Learning to Figure Things Out for Yourself

There are moments in life when you may suddenly get the strong impression that you’re on your own, that you’re all alone…

in some impossible situation which you’re certain you can’t possibly solve on your own…

you need help, but…

there isn’t a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue, there isn’t going to be a hero who saves you from the situation you’re in, no one is there for you (even if you’re surrounded by people)…

those people who claim to be there for you… terms and conditions apply… even if they want to help, be your hero… this situation scares them, they can’t deal with it either, they don’t know how to help you and that makes them feel helpless, powerless… they don’t like feeling that way so they’re out of here one way or another…

you’re going to have to be there for yourself, save yourself, solve your problem on your own, be your own hero and knight in shining armor…


you aren’t prepared for that…

perhaps because many of the stories you’ve read (or which have been read to you), the movies you’ve seen, the songs you’ve heard (sometimes played on repeat because you liked the same tale it was telling in each different song), has spoken of some hero (often an unlikely one) saving you (or your alter ego character in those stories, films, songs) at the last minute.

Someone else is always there for you, saving your day or your ass… so you don’t have to learn how to do it for yourself.



from the Netflix series The OA


How do these heroes which we read, hear, see about, become heroes?

The hero myth in fiction often comes with superpowers being discovered under duress – the hero doesn’t know they’re a hero until they have to save themselves or someone they love (or a stranger whom they care about because they’re humanity personified) from some dire circumstance.

Or a deity (or a group of special people) inform a person that they’re the chosen one – chosen to save the world…

Why does the world always need saving?

And why do the villains in these hero tales often ‘mistakenly’ think they’re the chosen ones who are saving the world?

And why does the hero often get mistaken as a villain… with maybe the villain being heralded as a hero?

And isn’t it strange that the hero and villain often have so much in common?

The hero in the latter scenario is usually too humble to accept that they’re the chosen one even if it’s a deity telling them so… they think the deity (or special people group) are wrong in their judgment, they reject the status they’ve been given… until they’re forced to accept it against their will due to extenuating circumstances which prove to them that they’re (forever screwed by being) the chosen one.



from the Netflix series The OA


Why do we like these tales so much that we keep writing about them, reading about them, making moving pictures of them, watching those moving pictures about them (turning them into blockbusters… thus setting up the stage for more to come, because they make money and anything that makes money due to being popular and hitting a popular chord keeps getting made), singing about them, and listening to songs about them?

Is it because we identify with them personally, and not just because we keep hoping that a hero will save us from a villain, but also because, deep down inside, we are that unlikely hero (even when everyone, a deity, a special group of people, ourselves, is telling us we’re the villain).

Is it because of those moments in life when you may suddenly get the strong impression that you’re on your own, that you’re all alone…

you had to be your own hero, you had to learn to figure things out for yourself…in your own time,at your own pace,to the beat of your own drum…a drum which makes a different sound depending on whether it is full, half full, half empty, empty…


  1. I think it’s because subconsciously we all know it’s what we signed up for. Crucifixion, resurrection and ascension…and then repeat…


  2. I was surprised that you wrote this one. My first thoughts were that you need some kind of help but I,m still not sure.What I do know for sure is that I was meant to be alone and work things out for myself its how its always been despite my internal; protests.I always wanted a friend then when I got them I found myself lumbered with loads of hero type tasks nothing life saving mind you. I have been called a hero loads of times but never felt it was worthy title to me saving a person from some imminent danger ie cliff edge,railway tracks,even a psychopath now that’s what comes somewhere near to being a hero.I,d like to reverse the situation from Knight in shining armour and damsel in distress to damsel in shining armour and knight in distress now in that scenario I would have no problem in asking for help and I would yell save me save me without embarrassment.I just never think of not being able to solve a problem and feel so alone there is loads of help out there you might have to pay for most of it but with research you can usually find an answer. Remember that time when there was an accident close to where you live and you offered and gave help I remember thinking that the people you helped seem to be grateful but I bet you they have never forgot you even though to you it was nothing and too in loads of your posts you,ve been the answer to the impossible over and over.
    Ok as far as I can remember I needed help once and it was impossible situation pre mobile phone days- I had my car clamped and read that if you jack the car up and let the air out of the tyre you can slip the wheel out of the clamp-so I did that whilst two beafy clampers watched but the jack slipped and jammed my hand badly and I had to ask these dudes to help me and guess what they did!!! For that one moment I felt weak and helpless so may be I have been lucky up to now.
    Anyway what has been the longest time in your life that you have been stuck trying to solve some impossible situation an hour, week, month a year or longer?
    bon week-end


    • Thank you 🙂

      This post was inspired by my recent binge-watching of the TV series – The OA. It’s by Brit Marling, who also wrote and starred in Another Earth which is a fascinating film. She has a way of looking at life, living, and life experiences in a surreal way and that sort of thing always intrigues me, it hits a certain satisfying spot. She’s a rather awesome creative weirdo.

      Parts of the story of The OA reminded me of personal experiences and the paths I’ve traveled trying to figure things out.

      I’m fine. I’m decompressing. The last few years have been intense and I’m finally relaxing, processing that time, the information gathered, the changes which have occurred, and mainly just chilling the way that I normally do that which is by retreating into myself to space out, exploring abstract avenues of thought, feeling, whatever, and seeing where I end up. When I do that people sometimes think I’m in a funk because I get very quiet and when I do talk it can seem weird, dark, serious, something along those lines, but I’m actually in one of my happy places.

      I love that anecdote about the clamp! It’s a wonderful story about life and the twists and turns it can take, and how we write our own tales with our thoughts, perceptions and actions.

      When we’re in trouble it is often the most unexpected people who offer to help.

      re: Anyway what has been the longest time in your life that you have been stuck trying to solve some impossible situation an hour, week, month a year or longer?

      ans: Years and years and years, and each passing year felt like an eternity in hell. The problem isn’t that the situation is impossible, it’s that we don’t fully accept that it is impossible to solve, we keep hoping it’ll become possible to solve it, we keep thinking that there must be a solution to it and if we stick with it we’ll find it.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I love looking up words, it’s a great adventure as you never know where you’ll end up!

      There’s a puzzle site which I enjoy visiting, it has some fun word quizzes – https://www.merriam-webster.com/word-games

      Mind you, I forget most of the stuff I learn, my mind is a bit of a sieve… it’s a puzzle in and of itself as to why certain things get learned and others just don’t.


  3. I watched The OA a couple of months ago and quite enjoyed it. It really does open up interesting avenues of thought and I’ve turned the series over in my mind a number of times since watching it.

    Like 2francoise I wondered if you were okay and was glad to read that you’re decompressing, incorporating the last few years. I find sometimes that I’m just hanging on and it takes a long time for me to catch up afterwards.

    I’ve been alone many times, trying to figure out what to do next. Asking for help hasn’t figured much into it, though. I learned as a child that I wasn’t “supposed” to and it’s a habit that’s now very ingrained. In some cases I have enjoyed watching or reading hero mythology as brain fluff, but I went though a period of really avoiding it because when I was a child I completely bought into it and it started colouring my perceptions. It was a crutch and I needed to learn to walk again.

    Great post – a very enjoyable read (and think). 🙂


    • Thank you 🙂

      I also learned to avoid asking for help as a child. While the main people in my life were narcissists it was best to not have any need for assistance. Narcissists often see your request for help as a challenge or a competition, or it shows them up in some way, exposes their inability to deal with life, damages their ego and persona, and it turns into a full blown drama, even with the simplest of scenarios. Asking a narcissist for help can end up with you having to save them and your original problem goes unsolved while you deal with the mess they created. Mind you not asking a narcissist for help when they’ve decided you should do so and need it can also lead to much sturm und drang.

      It’s an ingrained habit for me too, and while it has its uses, such as making you self-reliant, it can also cause issues with all those other people who aren’t narcissists because I don’t follow recognised and regular patterns of behaviour. It often doesn’t even occur to me to ask for help.

      Anyway, I’m not in need of help atm, and I’m more than okay, thank you for caring ❤

      Hope your new job and location is treating you well!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. On Thu, Feb 23, 2017 at 4:53 AM, An Upturned Soul wrote:

    > anupturnedsoul posted: “There are moments in life when you may suddenly > get the strong impression that you’re on your own, that you’re all alone… > in some impossible situation which you’re certain you can’t possibly solve > on your own… you need help, but… there isn'” >


  5. Maybe this is a archetypal experience we have deep in our consciousness perhaps from childhood fairytales. A friend today was speaking about his deep disappointment in male female relationships how he had never realised the happily ever after connection he longed for. He has Sun Moon in Aries opp Neptune in Libra btw…and I do agree with 2francoise that in the end we must rely on ourselves and often through great loneliness and disappointment.


    • The intriguing thing about consciousness is that we don’t really know what it is or why it is the way it is. Why did it evolve as it has in humans, and why do humans think so much and have such complex thoughts – what’s the purpose of all this thinking, of all this creating reality with thinking?


      • Yes and at times there is a confusion between thinking and feeling. Sometimes it feels as though we think so much rather than relate just through being but we need to think as humans to wrestle with questions. It is very complex.


        • One of the most interesting aha moments I had years ago was when I realised that a lot of what I thought was feeling was actually thinking disguised as and mimicking feeling. I remember catching myself trying to figure out how I should feel in a situation and then thinking myself into feeling it, but it wasn’t real feeling, it wasn’t how I truly felt in that situation and the difference between how I truly felt and what my mind had decided I should feel was so stark in contrast that it made me stop, observe the process and take stock of how often I may have been doing this with ‘feelings’.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I go through exactly the same as you. How interesting as we both had Mercury square Neptune in Scorpio don’t we? It makes sense in that context. I have been noticing this lately how I have a feeling and then an inner voice tries to talk me out of it or tells me I need to look at things differently but as I examine it that is my mother’s dialogue at times when I share feelings with her. Its a sign of growth, I guess when we can recognise this in ourselves. Thanks so much for sharing that with me. 🙂


Comments are closed.