Does your mind sing to you?
Does it serenade your every movement?
Does it give a theme tune to your thoughts?
Does it play… with your emotions, reflecting how you’re feeling in its choice of inner soundtrack?
Does it give you music as you go about your daily this and that like a soundtrack to a TV show or film?
Maybe it’s not prescient in its choice of music…
as in it doesn’t play the Jaws theme when you’re in danger, when some predator is close by and has chosen you as its target… if only it could and would do that then you’d know what was about to happen (and perhaps could be avoided) if that music started to play…
and it doesn’t necessarily put on an old favourite of your heart when you’re in the presence of someone who could change your romantic landscape, if only it did then perhaps you wouldn’t walk by ignoring them as you always do because you’d know that person you’ve dismissed as irrelevant is actually the most relevant person in the world.
But the inner soundtrack is like the inner dreamscape… you’ve got to put time and effort into figuring it out, understanding its language, its sensitive nuances, its caprices and complexity… and most of us don’t have time for that, don’t have the energy to give for that kind of effort.
It requires thinking…
but not the usual kind of thinking (which is tiring enough as it is)…
the other kind of thinking that involves more than just the mind and its paraphernalia of thought.
(a harsh statement, but sometimes true)
There’s something which I’ve noticed recently in myself…
a hopeful hunger for a treat,
a treat of food for thought but the kind of foodful treat of thought which goes deeper than thought… I don’t just want my mind involved, I want my heart, my soul, my body… oh, you know, all those extras… as part of it.
Each time I think I’ve found it, an inkling of it, the trumpets blurt out their triumphant tune but then go all wonky in their sound as I realise this… isn’t it.
It’s interesting but it’s more of the usual which for a moment seemed to veer off course but it was just an usual kind of wobble…
and I’d like a bit of the unusual which is intriguing rather than interesting, which I can’t predict and haven’t yet sussed enough to know it as a familiar thing.
I want a puzzle which I haven’t solved (even if someone else has solved it) or which I can’t solve easily by using logic and reason… however I don’t want one of those unreasonable and illogical problems which is boring in the long run (also known as narcissists).
I’ve been watching – Westworld (the TV series… because I frigging loved the film many eons ago when I was child) – and it’s pretty awesome, different thus far from anything else (it still has time to become the same old…), and one of the characters (Logan, for those watching the series) is a spot on example of those people who think they’re so complex that everyone should find them fascinating, attractive, seductive, etc (also known as narcissists), but are actually only complex to themselves, everyone else has them figured out – as being a tedious rerun of other characters like that who think they’re so incredibly mysterious, complicated, complex, but actually they’re just boring as they are, do and say the same thing over and over and over, bludgeoning you with this ‘interesting’ persona who is a crashing bludgeoning bore.
Often, at least in the past kind of often, when I’d get this way, seeking a special kind of difficult and specific food for thought, I’d end up being attracted to a narcissist while they were in their interesting mode… and it would take me awhile to realise that what seemed interesting was actually boring.
Some shallow waters appear to run deep… and when we come upon them during that period where we’re looking for shallow waters to run deep and not be shallow through and through we invest our own depth into them and insist they are deep because… their surface is reflecting us and we’re being deep about them.
are they deep or are we the ones making them deep?
Are they perhaps shallow beneath the surface because they’ve never gone deep within so… they’ve never dug out their own shallows.
Maybe the only reason they seem deep beneath the shallow is because we dug things out and made them deep… but that’s our depth not theirs.
A bit like a song stuck in the mind, playing on repeat…
is it there just because it was created to have a catchy tune and because of it having a catchy tune it got stuck in our mind… and there’s nothing more to it than that…
or does it have a deeper meaning?
Either way, a song is just a song until, maybe it means more to the creator of that song but to others, to us… it means nothing much until we make it mean something more.
And it’s not always clear to us what it is about a song which means something more.
Like this song I heard as a child which was catchy and got caught in my mind:
While thinking about this now… it kind of echoes how my mind works, always hopeful in its quest to find food for thought treats, it runs running this way and that in its search.
My mind is basically a squirrel, a ferret, a relative of the rat who rushes around trying to collect nuts… or something like that.