Taking the Narcissist Test

Apparently you can determine whether you’re a Narcissist or not simply by taking this test – Narcissistic Personality Inventory.

Of course it’s not really designed to determine whether or not you’re a Narcissist, what it’s actually for is to assess your personal narcissism, and this is pointed out in the intro (see below).

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npi-intro

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Even though it clearly states and stresses that it is NOT a diagnostic tool, and that it should NOT be used to for anything other than educational purposes… people being people (and that often includes NOT reading instructions) will use something anyway they want to use it.

And since interest in Narcissism tends to mainly be inspired in people when they think they’re in a relationship with a Narcissist, chances are most people will use this test for very personal reasons, most probably on themselves to prove how NOT narcissistic they are and on behalf of someone else to prove how much someone else is not only narcissistic but a Narcissist.

Taking a test on behalf of someone else is… considered cheating (if you did that in school you and the other person would get into trouble with those in authority). And requires that you have a rather high level of narcissism to assume that you know how that person would answer the questions, that you know them better than they know themselves, and that you can label another human being this easily… with a label which would upset you if someone else applied it to you. If someone else took this test on your behalf, answered the questions for you, decided they knew you better than you know yourself, and concluded you were a narcissist because of the way THEY answered the questions for you on a test like this… how would you feel and what would you think about that?

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npi-questions

extract from Narcissistic Personality Inventory

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However using this to assess another person’s narcissism is exactly how those who created the test are using it… so there are grey areas which allow it to be used that way, and it is informative and can help those trying to understand another person and their narcissism.

People are sometimes hard to understand (as one of the options in one of the questions of this test points out)… particularly when those people are very narcissistic or are Narcissists.

Narcissists are like a ball of yarn which has unraveled and become a tangled mess… and trying to understand them can feel like you’re attempting to untangle that mess knot by knot, and the bits you’ve already untangled  have found a way to get tangled up again.

I tend to use my own narcissism to understand Narcissists – until I started doing that I didn’t understand Narcissists at all and was stuck going around in circles of confusion and anger. To do that I had to accept my own narcissistic tendencies rather than reject them because I was rejecting anything, everything and anyone who showed even the slightest sign of narcissism (which is a rather narcissistic thing to do).

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more-npi-questions

extract from Narcissistic Personality Inventory

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So for me taking a test like this is a way to understand my own narcissism better rather than someone else’s, which in turn helps me to understand the narcissism of others who aren’t Narcissists, and that of Narcissists better, and distinguish between someone who is just being a bit narcissistic versus someone who is a Narcissist.

The more you understand yourself the more you can understand others… sometimes we can find ourselves as hard to understand as others.

For me taking a test of any sort is a challenge, partly because I have dyslexia and misread things which makes me confused and then I get frustrated at being confused, but mainly because it often brings out the worst in me (the dyslexia doesn’t need to be brought out, it’s just there) – which is insightful if you want to see your own narcissism at work.

With personality tests in particular I often quit halfway through (if I even get to the halfway point), usually after getting argumentative with the questions, infuriated by the limited options given to choose as an answer, annoyed with whoever put the whole thing together (I sometimes ditch the test to investigate whoever created it), bored by repetition, and I storm off in a strop cursing the stupidity of the test. That test will cease to exist for me, but… if it really bothered me I’ll stew over it for days, arguing with it and about it in my head. If anyone mentions the test (from hell) to me during this time I’ll want to rant at them, but will probably just shrug dismissively and say ‘Meh’ – a diss and dismiss aimed at the test not at the person but the person may take it personally as aimed at them which may upset them as they didn’t have the experience I did with the test and they’re wondering why I dissed and dismissed them when they wanted to share something they liked, which was important to them, with me.

Having said that…

I thought I’d take this test right here, and we can score my Narcissism together. Please note that my answers reflect how I perceive things and myself at this time and are subject to fluctuations – I would have answered this differently before and may answer it differently later if I were to ever take it again

Let’s begin:

1.

I have a natural talent for influencing people

I am not good at influencing people

my ans – This question really needs to clarify what ‘influencing’ means, are we talking about brainwashing Svengali-esque manipulation or encouraging cheerleading support. Do they mean someone who convinces someone else to jump off of a cliff to a) kill themselves or b) participate in and perhaps win a cliff-diving competition. Do they mean deliberate and conscious influencing which could be for the good of the influencer while not so good for the influenced or for the good of both and maybe others too, or just the kind of influencing which everyone does unconsciously by being themselves and having an effect on others. Without further clarification I can only give a vague answer to a vague question – I have a natural talent for influencing people like all people do, whether I’m good at it or not is a moot point.

2.

Modesty doesn’t become me

I am essentially a modest person

my ans – I’d say I was fairly modest, no idea if it becomes me or not as I’ve never asked modesty if it was trying to become me (not really sure why anyone would want to become me, but Narcissists often try to become other people so maybe Modesty is a Narcissist)

3.

I would do almost anything on a dare

I tend to be a fairly cautious person

my ans – I tend to be an overly cautious person to the point where certain types of people (Narcissists) see it as a dare to break through my barriers and get me to be careless because then… they win (and punch the air shouting I WIN! like those obnoxious kids in those game adverts they used to show on TV during cartoons).  While I won’t do anything on a dare without thinking about it and considering the cost and value of it, I can be daring – I have spent most of my life daring to be myself (learning the hard way the cost of not being myself) and being cautious has helped me to do that.

4.

When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed

I know that I am good because everyone keeps telling me so

my ans – I said something along the lines of – When people compliment me I sometimes get embarrassed – just the other day in a post which confused someone who was concerned that they’d upset me if they complimented me on my posts, and I’ve said it many times before that in other posts, and in other ways and places. It’s a quirk which I often point out to people so they won’t be confused by my odd behaviour when if they give me a compliment and requires no special treatment, the embarrassment passes (is my problem and not yours) and a compliment is always a lovely gift to be given (as long as it’s not coming from a Narcissist = strings ready to tangle you up in their messy yarn)

5.

The thought of ruling the world frightens the hell out of me

If I ruled the world it would be a better place

my ans – If I ruled the world… just the other day someone started a conversation with me using those very words. It was a Trumpversation so I interrupted them and pointed out that ruling the world means dealing with the people of the world who expect you to perform miracles and if you don’t they get disappointed and start having ‘If I ruled the world…’ conversations where they wax fantastic about how they’d do a better job than you would but they’re not crazy enough to put themselves forward for a job only lunatics seem to want and which guarantees you only one thing – the contempt of the world. Maybe the world does not want to be a better place, maybe it likes itself as it is and would like the human part of the world’s population to stop with this ‘you’re broken, let me fix you’ nonsense (maybe it feels like most of us do when a Narcissist wants us to be who we’re not and breaks us to fix us).

6.

I can usually talk my way out of anything

I try to accept the consequences of my behaviour

my ans – I can talk my way out of most things – skill learned from growing up with Narcissists and having to talk my way out of the many traps they set for me, the viper pits into which they pushed me, and the dramas they created. Accepting the consequences of your behaviour is just one way of talking your way out of something. My behaviour often got me into the traps, viper pits and dramas – it’s not all the Narcissists’ fault, especially if you’ve been through the experience as many times as I have… at some point I had to stop myself because they were never going to stop. If I do something bad, I’ll own up to it – that’s the best talk in that kind of situation. If however someone is accusing me of doing something bad which I did not do, which means they’re talking me into something then I’ll talk my way out of it… unless staying silent is the better option.

7.

I prefer to blend in with the crowd

I like to be the center of attention

my ans – My experience of being the centre of attention has mostly been unpleasant. The attention was often that of the Narcissists in my life and when they’re making you the focal point of their beady eyes they’re up to something if they’re being nice, they’ve chosen you for a ‘special’ purpose which will leave you wishing they had kept ignoring you, or they’ve decided that you’re going to be the target of their stress release and they’re about to get very nasty. If the attention happened to come from others, and was initially a pleasant surprise… the Narcissists in my life would soon make me regret that others had momentarily made me the centre of their attention – it’s the attention and position which belongs only to the Narcissists!

8.

I will be a success

I am not too concerned about success

my ans – Define ‘success’ because what I consider to be success may not be what the person who created this question (and thus is using it to score me) considers to be success. Are we talking about society’s narcissistic ideals of material success – money, power, fame, status, perfect teeth, ideal weight, cosmetic beauty, etc. or the philosophical and abstract vision of success – love, happiness, kindness, goodness, etc – or a personalised version of success which others may rate as being ‘not success’ – I got up this morning, success! I didn’t crush my thumb with the hammer, success! I didn’t spill anything on this white shirt, success!

9.

I am no better or worse than most people

I think I am a special person

my ans – Totes the first one, that’s logical and true. The second one sounds like something you would say after being brainwashed by a cult and you’re too terrified to say anything else.

10.

I am not sure if I would make a good leader

I see myself as a good leader

my ans – The last time I can remember being appointed the leader of a group I ended up getting pushed by the weight of the entire group into a concrete wall because the person at the back fell over forwards, knocking everyone else forwards and that momentum reached me, ending with a bang. Luckily I have a hard head (which still has a bump where skull met wall). I cradled my head for a second, then got up, and laughed to let everyone know I was okay (only a couple of people actually realised what had happened to me at the front, the others were more concerned about what had happened to them). Everyone was okay so play continued after that (this was at school). After that… I really can’t recall ever being appointed a leader again and not because my memory was affected by possible brain damage (although… I’d never considered that option) or because I shied away from that position due to trauma (although… hmmmm) but because most of my experiences of being a leader as an adult have been more casual. I prefer environments where everyone is on an equal footing with the lead shared amongst the group, with people taking the lead when it is relevant for them to do so – because of knowledge or skill, etc.

11.

I am assertive

I wish I were more assertive

my ans – I sometimes wish that I was more assertive (had more chutzpah), however those who come into contact with me tend to sometimes wish I was less assertive (because of my manner of expressing myself which can be a bit blunt). Some people (Narcissists) make the mistake of assuming that my laid back (lazy) and reserved (shy) demeanour, and tendency to be polite (particularly with those I don’t know so as not to scare them) and friendly means I’m a pushover… they get quite a surprise and nasty shock when the pushover bounces back and bops them on the nose (I’m imagining one of those air-filled rubber dummies that you can punch, which swings back and forth and hits you thanks to the force of your own punch and the fact that you’re not floating like a butterfly and just stood there).

12.

I like to have authority over other people

I don’t mind following orders

my ans – I was only following orders… hmmmm… fairly certain those words have a sinister connotation. Neither one of these is my answer (but the maker of this test doesn’t give you the option to not choose either – their orders if you want a score are to pick one even if neither suits you and therefore will muddy the results). I don’t mind following orders if those orders make sense, and it makes sense for me to follow them. I don’t mind having authority if it makes sense for me to have it and the other people are in agreement with it making sense for me to have that authority over them.

13.

I find it easy to manipulate people

I don’t like it when I find myself manipulating people

my ans – While it is at times easy to manipulate people, particularly if they’re helping you to do it and may even want you to do it, it is never easy to manipulate people. I do not like doing it and will go out of my way not to do it even if it makes my life harder (such as in not doing socially acceptable and encouraged manipulations, like the advice which life coaches tell you to do to be ‘successful’, to win friends and influence people) and would make my life easier if I did do it. It’s difficult not to manipulate people, including yourself – we all manipulate our self image, which is a form of manipulation of others. My reluctance to manipulate comes from growing up with Narcissists, watching them do exactly that, having it done to me, helping them do it to me, helping them do it to other people, and listening to my father’s ‘lessons’ on how to manipulate people, and hearing my mother claim she couldn’t manipulate a person even if her life depended on it – which was something she said most often when she was manipulating me, sometimes she would follow that with ‘but you’re like your father, so good at manipulating people’ and then she would tell me who she wanted me to manipulate on her behalf – because if I do it for her, follow her orders, I’m the one getting my hands dirty while she gets to keep her hands clean and remain innocently incapable of manipulating anyone. If I get caught, she’s the CIA. The only time when it’s totally fine to manipulate myself or someone else is when that someone else is a Narcissist and I don’t want to have anything to do with them and their plans for me (which may include using me to manipulate someone else – one of the fav tactics of Narcissists). In some ways this test is manipulative of people, and people may manipulate themselves in order to finish this test and get what they want which is a score based on their answers (whether their answers suit them or not). I could manipulate this test to give me a high or low score – but what would be the point of that.

14.

I insist upon getting the respect that is due me

I usually get the respect I deserve

my ans – This is a bit like one of those Zen puzzle stories – The moment you stop searching for enlightenment is when you find it. That kind of thing. Where respect is concerned I tend to focus my attention on self-respect. If I respect myself others will most likely take their cue from the way I’m treating myself and allowing myself to be treated. I got that from a book which pointed out that if you’re constantly putting yourself down other people will think that’s how you like being treated because it’s the way you’re treating yourself. So if you want to be respected, respect yourself. And part of self-respect is being respectful of others – if you treat others with respect more often than not they’ll return the favour, but if they don’t that’s not a cue for you to disrespect them (that’s the sort of logic Narcissists use to excuse their switch from being nice to you to being nasty to you – you didn’t respond to their nice according to their script, they didn’t get the reward for being nice which they expected, therefore they can now be nasty to you). Concepts like respect need to be a living breathing experience not a strategic mental exercise designed to get you something. It’s a bit like karma.

15.

I don’t particularly like to show off my body

I like to show off my body

my ans – I don’t think of my body in those terms – as something to show off or not show off. It’s a part of the whole of me not this separate thing which I may or may not ‘show off’. Weird question – both options are treating the body as an object which is a narcissistic thing to do.

16.

I can read people like a book

People are sometimes hard to understand

my ans – Depends on the book. Depends on the individual person. Some people read themselves to you and if you listen the story can be revealing, insightful and interesting. Some people go out of their way to never be read, to be hard to understand… maybe because they don’t understand themselves and don’t like what they read in their own pages. Our understanding of others relies a lot on our understanding of ourselves – if we can read ourselves we can read quite a bit of others. Perhaps this question really should ask – Can you read yourself like a book or Do you find yourself hard to understand. It also needs to ask you how you read books… some people only read the title, maybe they’ll read the blurb on the back, then they put the book back on the shelf and fill in the blanks with their own version of what’s inside on its pages. They do that with people too, sometimes they only want those people to decorate their shelves, and think they know those people, then they get annoyed when those people aren’t who they thought they were.

17.

If I feel competent I am willing to take responsibility for making decisions

I like to take responsibility for making decisions

my ans – If I waited until I felt competent I’d never make any decisions, as it is making decisions takes me ages because I have to go through all the options and their consequences (including how this affects everyone involved). When faced with the task of having to make a decision I accept responsibility for it before I make it and after I’ve made it. I sometimes accept responsibility for the decisions of others, particularly if they made one for me because I was taking too long to make one myself and there was a deadline which I missed – basically I made a decision, by not making one, not to make a decision and must accept the consequences of that as my responsibility. Not sure if I was always this dithering, I think when I was a toddler I was much more definite (fairly certain my mother used to get annoyed with me for being too decisive), but living with Narcissists will make making decisions a nerve-wracking experience. Damned whatever you do, decide, don’t do, don’t decide. Damned whatever they decide too because if a decision of theirs doesn’t work out for them it’ll become a decision of yours. It was a Narcissist who made me make the firm and final decision of always being responsible for my decisions. If I’m damned no matter what I decide then I want to make sure my damned decision is mine.

18.

I just want to be reasonably happy

I want to amount to something in the eyes of the world

my ans – That’s a weird coupling of options. I guess there’s a connection between them for the creator of this test – maybe this is revealing the test-maker’s own issue with happiness or being something. It’s also rather vague. What is this something? Donald Trump amounts to something in the eyes of the world – your eyes have already made that calculation of what he amounts to for your part of the world’s eyes. Charles Manson does too. As does Kim Kardashian. And Gandhi. Both options are fleeting and prone to the vagaries of the moment – one minute you’re one kind of something in the eyes of the world and the next minute you’re another kind of something. One minute eating chocolate makes you happy and then it gives you indigestion and that’s not so happy-making.

19.

My body is nothing special

I like to look at my body

my ans – Stupid question. If you don’t think your body is special try living without it.  As for liking to look at it… depends on how you look at it when you’re looking at it.

20.

I try not to be a show off

I will usually show off if I get the chance

my ans – See what they did there. The difference between being and doing – being a show off and showing off. When someone is being a show off it is usually annoying to everyone else. While we can all appreciate when someone is showing off, especially when we feel they deserve to do so and we’re happy for them, as long as they don’t do this all the time, shove it in our faces and make us feel bad about ourselves or just bothered in some other way. Personally I only tend to show off if it’s funny and others can join in, otherwise I tend to keep that kind of thing private. Showing off is a chance to celebrate your own shine and achievements, it will attract admirers and applause, but it’s also like sending up a flare to the envious, jealous, and greedy (Narcissists) who come to steal your shine, then watch you fall for being prideful. If you don’t fall they’ll deliberately trip you up and then laugh at you, and then they’ll show off that they were the ones to bring you down!

21.

I always know what I am doing

Sometimes I am not sure what I am doing

my ans – Both simultaneously. If I say – I know what I’m doing – run and take cover! because something is about to explode, collapse… maybe me, with laughter. I never know what I’m doing but sometimes I do – it surprises me as much as it may surprise others.

22.

I sometimes depend on people to get things done

I rarely depend on anyone else to get things done

my ans – I’d rather not depend on anyone else but have you ever tried to calculate how difficult that actually is to do, especially in modern civilisation. If I want electricity, running water, for my garbage to magically disappear (and end up dumped elsewhere) every week, food, emergency services if needed, general safety in the country where I live so I can live as I do (and take it for granted), if I want to be entertained by TV, film and music, to travel, and pretty much do anything else… use the internet, have a blog, share a post… then I have to depend on people to get things done. My independence requires dependence on many people to get things done.

23.

Sometimes I tell good stories

Everybody likes to hear my stories

my ans – This is really more of a question for others to answer… although it’s usually a good idea if you’re also listening to the story you’re telling when telling a story (Narcissists rarely if ever listen to the stories which come tumbling out of them in droves… perhaps that’s what makes them such great tellers of tales, they don’t listen to themselves and therefore don’t have reality checks which might cripple a crazy and entertaining story thus making it dull and boring. Mind you, if you listen to enough crazy and entertaining stories which Narcissists tell… the plot and format gets boring. It’s the same thing over and over just with a veneer of different accessories).

24.

I expect a great deal from other people

I like to do things for other people

my ans – this is a pertinent question for something I was mulling over and explains the dynamic. I know someone who is skilled at getting other people to bend over backwards for them but does very little for others in return if anything at all. They’re a user. What was perplexing me was how pleased other people seemed to be to be used by this person, especially considering that this person likes to tell stories about how badly they treat those who no longer have any use for them and they tell these stories to those they’re intending on using or are already using. So, they’re basically telling you where you’re going to end up once they’re done with you – a character being assassinated in an anecdote. While mulling things over I pictured the joy on the face of one of the people this person uses when they were talking about helping this person – being used made them feel happy, needed, useful, not just an ordinary kind of useful but a special kind where they’re invaluable because this person can’t do anything if someone else doesn’t do it for them. People like to do things for other people, it makes them feel good about themselves, and some people tap into that and expect a great deal from others and those others are more than happy to try to meet those great expectations for the reward of doing so. As long as the interaction is mutually beneficial then I guess all is copacetic. I must admit that I do like to do things for others, but not for users – I don’t expect much from others but I do expect reciprocity and I don’t get that by being useful to a user. Guess I’m being difficult (that’s what a Narcissist would call it).

25.

I will never be satisfied until I get all that I deserve

I take my satisfactions as they come

my ans – I’m satisfied when I fart, burp, pee and poo, and sometimes when I sneeze. So… the second one. The first one… we’re back to a Zen puzzle and possible issues of what karma I’ve actually accrued versus the kind of karma I wish I had coming to me.

26.

Compliments embarrass me

I like to be complimented

my ans – Hasn’t this question already been asked? Question #26 please see answer to question #4

27.

I have a strong will to power

Power for its own sake doesn’t interest me

my ans – I got a bit distracted by the sentence – I have a strong will to power – is it the will which is so strong that it needs lots of power to power it otherwise it will stop working or is it a strong will which is powering something… but the sentence isn’t finished and therefore isn’t telling us what is being powered, eg. I have a strong will to power the windmills of my mind. I find power fascinating, have studied it in many ways because there are as many forms of power as there are people in this world inventing forms of power as they seek to get it or get out from under it, and so on. My fascination with power was inspired by the abuse of power which I witnessed in my home and family of origin, the power games they played, their obsession with all forms of power, and the obsession with power which everyone, not just Narcissists, not just the Narcissists I’ve known, seem to have. Having power for its own sake does interest me… as a sentence. I’m a bit tired (and bored by the test) and my dyslexia is making the words I’m reading go a bit funny and I just imagined power as a being I was hugging which was really enjoying the hug because it needed one. Never mind…

28.

I don’t care about new fads and fashions

I like to start new fads and fashions

my ans – I do care about new fads and fashions, they reflect the collective consciousness which is always interesting to explore, I like to know what’s interesting to others, what is catching their attention, inspiring their passion even if I don’t necessarily participate. The world of human is one of which I’m a part (even when not participating) and fads and fashions are not just fads ands and fashions but so much more – even when they’re deemed stupid by me or others. I’m not that faddy or fashionable myself. I won’t buy into something just because it’s trendy, everyone else is doing it, it’s a must do or have, you’ll get excluded if you don’t do it, etc. Peer pressure tends to have the opposite effect on me. I do it if and when I do it because I’m curious or it seems fun. Otherwise I’ll just watch and admire the sparkles of a firework from afar. If I start anything new… I probably wouldn’t realise that I started it because most new things aren’t as new as they may appear to be and are usually inspired by things which already exist with a new twist (I love new twists on old things… except when they remake a film which I love and then… although sometimes…).

29.

I like to look at myself in the mirror

I am not particularly interested in looking at myself in the mirror

my ans – Does the way we look at ourselves in the mirror reflect how we look at other people. Does it influence how we see others. If we like looking in the mirror does that make us more prone to liking it when others look at us because we’ll read less into their act of looking at us, or read more positive into their look (we like how we look so others do too), but if we don’t like looking in the mirror does that make us less comfortable about others looking at us and more prone to feeling threatened when they do (we don’t like how we look so others won’t like it either). If we’re judgemental about our reflection does that makes us think everyone who looks at us is also judging us as we do. If we’re not interested in looking in the mirror does that make us less self-conscious about our looks – or does that make us more self-conscious because we have no idea how we appear externally and rely on others for that. Do those who don’t look in the mirror think they’re better than those who do… or vice versa? Can you tell that I’ve sort of lost interest in looking at this test because I’m wandering off track and rambling philosophical (or whatevs).

30.

I really like to be the center of attention

It makes me uncomfortable to be the center of attention

my ans – This has also been asked before… #7 … and therefore already been answered.

31.

I can live my life in any way I want to

People can’t always live their lives in terms of what they want

my ans – It’s just as well that I haven’t been able to live my life based on every want, whim and wish of mine because some of the things I’ve wanted have been things I’ve later been very relieved that I didn’t get. It’s also a relief that others can’t do that either because there would probably be a lot more mayhem and murder… or maybe there wouldn’t and people would be happier, healthier and living in peace with themselves and therefore with others too… unless several people wanted the same thing (or person) and there was only one of that thing (person) available. Growing up with Narcissists you get used to denying yourself what you want (which is freedom from your Narcissist parents)… because someone else wants something and they intend to rock the cradle and wreck the boat until they get it, and you’re expected to supply it probably by denying yourself something. It seems like a raw deal, it is, but try not denying yourself, feeding yourself and starving a Narcissist… and soon denying yourself seems like a luxury you can afford.

32.

Being an authority doesn’t mean that much to me

People always seem to recognise my authority

my ans – I’d be lying if I said being an authority doesn’t mean much to me. I kind of like to see myself as an authority on my own life, and that does mean a lot to me (growing up with Narcissists – yep, I know I keep saying that and the repetition is getting on my nerves – you’re not allowed to be an authority on yourself or anything else – and you are a thing rather than a person, but you really don’t mind not being an authority on anything else, you’d just like to have authority where who you are is concerned – forget it, the Narcissist is the omnipotent authority of all, including who you are and you are deemed to be lacking, don’t worry they will fix you, your empty will be filled with everything they pour into it which is everything they don’t want if you’re a scapegoat or everything they want to be but can’t be themselves if you’re the golden child. Do people recognise my authority (ma authoritah!)? I don’t know, do you?

33.

I would prefer to be a leader

It makes little difference to me whether I am a leader or not

my ans – Again with this whole leader thing. These sort of questionnaires always repeat themselves with small variations and it can make a test like this tedious to those who are listening to the questions (Narcissists are too busy listening to the hum of them answering questions about themselves to notice that the same question has been asked and therefore they’re repeating themselves when answering it). I did read somewhere sometime ago that this repetition in a personality test is very deliberate. I think I looked it up when I was taking MBTI tests and finding them so repetitious that I had to go into a coma to finish them and get ‘typed’ – I had to take more than one MBTI test because of my type which apparently does that checking and double-checking and triple-checking. The reason for why they do this, if I can remember it, was logical and interesting that much I recall, but I’ve forgotten the explanation – something to do with catching people out if they’re not being truthful about themselves when answering a personality test. The tedium of repetition makes you careless and you end up spilling the real beans rather than the pre-prepared well-rehearsed ones… or something like that.

34.

I am going to be a great person

I am hopeful I am going to be successful

my ans – Should have asked me this years ago when I was under the influence of the pressure of society to be great and be successful, to make something of myself and my life which would get a seal of societal approval stamped on it, these days… being a great person is not defined by society and its narcissistic vision of idealism, perfectionism, and carrots that go rotten while they are dangled before you but never allowed to be munched, and being successful… see the answer to question #8. These days I’m not aiming to be a great person someday, I’m a great person when those around me feel great about themselves, and when they don’t feel great about themselves they feel able to be okay not feeling great because being human is tough do we really need to make it tougher can’t we make oases in the desert where we can all relax and just feel great because we just are who we are as we are and don’t need to chase rainbows, carrots, golden fleeces, and stuff. I am what I am and that’s what I’m going to be whether I like it or anyone else likes it or not… chill and chomp on a fresh carrot which isn’t attached to a string.

35.

People sometimes believe what I tell them

I can make anybody believe anything I want them to

my ans – This is a weird question. Seriously disturbingly weird. I have a new perspective of the person who created this test and it’s… Was this test perhaps created by a Narcissist? Probably not, but… Both options are really iffy. People aren’t stupid… sure they can be stupid, or appear to be stupid to those who think (they’re the smartest person in the room = Narcissist) that the natural trust which humans give to other humans is a stupid thing to give to others – it’s actually smart to do that but a Narcissist wouldn’t think so because they don’t get it. When people offer you the gift of their trust you have the opportunity to tell your truth or lie – be careful with which option you choose as this will set a ball rolling and you might not like where it lands. If you tell your truth and people don’t believe you – there are logical reasons why this might happen, investigate those before you go down the road of treating people like they’re stupid and don’t know the truth when they hear it. I’m used to people not believing me, I’m used to people believing the Narcissists in my life over me, because Narcissists are all about selling to others something to believe and making things believable even when it requires a huge stretch of the imagination to believe it. People may need time to process what you’ve told them – if it’s your truth then wait. If they still don’t believe it – do you believe it? Or would you believe it if someone else told it to you and you hadn’t experienced it yourself? Cognitive dissonance, personal points of reference, and many other factors are a part of what people believe and don’t believe. That old saying – the truth is stranger than fiction – is eerily accurate. You’re a people too, remember that, it’ll help you to understand others. Sometimes we believe things which aren’t true because we want them to be true or they are easy on our systems… sometimes we don’t believe things which are true because we don’t want them to be true and they’re hard on our systems, blow all the fuses and leave us drifting in a sea of confusion.

36.

I am a born leader

Leadership is a quality that takes a long time to develop

my ans – seriously, again with the leadership thing… so glad this test is almost over.

37.

I wish somebody would someday write my biography

I don’t like people to pry into my life for any reason

my ans – Have you ever wondered about those who write the bios on Wiki… the other day I spent hours exploring the bios of the Thai royal family because the king has recently died and the new king has asked for a year of mourning before being crowned, which has caused some problems… very interesting read… mind wandering… most of us have written our own bio for social media purposes and that’s a pretty difficult task even when it usually only requires a few words so imagine trying to fill a book. Maybe we’ve even asked others to do it for us because we didn’t know what to say about ourselves or how to say it – someone once asked me to help them with their bio on a blog – they wrote it in third person and I advised them not to do that because that’s really only for professional websites and sounds weird on a personal blog, it’s detached, aloof, a you can look but don’t touch me, and if what you want is to connect with others, which they said they did, then you have to be personal, person to person… they never got back to me… but I saw their blog and they went with third person. We’ve all probably read the bios of others on social media, which could be entered as evidence of how hard something so simple is to write. What is a biography? Just someone writing about who they think you are, want you to be for them… if this bio is going to be a book, it’s about the author using the subject for personal reasons and promotion rather than the subject themselves. People not prying when you’ve lived with Narcissists who never stop prying is a blissful status.

38.

I get upset when people don’t notice how I look when I go out in public

I don’t mind blending into the crowd when I go out in public

my ans – I am really grateful to all those who don’t notice how I look when I go out in public.

39.

I am more capable than other people

There is a lot that I can learn from other people

my ans – I am more capable than other people at being myself, and thanks to the Narcissists in my life I have experienced what it’s like when someone else tries to be you better than you are you, or tells you how to be you because you’re being you all wrong, and variations on that theme – there is always so much to be learned from other people, they’re like Wiki with just as many lies, errors, startling facts and links which lead you on a journey.

40.

I am much like everybody else

I am an extraordinary person

my ans – I am an extraordinary person sounds like one of those affirmations which Power of Positive Thinking coaches suggest that you say to yourself in the mirror. If you go to one of those workshops and say – I am much like everybody else – the coach will probably embarrass you in front of everyone by making an example of you of what you should not say, it will invite a lecture about what shit self esteem you have and you’d better stop being such loser with a loser mentality, which will then lead to a sales pitch because you’re going to need to spend more money on their products before you stop being such a loser. Life coaches and gurus of other sorts who lecture people while prancing and poncing about on a stage is a career which appeals to Narcissists…

I am much like everyone else and because I am I am relieved that this masturbatory test is over!

Who’s the idiot who thought I should take that test!?

After that I feel that I should become a leader who shows off their body and gets embarrassed at all the compliments it gets… for being such a great leader with a fantastic body!

Or something like that… a bath, I need a bath to wash this off but I probably won’t get it because… you can’t always get what you want, you get what you need… and I can’t get no satisfaction…

So now for the whole point of doing this – let’s find out how much of a narcissist I am.

Oh, wait… it’s kind of hard to score this test with the sort of answers I gave. Some of them were clear, but others were confusing.

But those are my answers, should I change them to fit the format even on those questions where either option wasn’t right for me – do I sacrifice accuracy for the sake of a score? A score which serves what purpose exactly? I already know I can be narcissistic…

Should I perhaps let you take the test for, maybe you’ll be more accurate than I am, maybe you know me better than I know myself…

Do you dare me to take it and manipulate my answers so they actually fit the test and result in a score – scored by some person who is… who exactly? And what was their reason for creating this test and distributing it freely online?

Ah… eff it!

I’ll do because [insert reason here – optional reasons a) don’t be a dick and just do it b) those who got this far want satisfaction]

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after-the-npi

extract from Narcissistic Personality Inventory

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Sometimes… a test isn’t over when it says it’s over… more questions, seriously!?!  like – were your answers accurate? – are they kidding me!?! No, they weren’t because of your questions and their limited options, surely you must know that!

And no I’m not going to answer a few more questions and give you a few more minutes of my lifetime – should have made those a part of the test.

I know it’s for the worthy cause of advancing your research and career and whatnot, but I’m totally feeling narcissistic at this point after this test.

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npi-results-and-score

extract from Narcissistic Personality Inventory

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There you go, those are my results (above). I didn’t include the two figures which are supposed to be below as… I just didn’t. I’m exhausted – dramatic pose.

Your turn… what say you?