How Do You Hear?

How do your hear the world around you?

What do you hear when you listen?

Are your ears more attuned to the negative or the positive?

Do you hear cries for help or shouts of anger or screams of joy more readily, more easily, more than usual?

What’s your hearing style?

And where did your hearing style come from? How did it develop? And how have you developed it over the years?

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The other day someone shared a link to a video. I clicked on it and tried to listen, but the person talking in the video was looking away from the camera because they were reading from something which was just off to the right (my right, their left). The something they were reading was someone else’s words. This was the intro to the talk they were going to give in reply to that someone else and their query.

While I understood what they were doing and why they were doing it, it was distracting and my ears just switched off. That was it, I wasn’t going to listen.

My eyes on the other hand stayed switched on, and moved away from the video to the blurb written under it.

It was a long blurb about the person in the video and the multiple services of self-healing which they offer.

What I read sounded exactly like something I had written in a post.

This post: Strange Gifts – Lying to Yourself

And this bit from that post:

“However there was some good news – I wasn’t completely dead, and if I walked over to their kiosk and signed up for their at a very reasonably high priced healing method (this one is the basic course, you don’t want that, this one is the silver course, you could take that one but it’ll only get you so far and you want to go further than that don’t you, you want to be completely free of your lowly human self and its crippled and crippling ego, rise up the kundalini stairs to reach the kingdom of the open fourth eye which is higher up the hierarchy than the third eye, you want the golden course, it’s not that much to pay, don’t you think you’re worth it, if your higher self could get through to you which it could if you buy the platinum course…)”

Once my eyes heard their words in blurb sounding like that, they switched off too.

I did feel a bit bad about giving up so easily on listening to a video someone else had shared with me which they said was helpful to them.

However I didn’t feel bad enough about it to force myself to listen to something which I knew I wouldn’t hear because I’d stopped listening and nothing was going to make me switch my ears and eyes back on once they were switched off.

Past experience has taught me that once I’m done, I’m done. Feeling bad about it isn’t going to make me un-done, it’s just going to make me feel bad about being true to myself (which is an old feeling… I’m kind of done with that too but it’s taking awhile to be done done with it).

I decided to share a video with the person who shared that video with me. And it occurred to me today while I was wondering about the way we hear things, and wondering about how I learned to hear the way that I hear… that considering what time of year it is and the things we often tell ourselves at this time of year (about choices, about ourselves, about life, about resolutions, about becoming fitter, better, etc), and which others often tell themselves, and which we all may tell others… that it was perhaps something we all need to hear because we can be so hard on ourselves at this time of year how we hear it depends on how we hear.

Here’s the video:

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I don’t agree with everything Caroline Myss says in the video.

Ever since I first came across her work (decades ago) I’ve had a fractious relationship with her work and words. The first book I bought and read of hers… it ended up in the bin after being thrown repeatedly against a wall (I can’t remember if I actually threw it against the wall or just imagined doing it so vividly that it was almost as though I’d done it). About 10 years later I came across another copy of that book in a secondhand store and bought it again thinking that since I’d changed maybe I’d hear it differently – that book ended up on the fire (yes, I burned a book).

It wasn’t what she was saying in her book which was the problem so much as how I was hearing her words. My interpretation of them made me angry, confused, and I took it out on the book.

The way I hear the communications of others is best explained by astrology – I have Mars and Neptune in the communication zone of the chart (3rd house).

Mars has a temper which tends to flare up either when I get confused (Neptune), misunderstand (Neptune), or feel like someone is trying to force (Mars does not like to be forced) their view upon me. If I feel as though I’m being manipulated (Mars/Neptune combined) then the Scorpion within awakens (Scorpio on cusp of 3rd and pretty much owning the entire house).

Mars and Neptune in the communication zone also shows the way I communicate – slightly arrogant, argumentative, aggressive, and through convoluted rambling (which often includes using astrology to explain things… but does it explain things? To anyone other than me? And have I explained anything to myself?).

However both Neptune and Mars aspect other planets and angles, and… those also have an influence over how I listen, how I hear…

One of the things I look for, listen out for, in others and in myself is the ability to listen to ourselves.

Why should others listen to us if we’re not listening to ourselves?

How can others hear us if they aren’t hearing themselves? How can we hear others if we’re not hearing ourselves?

In looking into your hearing style, what you don’t hear is just as relevant as what you do hear.

Why are there certain things that you just don’t hear?

Why can’t you hear them? Is it because you don’t want to hear them or because you just can’t hear that sound even if you try to hear it?

A pet peeve of mine is when people bitch about the way others have behaved towards them (and they do this bitching into the ears of someone else, a third party, and expect to be heard, and given support, sympathy, empathy), but they never seem to connect what bothers them in the behaviour of others to their own behaviour.

Bitching about being treated badly by others is normal human. Bitching to a third party about the offenders and expecting support, sympathy, etc, is also normal human. Not realising there’s a connection between the way you’ve been treated and the way you’re treating others… that’s also normal human. However at some point normal human puts one thing and the other together and gets an AHA moment which may be a bit unpleasant (as in Shit! I’ve been an asshat which explains why others have been asshats back) but it does solve the problem if you apply the AHA moment solution.

But some people… they just plaster a label of good over their asshat, and a label of bad over the asshat of others, and then bitch about the consequences without owning their part of the responsibility.

As Caroline Myss would put it – Liars don’t heal.

Those people who pass on their wound to others but tell themselves they’re fine, They’re good people, they’re not wounded, not anymore, they’re passing on healing, positivity, then negatively bitch about others reacting badly to that, not being grateful (for the wound being passed on?), not understanding what they said… maybe the others did understand what was said, maybe the person saying it isn’t listening to themselves.

But I don’t agree with CM about those people necessarily knowing they’re doing it… if something is in a blind spot, a no-hearing, no-seeing, zone… then you’re probably not consciously aware (mindful) of it.

Becoming mindful is… difficult, hard, tedious… even if it’s exactly what we need to do to get us out of a vicious cycle of relationship, relating, and communication snafus.

Please note: I’ve been all kinds of an asshat throughout my life… that’s probably why that’s a pet peeve (that and other reasons)… but hopefully I’m also not always an asshat, and hopefully I’ve learned to be less of an asshat thanks to being one.

And…

Over to you…

What’s your hearing style?

Did you watch the video? If yes – what did you hear? If no – why not?

Or share something random!

 

4 comments

  1. oooh, your timing is great, more for me to ponder. I am trying to understand why I “did not get the question” in a course screening application. My brain felt scrambled & when reading/listening to the “critical” question all I could hear was blah blah excellence blah blah focus blah blah bs blah…Had I sniffed underlying asshat behaviour from the trainer? Or did I just plainly “not get it?” Did want to pull my asshat firmly on my head and not play nicely with him

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    • Thank you for sharing 🙂

      When under pressure during a testing scenario the mind tends to freeze due to stress. Trying to understand a question when stressed out, being tested, under pressure can be a monumental task.

      If you add to that all the expectations, plus the fear factor of getting answers wrong, of what will happen if you get answers wrong… it’s normal human to go blank and end up only seeing and hearing blah blah blah.

      In a test scenario, whoever is conducting the test on you will seem like an asshat, and may well be an asshat – asshat love to be in those kinds of positions of power. Or it could just be that someone is being an asshat because they’ve been put into a position of power in which they don’t want to be.

      Sometimes getting it requires far too much mental gymnastics, and the mind may end up asking us – Remind me why I’m doing all of this again?

      If you got the chance to re-do it, chances are you’d find yourself experiencing the whole scenario completely differently. There should definitely be a re-do button for all tests!

      Best wishes!

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  2. I watched the video. CM reminds me strongly of a course I took years ago on “life management,” especially the part about lying. It was called The Forum (Landmark Education) and ran over three days (I subsequently took several more of their courses). Imho, CM’s presentation was sort of unorganised. There are nuggets to be had but you have to follow her into the bushes and through the jungle to find them; I guess the upshot is that I don’t much like her delivery style. 🙂

    I am a terrible “hearer,” and The Forum helped me with that a lot. My attention was all over the place and I had to make a point of actually listening, something that I still work on today. My internal setting is to wander my listening all over the place. I was very good at blocking out my mother while appearing to pay attention. 🙂

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    • Thank you for sharing 🙂

      My post was a bit confusing. I realised it probably was after I posted it, but I decided to leave it as is rather than try to clarify because I tend to make even more confusion when I try to clarify. The video which I found hard to follow wasn’t the Caroline Myss one, but another one which I didn’t share.

      Although I can see how the Caroline Myss video is also hard to follow. If you’ve not spent much time listening to New Age-y types talk, and don’t know Caroline Myss’ work, then the CM video is a bit all over the place. She was giving the talk at Findhorn (which is a big New Age style community). Her work on ‘woundology’ is very interesting, particularly if you’ve had a relationship with a covert narc.

      I’ve never heard of The Forum. Sounds a bit like a cult or the title of a horror flick about a cult, or one of those groups which kidnaps people, puts them in a puzzle and the one who solves the puzzle gets to live (maybe). It also sounds a bit like NLP. Remember when NLP was all the rage?

      It’s funny how humans are always trying to make communication simpler, easier, but with so many diverse humans, cultures, languages, etc… unless we go back to cavemen days it’s just going to keep getting more intricate as we evolve into more intricate beings 😉

      You’ve always come across as an excellent listener. You don’t just do it with your ears!

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