The Blogger’s Curse…

Or is it a blessing?

But what is IT?

IT is when an old post of yours from years back gets a new comment.

At this point you’re probably thinking this is definitely a blessing. How could it be a curse?

Focus on the positive:

1. Someone noticed your post.

Every day hundreds of thousands (yes, like the cake sprinkles) of posts get published on hundreds of thousands of blogs all over the world wide web. And even if you pay to get noticed (which I haven’t tried so I’m just guessing here), you still may not get noticed.

Your post on your blog is basically one hand raising itself (and maybe waving too) on an outstretched arm amidst a vast ocean of other hands on other arms doing exactly the same thing. Shouting – Me, me, me, Teacher (or whoever), notice me! – isn’t going to help because others have had the same idea, and if they didn’t they will the moment you do it and you’ll get drowned out after having started a trend (do you know who started #MeToo – does it matter who started it?).

And let’s face it, most regular bloggers every now and then ask themselves – WTF am I doing? – with regards to blogging (they may also be asking that of themselves about their lives, but that’s another story and for another post – it’s a great prompt!).

Most bloggers know that a certain amount of people (the ones who don’t blog, but who may Tweet or Instagram or Facebook, etc) think that blogging is a waste of time and space on the internet, and tend to look down on bloggers, even though a certain amount of people end up quite enjoying the information, the stories, and shared personal views which they find on blogs (but do they give us credit for it or are we their dirty little secret?).

A certain amount of people think bloggers are insane – yes, we are, and we’re rather proud of it. Thank you very much for stating the obvious which we already know and love about ourselves even when we sometimes hate it – love conquers (almost) all.

So when one of your old posts, especially an old post which you were certain had ended up in the post graveyard, is resurrected (is it a zombie? A vampire? Grandma is that you!?) you get a little thrill – is it fear or excitement of a more pleasurable kind?

Sometimes you want to inappropriately hug (no, no, no, NO!) the person who left a comment… unless it was spam or a troll, and then what you want to do to them is better left for a different kind of post.

2. Not only did they notice it, they read it.

Not only did they notice it, they read it!

Someone actually took time out from their lifetime bank account to read your post!!! AND not only that, they commented – this can be a stressful process as you have to fill in a form before you can say whatever it is that must be said in print and then published for everyone else who may erratically wander lost and confused onto this post (if the blog is public) because can we really trust Google and other search engines (hang on a minute while I try and remember their names…. tip of my tongue…. shit this is so rude…).

There are several types of comments, and most bloggers have their own list and definitions for them (which they may or may not share in a post depending on whether they’re compulsive sharers or compulsive sharers who have been around on the blogging circuit long enough to have learned the hard way that – Don’t share that! (Oh, but the Don’t share that’s are the best things to share!!!)).

I’ve already mentioned the spam comment and the troll comment (the troll is divided into several types too which you’ll find defined online as a lot has been written about them by bloggers and other social media users and by psychologists and journalists reiterating what everyone else has already said).

Since bloggers are often also those who comment (and I’m not talking about when bloggers reply to comments on their own blog), we usually tend to understand the pros and cons of leaving a comment, especially for the first time or for the first time on a new blog.

In some ways leaving a comment on a blog is ten times more stressful, nerve-racking, and anxiety triggering than publishing a post. With a post you can edit it, alter it, correct typos (unless you’re me and then you probably don’t do that), and delete it after publishing. But you can’t do that once you’re pressed to post your comment (similar to leaving a voicemail… while intoxicated on booze and/or emotion). Of course you can add another comment after your comment which either *Ididn’tmeanwhatdamnautocorrectsaid or beg the blogger to pleasedeletewhatIsaidIwasverydrunkatthetime.

Segue (on your Segway) into…

Focus on the negative:

1. Someone noticed your post.

A post being noticed is like having your existence confirmed just as you were about to conclude with certainty that you’re not only completely invisible, but you don’t exist.

Not only are you completely invisible and don’t exist, but you may be the figment of someone’s imagination and that someone is a character in a book which is being written by an author in a film which was scripted by someone who can’t write scripts to save their life but somehow they’re still alive and so are you – that might make a good plot for a story! But it’s been done before, everything has been done before – and yet we keep forgetting!?

Forget all of that – your post has been noticed = you’ve been noticed = you’re not completely invisible = you may actually exist.

But…

there is always a But…

2. Not only did they notice it, they read it.

Only they read it all wrong. But you can’t tell them that, can you?

They misunderstood what you were saying. But you can’t tell them that, can you?

They took the words in your post and twisted them… to suit their own worldview, their view of themselves, their ambitions, their authentic persona of the moment, their righteous cause which they’ll tell you all about, and so on. But you can’t tell them that, can you?

Well, you could but your reply would:

Piss them off.

Be longer than the post.

Be a complicated, convoluted, chaotic jumble of words trying to explain yourself (surely you’ve done that in the post, in other posts, in other posts which show up on that posts, in your most recent posts which may be apologising for all your previous posts which were written under the influence of batshit, in your About page, etc), justify yourself (why are you doing that?), trying to unravel the misunderstanding, trying to get through to someone who:

Might not give a shit if they misunderstood your post.

Thinks their interpretation and understanding of what you said is correct. And you are the one who does not understand – they know you better than you know yourself even if they don’t know you at all (wanna bet they haven’t even bothered to click on your About page, let alone read any of your other posts which might explain… but it wouldn’t to them).

Doesn’t care what you were going through when you wrote that post, what was happening in your life at the time, what was happening inside of you because of what was happening in your life at the time, or what you were doing in writing that post (like trying to get something out of your system, out into the open, into the light of day, so you could see it more clearly, and listen to yourself as you wrote it), or about you – You must be a Narcissist to think that your post is about you, and that their comment on your post eviscerating your post and therefore you, is about you. It’s not all about you, Dearie, even if they couch their comment as though it is about you.

They just wanted to share their views of you and your post with you as they are better than you, more enlightened, spiritual, empathic, compassionate, evolved, and whatnot than you – and they should have known that a complaining victim moron like you would never be able to understand the nirvana namaste of their comment.

SO…

What do you do now?

 

Well, if you’re me… you write a post (and you delete most of what you wrote… I know, I don’t normally do that, but I did this time), because that’s one helluva prompt they just gave you!

But what if you’re you…

Over to you…

What would you do?

What have you done!…?

.

.

.

.

For those who are curious enough to use up more lifetime credits, this post was inspired by the most recent comment (which I haven’t yet replied to) on this post –Β A Story of Chiron in the 7th House – which was written in June 2013.

I started this blog in March 2013, and in June of that year I was still taking baby steps about sharing myself and my story.

There was a mushroom cloud of a mess going on in my life at the time – which I got through in part thanks to blogging.

8 comments

  1. That comment is exhausting, contradictory, condescending, arrogant and just plain full of shit. Yikes! Your response to it here is completely spot on. And just to support my point, you have challenged me lots and have done so in the most respectful, thoughtful, gentle way possible. You are always kind and helpful. β™₯ And I guess yahoos are … just yahoos. πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much, Lynette πŸ™‚ for being so sweet about me, and for reading that comment and giving me feedback.

      It was rather confusing and hard work to read.

      Half of the comment was them copy and pasting parts of my post and then in brackets critiquing that part like a teacher might do with a pupil’s essay.

      After I read the copy and paste which was of this bit – “I can offer a similar therapy to others due to having done this so often that I’m an expert, however it’s a bit too much, too brutal and radical, I realise that.” – and their comment about it. I realised that they’d missed the fact that I was being facetious, and had taken what I’d written seriously, and that it had rubbed them the wrong way.

      It kind of stood out that at the bottom they suddenly made the comment easier to read.

      My personal alarm bells went off halfway through, and at the end of it I felt that the post had been hung, drawn and quartered. But what really got to me was the way I was going to reply to them using a method which I only use when dealing with N’s – which is to detach myself from my self. And that made me angry at myself.

      So I took a time out to reread the post and I felt a protective warmth towards the me I was then who wrote it, and I also realised that the post explains itself. Then I remembered that most of the comments that post has received are from people who get what I was saying, relate to it, share their own experiences of their Chiron, and many of them have said that they too have N mothers.

      I’m not always an understanding, sensitive, or tactful person, and I can be an ass, some of that is just me being me, some of it is me being defensive. Thanks in large part to blogging, I’ve mellowed when it comes to being defensive… and at the moment I’m reviewing things like being defensive and getting a new perspective on it. Perhaps defensive is what happens when you don’t allow yourself to defend yourself when you first get attacked?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. As you pointed out in the blog post itself, you were sharing your wound, you were not asking for advice or help about it. Personally I would never give advice that hasn’t been asked for in “order to help”, if I had in fact healed, which I don’t think anyone ever really does no matter their assertions to the contrary. The Universe has a habit of kicking you up the arse on that one πŸ˜‰

    Like

    • Thank you very much, Snakey, for reading the posts and the comment and sharing feedback πŸ™‚

      I usually try to figure these things out for myself by myself (the old habit of an only child growing up with N’s), but I’m experimenting in not always doing what I usually do – which often ends up with me talking myself out of what I know instinctively and intuitively.

      I’ve been very lucky with my experience of blogging, the majority of comments are wonderful shares, insightful, and often very helpful. I love it when people share their own experiences and the wisdoms their experiences have inspired in them. I don’t mind being questioned, in fact I kind of love it especially if it makes me pause to review and get a new perspective, but it has to come from a place of genuine curiosity, a wanting to understand, a sharing of the quest to figure ourselves and others out.

      You’re spot on about the Universe giving us a kick up the arse πŸ˜€ I definitely gave the Universe the side eye yesterday, and then we both cracked up. Funny thing is that that comment pretty much confirmed what I was saying in that old post πŸ˜‰

      It also reminded me of an episode of the new Curb Your Enthusiasm which I saw the other night where Larry gets kicked out of Yoga class by the instructor because he refuses to say ‘Namaste’ and when he explains why he doesn’t want to say it the Yoga instructor is not at all as ‘spiritual’ as she claims to be.

      Like

  3. My God, this person who commented on your blog November 17th is so annoying. You are very ladylike to allow her to be so self righteous and still reply to her so politely. Projection much, maybe…? What an envious copy/paste commenter, lol!

    Like

    • Thank you, Carol, for sharing and for reading and for giving me feedback πŸ™‚

      Yes, there was definitely quite a bit of projection going on, and an undercurrent of rage in that comment.

      I haven’t replied to that comment yet. The comment underneath it is from someone else to me about the post.

      In fact that’s probably the best challenge in the whole scenario – How to reply or whether to reply at all.

      I try to reply to everyone who comments, unless they’re @-ing another commenter and then I usually don’t reply because the conversation is between other people.

      If the comment is a difficult one, then I sometimes just thank them for sharing their view and leave it at that. If the comment pisses me off, I wait until I’ve calmed down before replying, because I may have misunderstood what they were saying – that has happened in the past.

      While I was waiting to calm down before replying to that comment an astrology blog I enjoy reading happened to post about this very type of situation and person:

      https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/how-to-deal-with-passive-aggressive-personalities/

      I read the comments on that post and then looked up more about how to deal with passive-aggressive people (which are basically similar to narcissists, and may also be narcissists but not always).

      One of the points which kept being made was that if you’re nice to someone who talks to you like that you’re sending them the message that you’re fine with how they’ve talked to you, and that might encourage them to talk to you some more like that.

      So, if I answer that person ‘nicely’ they’ll think I approve of being treated that way (or of having my post treated that way), and that I want more of their type of comment. And others who read the post and the comments may think that too.

      If I say what I really want to say – it may end up with them replying to that and a long tiresome argument in comments will ensue. They don’t come across as the sort of person who listens to hear, understand, and talks with others to have a conversation, they’re the sort of person who doesn’t listen, wants to talk AT people and wants to tell you what’s wrong with you and use that to show you what’s right with them.

      The way they expressed themselves, and what they did with my post, reminded me of my mother – that’s a personal red flag for me.

      I’m just going to leave it for now. Which is a challenge, but I’m over the hump of it. My reaction and the situation raised some interesting points for me.

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.