January 1st is always a bit of a strange day.
The first week of a new year can feel surreal.
If you’ve ever lived with a narcissist, every day of every year can feel strange and surreal.
Narcissists are big egos with big dreams of a big life… and the typical narcissist expects those big dreams to come true for them overnight.
Thanks to the wave of the wand of a fairy godmother.
Or a magical spell cast by a powerful sorcerer.
Or a wish granted by a star.
A miracle made specially just for them.
When their magical miracle doesn’t happen right away, the big dreams of their big ego for a big life can burst like a big balloon which was filled up beyond breaking point yet still somehow held itself together until it met that sharp little pin known as reality which pricked it and punctured its skin.
It whooshes around spewing hot air all over the place, bashing into the ceiling, walls, knocking things off shelves, bumping into people, until finally, with a last fart, ending up in a flop onto the floor.
A sad, blue narcissist is in some ways the worst kind of narcissist to have to deal with because no one has woes like they do, no one feels as loudly and as longingly long as they do. Their vocal drama pales in comparison to their deeply disappointed, despondent, depressed silence.
There is nothing you can say or do to make them happy, to make them feel better, not when they’re in their misery zone.
My mother had many big dreams for her life.
Quite a few of those came true for her, one or two happened almost magically and miraculously overnight (not really, but that’s how she told those stories, that’s how she remembered it happening, and how she told things, how she remembered things – that was how it happened!).
But even when her big ego’s big dreams for a big life came true for her… it was never big enough, or good enough, or as perfect as she needed it to be for her to be happy about it.
There was always something bigger and better just around the corner, over the horizon, waiting for her tomorrow, in the new year, on her birthday, or some other magical day when miracles are supposed to happen.
She spent so much time thinking and imagining about what could be, and how happy she would be when what could be was hers… she could never be happy with what was right here, right now, hers today.