To Obtain By Irregular Means

While sipping overly strong coffee this morning, waiting for my brain to untangle itself from the symbolic world of dreams (where it is more at home than in the waking world), playing a word game on one of my favourite sites – Merriam-Webster (I particularly like the ones where you have to unscramble words, find words in a mess of letters, as they turn my dyslexia into a useful ability), out of the corner of my eye I spotted the Word of the Day:

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The Word of the Day was partly obscured by the header and it looked like it was ‘shame’…

the moment my mind decided it was ‘shame’, I felt a heaviness weigh down upon me… funny how just a word can do that…

but ‘shame’ didn’t go with the definition… or did it!?

If you think about it, a substance like shame can be obtained by irregular means…

the most unlikely sources can make us feel ashamed, shameful, shame…

even just reading the word – shame – can make you feel ashamed and shameful because it triggers the mind to make associations (the mind thinks it’s being helpful, flexing its learning, doing a brain-training exercise, showing off to you how clever you are, how much you know, justifying why you went to school, read books, keep improving yourself, etc) and cough up all those experiences and things about ourselves which make us feel awful (ly heavy) about ourselves…

and the list of things which make us feel awful about ourselves tends to be quite long, as does the one containing all our shameful shames of which we are ashamed.

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are these the only options…

and is the person who wrote this being a covert SRS while pretending to be an AS?

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It’s interesting to note that the word ‘shame’ contains the word ‘sham’ within it… and ‘ham’… and ‘am’… no, I’m not really going anywhere with this tangent, this is just something my mind does with words (for no particular reason… although I’m sure I could invent a reason and so could those whose job it is to find explanations about why we do stuff) which can be enlightening… especially after an enheavi-ing…

however I could go somewhere with it…

if restless…

bored…

rebellious against the systems which are imposed upon us by others which we then absorb and impose on ourselves (and others in a pass the hot potato game of human), the shames and shams which others sell to us and which we buy into are plentiful…

but in those moments when we don’t buy into them no matter how hard a sell job someone is doing is when ‘ashamed’ turns into ‘I’m a being a-sham-ed and I’m not buying it (because I’ve spent all my doubloons or doubt-loons on this jolly rot and I’m overflowing with plenty)’.

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some superficial generalisations can be so spot on… I wonder why that is?

the thing which my Sun sign says too much was something which was turned into a source of shame for me by my parents who didn’t like hearing it, particularly when they were trying to sell me a stairway to Heaven which they didn’t own but wished they did… and thought they might get it by selling me shame… and other fabled morals of that ilk

and yet there was a certain pride they had in me for that for which they shamed me…

weird…

humans are nuts

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For instance when someone tells me that something like astrology is a ‘pseudoscience’…

to dismiss a subject which they usually know little about because why would they bother getting to know something if they can just pretend to know all they need to know about it (which is that it gives them the heebies and now they”re going to pass on to you the jeebies) to dismiss it…

and to dismiss you whom they also know little about… if they did know anything about you they would know that what they’ve just done is given you information about themselves which they probably were trying to keep on the QT…

now I know this person is most likely a pseudo intellectual who likes to use the word ‘pseudoscience’ in sentences to maintain their membership to the one-upmanship club (which requires that you learn a big word and then use it in everyday discussions to impress upon others the weight of your intellect – which isn’t the same as intelligence, each time you use it you get a point – ka-ching, each time you use it incorrectly you get more points – ka-ka-ching, especially if the incorrect use goes unchallenged and unnoticed by the victims or suppliers of the air to inflate your ego, but most members are too afraid to do the latter and therefore they reveal even more about themselves in the doing of their deeds…

their doing is the undoing of them… which means their weak spot, Achilles’ heel, and tender underbelly is exactly where they drew a red circle of shame for you, me, all and sundry…

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By making you feel ashamed the shamer gives you the opportunity to snaffle (the word which was actually The Word of the Day) the secret of what makes them feel ashamed…

humans rarely ever give a bleeping bleep about things in others which don’t bother us personally…

we sometimes call certain things empathy which aren’t really that at all… we’re not feeling for others, or what others are feeling, or understanding what it is like to be in their shoes… if we were truly doing that, the story would unfold differently…

we’re just seeing the thorn in our paw in someone else’s paw, transferring and projecting it, then prodding, poking, pushing it further into the tender pad… maybe in the hopes that they’ll show us how to get the damn thing out or perhaps just to not be so alone in our pain, suffering, and attachment those things…

and get a little bit of pleasure (perversely and ashamedly) out of it…

the way those who sold us that thorn did.

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Never forget a Pisces…?

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But…

maybe our points of shame which we try to inflict upon others and make their points of shame… don’t point to a flaw within us, or a weakness, heel of Achilles, vulnerable and tender ‘stab me here to hurt me’ circled in red (blood) spot…

maybe that’s where the light gets in, we stay flexible, open (regardless of how rigid and closed, guarded, we try to be)… to something beyond ourselves…

I’m not talking about the numinous, but that too if that’s something which means something to you…

the word shame also has ‘ame’ within it… which in Latin means ‘soul’ – anima…

is shame perchance a way to contact and connect with soul? Our soul and that of others…

the soul of nature, the natural…

and when we feel animosity… could it be an overwhelming of the soul, soulfulness, a fullness of the soul…

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Yes…

we’ve reached that moment…

the one where I notice that I no longer have any idea of what I am saying (if I ever had it… such a thread is elusive, a trickster, prone to disappearing even when you think you’re holding tightly on to it and it to you)…

in some ways this is my preferred state, for here shame is not bound by convention and may allow a crazy kind of wisdom to be obtained by irregular means…

or something like that…

is this my person or my role?

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excerpt from Ashish Dalela: The Cycle of Guna and Karma

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over to you…

what say you?

And if you prefer to say nothing… what is this nothing you have said?

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