[Please note: This is a repost of a post published in June 2013.
In the archives of my blog there are two subjects which I regularly write about – narcissists and astrology. Occasionally I’ve tried to blend the two together with varying degrees of failure.
One of the things I like about astrology is that it is a useful tool (and language) for getting to know yourself – not necessarily in the way you think it’s going to do that.
When I originally began to explore astrology I was in my early teens, and the way I used it then wasn’t really productive (that has been a theme in my life), in fact because of my Sun sign (the mergoat) and the attitude which that sign seems to inspire in both astrologers and in those who explore astrology, it became just one more reason to feel crap about myself (which is a feature of natal Saturn square Sun).
My relationship with astrology has been erratic, with long spells of me calling it bullshit and ignoring it for some other relationship with some other system which I hoped would explain me and my life to myself, but I always seem to return to it (unlike with some of the other systems I’ve explored).
I don’t think that it can tell you who you are, but it can show you who you are – not necessarily in a straightforward manner or as expected. For instance if you hate astrology, and hate people who love astrology, and feel the need to make them renounce something which they love because you hate it – that’s showing you something about who you are. That something will be at work in other areas of your life because it is a pattern of yours and part of you (which you may have picked up due to others doing this to you), and knowing about it may help to explain repeated experiences.
I’ve found out quite a bit about myself through the manner in which I interact with the system rather than through the system itself – sometimes what I find out synchronises with my personal astrology, with an interpretation of a placement, or aspect, or a transit.
Transits which affect your natal chart are intriguing to investigate. When I wrote this post in June 2013, transiting Uranus was just moving out of orb of an opposition to my natal Uranus and Jupiter, and just moving into orb of a conjunction with my natal Saturn. During the Uranus opposition to my natal Uranus/Jupiter (which also aspects my natal Mercury), I started blogging, and through this medium shared more of myself with others than I had ever done before in my life which both exhilarated and terrified me, I felt liberated from a self-imposed prison and went a bit wildly crazy in a fun(ride) way.
Transiting Uranus is now loosely in orb of a square to my natal Mercury and an opposition to my natal Mars… what that means (if it means anything) will reveal itself later on… although when t-Uranus first moved into Taurus I suddenly found myself craving the music of Handel (due to an earworm which totally perplexed me because when did this find its way into my mind!? This is an interesting article on that particular earworm – “Lascia ch’io pianga” Lyrics and Text Translation) who had natal Uranus in Taurus (in retrospect because Uranus had yet to be discovered and named when he was born, but it was discovered during his lifetime).
At the moment transiting Saturn is squaring my Uranus and Jupiter, and the overall feel of it is summed up in something I said to myself in a new post I started writing the other day which I subsequently gave up writing and trashed – Just stop this shit.
What was the shit I was telling myself to stop? In that moment I interpreted it as = rambling and babbling via blog posts. Later on I saw it more as being part of something I’m going through which requires that I take a long pause of silent reflection (the astro of this also includes transiting Pluto square Saturn, Chiron conjunct NN (which is conjunct natal Chiron) in opposition to Jupiter/Uranus, and transiting Jupiter bouncing around in my 3rd house between natal Mars and Neptune). My inner experience of self is being restructured, which, of course, affects my outer experience.
Re-reading my old posts has been interesting… an interesting part of the process of the now. ]
My photography project of trying to capture my natal chart is proving tricky and I’m being picky… or am I being indecisive.
This shot was originally supposed to represent Uranus in Libra in the 1st, that’s what I was thinking when I took the shot, but afterwards I thought it worked better for my Jupiter, which I have been having all sorts of trouble trying to express in an image.
When I decided that this was Jupiter and not Uranus, I had a falling out with myself. The side debating for Uranus fought a typically Uranian fight, electrically charged at first, intent on winning, then it got bored, the storm was over, it shrugged, said – Fine, Jupiter, you can have it, you want it more than I do. Ceding victory to Jupiter meant that Uranus was free to come up with a new image for itself, something wild, different, and over the top weird. Electricity sparked again. Uranus was happy, Jupiter was happy, everybody wins.
The main reason I thought that this image suited Jupiter in my chart is because I’m balancing on a fence, and my Jupiter is in Libra whose symbol is the scales, but also because I’m sitting on the fence, which is very much how I experience this position. Trying to make a decision is one of the hardest things I do in life (I’m exaggerating, Jupiter tends to have that effect), because I get caught up in weighing the pro and cons of all options. I can see the value of every option, and then I can’t decide what I actually want to do.
“Let’s not go and ruin it by thinking too much.” ― Clint Eastwood
A while later it struck me that I was doing a rather silly impersonation of Clint Eastwood in the picture. I love Clint Eastwood films! One of my all time favourites is High Plains Drifter. I grew up overdosing on Spaghetti Westerns, as well as the more traditional kind. I played cowboy a lot as a child. I didn’t kill Indians, I didn’t like that, it seemed wrong to me. But I did kill baddies, fairly though, always giving them the chance to be a quicker draw than I was. I occasionally died. It’s the luck of the draw!
“Will Munny: It’s a hell of a thing, killing a man. Take away all he’s got and all he’s ever gonna have.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, I guess they had it coming.
Will Munny: We all got it coming, kid.” – Unforgiven (1992)
My natal Jupiter is located in the 2nd house, which represents personal values, and since my attitude towards values is very individual, it ties in with the Clint influence. Rather than just accepting the values of others as my own I like to check each value out to see whether it suits me, and if it does I usually modify it to fit me rather than modify myself to fit it. If it doesn’t suit me, then with a kick of my spurs (sorry horse) I ride away from it. This attitude often gets me into trouble with other people, especially when they want to impose their version of reality on me or when they can’t peg me because I don’t fit the criteria of behaviour which they are used to encountering in others. This really irks manipulators.
“Sarah Belding: Be careful. You’re a man who makes people afraid, and that’s dangerous.
The Stranger: It’s what people know about themselves inside that makes ’em afraid.” – High Plains Drifter (1973)
I live by my own set of values, and often feel like an outcast because of it, but I like it that way. My Jupiter is conjunct my Uranus, being a maverick is not a choice, it is a vocation. Some people are just born to rebel, every atom of my being is rebellious, I’ve tried to conform, mostly because it would make life easier if I did, but it just doesn’t stick because I rebel against myself as much as I do with the rest of the world.
“There’s a rebel lying deep in my soul… I hate imitation; I have a reverence for individuality.” – Clint Eastwood, Wild Open Spaces: Why We Love Westerns
So, I live the way I believe life should be lived, for myself, not for others. To each his own path. On my path I… Walk my talk as best as I can. Try to understand the perspective of others. Try to be fair. Know when to admit that I’m wrong, give credit to someone else when they are right. Try not to lie, cheat, deceive… but if it happens, accept that I’m human, own up to it and make amends if necessary… sometimes it isn’t necessary because I’m dishing out justice to a baddie. Although usually I leave the justice dishing out to karma, baddies often end up shooting themselves… but sometimes we have to confront those who have done us wrong and show them that their actions have consequences, and those consequences have to be faced.
“Jed Cooper: You don’t remember me, do you?
Reno, Cooper Hanging Party: No.
Jed Cooper: [showing his hanging scar] When you hang a man, you better look at him.” – For A Few Dollars More (1965)
The more I think about it, the more I realise that I have captured the essence of what Jupiter in Libra in the 2nd house means to me. There is even a breeze tickling my poncho in the picture, Libra is an Air sign… Phew, now on to the next planet.
[The Stranger rides away]
*Rides off into the sunset….. falls off horse….. gets up, shakes the dust off…. gets back on horse and resumes ride.
[The following articles are ones I’ve read recently, and they offer a different perspective of the astro mentioned in this (old/new) post:
it’s always intriguing to explore other perspectives, ideas, theories, languages, etc… but at the end of the day you come home to yourself and that’s sometimes the strangest place, culture, language, perspective, etc, you’ll ever find]