Thoughts on Thinking Less of Yourself…

thinking-less-of-yourself-cs-lewis

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The concept of ‘Radical Authenticity‘ both excites me and makes me groan…

It excites me because…

when people are just themselves as they are (which is always a challenge because we’re often taught to fear who we are as we are and hide it),

let it all hang out however awkward, weird, strange, and different they are (which is pretty much all of us… who think we’re the exception)

let their hair (wherever it grows, ears, nose, belly, nipples, etc) down, grow, be wild and free, blown by the wind (it tickles!)…

you get to see raw beauty and…

I frigging love beauty in the raw and being allowed to see it when you share it.

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alicia-keys-without-make-up

Alicia Keys without make up is beautiful (apparently her no-make-up look uses some make up,  and some people see that as being a betrayal of the sans fards movement… I guess those people haven’t heard of cutting other people slack, of rules being flexible to work with a personand who they are, what they’re doing, etc, rather than tell that person who they can or can’t be,  and the watch out because your pickiness will pick on you at some point effect), she looks beautiful with make up too, she’s just doing something which she’s decided to do for herself – that’s being authentic, that’s the real no-make-up look.

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Sure, raw beauty can be rude, but it’s the kind of rude which isn’t deliberately trying to upset your polite.

Sure, authenticity can be rough on your sensitive skin… but it doesn’t mean to be, just like Winter doesn’t mean to rub your cheeks red with its biting winds and cold, or like Summer doesn’t mean to burn you even though you’re wearing maximum SPF.

Authenticity includes leeway for error, mistakes, detours and experimentation… all those things are an intrinsic part of natural. Have you seen some of the stuff this planet does… while it figures out how to be planet Earth. So, someone is living their life and trying to figure out what that means. It sometimes doesn’t mean what they think it means and that’s challenging enough without others weighing in with their own meaning for that person of what their life means and what they mean… I guess those people have figured their own life and meaning out and are bored or simply want to ‘help’ others… yeah… okay…

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authentic

here come the rules… like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk

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People often say they’d prefer the truth to lies, even if it does that thing known as ‘hurt’, but when someone shares their truth… the same people who said they’d prefer it tend to suddenly want something else. They don’t want a lie, but they don’t want a truth either – there are conditions and you have to guess what they are… because they don’t seem to know, all they know is they didn’t want what they said they wanted, not the way you expressed it anyway, but they don’t want anyone to know that they can’t handle the truth because then it might make them look bad and seem like they want pretty little lies, and they’re not that kind of person… oh, no! So don’t even hint that they are just because they couldn’t handle your truth after they demanded that you give it to them…

everything is subject to terms and conditions, context and circumstance, and… the whatevers of life and people living life (each thinking we all should be on the same page of it, using the same dictionary to give each word meaning, and we’re not… although occasionally we almost are).

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marketting-authenticity

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Which brings me to what makes me groan about ‘Radical Authenticity’…

Authenticity is natural, and normal because it’s natural… it’s not radical, it only becomes radical when the world around it isn’t used to it and finds it threatening to the status quo (while also finding it rather… sexy and attractive because it’s a dangerous bad boy or girl – shit, it hasn’t grown up yet, so better keep you hands off of it!).

Why isn’t the world around it used to it!?! That’s the question!

Why are we calling something normal and natural ‘radical’?

What need is that label fulfilling for us… ’cause it ain’t fulfilling for it, is it?

It’s like that other thing known as ‘Radical Honesty’…

groan…

do you know why certain people like that particular movement, because then they can be rude as fuck and call it by a buzzword which excuses the fact that they have no manners, empathy, compassion or sensitivity – mind you, don’t do to them what they do to you as then they’ll be very sensitive and request empathy, compassion and manners from you, even if you use ‘Radical Honesty’ to explain it when they demand an explanation from you for why you’ve hurt them, caused them huge amounts of personal pain for which they can’t forgive you (because that would be dishonest of them to do so), been disrespectful and possibly ruined their life (they can be very dramatic when they’re the target of the arrows they aim at others – others are not allowed to be dramatic about it).

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The main groan I have with anything normal and natural which gets ‘Radical’ attached to it is that someone is thinking very hard about this and thinking too much about it. And if they’re ‘practising’ it they’re putting too much effort into being authentic and honest.

What in theory should be spontaneous is being thought out in detail before being done, rules are being made up for it and those rules become rigid in an attempt to curb freedom and control what others are doing (which could curb the rule-makers own freedom according to them).

The more it gains momentum as a movement the more people make rules for it (to include themselves and exclude others, to make it an elitist endeavour of which they’re a specialist), and someone is going to crown themselves the arbitre of whether you’re doing it right or wrong – most likely they’ll deem you’re doing it wrong compared to them (as they’ve worked very hard at being authentic and honest and you don’t get to just walk in and do that shit as though you were born to do it and it’s easy!).

It also makes me groan because this kind of thing is catnip for narcissists – especially once it becomes popular, hot, trendy.

Just as people can be magnets for narcissists, so can ideas, philosophies, clubs and movements. Whatever is trending… you’ll find a bunch of narcissists trying to be it and take it over as theirs – pushing others out, often those others who started the trend (those who started it will become ‘radicals’, but the bad kind of radical, the kind that can ruin ‘Radical authenticity’ by saying things like – that’s not what it is – once the narcissists take over and make rules for what it is).

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authenticity-teal-swan

according to this, and I could be reading it all wrong, authenticity is only available to ‘spiritual practitioners’ who are climbing some invisible ladder to a high point… hope they don’t suffer from vertigo

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For me ‘Radical Authenticity’ needs to drop the ‘Radical’ and just be authentic – because ‘Radical’ is just bling for a thing which doesn’t need bling (of course if it wants to wear bling because that’s just its thing then… you know).

Just be yourself… that’s hard enough to be as it is.

It’s radical without needing to be radical – or wonder if others are all ‘Whoa, look at them being all authentic, what a radical!’

For me being authentic is just being as is, whatever the fuck that is – I’m discovering it as you are, it’s a surprise to me too and I sometimes think… shit, this is radical!!! but it’s not…

it’s natural…

normal because it’s natural…

and when I’m being authentic I don’t think about me and what I’m being…

that’s something I look for in others who claim to be being authentic.

Because when you’re being you as you are you don’t need to think about it, you just are…

and that’s easy (even if challenging), breezy (even when that wind bites), and doesn’t require conscious thought about yourself and who you’re being and what that means to you and to others, and what others are thinking about you and how can you control it by controlling yourself.

See…

you don’t need to think about yourself when being yourself, when being authentic (yup, that’ a rule I’m making up about it… feel free to break it because you’re you).

Your respect you enough to be you so you don’t need to think about it… about you… you can focus that attention elsewhere, maybe on others, maybe on something else, perhaps an idea which needs nourishing to grow…

What say you?

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Thoughts on Thinking Less of Yourself…

  1. My boss came to me today and told me she’d come to some sort of Revelation. She said based on her experience if people have to tell you that they are something, then they are not what they say they are. If someone has to tell you that they’re good at something then they’re not good at it at all. They’re really just trying to compensate for their own lack. And because they recognized it, whether it’s conscious or subconsciously, they’re just trying to talk you into believing in their own disillusionment.

    So I totally agree with you here. If a person has to sit and think so hard about how they are radically anything, then it’s obviously they are not. Or maybe they have been so far separated from that part of themselves for so long, any extent of becoming this new radical whatever, is actually quite a radical change from their own personal norm. But that just means that they have a lot of growth to do personally. It’s not that next best great idea on how they can do a little self-improvement is actually any norm at all or non-normative at all. It just means that in their own life they are actually further from a truth within themselves than they realize.

    Or maybe they realize their lack and they’re using a radical movement as a tool to encourage themselves and others to make the changes that are necessary in their lives in offer to become a better person. If they’re using the radical movement as a catalyst for Change and to encourage themselves and others to stay on a more enlightened path so to speak then perhaps weird and radical movements can be a good thing. But I do believe certainly that if someone has to tell you that they are something, then they absolutely are not what they say they are.

    It just makes me all the more glad I am a Sagittarius and I don’t give a s*** what other people do with their radical movements. Lol. Because it’s all temporary and it’s all meaningless, because fads like that don’t last. They don’t sink in deeply to the fabric of society, so after only a short time they disappear. It’s a Band-Aid for someone’s personal wound.

    So, I will continue to be a Sagittarius who doesn’t care about the movements and the radicalness of other people’s radicalness. I’m already quite aware as a Sagittarius I’m very comfortable living my life as I choose to live it, while not needing anyone’s approval or input. I flat-out don’t care what most people think. So i for one, certainly have no need to hear that Self-acceptance is radical and needs some sort of movement attached to it. Self-acceptance is the natural Sagittarian way of things. We totally got that covered. Haha. 😆😉

    So to a Sagittarius especially, if someone is advertising that some sort of self-acceptance is radical, it is obviously not. They are just too far from self-acceptance to understand that. 😒I’ll get my refund on the special shiny radical movement now…. 😑

    Although … you know if anyone wanted to give me my own personal radicalized movement, I could totally have fun with that for a while. I mean, that would be the next obvious Sagittarian thing to do right? Just run with it and have fun? Lol.

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    1. I think as a Sagittarius you’re supposed to start your own radical movement rather than wait for someone else to give you one 🙂

      Come to think of it something like ‘radical honesty’ could have been started by a Sag as Sag is a sign whose natives tend to say what they think. It was actually started by a Virgo, and the concept was introduced in about 1995 – when Uranus (the ‘radical’ planet) switched signs from Capricorn to Aquarius. Pluto was switching between Scorpio and Sagittarius during that year.

      ‘Radical Authenticity’ is kind of goes well with the recent Uranus in Aries squaring off with Pluto in Capricorn.

      The revelation which your boss had and shared with you is a fairly accurate observation of a human tendency, but it does need to take context into account – since she’s a boss she probably interviews prospective employees and in the interview she probably expects them to tell her who they are and what they can do. In that kind of scenario a person does have to tell another person what they can do, what they are good at, and who they are as a person. It’s expected, it’s also fairly common for people to big themselves up and maybe exaggerate about their abilities when in that kind of situation, and it would be weird if someone in a job interview said – I’m not going to make any statements about myself you’ll just have to hire me and find out who I am and what I can do. And if she’s a boss of a company which provides a service to clients then she has to make statements about herself, her company, and what she and her company can do for their clients, and the clients will most likely hire the person who sells themselves, their company and their service the best by claiming to be good at the service they provide – so the revelation does need to be applied to the self as well as others, because what others do is usually something which all humans do. So your boss has probably done it too and her revelation ideally would give her insight into herself and her own tendencies, and not just be about others. But we often adapt our realisations to stroke ourselves rather than poke ourselves.

      Sometimes people do have to tell others that they’re good at something otherwise how will others know – and they may prove to be good at it. But we don’t notice that side of the equation as much as we notice the other side because the positive experience tends to be accepted quickly and quickly forgotten, taken for granted, while the negative experience is hard to forget and hard to accept, and sticks in our craw.

      Think of how many people who have made statements about themselves and their abilities have followed through, walked their talk, been who they said they were and done what they said they could do.

      Now think of how many people have made statements about themselves and their abilities and haven’t followed through, could be or do what they said, or messed up when they tried to live up to their ideal of themselves.

      Which group is easier to recollect?

      And then consider that many of us have grown up under the ‘If you think it you can be it’ movement, the power of positive thinking which tells us that we’re not allowed to say – I can’t be this, I can’t do this, I’m not good at this, etc – instead we’re supposed to turn our can’ts into cans, say we can be this, we can do this, because if we say it it will become true.

      People love to talk, especially about themselves… sometimes what they say is part of their self-discovery process, and maybe they find out at the same time as we do whether they’re who they say they are and if they’re able to do something. 🙂

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  2. Loving your thoughts, as usual. Although with the winter not meaning to hurt, living in Northern Europe I must beg to differ! 🙂 I think the universe must have decided to severely punish the descendents of the Vikings for all the ill deeds of their ancestors.. Cause I tell you, winter in Sweden is no joke, people have been known to migrate from here cause it gets so bad with the cold. It is basically dark 6 months of the year, and you have to (daily) wear clothes similar to those you would wear to the North Pole… it is reeeeally bad. 🙂
    I can not help but think thst it is a punishment, cause it is so horrible. Other than that, I agree with all that you are saying. 🙂

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    1. Thank you 🙂

      It’s funny how often the human mind takes things which aren’t personal personally and then creates an elaborate myth around it. Some of the myths humans have created are epic. It’s part of our magical thinking to view things like the weather as being personal to us, caused by us, doing things to us because of things we did. Like thinking that it rained because you forgot your umbrella, or that it didn’t rain when it looked like it was going to because you remembered to bring an umbrella, or that a storm on your Summer wedding day is a bad omen 😉

      Maybe our magical thinking about things like the weather comes from cells in our body which are connected to particles in the atmosphere, maybe the water within is connected to the water outside of us and they speak to each other in imagery like those of dreams, but since the conscious mind doesn’t understand that imagery it makes up a story as it does dream interpretations.

      Considering that there were several Ice Ages long before the Vikings came into being, you could say that if the weather was doing anything with regards to the humans populating the planet it was actually warming up for us. According to our perspective on history, some of our ancestors actually chose to live in the North. During the Viking expansion they actually went even further North populating even colder places than Sweden. They also went South. I guess some Vikings liked the cold, while others preferred warmer climates. Maybe your particular Viking ancestors were the ones who went South, and thus it’s in your blood and DNA to hate the cold and long for warmth.

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      1. I love magical thinking and I always think the weather is connected just as you describe here!! Haha ok I don’t think I really believe that if I think about it for a while…. but the thing with “Oh no it rains JUST because I didn’t being my umbrella…” yep that is a thought that is hard to shake, haha. 😁

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