to appreciate her statement of I am what I am and I’m going to make what I am super cool…

…hence why maybe people of both genders kept assuming that I was a Lesbian (and maybe why that old woman in a haberdashery store thought it was okay to touch my tits without my asking or inviting her to do so – that random gesture was more surprising than disturbing, it only disturbed on afterthought because at the time I was so surprised I really didn’t know what to think).

…or why it seemed as though my sexuality was up for grabs… literally rather than just figuratively…

(when I was about 10 or 11 some guy walking down the up escalator in a department shop decided to rub my crotch with his hand – again it was more surprising than disturbing, it certainly wasn’t sexual – for me anyway, until afterthought kicked in in the form of the opinion of others. When I told other people about this strange event those people who were supposed to be ‘adults’ weighed in on it by letting me know that… perhaps the clothes I was wearing at the time (which were the fashion of the time for  those my age) had encouraged an adult to behave this way with a child. So an adult’s behaviour was the fault of a child… let me see, where have I heard that explanation before… oh, yes, my parents and their friends excusing themselves by blaming me for their behaviour…

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discord-causing.

What happens if I change my behaviour… but this results in others still doing what they’re doing, including blaming me for it?

If I dressed differently would that have changed anything…

maybe if I was wearing poisonous tipped spikes on the areas of my body that the old woman and man felt obliged because of my unofficial invite to touch they’d have still touched me up but would have died shortly and painfully afterwards and… I would probably have ended up incarcerated for murder (at least that would have actually been legitimately my fault… and I might have gotten away with it because they got away with it when they commited a crime so… you never know… oops, used ‘never’ again).

Luckily I didn’t listen to adults by then… not in the way that they expected to be heard while pontificating because they’d already messed me up enough and I was too full of their nonsense already to let that gem of bullshit in – your inventory is full – but I do remember it…

For the same reason that a comment like the one I received recently on –  Forgive and Forget and Fucks Yourself Over… – made me take notice of it rather than shrug it off.

The commentor said:

It’s mad how you use the word NEVER for everyone like NOBODY can change.
Anyone can change its just a matter of who actually wants to find their own damn problems and fix them without being called the N word..
And this whole thing about “forgive but don’t forget” is not forgiving..it’s just another way to hold resentment without trying to look bitter about it no?

They have a valid point…

People can and do change… life tends to require that we learn and adapt from the experiences it puts us through.

And we all make mistakes… and sometimes those mistakes make a big difference to us.

We all deserve the respite of a forgive and forget… sometimes… depends on circumstances, context, and other factors, like… how many times have we done whatever it is that these ‘bitter and hanging on to resentment’ others find difficult to ‘forgive and forget’? You know, trivialities like that… sorry, I cheated again, I lied again, I did what I promised fifteen times before I’d never (did I say never… how clumsy of me) do again because I love you and would never (oops…) want to hurt you… the other times I hurt you were a mistake, misunderstanding, you’re just getting things all wrong, you’re confused about what happened, it’s you and not me…

I apologised… again… what more do you want or need… OMG! You’re so intransigent!

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A random thought for those who are hell bent on others ‘forgetting’ stuff they did  to those others…i f people want us to ‘forget’ the ‘bad’ things they do to us… and do so in a wiping the slate clean manner that forgives because it forgets, they run the risk of us also forgetting the ‘good’ that they do. Apparently we’re supposed to erase some things and not others… but what if the ‘bad’ is intrinsically linked to the ‘good’?

Their point gets a bit lost in the ‘hidden’ aspects of the comment…the personal story which prompted them to speak up and out against what they thought was being said in my post…

a post written in 2013 influenced by events I was experiencing at the time… perhaps things have changed for me since I wrote that post…

but for them that aspect of the matter is irrelevant – it’s not about me as a person, I’m not really a person to them, at least not one who fits their criteria of being allowed to find their problem and fix it, of being able to change, I’m static, forever stuck in 2013 when I wrote this, it’s about me as words on a page which annoy them but it’s not about me at all… it’s about them and their relationship with someone else who has a problem with them as they are or were.

But they’ve changed why can’t others see that… and appreciate it, accept it!?

…perhaps because others have changed too due to what transpired…

are others allowed to change or is change something only one person can do while others stay the same?

We understand what we understand and… will have to wait until we can understand what is waiting for us to understand it.

Our lives are permanently shifting… sometimes we shift in time with it, sometimes it’s a game of catch-up, and sometimes it’s a case of halt and catch fire…

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halt-and-catch-fire

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Some things, events… and people… are beyond our control…

maybe it’s better that way…

these days people can control what we experience of the 80’s…

it’s now become a quirky place full of people with bad hair, bad fashion sense, bad teeth, and bad ideas about politics… but for all their bad stuff they make us laugh as we know we survived them and their bad stuff and made things good…

except we’re not certain about the good we have now because it’s feeling a bit like things changed but didn’t change at all…

we may all look better, our hair is perfect, our fashion is ‘hip’, our teeth are cosmetically fixed into a perfect smile,  and if we want to we can freeze our face the way we want it to be rather than how the wind decided to do it in an awkward moment, we can be ageless,  timeless, expressionless, while our mouth says the words ‘authentic and mindful’ over a cup of organic tea grown in a country we’d rather not know uses slave labour after a yoga session with a guru who screams at their family behind closed soundproof doors….

but are we any better than those we mock?

Does it matter… after all, we’ve changed…