What’s your attitude towards your body?
How do you manage your health, your diet, and your other day to day doings, comings and goings?
[Me (momentarily distracted from this post by a thought triggered after writing the sentence above and forced into awareness by the connections I made in mental imagery): I should really check my emails… yup, I should do that, I will… do it later unless I forget]
How are you? How would you answer that and how does that question affect you?
Person: How are you?
Me (looking confused as I hadn’t considered how I was at all and now I have to do a quick scan of my how I am status… but wait, no, this person doesn’t want to know about that): Fine, how are you?
Person (who can see me while I can’t see myself unless I look in a mirror which I probably haven’t done consciously for days) ponders informing me about the black circles under my eyes which isn’t smudged make up (as I don’t wear that and often forget the stuff exists), the debauched state of my hair (because I haven’t brushed it or washed it in days… maybe for more than a week), the shambles I call clothes and the pong emanating from them (I sprayed deodorant the other day… or was that last month?): I’m really busy, gotta go, great to see you bye!
Me (watching person making hasty retreat and too relieved that I no longer have to socialise to notice that their manner was kinda rude): Okay, bye, take care of yourself!
I often tell people to take care of themselves (you’ll see me say that a lot if you read my replies to comments on here)… do you know why I say that? Have you ever wondered what the inspiration, intention, and whatnot behind the things which I say regularly to other people is?
Don’t worry if you’ve never bothered to pause and wonder why I say what I say to you or to others… most of us don’t bother with things like that unless those things hurt, upset, offend, provoke us and even then we tend to only pay attention to our side of the equation (making assumptions about the other side’s side like… that they intended to hurt, upset, offend, provoke us… which could be true but more often than not they were really caught up in themselves as we are normally caught up in ourselves and they didn’t think about us at all, other than making similar assumptions about us which were centred around themselves, when they said or did what they said or did).
Don’t worry if you’ve never attempted to look deeper than what your eyes see of another person… we’re all very busy being bombarded by daily butterfly wings flapping causing trees to fall down in our forest whose sound sometimes only we hear (even though we’re wearing earplugs).
Maybe your only reason for being on my blog reading my ramblings is because you’re taking a momentary break from the crazy going on all around you… I’m a fruit loop you pop into your mouth and suck on… oh no you bit me and now I’m sticky crunchy pieces which will get stuck in your teeth causing your dentist to lecture you about flossing, acid erosion, and whatever else the dentist got in a memo from that company whose specialty is to send memos to dentists, doctors and other professionals to add to the overload of work they already have and not have time to listen to what’s really bothering you about your teeth, body…
My last dentist decided to angrily shush me when I pointed out during his lecture on acid erosion that everything he was advising was the opposite of what my doctor would advise (if I ever went to the doctor) and besides… my teeth are eroded because of bruxism (which he’d know about if he’d bothered to read that effing form I keep having to fill out which asks me about my health and existing conditions… then again quite a few of the dentists I’ve been to don’t seem to know what bruxism is, and how to spot it by looking at the condition of teeth – one dentist even advised that I stop brushing my teeth because that’s what was wearing them away!).
Bruxism = grinding your teeth (mainly while you’re asleep). There is no ‘cure’ for it although there are a few dubious experiments and ‘fixes’ which don’t fix anything (I wear a mouthguard like Carrie from Homeland when I sleep, which is so sexy… side effects include extra drooling onto your pillow or onto your sheets if like me you sleep with your face smushed against the mattress and punch then throw pillows away during sleep battles).
excerpt via Aquamoonlight Astrology – Medical Astrology: The signs and Houses
I have Venus in Pisces and most of my regular ailments do seem to be Virgo ones – connected to anxiety, nervous tension and the processing system of life (the digestive system). I also hit my head a lot… which is really an Aries part of the body but I have Aquarius on the cusp of my 6th house (sometimes I only remember I have a body when I hit my head which is always in the clouds)
I know telling you tales about my bruxism and my visits to dentists is about as interesting as…
Your daily grind which is grinding you down.
The treadmill of life doesn’t let you get off of it when your legs can’t keep going… thank goodness you have a coping mechanism which allows you to become disembodied – look up at the TV screen in front of the treadmill at your local gym, doesn’t that dancer in that music video move magnificently, wouldn’t you like to bend and weave as they do, look at that firm butt which the camera lens keeps zooming in on just in case you missed it the five hundred other times it waggled itself in your general direction… keep running and you too can have a firm butt like that!
No, having a firm butt won’t solve that teensy problem of not being able to afford to fix the leaky roof over your head, it won’t stop your ex from being crazy, it won’t give your children a safe future in a country which is imploding or prevent them from trying in every way every day to kill themselves because they’re so curious and never listen to your warnings (they do and hear them as challenges) with you having to save them over and over… omg you’re so exhausted and I haven’t yet mentioned all those other things… but at least you’re on your way to having a firm butt even though it won’t answer your question of – Why is THIS happening to me!?!
excerpt from The Sixth House by Dana Gerhardt on Astrodienst
If you want to learn about the Houses in Astrology her articles are excellent, thought-provoking and insightful.
The 6th house in astrology can give you an idea about your own personal daily grind… your approach to the day to day, duties, chores, tidying up after chaos has hit, the diet most likely to be embraced by your reluctant to diet self (because diet has the word ‘die’ in it and that’s scary, isn’t it!? so best avoided unless you’re a vampire who is done with immortality), how you do the health kick, homework, housework…
I was a bit of a neat freak until Neptune transited my 6th house really slowly… it’s still there just about, playing some weird kind of game of the no longer welcome guest who just won’t leave but isn’t set on staying either – there’s a lot of cold air coming in through the open door as it dances in slow motion on the threshold.
Natally I have Venus in my 6th… this is a rather lovely placement, especially as my Venus is in Pisces – imagine Snow White in that scene in the cartoon where the birds and other cute beasts of nature help her with her housework and they all sing a pretty happy tune (yup, this is exactly how my housework gets done!).
So you’d probably expect me to be focused on beauty and beautifying… perhaps starting a war connected to beauty contest because I bribed the judge…
The Love of Helen and Paris by Jacques-Louis David
a painting depicting the bribe (of a bride) Aphrodite (Venus) used to win The Judgement of Paris
And I am very focused on beauty and beautifying my home, my daily life… but my idea of what beauty and beautifying means and is may be different from your idea of it.
My natal Venus in Pisces in the 6th is part of (the dreaded) T-square in my chart – it opposes my Moon (and my Ascendant) in the 12th house (of hidden enemies amongst other nebulous things) and squares my Neptune in the 3rd house (of the mind, communication, short trips which often detour into weird adventures)
Why is this dot . here… did you get lost little dot, do you want me to help you find your family, your home, adopt you because you have no one else in the world to love you, I can love you even if you’re totally unlovable…
(dear me, you did this with your mother and look how well that worked out for you and for her… she still never felt loved enough even when you destroyed yourself almost completely for her to prove she was loved – remember the earrings!
She forced you to buy a pair because ‘she’d feel guilty’ for buying ten pairs and make you pay for not buying anything and ‘shaming’ her because she was buying stuff and you weren’t and she saw herself as lady generous, so you bought a pair for her sake and you chose very carefully a most beautiful pair… but her ten earrings weren’t as stunning as your one pair in her eyes, people paid too much attention to you when you wore them only on special occasions – like when you had to show her that you were grateful for her ‘gift’ of those earrings. People complimented you on your earrings while ignoring her and her earrings, she envied and hated you for those earrings which she forced you to buy, so what did you do… you broke those earrings apart and made two pairs out of one and gave her the more intricate and beautiful part – you did try offering her all of your pair but she refused, they were too big and clunky and would hurt her delicate ears. She never wore them but it did warm her black heart that you could never wear them again, that they were destroyed and so were you by proxy).
[Dear people who hope your love for them can save a narcissist… been there, done that, been there, done that, been there, done that because I stubbornly refused to face the fact that love does not conquer all. Amor does not vincit omnia… not that kind of amor anyway and frankly not being won over to the light side by your love suits the ‘special’ status of a narcissist, they do love it when you keep delusionally trying though as it feeds and boosts their ego and deep down int heir emptiness they also hope you can cure them of their… thing which is wrong with you, they’re perfect mmmkay!]
I’ve investigated that T-square numerous times but I… get distracted while doing it, can’t recall what I found out about it, prefer my own take on it which sometimes includes ignoring it completely (and with Venus/Moon/Neptune involved in a T-square you can ignore anything which causes discomfort by sailing away to a land of milk (I’m lactose intolerant) and honey (omg how does it get everywhere and stick everything together, but it’s so delicious… too sweet, poor bees), of rainbows (fogbows) and unicorns (ouch! watch where you’re pointing that horn you freak of nature… aren’t you beautiful, your freakishness is a deliriously gorgeous vive la difference! can I ride you… what do you mean I’m too heavy for your back… oh you mean Pluto, yeah I can’t put him down, he’s carrying me)
I rely on my Pluto in Virgo in the 1st house to deal with the excesses of my Venus in Pisces – my Pluto reminds me that I’m not a murderer just because I scalded a frog to death while cleaning the bathtub (once several years ago and I still haven’t forgotten or gotten over it) and now I can’t ever clean the bathtub again, at least not with hot water, it wasn’t my fault it decided to climb up the outlet pipe… but I should have known, checked… and it’s okay to sometimes mow the lawn even if some bugs and small critters die during the process… but housework and gardening kills living things through me when I do it!!!! I refuse to do anymore housework or gardening – I tried to tidy the barn and disturbed hibernating butterfilies…. the horror, the horror, the humanity! Just look at it as reincarnation therapy or just death being a part of life, says Pluto… but Venus doth protest – I’m not going to ruin that spider’s web just because I can’t get into the kitchen from the hallway because of it, do you know how hard it worked to make that beautiful weaving and it’s web comes from its belly! What of your house guests are afraid of spiders, then what? Oh… dear… I am perplexedly confused, torn between who to save… alas… alack…
While I enjoy reading the typical astrological interpretations of Venus in Pisces because they’re so kind for this placement (Venus is exalted in this sign… oooooh, exalted, no idea what it means but that sounds rather nice, although… maybe a bit elitist… that’s not so nice) and most of my other placements get a bad rap or just aren’t viewed as gentle or as gently written about…
and my Venus in Pisces really needs to hear that it’s okay…
but those interpretations can be cotton candy floss… which is yummy except for when you eat it and get accused of taunting your mother with the smell of it when actually what she’s smelling which so offends her is a fire in the kitchens of the hotel you’re staying in and she’d have realised that if she’d been paying attention to the sirens and shouts and general chaos coming form the street and corridors of the establishment but she was too focused on punching you with her wound. You were her vomit bag should she experience air sickness. Her stress release toy. Her means to a happier and more loving self after she’d transferred all her spleen and bile onto and into you (but this is really more the territory of my Chiron in Pisces in the 7th… however it does affect my Venus in Pisces in the 6th).
excerpt via Cafeastrology – Love sign compatibility: Venus in Pisces
While the rest of me, especially the me that you might see on a daily basis, seems to be an impenetrable fortress of sarcasm, cynicism, and reserved cool and calm under pressure. I talk like a pirate, swagger like a cowboy at high noon, avoid attention like a ninja, and generally say everything is going to be alright like a turn on tune in drop out hippie from our imagination of what the 70’s was all about…
I’m not pretending all those things, it’s just that all those things aren’t all of me…
I’m also something softer, sensitive, and prone to being hurt by everything kind of person… you didn’t mean to hurt me, it’s not your fault and I don’t expect you to change who you are to suit me – that would hurt me even more as I would be painfully aware of you painfully attempting not to hurt me and valiantly trying to be who you’re not because you think who you are causes others pain…
I am always in pain one way or another… I know how to swim in those waters… be yourself and leave me to deal with me being myself. I kind of like my easily hurt and very vulnerable side and while I do protect it with armor made of enchanted dragonbone – I protect it so it can continue to be vulnerable and hurt by everything as this nourishes me with information about what it is to be human, to be alive, to be…
Our pain connects us, wipe it out and you wipe out our connection with each other, with other beings, with live, with the planet and mother nature.
Anais Nin – Venus in Pisces in the 6th house
So when you think you’re not hurting me, that I’m not feeling your pain or thinking about you and your pain, your issues, enough for you and thus you try harder to hurt me, up your attack which you justify as being righteous due to – stuff we use to do that when we do stuff we know isn’t as good as we tell ourselves that we are…
I felt you before you even noticed I existed. The moment you touched me every pore in my skin absorbed what was leaking out of yours, your electricity spoke to mine and shocked me into mindfulness of you while you remained unmindful of me as you were a bit distracted by yourself, perhaps wondering what I thought of you or what I felt about you – did you make the impression you were hoping to make and if not how can you control my impression of you to suit your vision of yourself.
While telling me how empathic you are and how much it hurts you to be that way and how much you suffer because no one is as empathic as you are… I was being it without mentioning it because why talk about something you do every day in every way and don’t particularly want to advertise as it can attract the wrong type of customer.
I feel your pain… I feel pain… but I might not show it. Why? Partly because every human you ever meet (however you meet them) is in pain – yup, even the ones who are posting smiley pics of themselves living the perfect life on Facebook, Instagram and everywhere else on social media so others can see them and perhaps feel… what?
Next time you get all pissed off hurt because your friend on Facebook had a happy moment and their happy moment hurt you because they didn’t include you (other than through sharing it on Facebook), maybe rather than wish inconsiderate (of you) friends wouldn’t share their personal shit on their personal account which hurts and angers you… why not wish them well, be happy for them (as you would hope they’d be happy for you when you do exactly what they did… but it’s different when you do it, right), they had a moment in which they were able to forget their pain (and the pains, pain in the asses, of life who are always criticising them for everything they do) or maybe they’re trying to say – I’m fine – to the question How Are You? while dying inside and this is the line, the image, the moment, which is keeping them alive when all they want to do is die – and they can’t die because they know it would hurt those they love and who love them.
We’re all hurting… somewhere, somehow… you’re not a special snowflake of pain and hurt while everyone else is an amorphous mass of melting from happy pain free…
Why do the white gulls call?
Venus in Pisces in the 6th house will watch over you, protecting you from those monsters under you bed (nope, I didn’t mention them just as you didn’t think about them), she may bleed a little while doing her duty… tis but a scratch, a drop of the waters of the river of life… she may disappear before you awake because you no longer need her…
and we all lived happily ever after (until the sequel).
Oh my. Your earring story is almost an archetype. Wow. It’s so much to your credit, your you-ness, that you were able to get through all that mental torture. I’m glad that you’re here to tell us about your journey. 🙂
I have Taurus in the 6th House. I think it means that I’m a bit of practical plodder. Yup. That would be true. 🙂
That earring story is a ‘marker’ for me – kind of encapsulates my relationship with my mother. Through most of it I was reeling mainly due to it being all about a pair of earrings and really… they’re just earrings. They were costume jewelry, pretty, cheap. But they weren’t ‘just earrings’.
She’d done stuff like that with me before, over and over (typical narc style of repetition) but this time it was condensed and I could see the pattern and story more clearly.
Her life and lifestyle was unraveling very quickly and dramatically at the time, so everything was more out there in the open while she desperately tried to hide and control it.
Taurus 6th house is, imo, a great cusp for the 6th. I have a soft spot for the sign of Taurus… sensual beast, offering warmth of the practical kind. The earth is solid and that is a treasure in a world which is prone to continuous earthquakes of one sort or another. You are the rock in the day to day which people cling to… good for them – how is it for you?
It’s mind-bending to watch a narcissist unravel. It’s like they have a lot of little rubber balls that are rolling away from them, and they’re rushing around, sweating and cursing and crying, trying to get all the balls back in their pockets, but they never can, and the resulting rage is enormous. So they ignore the balls that got away, and pretend like they never existed. But all that sweating and cursing and crying, that’s your fault, and it doesn’t matter if you were on the other side of the country when the balls went out of control.
You nailed that Taurus description. 🙂 I do feel like the rock others cling to – on the one hand, it’s great to know that people trust you like that, on the other, though, it’s pretty stressful.
That’s an excellent visual image. Reminds me of my mother’s reaction to a glass being broken. I now use how people react to a broken glass as a template for understanding them and their priorities and philosophy of life.
My partner does that rock people cling to thing. He loves being that rock and it does come very naturally to him to be that way, however sometimes he takes on too much responsibility from others which they really need to be not piling onto to him (or anyone else), and his rock starts to crack under the pressure of too big a load. Rock people need to know that it’s okay to not always be a rock or rock solid. 🙂
Thank you. 🙂
That’s true – you don’t always have to be the rock. Taking turns is a good thing. 🙂
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