The other day I said – Ask Me Anything…
Sometimes I say things and later regret saying them.
There’s one particular thing I say fairly regularly which I invariably end up regretting (this can be a good thing – for more on that just ask me about it). It took me awhile to notice that saying that thing caused certain other things to happen which would lead to me eventually experiencing regret…
making connections can be difficult…
in many varied ways.
The varied way which I find most difficult is in knowing whether the connection I’ve made is real or imaginary.
Is everything really connected or do we just connect everything as part of a coping mechanism? Can it be both a coping mechanism and an actual connection?
And if you throw it all into a cauldron and boil it down until it can no longer boil… what do you get?
Thus far I don’t regret having said – Ask Me Anything – on the contrary, it’s been the opposite of regret.
Let’s call it ‘terger’… I know that’s silly, but I like how the word sounds backwards, it’s more fluid as though it is going somewhere, perhaps somewhere interesting, whereas reading it forwards as – regret – it sounds like it ends suddenly with the fall of a guillotine (one which doesn’t quite cut your head off and kill you so you’re there rather awkwardly with your head not quite attached but not quite detached either, you’re not quite dead yet – do you wish that you were or wish that you’d done things differently and this hadn’t happened, it’s painful and yet bizarrely not as painful as what came before, and everyone around you is feeling a bit sick with embarrassment because things didn’t quite work out as planned, they don’t know what to make of it and no one is telling them what to make of it – why won’t anyone tell them what to make of it so they don’t have to figure it out for themselves, should they cheer or boo and who do they cheer or boo and what does their cheering or booing mean about them, and now what are we all supposed to do, who is going to fix this mess? – everyone wonders while looking around at everyone else who is trying not to make eye contact because they don’t want to be singled out as the one, not that kind of one anyway. Who is in control and thus who can be blamed while also looked to for direction, then blamed if the direction they give ends up in an abyss?).
Are you following me? Stop it… I don’t know where I’m going. Yes, I realise I appear to know where I’m going, it is an appearance I practised and cultivated when I was a young teen (I started practising it earlier than that but my young teens is when I became consciously conscious of doing it deliberately) when I wandered alone in big cities and… especially as a female… it behooves you to look as if you not only know where you’re going but are very determined to get there and woe betide any stranger or danger which tries to waylay you. AVAST and get out of my way for I will crush you under the momentum of my…
I can’t remember the name of the thing… which is just as well as I would have kept going and I’m obviously not supposed to go there.
[juggernaut was the word, image and concept which I was trying to recall]
Back to the here and now, and the question which lynettedartycross asked me: When you feel like something “just happens” do you think that you’ve really been planning it or mulling it over in the back of your mind somewhere? Maybe dreaming about it?
One of the things I love about the internet is that it enables us to meet extraordinary people… I’m going to ruin that potential compliment a little bit by adding that I think we’re all extraordinary people… there’s no such thing as an ordinary person, however the majority of people feel pressured to appear ordinary (just as my young teen self felt pressured to appear as though I knew where I was going while navigating the streets and the underground tunnels of cities).
People are extraordinary, and because we are, we’re very adept at appearing to be ordinary… the most adept are those who convince themselves that they are so ordinary that there is nothing extraordinary about them – they’ll fight you if you try to point out anything different, unusual, individually unique, etc, about them. No, no, no… no, no, NO! And don’t try the “Methinks you doth protest too much” debate tactic on them because they’ll slay you with your own argument and do it in such a simple, subtle, ordinary manner that you’ll end up wishing that you could be as ordinary as they are…
hang on a minute…
Online we get to meet people in a way that we may rarely get to meet them offline (and not just because of geographical challenges). In some ways people are more themselves online than they are offline – sure there’s a lot of fakery, and the world wide web gives the fakers many advantages but… those advantages can also be disadvantages. Stick with someone long enough, listen with more than just your desire that they be who they’re pretending to be as it fits in nicely with your own agenda for yourself… (if this pisses you off, please go here – The Case Against Retweets), and who they are will come across whether they intend it to do so or not.
Which is a very long winded way of saying – who we are will always reveal itself whether we want it to or not.
And who we all are is extraordinary in individual ways which may appear very ordinary.
In fact the more ordinary we seem to ourselves, the more likely it is that we’re expressing what is extraordinary about ourselves… the thing about our individual and personal extraordinary-ness is that it is so ordinary to us personally and individually that we’re voted to be the most likely last person on Earth to notice such a thing.
Sometimes we try so hard to stand out from a crowd, to be noticed, to get attention, for something which isn’t the genuine thing about us that makes us stand out, noticeable, which is attention-getting about us (for more on this go here – You Don’t Know Yourself as Well as You Think You Do).
Yup, it’s a paradox of sorts. Best noticed in everyone else except yourself. It’s always easier to see things in others than it is to see it in yourself… for varied and various reasons. Perhaps we’re just not supposed to known what truly and genuinely is unique about us, because then we’d try to… probably control it, manipulate it, make money out of it, bottle it, commercialise it and capitalise on it… and that often spells d-e-a-t-h to what is extraordinary about us. But not always.
So how is any of this answering the question which lynettedartycross asked me?
It’s not (or is it?).
I got sidetracked thinking about the person who asked me the question and how extraordinary they are… but do they know it?
To be continued…