anupturnedsoul

It’s Like Nothing I do Makes a Difference

The title of this post – It’s Like Nothing I do Makes a Difference – comes from something I jotted down on a pad I have on my desk for jotting somethings down…

These somethings are things which don’t really have words to describe them and the words used to describe them don’t really describe them, their usual form isn’t in word form, their usual form isn’t in imagery form either, their usual form isn’t emotional, it isn’t in thought form, it…

It is something which isn’t really a something but it is a something.

It’s something inside of me… but is it?

Now that I’ve made that clear…

I can move on to something else…

and briefly on to someone else.

Someone recently commented on one of my recent posts and mentioned that a Sabian Symbol I’d used in that post was the exact Sabian Symbol for their Ascendant (you know who you are and you can claim this if you want to – I’m never sure whether to do that or not, because I don’t know if you want that or not).

What they said inspired me to look up the Sabian Symbol for my Asc, and then I decided to do that for all the significant degrees of my natal chart – ASC, IC, DSC, IC, House Cusps and planets, NN, and Chiron. I could have added other astrological bits and pieces but for now I’m keeping it simple.

It may not seem as though I like simplicity, but I do.

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If a system is too complicated, I tend to decide that that system is not for me.

If a system has too many labels and sub-labels for every label, hierarchies and hierarchies within each hierarchy, orderly orders and sub-ordered-orders, then I tend to get too confused trying to find myself in that intricate system created by someone else.

Kind of like I felt when I played Zorc and couldn’t figure out what to type to reach into a hole and get what was there which would move the story on – I never did move the story on (I did eventually look it up in a walkthrough and shrugged at the solution – I thought I’d tried that, obviously I didn’t say it exactly as I was supposed to say it).

When I get confused, I get angry, when I get angry... I eventually end up simplifying things for myself (after I’ve probably complicated them enough to push me over the edge into simplification), which often means deciding that someone else’s system is not for me.

I don’t fit in to their system – and that’s most likely a good thing for me.

A couple of the someone else’s systems which I’ve decided are not for me are:

1 – The Enneagram as re-packaged for popular consumption by Riso-Hudson (I quite liked the Enneagram’s earlier roots in the weird world of Gurdjieff, because it wasn’t a confining system, it was an idea which could go anywhere and take you anywhere with it if you felt like going there, everything after that added on by others made the whole thing less interesting and more of a personality type thing which seemed to be more about concretising a persona for yourself and squishing yourself into that persona box whether you fit in it or not).

2 – The New Improved WordPress system which has all these extra bells and whistles that for me make blogging hard work and… take away the spontaneity of it because to just do a quick post (even one of my long rambling ones) you suddenly have to make a billion blogger blogging choices, and those categorise the fun out of yourself and your spontaneous share.

While the system of astrology is quite complicated, it also offers many simplified versions – basically you can choose which version of it you want to use, how you want to use it, and… I like that (my natal chart likes that, my progressed chart likes it too, and my transits… they sometimes don’t like it).

Sabian Symbols is a system that was created awhile ago by someone (look it up if you want to know more, it’s an intriguingly weird story) as an add-on to astrology – you can take it or leave it. Of course it’s been updated, revised, re-explained, and made more complex for… those who want to understand it better.

The Sabian Symbols I’m using are the basic ones, copy & pasted from: CafeAstrology – Sabian Symbols | Degree Meanings

The story told of my natal chart by the Sabian Symbols is what I’m going to share in this post.

For those who get a bit overwhelmed or confused by all the rambling which I do in my posts – I’m not doing that in this post because… I got punched in the gut today by some news (whatever you’re imagining – it’s not that. You need to be me to know what would punch me in the gut, and even I sometimes don’t know what would do that until it happens), and I really don’t feel like talking.

The gut punch did connect to something, more than one something, in the Sabian Symbols story of my chart.

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I’m staring at the degree of the Asc, and will work my way around the natal chart merry-go-round from there and back again, ending at my natal Moon which conjuncts my Asc. I’m not going to mention aspects, or transits.

ASC | 1st House Cusp – Virgo 11: In Her Baby A Mother Sees Her Deep Longing For A Son Answered

Pluto 1st house – Virgo 26: A Boy With A Censer Serves The Priest Near The Altar

Uranus 1st house – Libra 5: A Man Revealing To His Students The Foundation Of An Inner Knowledge Upon Which A “New World” Could Be Built

2nd House Cusp – Libra 5: A Man Revealing To His Students The Foundation Of An Inner Knowledge Upon Which A “New World” Could Be Built

Jupiter 2nd house – Libra 6: A Man Watches His Ideals Taking A Concrete Form Before His Inner Vision

3rd House Cusp – Scorpio 4: A Youth Carries A Lighted Candle In A Devotional Ritual

Mars in 3rd house – Scorpio 6: The Gold Rush Tears Men Away From Their Native Soil

Neptune in 3rd house – Scorpio 28: The King Of The Fairies Approaching His Domain

IC – 4th House Cusp – Sagittarius 8: Within The Depths Of The Earth New Elements Are Being Formed

5th House Cusp – Capricorn 12: An Illustrated Lecture On Natural Science Reveals Little-Known Aspects Of Life

Sun in 5th house – Capricorn 18: The Union Jack Flag Files From A British Warship

Mercury in 5th house – Aquarius 6: A Masked Figure Performs Ritualistic Acts In A Mystery Play

6th House Cusp – Aquarius 14: A Train Entering A Tunnel

Venus in 6th house – Pisces 4: Heavy Car Traffic On A Narrow Isthmus Linking Two Seashore Resorts

DSC | 7th House Cusp – Pisces 11: Men Traveling A Narrow Path, Seeking Illumination

Chiron in 7th house – Pisces 30: A Majestic Rock Formation Resembling A Face Is Idealized By A Boy Who Takes It As His Ideal Of Greatness, And As He Grows Up, Begins To Look Like It

North Node in 7th house – Aries 5: A Triangle With Wings

8th House Cusp – Aries 5: A Triangle With Wings

Saturn in 8th house – Aries 19: The “Magic Carpet” Of Oriental Imagery

9th House Cusp – Taurus 4: The Pot Of Gold At The End Of The Rainbow

MC – 10th House Cusp – Gemini 8: Aroused Strikers Surround A Factory

11th House Cusp – Cancer 12: A Chinese Woman Nursing A Baby Whose Aura Reveals Him To Be The Reincarnation Of A Great Teacher

12th House Cusp – Leo 14: A Human Soul Seeking Opportunities For Outward Manifestation

Moon in 12th house – Virgo 6: A Merry-Go-Round

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It’s kind of interesting for me to look at my natal chart in this bare skeletal manner – it kind of explains the main themes of my life and myself to me.

I like astrology because sometimes it has a way (at least the way I use it) of explaining things in a simplified manner.

And I truly don’t care if other people think astrology is bullshit, but exploring their views of astrology being bullshit and the systems they use which they view as not being bullshit (because they’re using them… in similar ways to the way that I use astrology) has been interesting too.

There’s room for everything here on Earth, although our human garbage is literally (as in garbage dumps, official and unofficial, garbage processing plants, etc) using up more and more space on this planet… but there’s still room for all of us and all of our human varied views, beliefs, and such.

Sometimes we clash with each other, our systems clash… and that can feel like one person punching another in the gut, one system punching another one in the gut.

Is this – It’s Like Nothing I do Makes a Difference – really true? Sometimes it definitely feels and seems true, but sometimes it is more of a case of  – Something I did made a difference for me, and because it did I did some new things which I’d never been able to do before, and now I have to deal with the consequences which have arisen because I am no longer operating on an old system of mine.

Another of my jotted down somethings is – It’s Like I Don’t Exist – but that’s not as much of a problem as – Shit, I Exist, And, Double Shit, Someone Else Has Noticed That I Do!

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I’ll be fine, and if I’m not fine I’ll figure out how to be fine not being fine, and if I don’t then I’ll just be not fine.

That’s as much talk from me as you’re going to get today…

over to you…

What popped into your head just now?

13 comments

    • Thank you, Lynette 🙂

      I stressed the fact that I’d be fine because I did not want anyone who read this post to worry about me. I know that’s not something I can control unless I don’t post, and my internet connection did challenge my ability to post, and I did consider not posting, but I find writing a post even if it doesn’t make sense or discuss what’s going on helps me to clarify things with myself and I was feeling very confused yesterday (and this post did help to clarify something).

      What happened is not a big issue, it’s a minor issue which could become a big issue but could also become not an issue at all, and is fairly easily sorted out (by someone who isn’t me, except me is the one who has to sort it out). It tapped into something which is my achilles’ heel. It was weird because I had this juxtaposition of how I would have reacted not so long ago and how I reacted in the now moment. I’m kind of fine with it whatever happens because I know I’ll have to be fine with it whatever happens and yet at the same time I’m having an existential crisis about it.

      Thank you for your concern, it’s appreciated, please don’t worry. It’s life being life.

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  2. yes you do exist and what you say does make a difference. Some things that you have written not necessarily all today have both directly and indirectly influenced my thoughts. I have interpreted them to suit my way of thinking. Sometimes the opportunity arises to influence and perhaps change other peoples views not all those that I disagree with but to those who would benefit from an alternative view to their own. And thats all you’re getting from me today? really, like we have been short changed-don,t think so! thks

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    • Thank you 🙂

      I was thinking more in terms of making a difference to myself and how I experience my own existence.

      Part of my own experience of existence has been learning that how I influence others has very little to do with me and far more to do with them. Like you wisely pointed out we interpret other people to suit our way of thinking. I’ve also learned to focus on how I influence myself.

      Some of the things I’ve been doing with myself recently, which are reflected in my recent posts, have made a difference to me and have shown me some of the inner workings of my existential experience, this has led to some shifts. When something within me changes, it tends to be reflected in things around me also changing – that’s when I know the inner change is more real and less imagined. When I clear up an inner mess enough, sometimes this makes room for another mess to step forward and ask to be cleared up too. The messes are usually connected. Basically I unravel one knot and its on to the next knot.

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  3. First thought that popped into my head: you are truly deep into astrology lol. But I laughed at the thing Virgo says after sex, because I do say and do that. And I do think I’m a little humorous ( I tend to blurt out zingers when no one expects it).

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    • Thank you for sharing 🙂

      Haha! Yes, I am kind of into astrology 😉

      Love Virgos – awesome sign!

      The Virgo which astrological interpretations tend to focus upon often misses the real meat and potatoes of Virgo. The real Virgo is a very sensitive soul attuned to the details in life and people which may be overlooked. Virgos tend to be the ones who notice that a smiling face has sad eyes. That the ‘I’m fine’ which someone has just given is anything but fine. That a helping hand is attached to the arm of someone who is drowning. That a mean looking monster is simply protecting a soft, tender, and gentle heart. That the tears issuing from someone’s eyes are those of a crocodile while the dry eyes of someone else have invisible rivers flowing out of them.

      And, yes, Virgo humor is the zinger which you don’t see coming but which is absolutely hilarious – observation comedy was most likely invented by a Virgo or someone with strong Virgo force.

      Behind the facade of what everyone assumes is astrology there is a deeper look into human nature and human life. It connects random dots which form patterns, and can explain things which often elude explanation. Like with everything – it depends on how you use it and what you do with it.

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      • Yup, been keeping folks on their toes since I was knee high to a blade of grass lol….what I love about being a Virgo is being able to read what wasn’t or isn’t said. There is so much behind the words that aren’t said than what’s actually coming out of one’s mouth. The secret to a Virgo’s “power” is to observe, analyze, and lend advice if wanted or not. That’s why I want to be a nurse; I’m not talkative but I’m caring and a good listener and active learner.
        And you’re right about how you use astrology. I read it on occasion and enjoy how it reflects common personal traits of humanity. I use it as a guide to help me put into words what I can’t about my personality. And I sit and reflect about those personality traits and how I use them in daily practice. My baby sis on the other hand- She was using it as “gospel” and using it to form friendships off of it, that usually backfired. Just because two people are the same sign doesn’t mean they will automatically gel, because other factors play a role but can’t explain that to a millenial lol
        Side note: I enjoy talking with you. It’s great to be able to discuss human nature with a fellow observer.

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        • Thank you very much 🙂 I also enjoy talking with you!

          I’m not particularly good at guessing people’s sun signs, however I do seem to have a radar for other Capricorns which works along the lines of – if I find someone annoying in a certain way after only a few minutes of interacting with them, then they’re probably a Capricorn. Usually what I find annoying about them is what I find annoying about myself and what others often find annoying about me. Capricorns are rather socially awkward and they deal with it with a type of stiffness which makes them appear a bit stand-offish superior, like they know it all and have heard it all before. I’ve had quite a few laughs when looking up the astro of famous people, because the ones I just can’t quite like are usually Caps.

          The other sign I recognise in a similar manner is the polar opposite sign, Cancer, because I usually find myself locking goat horns with crab pincers no matter how nice they are. That was a firm feature of my relationship with my father, sometimes it was fun, but other times it was frustrating.

          With Virgos I tend to feel immediately comfortable, at ease. I think partly it’s because it’s my moon sign and thus I feel nurtured by the Virgo gentle way of being, and can relate on a deeper level. With Virgos you can sit in silence and the silence is golden. And the humor is hilarious! And like you said, the ability to observe is very keen with Virgo, and sharing observations and perceptions, especially those which have come together through analysing, processing information, noticing details, is a satisfying interaction.

          Virgos are very artistic. All the ones I know have an innate creative flair, they can turn the simplest and most ordinary things into beautiful works of art.

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