Strange Gifts – Being a Misfit

Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

Before you can pass through the hallowed gates behind me…

Yes, they’re gates. Yes, I know they don’t look like gates. Yes, they’re made of driftwood and bent cutlery carefully tied together with bits of frayed string, old shoelaces. No, we didn’t have any rusty nails or threadless screws left over after we built the swing set… Yes, it’s half-painted. No, we didn’t feel the need to finish…

Were you expecting something more traditional?

Oh, yes, of course, I used the word ‘hallowed’ which made your conventional mind confused. You associate that word with Heaven and St Peter’s gate, and so you expected big chunky gold doors encrusted with pearls or something along those lines.

I understand that you’re an Atheist and don’t believe in that kind of thing. No, I don’t need a lecture on the belief system of Atheism, and to hear about your lord and saviour, Science… really I don’t… I really don’t… don’t really I…

While we do accept rudeness, swearing, the aggressive, and the strongly opinionated as members, we don’t accept people who can’t accept a difference in opinion, or who feel the need to attack the belief systems of others because it’s a tenet of their non-belief belief system. When you’ve stopped stamping your feet and shouting me down, you might want to retrace your steps back to where you came from, as this place is not for you, you’d be miserable here and your presence will make everyone here miserable.

You are not a Misfit, you simply think that you are, there is a difference, and the real Misfits will know immediately that you are not one of them.

If you take a left at the crossroads it will lead you to a better place, one where you do belong, where those like you will be welcomed by your own kind with open arms, and you will be able to point out the demerits of everyone else’s beliefs to your heart’s content.

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

Before you can become a member, I have a few questions for you to answer…

Yes, you can refuse to answer the questions. No, it won’t be held against you, in fact it may work in your favour, but I will have to ask you about your reasons for refusing to answer. Yes, you can refuse to answer that too.

Are you a rebel?

Is your rebelliousness innate?

Do you rebel even when you don’t want to do it because you just can’t help it?

What are you rebelling against?

What would happen if your rebellion succeeded?

Have you ever wanted to be a dictator?

Do you think everyone else is wrong and only you are right?

Do you wish everyone would be who you want them to be, do what you want them to do, say what you want them to say, as then the world would be a better place for you, and of course for everyone else too?

If someone rebelled against you, what would your reaction be?

If you asked someone a question and they refused to answer, and they refused to give you their reasons for refusing to answer your question, would you hold it against them?

Okay, that’s it, here’s your membership card. No, it doesn’t matter if you lose it or forget it, you know you’re a Misfit and so do we. No, you don’t need to go in right now. No, you don’t have to ever go in, you can ignore the existence of the club entirely. Yes, you’re still a member if you ignore all the other members. No, you don’t have to go through the gates if you don’t want to, you can use the large gap on either side of the gates…

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

Oh, it’s you, again. Yes, I know it’s you even though you’re wearing a unicorn costume. No, I’m not going to give you a membership because you’re an unicorn. Unicorns aren’t Misfits, and they have their own club. Unicorn Club is straight on at the crossroads, then west through the forest of fables, across the field of dreams, the entrance is marked by a rainbow arch.

Yes, you look beautiful in your Unicorn costume, just as you did in your Special Snowflake costume, your Mermaid costume, your Butterfly Totem costume, your Lone Wolf costume, your Elsa costume, your Lilith costume, your… I don’t know which one suited you better, which one do you think was the best?

No, coming back next time as Harley Quinn isn’t going to get you into Misfit Club.

Remember what I told you the last time, that it’s not about what you’re wearing on the outside, it’s about who you are underneath the costumes, on the inside.

Looking like a Misfit (especially if you’re wearing a trendy and popular sanctioned by society Misfit outfit) does not = you’re a Misfit, in fact most Misfits usually pick costumes which don’t scream Misfit, because they don’t want to advertise their status and prefer to remain incognito. Yes, some Misfits look like Misfits, it’s more accidental than deliberate. Yes, a few do it deliberately, especially the old ones who don’t give a dooberry button boozle anymore.

Saying you’re a Misfit does not = you’re a Misfit. Many Misfits do say they are Misfits, but it’s often said as a warning after they’ve learned the hard way that other people blame them for not being who other people had decided that they were, should be, had to be for the sake of the costumes and customs of those other people.

Why the long face Unicorn? Did I explain it badly, I’ll explain it again, try a different approach, one which suits you better and maybe this time you’ll…

No, I’m not saying you’re stupid, you know you’re not stupid, don’t you?… Oh, yes, other people… sigh… It doesn’t matter if other people are always telling you that you’re stupid, have you ever considered that they’re the stupids for always telling you something so stupid?… Yes, I understand that they are also always telling you what a Misfit you are, and that’s why you’re here, and keep coming back here every time someone tells you that you don’t belong there with them, and that you go back there to them when I tell you that you don’t belong here with us.

Ha, yes, that’s a clever point, since you don’t belong anywhere with anyone you must be a Misfit! See how not stupid you are! In fact I’d give you a membership just for pointing that out, but…

You’re right. Are you sure about this, sure you don’t want to try Unicorn Club first…

Come on in then… yes, you can leave any time you like. No, I’m not going to revoke your membership, only you can do that if and when you realise that you’re not a Misfit. Yes, you can change your mind as many times as you like.

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

Here’s your membership card… No, I don’t need to ask you any questions. No, you don’t need to say anything or prove anything. Yes, sometimes it’s as simple as that.

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

You’re one of those. Yes, Misfits have a club. No, it isn’t an oxymoron. Howls of derisive laughter bruce no i am not taking the piss i would never do that with someone like you you command respect because you treat everyone respectfully no i do not have a sarcastic bone in my body and if i did you would beat it out of me with your funny bone you’re hilarious no one has every been this funny before i have never heard jokes like this before you’re a true original too unique to belong to a club like ours and you wouldn’t want to be a member of a club which would have you as a member snort how clever to have come up with that all by yourself which is why you are here because we will not have you as a member shit i wish i had thought of that is it too late to change my mind and offer you a…

… yes i understand it was a very important phone call and you are a very important person of importance who is frightfully busy being busy all the time must you go oh no what a pity yes i am sure it is hard work to be you bye.

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

A few questions for you before I confirm your membership… Yes, I am impressed that you came prepared with a CV, letters of recommendation, and your diplomas and degrees of excellence, and a bank statement too, and proof of address, and all the trophies you won in various championships. Yes, these are signs that you have done your homework. Oh, and you have a pad and pen… a pen which erases itself. I remember those, they made such a mess… oh, this is new and improved, the latest technology, everyone wants one and anyone who is anyone has one. Impressive. Yes, I have noticed that you are wearing the latest fashions, and your accessories match your outfit perfectly. Yes, the hair doesn’t look like it’s hair anymore. Oh, yes, that is the best face to put forward.

Let’s begin… um, no, it isn’t a timed test, but if you want me to time you just for fun… Oh, I see, you’re super quick at everything. Top marks, you don’t say… I think all your papers and other proof there have proven that already.

Question 1 – Are you sure you’re in the right place?

No, it isn’t a multiple choice Q & A. No, that’s not confusing. Just say what pops into your head once I’ve asked the question. No, it’s not a trick question. No, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. No, I’m not going to give you some optional answers to choose from. No, I am not going to offer you an example of how to answer the question correctly and/or incorrectly.

There’s no need to cry… I didn’t understand what you said through your sobbing… No, your life isn’t over. No, there was no way you could know what questions I was going to ask you, no way you could study for this test, I don’t know what I’m going to ask you until you’re standing in front of me. I suppose it could be viewed as being unfair, but it’s not designed to be that way, it isn’t designed to do anything other than find out who you are…

No, it isn’t like a regular personality test. It isn’t testing your personality. You can’t practice for it by taking loads of online personality tests, no, sorry about that. Those can help though, they can show you what happens and goes on inside of you when you take them – and that’s what I’m trying to assess.

You see if you’re not a true Misfit, then you don’t belong in Misfit Club, but it’s not a punishment not to belong in this club, it’s not a failing or failure if you don’t get a membership card. If I were to give you a membership card…

No, wait, don’t look at me like that, it’s not going to happen, the tears didn’t lubricate my hand and make the membership card slip out of it, and the pleading hopeful expression isn’t going to either… sigh, here’s a tissue… Yes, I know it’s the sleeve of my shirt, it works really well as a handkerchief, and you don’t have to worry about dropping it… it’s not disgusting, disgusting is dropping your snotty handkerchief and then expecting a gentleperson to pick it up and return it to you… it’s imperfectly clean, that’s not blood, that’s were I wrote myself a note so that I would remember and not lose it… yes, I have heard the one about it being improper to write things with a red pen, but it was the colour of the pen I had at the time so…

That’s right, that’s how we run things around here, and yes, I agree, it’s not spic and span enough for you. That’s fine, no worries, I’m glad we cleared things up, and look the sun is shining upon you. How about that!

Best wishes on your journey wherever it takes you. The world is lucky to have you in it!

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Hello and welcome to Misfit Club!

When did you first realise that you were a Misfit?

12 comments

  1. I never thought of myself as a misfit untill very recently, when I was watching a Glee! Marathon and during the extras someone commented “In this season, the Glee Club will finally win the National because, frankly, everyone is waiting anxiously to see these MISFITS receiving some external validation” and I was like, What? Are they misfits? But they are so healthy, functional, good looking and they all have loving parents! How come are they seen as misfits?! I am a misfit, damn it!

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  2. It’s funny how being a “misfit” or an “outsider” benefitted me in high school. Because of my intuitive nature, I knew everyone and all of their fallacies *laughs maniacally*. Which made me realize, being popular wasn’t all that was cracked up to be. I enjoyed being an outsider. I didn’t have to try to please fake friends or watch my words. I controlled the people I wanted in my circle and they accepted me for who I was. I would type more, but my 2 yr old is trying to type over me and confiscate my phone lol.

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    • Haha 😀 Love the maniacal laughter! One of the most fun laughs to do, just for fun of course 😉

      I remember vividly realising that I didn’t fit in when I went to kindergarten. But I could buy my way in with bubblegum and other candy. It got rather expensive and heavy (a big bag of candy is heavy for a tot), because more kids wanted me to buy their friendship and once you start being the provider of candy it kind of becomes your duty to keep providing it, and people get more and more hungry and greedy for sugar. I recall doing some deep thinking about this whole buying people’s friendship, buying my place in society, the cost of belonging, and concluding that this experiment wasn’t one I planned on repeating mainly because I didn’t have any pocket money left to buy myself what I wanted (although I did like bubblegum, but so did everyone else and they got served first – should have served myself first).

      Sounds like your 2yr old wants to be a writer like you 🙂

      Just realised that I hadn’t followed your blog, sorry about that, mistake corrected, yay!

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