The Trump Card

There’s a lot of talk online about a certain fellow named Donald Trump…

There was a bit of a discussion about him last night offline in my home…

Usually when people start talking about Trump I switch off. If its online I simply click away, if its offline my ears do that thing which certain creatures do with their eyes to protect them from getting poked (covering them with a nictitating membrane) and my face settles into an expression of glazed disinterest.

I probably shouldn’t be doing that because the conversations which the Trump issue has inspired people to have is also raising people’s awareness… but how long will their awareness be raised and how deeply does what they’ve been made to notice go – will they apply what he has inspired for them in their own lives, will that raised awareness stay raised and continue to raise itself or will it be limited to this person, this problem and be forgotten as soon as this chaotic moment has subsided and things have returned to ‘normal’ or some other person becomes the focus of outraged attention.

.

sun-tzu-the-art-of-war

most people think they know the enemy, and may well know the enemy… and get stuck knowing who the enemy is and pointing the enemy out and figuring out ways to deal with that enemy who is at the end of their finger, and form clubs with others who point as they do to defeat that enemy at the end of the finger… what happens if that enemy is defeated? Usually a new enemy needs to be found… and who is that new enemy, the finger, like the bottle, spins…

.

But the tendency to switch off and settle into glazed disinterest is a reflex which comes from… having grown up with people who aren’t dissimilar to Trump. His rhetoric, his behaviour, his expressions (I know that scrunched up face with slitty eyes look oh so well… I’ve seen it hundreds of times and heard the person doing it tell me what it means), his narcissistic tendencies, his brazen belief that he can just keep going like a crazed energiser bunny and say, do, whatever he pleases, and if caught out…. just scream and shout, point fingers elsewhere, and enable distraction tactics galore until everyone is so confused that their heads fall off and roll away taking any logic, reason or sense away with them… is so familiar to me that frankly he’s my ‘normal’.

I grew up with Trumps… I didn’t like it then and don’t like it now, but it’s family-familiar so you get enured to it even if you know that’s not a ‘good’ thing.

I grew up with ‘bad’ people… who thought they were good and that everyone else was bad.

That look Trump does = pain, the pain of dealing with everyone else who is a pain in the ass. The smartest person in the room smarting from being surrounded by idiots.

My father used to do that expression all the time. He also used to share with ‘insiders’ the meaning of that look, because people like Trump have to talk, brag, blurt, bleat… but they keep certain things only for the eyes and ears of those they ‘trust’ (they don’t effing trust anyone but if you’re ‘family’ you are bound by a non-Mafia Omerta).

.

omerta

If you grow up with narcissists – this is the code of conduct expected of you as a member of their faction

.

Do you know how many years I have spent trying to ‘out’ and ‘expose’ people who are similar to Trump… warn others about them… in my own tiny portion of this world (nothing big for anyone else, just big for me)… only to be told that I was the crazy one, the disruptive and dangerous element, and that I should shut up, dig a hole, kill and bury myself, because others liked this person and the crazy, wild and awesome dreams they were selling.

I lived in a world populated by ‘Team Trump”… although the ‘Trump’ in that instance wasn’t this Trump. It was just people like him… people like him aren’t rare (they’re a certain type of rare while not being totally rare – there are fewer of them than of the rest but… one of them feels like a million of them if you happen to be around them), we just don’t notice them until who they are and what they’re doing affects us personally and threatens our safety and security.

Of course the same people who would tell me to go fly a kite… often ended up much later on singing a very different tune – once those crazy, wild and awesome dreams which they were promised by the greatest salesman in the world didn’t pan out. Not only didn’t they pan out but the supporters of the salesman got royally screwed over in the process – and that’s why they’ve changed their tune. Disappointed expectations due to dreams not coming true, promises broken and ideals forced to face the real, can change an allegiance, make loyalty shatter, and cause support to back off and become antagonistic.

People tend to only whine when the days of wine and roses runs out and becomes water and thorns.

.

red-truth

What you have to accept if you’re trying to explain narcissists to others who haven’t experienced a narcissist… and those who know one may not want to know they know one

.

Those who are shocked and incensed by Trump, can’t believe that someone like him exists and can get away with their existence… and not just get away with it but advance as far as he has with it… are also my ‘normal’.

That kind of ‘normal’ worries me more than the Trump kind of ‘normal’.

Those kind of people worry me far more than the Trumps of this world do because… they are good people, they’re the careful ones, trying to be empathic, compassionate, caring, kind, decent human beings, the ones who try hard to do the right thing (and it hurts them to be that way, they know it, but they keep trying to do it and be it), live the correct way… they’re you and me, they’re the mainstream, the vox populi, the average human (of which there are far more than the Trumps).

Why do they need to be shocked and incensed before they become aware… that the Trumps of this world are selling snake oil and profiting because of it… someone is buying it for them to profit from it and that someone is the good people who only become shocked and incensed when they can no longer ignore, deny and put up with the person who is doing the selling.

Why do we put up with so much before we say ‘No!’ and mean ‘No!’?

The answer to that is not as complicated as it may seem… think about it… think about how much you learn from day one of life on earth to put up with, ignore, deny, etc…

all those ‘No’s’ you said which you eventually turned or were turned for you into a ‘Yes’ because you doubted, dithered, indecisively deferred or were dismissed. dissed, distressed to learn that your choice was not an option for someone…

sure there are moments when you question it, but then you silence the questioning due to how much it frazzles the mind one way or another.

Question things and it opens a can of worms… which wriggle and jiggle and make reality warp.

It makes you uncomfortable… it makes others uncomfortable and their discomfort makes you uncomfortable.

Reality is strong but also fragile – its fragility is part of its strength. Because we fear we create very strong bonds… question those bonds and the fear which was held in a box made of those bonds threatens to break out, break loose, cause chaos… and we’re supposed to keep calm regardless of anything else.

People like Trump rely on us valuing calm over chaos (while he values chaos over calm because he uses it against others), safe-guarding safety (a safety which he threatens to get us to do what we do when safety is threatened), maintaining the status quo no matter what the status actually is (change the status and the status quo-ers react), not letting fear out of the box (let it out and others will jump up to grab it and force it back in)… they get away with the shit that they say and do because the ‘people’ tidy up the mess and make the illogical logical, the irrational rational, the insane sane, and so on…

But sometimes we pause and… that pause is an earthquake made of people becoming aware. That kind of awareness is frightening – how long can we expose ourselves to it and allow it to change us before we shut it down?

.

.

The Trump card isn’t about Trump himself… he’s a buffoon, a clown (interesting that in other news there’s a scary clown epidemic atm), a dangerous one but that’s the ‘normal’ of a buffoon. They’re always dangerous but we laugh at them to stop being scared by them and our own laughter makes us forget that they’re dangerous.

But we’re not laughing anymore… and that scares us.

Our ‘lol’s’ are worried, anxious, stressed…

LOL = screaming in fear but putting on a brave face because… no idea why we need to put a brave face on (perhaps for the same reason women keep putting on make-up even when they’re going without it ‘officially’)… just don’t want to scream as I might not be able to stop, so much to scream about. One scream and it all comes tumbling out… years of being good… for what and why!?! No longer know… nothing makes sense anymore… need to find a fragment of it to cling to…

Don’t fear the Trumps of this world, they’re quite a few of them but they’re fewer than the you’s of this world – you have more power than you know or are perhaps willing to accept, and perhaps that’s what scares you and all of us… people like Trump remind us about how much of our own power we’ve given away to others, or how much we’ve repressed, suppressed our force because it scares us what we’d do with it as… we tend to see such a thing as a ‘bad’ thing when we handle it… we don’t know if we can handle getting it out of the back of the closet into which we stuffed it… what do we do with it once we grab it? What will it do with us?

Power corrupts… what? Who? And what if we’re already corrupted?

What is power to you?

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “The Trump Card

  1. The US is screwed either way. It’s a choice between a psychopath and a sociopath. – but it totally surpises me how unaware people still are about cluster b personality disorders as I once was.

    Like

    1. People tend to only notice something when it becomes personal and the kind of personal which hurts in a personal way that can’t be ignored. It’s a normal and natural human thing, we all tend to do it – once we’ve stopped doing it we may wonder why others are doing it because we’re so aware of it, and because we’re so aware it seems so obvious and in your face so why isn’t everyone seeing what we’re seeing… and we may forget how once upon a time we were oblivious to this kind of awareness just as others are.

      So people aren’t going to be aware of a cluster b personality disorder until they’re triggered by personal experience to investigate and end up there during the investigation.

      The USA seems to be going through a bit of an extreme split personality… sometimes that’s what has to happen for a place, like a person, to unite itself. The hardest times often inspire a need to go deeper and by going deeper we get to know ourselves and others better. The disassociated parts of ourselves can only rejoin the whole once we stop pretending they aren’t a part of us.

      Like

  2. Agree, he has gotten far and so has she. I think you’re theory has warrant. I think our society has an undercurrent of anger & fear seething beneath the surface. I think Trump expresses this anger and sometimes we like to see it come through someone else-someone who will call out the BS, even though he is full of BS too. Watching the 2nd debate last night was truly comical. Saturday Night Live doesn’t need to hire skit writers- it’s already in real life time playing out- it’s unbelievable but oh so sadly entertaining until you decide to walk out of the room after 5 minutes of watching. The art of “explosive distraction” is right but that’s kind of how our world is evolving. We look were the commotion is & where the energy is when many times we should look away and just listen and not watch. Just listen. Hard to do with so much in your face visually 24/7.

    On a side note, I like the quote you mentioned above, “I can only lead you to the truth but I can’t make you believe it.” And I like how you captioned it saying that someone that knows a narcissist may not want to know that they know one. We hang onto ideals & dreams very tightly. I was tempted to tell my NPD friends last victim about her now-as I know she has discarded her to a degree but still has her hanging on. But what’s the point, it’s pointless. That’s hard for me, as I am not one to hold me tongue when I see something is wrong but I have learned that some things are just meant to be left alone. Also, I like how you said it’s hard for good people to say “no.” I am raising 2 teenagers right now and within reason I am supporting their “no’s” when it comes to friends and decisions. They are way smarter than adults and my daughter won’t put up with any shit which I find intriguing since I tended to be more of the peacemaker type. I have friends who said “yes” to marriage proposals when they should have said “no.” Saying “no” and having an opinion is lifesaving in many ways if used correctly. Thanks for your tidbits on that- I enjoyed it 🙂

    Like

    1. That’s an excellent point about looking away and listening instead of looking to get perpspective, and how hard it is to do, especially once we’ve looked at what is demanding that we look at it.

      It flows parallel with the whole challenge of being able to say ‘No’.

      We’re told to ‘just say no’, that ‘No means No’ yet when we do just say no, and our no means no, we’re told that we’re being negative and should embrace the power of ‘saying yes to life’.

      A Yes doesn’t get questioned as much as a No. Perhaps it should be.

      Say ‘No’ and suddenly you’re in court as a defendant who is considered guilty until proven innocent and not innocent until proven guilty. People want explanations, proof, justifications, and then you’re expected to listen to them while they tell you why your ‘No’ isn’t viable and you must change it into a ‘Yes’ – basically they’re saying No to your No. They don’t want it, can’t accept it – but they sure as hell expect you to accept theirs to yours.

      And it’s not just narcissists who makes things complicated 🙂

      Like

      1. Agree…saying “no” is hard! A person with NPD is complicated for different reasons but as you alluded too, we make things more complicated too. Sometimes their black and white thinking is refreshing- for a split second- until we realize later it’s not.

        Like

  3. So what is power to you? I found this excerpt from the book The Road Less Traveled interesting in it’s look at power & wanted to share it with you…”Political power is the capacity to coerce others, overtly or covertly, to do one’s will. This capacity resides in a position, such as a kingship or presidency, or else money. It does not reside in the person who occupies the position or possesses the money. Consequently political power is unrelated to goodness or wisdom. Very stupid and very evil people have walked as kings upon the earth. Spiritual power, however, resides entirely within the individual and has nothing to do with capacity to coerce others. People of great spiritual power may be wealthy and may upon occasion occupy political positions of leadership, but they are as likely to be poor and lacking in political authority. Then, what is the capacity of spiritual power if not the capacity to coerce? It is the capacity to make decisions with maximum awareness. It is consciousness.” I really liked that take on the two types of power…food for thought. I live in the US and this political race is a sad mess. I enjoyed your take on it. Hope you are good ❤

    Like

    1. Always love to hear from you 🙂

      It is an interesting take on power, particularly the part about political power residing in a position rather than the person who has the position. That’s a view to ponder.

      When Trump first decided to run one of the initial thoughts I had about it, especially considering how he was running, scuppering himself and his own party, and how far he was getting with such an atrocious platform, was that he was somehow ‘helping’ Hilary get elected. It’s almost as though some ‘cabal’ (a la Blacklist) behind the scenes wanted a woman to become president but knew it would never happen unless they ‘coerced’ the voters by giving them no choice – a no-choice choice.

      He’s like a giant ball of explosive distraction – all eyes are focused on him… makes you wonder what all those other people who no one is noticing are getting up to while he’s distracting everyone. He makes Hilary appear far better than she would if he wasn’t there beside her.

      But of course the ‘conspiracy theory’ route of thinking is just one way the mind deals with madness 😉

      The UK had its own ‘sad mess’ happen recently – many people didn’t bother voting in the referendum because they didn’t think Brexit had a chance in hell of happening. Every time I think – there’s no way Trump will get the presidency – I remind myself of Brexit.

      He’s gotten very far for someone who so many people consider to be a joke.

      Like

      1. Hello! 🙂 Good to be commenting on your blog again. An excellent piece. 🙂

        Canadians probably understand Americans better than anyone else. We have to, because as one of our former PMs ( Pierre Trudeau) said, living next to them is like a mouse sleeping next to an elephant. It can be the nicest, most caring elephant ever, but the mouse is going to feel every quiver. There’s a lot I could say about the electoral mess there, but what M and I are very concerned about is what happens afterward. If Clinton wins, Trump is not going to disappear. His candidacy has exposed a very racist core of people (of different stripes) who feel disenfranchised, and they may coalesce around Trump as a “revolutionary” faction. The alternative, a Trump win, will be, well, disasterous. There is the danger that their political system could completely break down. Americans have invested themselves with a lot of power, and so have many of the rest of us. Looking at this debacle, (I don’t consider Clinton to be a good candidate either) we ought to be asking ourselves why. It’s the same question I had to explore after splitting from my narcissist.

        Like

        1. Hey 😀 Great to hear from you! How’s it going?

          I read a very interesting piece about Trump supporters – http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-trumps-rise-that-no-one-talks-about/ – which answered quite a few of the questions I had about why seemingly logical and sane people are supporting someone who really doesn’t give an eff about anyone but himself (and even that is questionable because if he cared about himself why would he run for president. I guess it was on his bucket list). It echoes some of the things you’ve said about people feeling disenfranchised.

          I think the way Canada feels about the USA may be similar to how Scotland feels about the rest of the UK, especially atm because of Brexit. The politics over here are just as chaotic as those in the US, particularly the in-fighting with political parties fracturing into factions more so than ever before (at least in recent times).

          You’re right about needing to ask ourselves why – but asking why of ourselves is hard, painful and opens a can of worms which people don’t necessarily want to do because it took a lot of effort to collect those worms and put them into the can. Sometimes that can of worms is an heirloom which was passed down from generation to generation with a clear warning never to open it and to do what needed to be done, even self-sacrifice, to keep it shut and sealed forever.

          The hardest thing to do when recovering from a narcissist is to realise how much we were a part of what the narcissist did to us. We wanted the ‘dream ideal’ as much as they did.

          I’ve seen a lot of articles discussing the ‘American Dream’ as part of the problem which has lead to this point in politics.

          It’s like the Western world is waking up from a dream and doesn’t like it.

          Like

          1. I am fine but unemployed again – I resigned. It was for a number of reasons but for the most part because there were a couple of attempts at intimidation and they also surprised me with some previously unannounced “expectations.” I lost my patience real fast. M encouraged me to leave and so I did. They tried to talk me into staying, backed off, etc. but I felt that their tactics would re-materialise. The best part is that I’m back in the Okanagan. Poor but happy. 🙂 Back looking for employment, though.

            Thanks for the link. An interesting piece and it certainly raises an angle that I hadn’t considered before.

            Yes, I would think that Scotland and Canada share some of the same concerns. I have heard Austrians speak of Germany in a similar fashion. The difference is that Canada was never annexed nor did it ever have an independence war or struggle. There’s definitely a sense of quiet arrogance, though. That we have it right (go figure) and they should turn to us as an example of how to do it (whatever “it” is). It used to be a confidence issue (and still can be sometimes, I think) but it seems to be more and more a realisation that we’ve done all right for ourselves and the Canadian-style cockiness that comes with that. 🙂
            Growing up, probably.

            Nevertheless, there’s a sense here that the US doesn’t deserve its place on the world stage if this is all they can muster for leadership candidates. The rest of us are also to blame because we helped to put them there and coated them with our expectations. Gotta go. Finish later.

            Like

            1. Sorry about that – had to go there for a while. 🙂

              I like very much the can of worms image and your point that this might be an American dream thing. It is very much promoted as a real thing, and there are those who resent not succeeding in that sense. “Death of a Salesman”, anyone? Arthur Miller must be shaking his head.

              Anyway, I’m starting to ramble but many Canadians are concerned about what we’re seeing from our neighbours. The possibility that this could become much, much worse is very real, I think.

              Like

              1. When you said that you’re back in Okanagan I whooped. Somehow it just feels right for you to be there, perhaps because when you first spoke about it there was a lively crackling energy in your words and when you spoke about having to move away from it the energy in your words did that thing which happens when people force themselves to do something which they don’t want to do. You seemed to have found your haven. The place seems to be good for you. The unemployment aspect to it may be troubling but I think if being employed means being in an environment like the one you describe then it is wealthier and healthier to be ‘poor’ in this case.

                From what you’ve shared of M it sounds like he loves you and supports you in your decisions, but given the opportunity he gives you the benefit of his observations and I’m thinking he probably felt your pain at being placed in an unacceptable position and he wants you to be free to enjoy your life. You’ve done your time trying to please others, making compromises to fit into their reality, sometimes it’s necessary but at some point it’s gotta be your turn to create a reality which suits you. You’ve been through a lot recently, maybe it’s time to give yourself a well earned break and just commune with nature, your own as well as the beauty of Okanagan. Winter is coming, time to hibernate, and then see what springs up in the way of opportunities in Spring. I think something new and exciting awaits.

                It’s a time of revolution for all humans one way or another, we’re shifting from the past into a more aware kind of future and the present in the threshold – so it’s going to be messy and chaotic. Sometimes that’s what we need even if it looks daunting and fills us with great trepidation 🙂

                Like

                1. Thank you for the support. 😀 There have been moments when I’ve thought to myself, omg, you’re the stupidest woman in the world. But it does feel right to be here and not there. Yes, M is very supportive and we will find our way through this. It’s true that I feel a lot of trepidation and it does look daunting, but I agree that that’s probably a good thing in the long run.

                  It’s good to hear that you whooped! 🙂

                  Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: