Are You Asking the Right Questions

For as long as I have known myself, and been aware of a self of who to know and to get to know, there has been one consistent question I have asked of myself and tried to answer, and find the answer to (often everywhere but where the answer was actually located – within the question itself)…

What is wrong with me?

This kind of question is easy to ask (even when we pretend it is hard to ask), and also easy to answer (even when we furrow our brow and assume the position of deep penetrative thought which we feel should hurt us to do and thus be hard work)…

especially if other people weigh in on it (which they may be happy to do as it means taking a vacation from dealing with their own shit by distracting themselves with yours…)…

or you weigh in on it on their behalf deciding what they think of you (with or without asking them directly or indirectly what they think of you) and answering it for them by assuming that they’re probably thinking negatively of you (even if they say something positive when you ask them directly and indirectly about what they think of you), and thus they definitely believe something is wrong with you (lots of somethings…)…

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Because we often assume that others think we’re the problem, the root of the issue, the mess, the one in the wrong… we may jump the gun and pick on ourselves before they do (or at least prepare ourselves for them picking on us by picking on ourselves first… haha, they can’t criticise us as badly as we criticise ourselves!)…

or we do to them what we think they’re doing to us and we find something wrong with them so that we can accuse them of that when they accuse us of this…

and since they’re most likely doing what we’re doing… we’re all in sync, opposing each other with the same arguments (in our heads), ready to attack each other and then play the passive-aggressive victim…

or something along those lines.

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It seems as though many people end up finding my blog after they’ve done a search for how to get back at someone else (a narcissist or a capricorn… which some people think are synonymous) who has done them a wrong and made them feel as though something is wrong with them…

and none of us like to have a wrong done to us or feel that something is wrong with us, it unsettles us and spurs us, leading us to decide that we must retaliate, do a wrong (which we, like the person who did us a wrong, probably think is a right) to right a wrong, or that there is something wrong with the person who has found something wrong with us, made us feel as though something is wrong with us…

people ask questions like:

how to get revenge on a narcissist (a very bad idea even though I totally know this urge, understand it, and have acted upon it which is why I know this is a very bad idea unless you’re willing to spend the rest of your life only working on this, sacrificing all else to it, become who you are not and never get what you truly want)… is this the right question to be asking or perhaps could you ask something else like – what do I really want to get where I want to be… and where do I want to be (do I want to be stuck in the revenge games with a narcissist or free from this hell is other people and myself when obsessed with those other people scenario).

how to outsmart a narcissist (you can’t as long as you’re trying to do it on their territory by their rules of their version of the game of life)… is this the right question to be asking or perhaps you could ask of yourself why do I want to outsmart someone who I have diagnosed as a narcissist, I’ve read up on these people known as narcissists and therefore I should know better than to try to outsmart someone who thinks they’re the smartest person in the room and persistently has to prove that… (do I really want to be stuck in this room with them being the smartest person in it).

how to confront a narcissist about them being a narcissist… (do not go down this path unless you want to end up in therapy after being accused of what you were accusing them of being and having it proved to you with gaslighting and smear campaigns and a plethora of other tactics which end up with you doubting your own sanity)… ask yourself why you need to confront someone else with who you think they are, maybe you need to be confronting yourself about who you think you are (and this doesn’t have to be a negative experience).

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excerpt via A Conscious Rethink – ย 8 Things A Narcissist Cannot Do For You (Or Anyone Else)

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Some people are searching for how to get a narcissist to love them… yes, really… and I’ve searched for this myself long before there was an internet with search engines and search results (with how-to’s written by others who want to make our life easy for us… or do they?), because both my parents were narcissists and I longed to be loved by them… I never really figured this one out, but I sort of did… the more I wanted and needed love from my parents the less I got it, however when I didn’t want my parents’ love anymore, suddenly they loved me more than life itself (that’s narcissistic love for you!).

Other things people seem to want to know:

how to know when a capricorn loves you… if a cappy is very obviously going out of their way to ignore you (especially if they are a young one) then they like and maybe love you (but this could also mean they find you annoying – you need to be a keen observer of the subtleties of the art of ignoring to know which is which), if they’re still in your life and are trying to be helpful to you offering practical tips and tricks… they like you and maybe love you (or maybe they’re just being helpful)…

how to win the trust of a capricorn you’ve betrayed – this isn’t going to happen… you’ve used up all your ‘get out of jail’ cards by this point… and perhaps you might want to ask yourself why you betrayed their trust in the first place (and maybe second and third place… have you tested their trust more than the once you claim?), and why you now want to win it back after you betrayed them… this relationship might not be for you and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

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how to make a capricorn admit they are wrong…

(if you’re a fire sun sign it’s never going to happen because of your approach and attitude that you’re always right even when wrong which is too fiery and cappy has built a fireguard against it,

if you’re an air sun sign you might want to stop talking because cappy has stopped listening – trop de blah blah which often contradicts itself in the same sentence and… are you listening to yourself or just to the sound of your own voice talking and talking,

if you’re a water sun sign you might want to dam those feelings and emotions which you keep gushing their way as they’ve caused flooding for cappy and cappy’s structure is now rotting, rusting, and moldy,

if you’re an earth sun sign just apply what applies to you in these scenarios and try rephrasing the ‘you are wrong’ part of your sentence as you know that never works when someone else says it to you),

the right question to ask here may be – what do you gain by making someone else wrong and making them accept their wrongness to you, for you…

and ask yourself also – what do they gain from it (what would you gain from admitting you were wrong when someone else wanted you to do that?), is them acknowledging their wrongness going to make your relationship with them better or is it going to make them feel like shit while you feel better for making them feel like shit (perhaps this is revenge for all those times they made you feel wrong and when they made you feel wrong you felt like shit so you want one time to be the one in the right and to make them feel as you did when they made you wrong… is it worth it).

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I’m a sun sign cappy and I have no problem with being told I’m wrong (my close friends will most likely tell you they’re kind of fed up with me always saying I’m wrong even when I’m not… some versions of humility are very irritating)… just make sure you do it in a way which is logical, practical and sensible otherwise my other astrological factors (which aren’t in capricorn, will kick in and… you really don’t want to deal with a few of those if your motives aren’t as pure as you claim that they are).

If you’ve got issues with a capricorn or other sun sign… you might want to check the rest of their natal chart (and transits to their chart – if you’re dealing with a sun sign cappy be aware and beware that Pluto is transiting the sign) and your own natal chart (and transits to it) before embarking on the astrological side of the story as it’s not always the sun sign of the other person (or yours) which is causing the problems you perceive and you may need to rethink your astro-query.

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Other questions asked are:

signs of madness (anything that takes you further away from yourself, who you truly are as is…)… perfectionism, idealism, and pretty much anything that separates, compares, and this often means splitting yourself up into components and compartments (and splitting others up this way too) which will eventually drive you insane as you’re all in pieces… shattered… pretending to be whole.

Sometimes there is something wrong with you, but it’s usually not as bad as the thing you think that it is and only requires a quick and mild adjustment of perspective, attitude and opinion…

just because you don’t like the taste of tomatoes doesn’t mean tomatoes are evil… tomatoes are fine and so are you even though you don’t like tomatoes…

Sometimes what is wrong with you is that someone else isn’t right for you(their way is not for you… they want you to grow like a tomato but you’re a carrot), but you keep trying to fit into their world and you just don’t belong there…

you can’t eat tomatoes and they live in tomato-land… where everyone eats tomatoes…

Sometimes you’re asking yourself what is wrong with you when what you should be asking is what is right with me…

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in certain social circles what is right with you becomes something that is sold to you as being wrong with you because of reasons…

such as…

people may be envious and jealous of your natural abilities and way of being,

or they may feel threatened by you, what comes naturally to you scares the crap out of them and when people are scared they label stuff and other people as wrong,

or you’re trying to push when you should be pulling or maybe staying still, forcing something that needs to unfold at a slower and less pressured pace, you’re forcing yourself and who you are on people who don’t like to have things and beings forced upon them… do you like to have things and beings forced upon you? – might be a question to ask if you find yourself frustrated when forcing others to accept who you are and they react in ways other than the one you wanted from them.

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Take good care of yourself…

and expect that others will take good care of themselves too and be mindful that their self care might not work with your self care….

over to you…

what questions have you been asking recently and what would happen to those questions if you asked them slightly differently?

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