Where Do We Go From Here

Have you ever finally gotten something (or maybe someone) you wanted?

Finally achieved a goal you worked hard to score? Finally found what you were looking for? Finally reached the end of a journey? Finally been noticed after years of invisibility? Finally become invisible after years of unwanted attention? Finally recovered from a traumatic experience? Finally kicked that habit?

Finally done that thing on your To-do list which you’ve been avoiding doing because of reasons to the extent that you’ve become convinced that if procrastination was a subject you could study you’d have a masters degree in it, would be an expert in it, and would probably be an esteemed (and very rich) guru of how to procrastinate your life away in 5 easy steps?

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A few minutes ago I was watching a couple wandering around the perimeter of my property. There is a path there, but the land the path is on is private property and not many people use it – just the guy who owns it, his family, and the guys who sometimes keep sheep in the fenced-off field. This couple… were obviously lost and also obviously on a date with one of them leading the way on this wild adventure they were having who was desperately still pretending that he knew where he was going and taking his loved one of the moment (and maybe of forever and a moment). They were looking for some destination…. which wasn’t anywhere where they were looking for it (I heard him say – it’s not over that gate… – as he retraced his steps… but it most likely was over that gate).

And yes, I did consider butting in and offering guidance, but… I’ve been part of a couple getting lost in the wilds of the countryside and sometimes the best part of the experience is being left alone to lostness.

I live opposite the start of a nature trail…. I’m guessing they were looking for that, and most people have no trouble finding it… so maybe getting lost together is what they really were seeking. It’s a good test for a couple, you really get to know each other when you get lost together…

If one or both of you is a control freak who has been keeping control-freakery hidden… it’ll come out and bite when lost. If one or both of you is a chilled-out Zen master… that too will out when lost. If one or both of you always calls mummy or daddy when the shit hits the fan… If one or both of you knows how to survive in the wild because you are the wild… if one or both of you get hungry and think the only way to survive is to eat the other… even though you’ve only been lost for an hour or two and civilisation is close by.

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While this couple and their lostness reminded me of adventures I’ve been on with my partner and how we handled it (both badly and goodly…), it also prompted memories of a recent social gathering…

where I spent the day with a couple who… hate being lost and don’t handle that scenario well at all, but since they’re ‘nice people’ it’s never their fault when things go wrong – things going wrong = things not being perfect, as expected, according to (an anal) plan (they had for it), as the brochure said it would be, how others experienced it, etc…

and it’s never their responsibility if they behave badly – they never behave badly… apparently.

I like this couple and I don’t like them – yup, it’s one of those kinds of relationships. Don’t worry, the feeling is mutual… although I would say they’ve expended more effort than I have on the not liking part. I’m just too different, from a diverse background, universe, and everything about me is alien, suspect, scary…

I affect most people that way (so I’m kind of used to it… ). I’m one of those people who when they tell you (as a warning and just as probable need-to-know info) that they’re weird… it’s true rather than just a popular thing to say about yourself. I am intensely weird (other people have made me aware of this over the years, since I was a child… I thought and still sometimes think that I’m the epitome of normal and not weird at all…), and I will intensely weird you out if you spend any time around me (if you think I won’t, that you’re the exception… I’ve thought that about a lot of people but somehow I still manage to weird them the eff out just by being normal and natural me)… I try not to do that, which only makes things worse (or better… depending on perspective orientation).

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I worked my butt off (did some research into stuff… which is pretty enjoyable work-play for me…) to make the day with this couple suit this couple’s needs – in other words I shape-shifted myself and organised our outing to suit them (but I didn’t go overboard because experience has taught me that this is not a good idea as they will hate it and you will hate them for hating it, bitterness and passive aggression ensues for all involved…).

We spent more than one day together, the first day was an awesome easy success, but the second day… they were a bit grumbly because the place I’d recommended that they stay (which I had warned them about… all the things they ended up complaining about which they said was okay until it wasn’t… in other words in theory it was okay but in practice ir bothered them) wasn’t up to their standards of perfect and normal… and all they wanted to do was bitch about it on a loop.

While I was okay with the first tour of that bitching loop, get it out of your system, you’re probably right everything is wrong, but… what is is and no amount of bitching is going to change that so find the silver lining and make the most of it… but no, these nice people needed to bitch and bitch and bitch however they couldn’t own their bitching because they are nice people and nice people don’t do that…. unless… it’s someone else who is forcing their mouths to spew such venom. It’s not their fault but they must point out all the faults they’ve noticed… now that they’re in this groove!

I did try to ignore all of this like I normally do with them, but they were so insistent… that I noticed and noticed it again and around again we go…

and wondered why they needed to do it with such dedication…

as

while this bitching was going on we were having lunch at a riverside cafe, the food was delish, fresh, the service was great and friendly, the place was trendy and fun (and they thought the place was excellent…) … so why hark on about the past (albeit a very recent one which wasn’t that bad… the hotel was a mess but the people working there were nice and tried their best… but still… nyah, nyah, nyah…) when the present was offering so much?

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Truth is… I’ve been them and done that… okay, I haven’t been them exactly because that’s too much of a stretch for me (or a shrinkage into a less mess spilling over form…), but I have been the person who believed they were a ‘nice person’ bitching and blaming everyone else for my bitching because nice people are nice and don’t bitch so it must be someone else’s fault this is happening…

it is and it isn’t…

(Stephen Fry please take note – the reason there is cruelty, suffering, chaos in the world is because humans have free will and humans are… humans… – I really thought you were smarter than that weird ass mess you got yourself into… maybe your smarts were tired or bored or both… and maybe you’re just a human being human saying the sort of shit human say and then blame others when a fan gets hit and splatters us)

perhaps someone else pokes you and it’s too much for you to remain in nice mode, but… well, in my nice person days I relished the times I was given the opportunity to be a bitch without losing my nice person status (at least inside my head and in my ego’s opinion) and have a bitching session… and my bitching sessions always played on a loop… stroking the thorn in the paw… ouch, bitch, ouch, bitch, ouch… not wanting to remove it because finally you can let off steam (that pressure which has been building while you’ve been being an official nice person putting up with stuff for reasons)…

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I think the reason one couple reminded me of another… because sometimes you just have to let people be as they be and not interfere when you think they’ve gotten lost… perhaps they’re not lost at all, and even if they are what makes you the one who knows the way for them to go…?

How does this tie into finally getting what you want… well, if people stopped interfering in your journey, thinking you’re lost when you’re not, or even if you are… well maybe you need to be lost for awhile to find your own way and someone else’s way work as it may for them may not work for you… and when they interfere it just makes you loster, makes finding your own way harder, delays it, detours you into a place you… perhaps you need to visit it, but what if you don’t…

The first couple were probably at least ten years younger than me, the second couple are almost twice my age… goes to show that getting lost and finding your way aren’t really agie-st matters…

or something like that….

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You sort of have to have seen Brimstone and Treacle to know how weird this video and song is… it’s a film that’s weirder than I am… maybe… or maybe not… perhaps it took awhile for me to embrace the normal and natural for me… which sometimes seems weird when viewed from a distance, from outside of the one living it…

it ripples…

accept yourself and it become simpler to accept others and their weird-normal…

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What have you been up to recently which has made you have a Hmmmmm moment?

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