The Zen of Narcissists: Lessons 1 to 8

[Please note: This is a repost of a series in its entirety (so this is a loooong post) published in January 2014. Number 7 seems to be missing – I may have just jumped from 6 to 8 without checking where I was numerically, or maybe I did check and still missed #7.

I can’t recall my thinking behind doing this series, why I started it, why I thought it was a ‘good’ idea to do it, why I wrote it the way that I did (it seems I was writing it as though giving advice to Narcissists on being Narcissists, but the style changed a bit with each post), and whether I finished it or if it just petered out like most of my series do…

My mother used to repeatedly get annoyed at me for not finishing anything I started (some of those things which she thought were unfinished were often finished according to me, but according to her they were not, and her opinion was the only one which mattered) – once when I was some age under 10, she punished me for deciding that my ‘good’ idea to make a deer out of plasticine was a bad one because it was too fiddly and frankly it didn’t seem important, I was just playing… but apparently my mother decided that I must finish it, that this was not a game, that this was an important lesson she had to teach me about responsibility or whatever (the lessons she thought she was teaching me versus the lessons she actually taught me… I could fill a book on hypocrisy and whatnot with those), so she sent me to my room after screaming at me, lecturing me, and other narc tantrum stuff, and told me I couldn’t come out until I’d made a plasticine deer (because world peace depended upon it? It was a matter of life and death!?). Such was life with my mother… she was miserable, and her misery needed my company. She was delusional but don’t you dare reveal such a thing to her…

The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #1 is definitely based on my mother…

There’s a lot of sarcasm in this series, if you have difficulty with the lowest form of wit, then avoid reading this.

There’s no reason at all for you to read this… so why put yourself through such an ordeal?… when I write posts (past or present or mixing the two) I’m having a conversation with myself, trying to figure something out for myself. I share it publicly because it has helped me to do so. Whether it has helped anyone else… is up to them, it’s up to you.

And yes, I did re-read (I did skim-read some of it) all of the posts in the series… I wasn’t then and am not now aiming to be right or in the right (being right or in the right is highly overrated… or maybe it just appears to be that way from this angle… the angle of a person who found the Westworld season 2 finale to be rather narcissistic in its perspective – humans suck because they’re too simplistic and won’t ever change, grow, or whatever, AI’s rule because they’re better than humans, more complex, able to do shit humans can’t do. Really!?! According to whom? Exactly!), so feel free to share your views without fearing that I’m going to rip into you or rip you apart if you disagree with me or think I’m wrong.

One of these old posts (#4) provoked someone to tell me via comment that what I said scared them… and their scared them made them diagnose me as a malignant narcissist. That’s how the diagnostic system works, right? I know the scared voice of fear all too well… it can take a lifetime to learn how to talk it down off one of the many ledges it takes us up to and pushes us over while telling us that it’s keeping us safe from that kind of thing, and to stop it from seeing monsters everywhere. The real monster we’re afraid of isn’t the one out there, projected, transferred, deferred… but the one out there, as daunting as it seems, is easier to deal with than…

Anyway… think for yourself, explore that adventure, share it when you can, and hope that others do that too…]

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #1 – Tell other people what is wrong with them and this will make you superior

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Counting other people’s sins does indeed make you a saint, but only if you’re special (extraordinary immortal superhuman) like the Narcissist who is counting your (ordinary mortal human) sins and telling you what they are over and over and over again to remind themselves how superior they are to you and to remind you how inferior to them you are. – according to the Zen of Narcissists.

For a Narcissist letting you know everything that is wrong with you and your life is the path to superiority – for them not you. You need to know what is wrong with you, because it makes them know that they are right about everything. They’re perfect too, and perfect people must point out the imperfect flaws of others. That is their purpose and their purpose is very important.

Condescension is the attitude which leads to Narcissist ascension.

Such is the Zen of Narcissists.

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #2 – Make Others Responsible for Solving the Drama of Your Life

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As a Narcissist your life is larger than anyone else’s life. That’s a fact. Don’t ever doubt it. You don’t do doubt unless you’re pretending to do it for the benefit of luring someone into your drama – your three (probably more) ring circus. Your monkeys are loose and someone needs to put them back in their cage, and that someone is not you. You don’t do damage control like that. Your version of damage control is to make sure no one believes those who have seen through your masquerade and have decided to tell others that you are not who you say you are no matter how convincing you are when you say what you always say, on repeat play until everyone is too tired to fight the constant hypnotic trance your words are designed to induce in those who hear it.

Your circus and monkeys are everyone else’s responsibility. Remember that when someone confronts you and tries to make you accountable for your shit.

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Your drama and dragging people into it and making it their problem is how you get that precious substance known as Narcissistic Supply. The sympathy, empathy, love and admiration (for your courage under such adversity) of others and their willingness to put their own dramas (real ones as opposed to your fake ones) and needs (real needs as opposed to your fake ones) aside for your giant dramas and bottomless pit of need is your food. Without it, you die of starvation. Without their attention, you cease to exist… and your circus goes out of business and what will happen to your monkeys if the circus gets closed down!

The bigger the drama, the harder it is to solve, the more attention you get for it… the more important you are and the more food you get to meet your ravenous appetite.

If a supply source (human) should try to escape your circus before you’re ready to let them leave (once you’ve sucked out all their energy) make sure your monkeys attack it at your signal. They’ll be too confused by the attack (they thought you were friends and that you loved them) to think straight and remember what they realised (that you’re a nutcase and they’d better get away from you) to continue with their futile attempts of getting away from you before you’re ready to discard them.

And if you do discard… keep one string attached in case you need them in an emergency (like when everyone else has abandoned you because you’re horrible). You never know, absence from a Narcissist does make people forget all the shit you did to them (humans are stupid, they do this thing called forgiving and forgetting, which is very useful) and they might give you whatever you didn’t get from them the first time around.

** No humans were hurt during the making of this series. Not sure if a Narcissist was hurt because they’re always in pain.

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #3 – In a Narcissistic Society, the Narcissist is King or Queen!

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The Society in which we live has already done most of the groundwork preparing people for you to swoop into their lives, sweep them off their feet, put them in a gilded cage and use them to bolster your ego.

Society will also help you to keep them trapped. They’re either with us or against us. If they’re with us they will support our Narcissistic ideals of living the dream and chasing perfection, making a mythic quest out of love and happiness, fighting imaginary dragons and foes, and being a human sacrifice on the altar of appeasing our suppurating wound of our fears. If they’re against us we will make them rue the day they decided to think for themselves, be themselves and live their life as though it belonged to them, we will come down hard on them, confuse them, make them feel the pain of shame, guilt and self-loathing which is part of our wound. They exist to take on our wound and heal it for us… because we don’t know how to do it.

Society will keep them too busy to ever have a moment to themselves. So don’t worry, just do what comes naturally to you and be the wonderful, generous, loving, super human, ultra special Narcissist that you are. If you ever get into trouble pass the buck and use Society to justify your villainous actions as pure heroism. You’re a positive angel in a world full of negative demons, surround yourself with those who support your greatness and ditch those who don’t and label them loudly as negative. Other people are very afraid of negativity and negative people so use their fear to your advantage. Others will stay away from those who’ve seen behind your perfect mask and will never learn the truth about you. The power of gossip travels far, use it.

The ideals of our Society are impossible to achieve because they are ideals – ideals are meant to inspire reality not become reality – but Society encourages people to believe that these ideals are attainable and they must live up to them. This is magical thinking at its best and worst, both of which work well for a Narcissist and a Narcissistic Society. Win/win for us, lose/lose for them.

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Be the perfect child. Be the perfect parent. Be the perfect husband. Be the perfect wife. Be the perfect member of Society. Be the perfect boss. Be the perfect employee. Be the perfect role model. Be the perfect friend.

Live in the perfect house. Have the perfect job. Have the perfect family. Have the perfect car. Have the perfect clothes. Have the perfect body. Have the perfect teeth. Have the perfect hair. Have the perfect skin. Have the perfect life.

Be in perfect health. Eat the perfect food. Drink the perfect drink.

Train your mind to be perfect. Think positive. Never let a negative thought cross your mind. Be happy. Be kind. Be compassionate. Be empathetic. Be charitable. Be intelligent. Be emotionally intelligent. Be the best that you can be and then be better than that.

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Just be yourself… as long as we approve of your version of being yourself, if we don’t then change it to suit our version of yourself. Do it and we’ll reward you with a dog biscuit. Don’t do it and we’ll squeeze the life out of you using Peer Pressure and using yourself against you by urging you to judge yourself harshly. If you don’t live up to our ideal, and by default your ideal, of being good then of course you must be bad, and that is a bad thing to be. Narcissism lives in a universe split by extremes, there is no middle, no grey areas, no in between or place where right and wrong meet. It’s black OR white, not black AND white.

On and on and on the messages, subliminal and blatant, the collective hypnotism, in media, on the internet, on Social Media, in communities, locally and globally, bombards people during their every waking moment, during work and play and rest, and in their sleep through their dreams and those self improvement tapes some people listen to at night. Pound the message home and push it deep into the subconscious so that even if a person manages to get away from it all they carry it with them like a chip implanted in the brain which shocks them if a rebellious independent thought should stir.

If someone rebels, Society will come down hard, and shame them back into their place. We are Borg, we assimilate. And what we can’t assimilate, we destroy.

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Your children will not be able to break free from your rule as King or Queen of their life. The child of Narcissistic parents will be made to understand that it doesn’t matter if their parents treat them badly (according to them), their parents are their parents and that is that. They will be told – Do not rebel or you will be punished. Just pretend you’re happy and had a happy childhood, everyone else does, who do you think you are to not want to do what the rest of your Society is doing. Live the lie, that’s how it becomes a truth. Live the dream, and if the dream is a nightmare pretend that it isn’t.

Just do your duty as a Narcissistic parent and put on a good show for anyone who observes you with your child. Make sure your child looks good, behaves well, and does well at school. Their grades are your grades, their intelligence is your intelligence, their achievements are your achievements. If they should fail you and do badly, behave badly, and bring shame upon you, then disown them and blame nature for their evil. It’s not your fault if they are screwed up and failures. It is to your credit if they excel and are successful.

Your spouse or partner will not be able to break free from your rule as King or Queen of their life. The spouse or partner of a Narcissist will be treated in much the same way as a child of Narcissists. When they realise that you don’t love them (Of course you love them, they’re just being blind to the special kind of love which you have blessed them with), you need not worry, you have maintained the appearance of the ideal partner and all their friends, and their family too, will think they have gone insane and will rally around you to force them back into their role as your loyal servant. You are too good to be true, it’s normal for a human subject to feel overwhelmed by the honour you have bestowed on them by making them your chosen one. You may have to let them go, leave them alone for a while so that they can return to their senses and get over their issues. They may want to discuss their issues with you, this is frightfully annoying, if you must put up with it be sure to let them know it is all their fault and you are the one who is suffering and long-suffering.

At the heart of every person is a sneaking suspicion that they are not good enough and no matter how hard they strive to be better, they will never be good enough. This is a weakness which can be exploited easily.

The first thing to do when meeting a new target of Narcissistic Supply is to tell them the truth. Don’t worry, this phase is short term, but necessary. You must let them know how beautiful, talented, gifted they are. How special they are. Let them know why you chose them and what it is that you admire and tell them exactly what the treasure you are going to steal from them is. In the next phases you will wipe their memory of this truth you told and steal their treasure, leaving them with nothing but the discarded parts of yourself which you don’t need. This will confuse them and they won’t know what happened. A confused subject leaks out delicious Narcissistic Supply.

Don’t worry about the sudden rebellion against Narcissists and our Narcissistic Society, it seems to be gaining momentum, but it’s probably just a trending fad.

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*If you question the subliminal Narcissistic propaganda our Society bombards you with, look at some of the slogans for perfectionism, idealism, positivism and magical thinking which seem so logical and normal because they’re everywhere and you see them all the time you hardly even notice them, and they make you feel good about yourself for a moment, then bad about yourself because you can’t live up to them – just like a Narcissist. Look at them from a different angle and perspective and this might explain to you why you attract. and maybe are attracted to, Narcissists, and why there are so many Narcissists in Society in this day and age.

** This post isn’t as good as I was hoping it would be, but just because something isn’t good enough, does not mean it isn’t good.

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #4 – The Female Narcissist is the Greatest Empath in the World!

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Here’s a secret for the ears and eyes of Female (and certain males of the species) Narcissists only – No one is as empathic as you are!

If you are a female Narcissist, your empathic skills border on the supernatural. Telepathic empathic. Clairaudient and all the clairs which such psychic abilities endow you with beyond all other psychics (other psychics are frauds, you’re the real thing).

And you’re always quick to tell everyone about them because they need to know how hyper-sensitive you are to them and the slightest change in the atmosphere. You feel things no one else can feel (because they’re not real to anyone but you and your imagination… which is awesome).

You’re a fragile flower whose petals bruise easily and then rot. Other people need to know that they have to walk on tippy toes over the eggshells around you. The Princess and the Pea is an understatement of how easily you are upset by the slightest discomfort, and what upsets you the most is when other people have feelings.

How dare they have feelings! Your feelings are the only ones allowed to exist. They’re more important because you’re the only one who truly feels anything.

Your love is the greatest love ever. Rare. Special. Only given to a hero (or heroine) who can meet your demands… and you have a lot of those, they’re like the heads of a Hydra.

To win your love, a male or female ordinary mortal being must transform themselves through sacrifice and probably death. You’re immortal and can only mate with another immortal… ideally. And ideal love is what you’re all about!

But as special as you know you are…

You’re so unsure of yourself, you need constant reassurance. Try fishing for compliments…

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You’re so ugly… no, no, no, you’re the most beautiful beauty ever!

You’re so sad 😦 … Oh noes! Why are you soooooo sad! You’re such a loving lovely love of an angel! Who did this to you? What a Baddie!!!

A negative person entered your range of empathy and sucked all your joy and you have nothing left. Was this negative person a friend? Dear, oh, dear! You told them how sensitive you are and they had a personal feeling around you… Oh no! Even worse than them having a sad feeling… They had a happy feeling around you! They were happy because something good happened in their life! That is so negative of them! They knew your life was upsetting you, your miraculous talent of specialness had been ignored once again and you’d been forced to put up with people treating you as though you were an ordinary mortal human thing when you’re anything but that. Your drama is vital… and this selfish friend tried to inflict (cheer you up and share their happiness) their negativity (joy) on you and drained (tried to uplift) you of your special brew of delicious loveliness (heal your wound).

They are so negative, you’d better go and tell everyone else you know, via email, phone, physical contact, and social media, all about them and how negative and bad baddie they are! Spread the word around before they do it  – and maybe others will realise that you’re not the empathic bundle of love and joy which you’ve convinced everyone you are by telling them over and over again that you are with words not actions (as your actions always contradict your words), and they might see you as the insensitive killjoy and permanent damsel in perilous distress who fishes endlessly for compliments to boost your ravenous ego and nothing is ever enough to feed your bottomless pit of need.

Quick quick! Damage control. Control the minds and souls of others! Cover your bloody tracks with rose petals and disguise the scent of rot with perfume!

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Ah forget your female friends! They’re all envious and jealous of you. They’re only useful when you need some female sympathy and when you want to rub in their faces the tales of all your conquests. Best go and get a quick ego boost by saying something sexually provocative around an unavailable male, and acting in a sexually inappropriate way.

Choose the male carefully, make sure he is moral and that he is one of those men who respects women. Then when you lead him on, he’ll accept your ‘No’ of flirtatious rejection. He won’t understand and his confusion will fill you with Narcissistic supply. But he won’t force you to live up to your promises because he is a good man. You always know how to find the good men. You have an amazing instinct for it! Look at how talented you are! If the men you target only knew how special they truly were they might avoid people like you and find a person worthy of their worth, but you know how to confuse them and make them see what you want them to see.

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siren by goldronin

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You’re a mermaid, a siren, an eternal little girl for men (or women) who like little girls in adult female bodies, and a sexy seductress femme fatale for men (or women) who like to be seduced by a real woman they can never have. You’re a succubus, but they only know that when it is too late. You enjoy stimulating their desire, pulling them towards you, then pushing them away. Crying for ‘help help’ then sending them on an heroic quest from which they will never return because they’re trying to save you from imaginary dragons, but the real dragon is you and if they get too close, see who you are behind the beautiful helpless mask, you’ll devour them.

So, sit on your lonely rock in the stormy seas singing your siren’s song, watching as heroes, both male and female, are lured by your distress call which is oh so sweet to their hearts, and enjoy the chaos as they crash upon the sharp rocks which surround you and which tear their mortal inferior human bodies to shreds. You like the human sacrifice because it feeds your ego and the colour of blood because it is red like passion and yours hasn’t been red for a long time. It pleases you…

But not for long.

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Oh, you’re sad 😦 …. again… poor you. Did something upset you? Oh, you’re hurt… again… and your hurt runs so deep because you’re so empathic and feel the pain of the world and the world is so very negative and you’re the only positive source of light in the entire universe. It must be so hard and so exhausting for you!

Time to go fishing for Narcissistic Supply…

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*This type of Narcissist is known as a Covert Narcissist, Vulnerable Narcissist, Passive-aggressive Narcissist.

Narcissists Who Cry: The Other Side of the Ego

Passive-Aggressive Narcissists Are Eternal Victims

5 Signs You’re Being Played by a ‘Victim’

What’s the best way to deal with help rejecting complainers? – this is not about NPD, however Covert narcissists often behave this way.

This type of narcissist is much harder to spot than Overt Narcissists as the classic NPD traits are more subtle, hidden, less obvious even to those who have a fully-functioning narcissist radar. They often come across as the anti-narcissist, they seem sensitive, kind, caring, interested in you, and they may even claim to be a victim of a narcissist (which could be true if they’re also an Inverted Narcissist – The Inverted (Mirror) Narcissist).

They may also put themselves in a position of authority about Narcissists, as a healer offering to ‘save’ other victims/survivors of Narcissists – the martyr/saviour role is one of their favourite identities as it gives them access to everything they crave, a position of specialness, superiority, and a source of narcissistic supply.

They tend to believe their own delusion, their created identity and version of reality, which is why they are so adept at deceiving others, much of what they do is as hidden from them as it is from others. Their need to hide from themselves who they are is a strong motivator – do not confront this type of narcissist unless that is your only recourse as they will see it as a life and death scenario, with you as the threat to their life. They tend to react very viciously.

The way that you recognise this type is by observing yourself when you interact with them. How do you feel, think, behave, react, when you are with them, when in contact. Pay attention to yourself. If you find yourself censoring your natural way of being, who you are, how you express yourself, and if you do this more and more until you feel as though you’re trapped in a room which is closing in on you, always walking on eggshells around this person, nothing you ever do is good enough, right, okay. That who you are is somehow wrong, hurts them and you need to make up to them for it, be who they want and need you to be. That is how you recognise them.

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**Please be aware that although I’ve seen this behaviour more consistently among the female of the Narcissist species, males of the species do this too.

Don’t try and argue with a Narcissist Empath that the vibes and emotions (usually negative ones) they’re picking up from you or others belong to them and not to you or others, because their intuition knows… dum dum dum!… and it’s just as frustrating as trying to make them see anything else.

***This post was inspired by a female Narcissist ‘friend’. She reminded me (of my mother) about everything I had managed to forget about Narcissists due to taking a break from that kind of relationship. But I needed a crash course and am grateful it occurred this way… which doesn’t stop me from expressing my annoyance at this kind of behaviour.

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #5 – The Male Narcissist… The Saviour of the World has Arrived!

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You are the ideal man.

That’s all you need to know and I’m not going to write anymore about you.

Of course I’m kidding! There is so much to tell you about yourself that I may have to devote an entire blog to it for the next several hundred years. Since you’re immortal that sort of timing issue won’t affect you at all.

What’s wrong?

Sorry, you’re offended. You don’t do humour, your idea of a good laugh is when you humiliate someone else publicly like Donald Trump on The Apprentice. And your paranoia that others may be doing the same thing to you that you do to them… sorry… your certainty that others are as manipulative and double-crossing as you are, just not as clever, means that you are sure that anything I say about you could be the bait leading you into a trap.

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Your ego is dented. Giving me the silent treatment are you? Waiting for your silence to work its torture on me until I’m so uncomfortable, suffocating in the heavy atmosphere filled with your poisonous vapors, squeezed and sucked by the invisible tentacles of your psyche, and ridden with guilt that I upset you but you won’t tell me why or how or discuss anything at all with me that I’ll crumble and apologise profusely for anything and everything just to break the stone cold silence and fill the dark damp depressing void to created between us. Then you can turn on your lecture mode and talk down to me, blaming me for every hurt you’ve ever had since before you were born because I’ve given you carte blanche to treat me badly… I mean treat me as you feel I deserve to be treated for being an ordinary mortal human who dared speak my mind to a god.

Let me bend over backwards and kiss your feet. I know you need to hear more about yourself. To have your ears filled with the Narcissistic Supply which you crave and which is the reason you behave as you do. The more you treat other people as though they owe you, the more they give you, right, because someone has to pay this unpayable debt which the world owes you. Just be careful, your weak spot is showing, you need others more than they need you. Learn to cover your tracks!

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Men and women swoon when you enter the room. You stand out from the crowd like a giant in a kingdom of ants. Not sure why a giant is in a kingdom of ants instead of with other giants… Ah! Because the only way the giant can be impressive is by being with those who are not of its kind. Amongst the giants, you’re the ant. You’re very clever!

You’re Adonis, Zeus and all the other gods. In fact you’re better than the gods because they never managed to create the perfect man, but you did and are!

You’re perfect and a genius. A perfect genius. But you’re often misunderstood. That’s what happens when you’re as advanced as you are. Ordinary humans just don’t understand you because their mortal selves just can’t grasp the magnificence that your immortal self contains and exudes. It’s okay, you can talk down to them, you’re generous like that.

Walking the path of the perfect genius is a challenging one. You’re so far ahead of everyone else that you are forced to wait sometimes very impatiently for them to catch up. And sometimes you have to put up with them thinking you’re ordinary and treating you that way. Fools! Don’t they know who you are!

Your genius once recognised will save the world. The world is populated by idiots who are doing everything wrong and ruining the planet for you. It’s up to you to take your rightful place on the top of a mountain and preach. Preach your word! Preach long and endlessly never allowing anyone else to say anything, talk until all others are silent and know that only you are worthy of the power of speech (unless they have been permitted to praise you or they need to apologise profusely for their sins and apologise profusely in vain).

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I WANT YOU by shadowSLASHER

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You are the embodiment of the Messiah complex. I mean, you’re the perfect genius ideal saviour of the world. The only problem with this is that there are all these little bothersome practical details which are beneath you to deal with and you need some disciples, acolytes, to do them for you so that you can focus on your noble purpose and heroic cause.

What you need to succeed is a good woman or man, maybe even several ordinary mortals of either gender, to be your personal everything – mother, father, babysitter, assistant, dogsbody, slave, and receptacle of your extreme frustration, a vessel into which you can discard all those parts of yourself which aren’t yours, you know, the human bits which inspire such self-loathing and fear in you.

It’s an honour, so they should be grateful that you have hand-picked them for the role. They occasionally think you care what they think and feel, and that you’re abusing and mistreating them. They may even accuse you of taking advantage of them. Some people don’t know how lucky they are that you noticed they were alive and took them under your wing and attached them to you as though they were an extension of you. I know it’s a nuisance, but every Messiah must bear a cross, every genius must tolerate fools, every god needs mortals to worship them. And since you’re all of those in one, the weight of the universe is on your shoulders. The good news is that you only have to carry the universe when you’re in public, in private you can dump it onto your surrogate mother’s shoulders. It’ll crush them but they’re replaceable. You are not replaceable. You’re one of a kind and were handmade by angels, rolled on the thighs of vestal virgins.

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Ghost king by MadLittleClown

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The most important thing for you to remember is that you are right and everyone else is wrong. You know the truth and everyone else is a liar. You are the only one of any worth to walk the Earth and all the others inhabitants of this planet are allowed to be here because you tolerate their presence on condition that they play the role which they were destined and assigned to play by you. You need an audience, worshippers. You need offerings of Narcissistic Supply on a regular basis, a constant basis. If you don’t get your fix you could die, which would be excruciatingly embarrassing for an immortal.

When you’re low on supply this strange pressure builds up inside of you, intolerable pain, stress which threatens to rip you apart from the inside out. You know it as The Fear. Ordinary mortals know it as emotions, feelings, conscience. You’ve heard of these things, and mimic them with great skill, but you don’t know what they are, you never learned about such things, you were too busy being prepared for greatness to have such flaws, such imperfections.

These flaws and imperfections were put in a box deep inside of you and they amalgamated into The Fear. Narcissistic Supply keeps The Fear appeased, but when the supply runs out, The Fear rises up. It wreaks havoc within and threatens the fragile construct of your idyllic version of reality, it wants to kill your identity. The only way to avoid self annihilation is to unleash The Fear on the world outside, let it wreak its havoc on others, not on you, let it feed on human sacrifices until it is full and sated, then it will return to its box and keep quiet for a while. And you’ll be safe again.

And it always feels so refreshing to let The Fear out, clears the air, and lightens your load. Pity that others always seem to rain on your apres-tantrum joy parade.

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Your best sources of Narcissistic Supply are:

1 – A group of people who admire you and think the Sun shines out of your ass. Which is why so many Narcissists choose a career in dream selling. People always love you when you sell them their dreams. If you dangle those dreams before them just out of their grasping hands they’ll give you everything they have just so you’ll let them have what is already theirs and charge them dearly for it. Their gratitude will feed you Narcissistic Supply for years (as long as you have lots of desperate and confused followers, so be certain to confuse them and encourage their desperation using critical digs and put downs which lower the level of their self-esteem).

2 – Sexual conquests. The seduction part is the most nourishing for your ego, especially if your target thinks that they are hard to get. No one is hard to get for you. In fact sometimes you despair at how easy people are to get, just tell them the truth about themselves (because mortals withhold this stuff from other mortals out of fear and thus they’re starving to hear it), tell them how beautiful, talented, gifted and special they are (they won’t believe it, but they long to believe it because somewhere under their inner mental mantra of never being good enough they know they are better than good enough), and they will be like puppets on strings which you control. You never need worry about telling them the truth about how much you admire them because you know how to wipe their memories of it afterwards.

The orgasmic sensations which course through your body as you watch yourself seducing them, convincing them to lower their drawbridge, let down their defenses and invite you willingly into their treasure room not knowing that you aren’t the knight in shining armor – you’re not a knight, you’re a king and kings don’t do rescues – you’ve cleverly led them to believe you are but you’re a pirate intent on plundering, is the greatest rush of Narcissistic supply ever. The actual act of sex is your payment to them for services rendered. Since you’re a sex god, they really are getting out of you much more than you’re getting out of them.

Your sexual conquests may become addicted to you. Treat them mean and keep them keen while their Narcissistic Supplies last. Once they run out of it and start being a drain on your precious time, attention and patience, just discard them onto the heap where all the other bodies are. And make sure you have a surrogate mother to clean up after your mess.

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3 – The Surrogate Mother. This can be male or female. You can also have more than one, which is quite a good idea because when you’ve exhausted one, the other one can step in to the breach. Remember it is important to have one of these as you do not handle the details of day to day living. You need someone to do this for you as you have more important things to do. Make sure when choosing a surrogate mother that you pick someone with great stamina to put up with all your shit. Someone who will willingly sacrifice their paltry needs to cater to your vital ones. Someone who will censor themselves into complete silence and keep themselves imprisoned there. Someone who believes that their copious amounts of love can save you from yourself and heal your deep gaping suppurating wound. Make sure you give them your wound and maybe they’ll actually be able to heal it for you. Punish them regularly if they fail you in any way or make any demands whatsoever. They like this as they give you lots of Narcissistic supply when you do it.

Do not forget to test them on a continuous basis. They are not to be trusted (no one is to be trusted because you judge others based on yourself and you know you’re not trustworthy). Their vows of love and caring and all that other mortal emotional stuff must be challenged and they must be made to prove their love over and over and over again and it will never be enough to satisfy you.

If they misbehave and step out of line. Abandon them for a while. It’s quite a good idea to let them be aware that you have found a replacement for them who is much better, more beautiful, more talented, more special than they are during this time. The competition for your very special love is fierce. You love it when mortals fight over you, it exhalts your superior being status. They will suffer greatly, realise their guilt, feel ashamed, and come running after you beginning for your forgiveness. You can pretend to give it to them, but don’t ever let them forget that they have wronged you.

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4 – Your Progeny. If you decide to have children, to pass on your golden seed and create a mini version of yourself, remember they will probably only be half immortal, so they’re you but a diluted version. They do belong to you and you own them. They are useful tools for manipulating your surrogate mother, especially when punishing her for giving them attention which she should be giving to you.

They are also a lifetime source of Narcissistic Supply. Remember to remind them that you are the perfect parent and only a perfect child will be tolerated. Make sure Society considers you to be a perfect parent, play to the crowd, when in public show the world what an awesome parent you are and how lucky your child is to have you… so that you can’t be blamed if they are screwed up and make a mess of their lives, but you can claim all the credit for their successes and achievements, and for them turning out well. Undermine their confidence subtly all the time and make them spend their entire life trying to win a moment of genuine affection from you.

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I think you have enough to work with, but it’s not work for you, it’s a pleasure. Now go and save the world, great Saviour!

*This is mostly based on my father, a Narcissist. I have never had a romantic relationship with a Narcissist due to observing the modus operandi of the male Narcissist, in public and in private, and knowing about my father’s attitude towards other people which he shared with great pride and at length in detail. He was a serial adulterer and his sexual conquests often stayed with us in our home. I watched him seduce them, then take them to pieces afterwards and discard them. My mother cleaned up the mess. Don’t feel sorry for my mother, she is also a Narcissist. I know way too much about their sex lives, and having two Narcissists teach you about the Birds and the Bees… well, it’s surprising that I decided to have any romantic relationships at all.

I have known other male Narcissists. My childhood was populated by Narcissists, and I attract them, but male Narcissists usually do not find me sexually attractive.

There is very little difference between a heterosexual male Narcissist and a homosexual male Narcissist. Most Narcissists are open to bisexuality because what they seek is to be admired and adored. Whether they are vocally open about their sexuality depends on the Society they are living in, they are very aware of Society’s ideals, and on their image of what an ideal man should be.

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #6 – Censorship and Control

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Fre…. by BossLogic

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You get the majority of your Narcissistic Supply from conversation. So it is vital that you control the flow of verbal interaction.

Other people might want to discuss themselves and their lives. They call this sharing, you call this a waste of your precious time. They might want to talk about the things they love, which is very boring unless it’s you they love then it’s fascinating and nourishing, unless they want to criticise you in some way, have you acknowledge some wrong which they incorrectly believe that you did to them, or point out a mistake which you made which you couldn’t have possibly done as you never make mistakes. This is unacceptable and it drains what little energy you have and therefore they must be censored.

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Controlling and censoring others is easy for you. You simply do to them exactly what you do to yourself. You are always very careful about what you say and how you say it. It is impossible for you to express yourself spontaneously, every word which comes out of your mouth has been vetted and edited and passed through all the filters in your mind. You only speak when you are sure that your speech is perfect, which is why you repeat yourself so often. Once a speech has been perfected it needs repeating to be certain that everyone has heard it and appreciated the masterpiece you created.

Of course you must pretend that your speech is spontaneous, a spur of the moment expression of genius. A sudden realisation. A flash of enlightenment. You know what I mean, you’ve studied these things, you’ve watched how humans interact, how they talk and converse, and can mimic their ways and do them better than they do them. Your version is new, improved and of better quality as you have practiced it until it is perfect.

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Your self-censorship and self-control are beyond compare. It’s as though you are encased in amber. This particular trait is not one which you adopted from others, but was one which was given to you by those who initiated you into The Way of The Narcissist. It was part of the initiation ritual. Your spontaneity was crushed, your self expression was denied, your emotions deemed dangerous and exiled along with your natural self. The only part of you allowed to remain was your mind which filled in the emptiness left by the removal of all the other parts of you. Everything which you express is a mental construct.

Your mind was trained with relentless military precision and force to become an omnipotent dictator. The fortress which you’ve built around yourself is unassailable. And although this causes great suffering for you, especially when stray fragments of your true self rise up against your mind’s dictatorship, it is actually very useful.

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People find your self-control admirable, they perceive it as confidence and mastery, and it often attracts those who long to be controlled and protected by someone who is in control. Of course a permanent state of self-control is very stressful and sometimes you need to let off steam, especially when The Fear – the ghost of the real ordinary mortal human inside of you – rises up. Those who are under your wing of control may complain about your need to let off stress steam, they may call it a tantrum, a verbal blitz attack from out of the blue, or an overly dramatic raging outburst, they may even accuse you of losing control and being out of control, they are wrong. These are controlled tests.

After all being in charge of controlling so many other people, the world, is a burdensome responsibility and you need to weed out those who do not deserve such an oppressive regime. They claim to love you, but you can’t feel it, you need to see it. If they can weather your storms and love you more for them, then they are worthy to be kept in your gilded cage forever and ever, never to be allowed to speak, feel, act or anything without a permission slip from you, and certainly not allowed leave.

If they try to leave, view it as an aberration, a lapse of reason and logic on their part, momentary insanity, and hunt them down either passively – blank them, pretend they don’t exist, wipe them from your life and let them know they have been unceremoniously discarded, play the victim with their friends and family, and your friends and family, and make sure word gets back to them about how everyone thinks they’re bad, they’ll be shamed into seeing the error of their ways and come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness – or aggressively – watch their every move, use their friends and family to spy on them for you (as they usually agree with you about the escapee, that they’re crazy to leave someone like you who is too good to be true), keep hounding them until they see the error of their ways and come crawling back to you begging for forgiveness. Some people enjoy these sort of games, and sometimes you find them enjoyable too.

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I want a fairy tale by Ladyeriu

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People find your self-censorship to be an alluring bait too. In fact their attempts to reach you in your fortress are a source of large doses of Narcissistic Supply. They believe that they can save you from yourself, that their love can heal the deep, suppurating wound within you. They believe this because this is what you lead them to believe, but even if they could heal your wound with their love, save you from yourself and free you from your amber fortress, they must not be permitted to succeed.

They might leave you if they freed and healed you because you would no longer be the person who attracted them. You might become human too, mortal, ordinary, and this is something which is too terrifying to even consider. What you can do however is slice pieces of your painful wound off and give it to others as a gift. It’s theirs now, and they must own it and heal it if they can, however they will fail. You’ll make sure that they do, they can’t be allowed to succeed where you have not succeeded as this would make you appear to be a failure.

You are a superior being and everyone else is inferior to you. Appearances must be maintained at all costs, even to your own detriment and destruction. When you do self-destruct make sure you take everyone with you. If they love you they will follow you. Their self-sacrifice will be proof of their love. You won’t feel it, you can’t feel a thing encased in your amber fortress, but you can see it because the amber fortress is a window through which you see the world, slightly warped and of a strange hue, but the world can’t see you…

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Or at least you hope they can’t see you… and that all they see is who you choose to let them see, the image you project and the identity you work so hard to create and maintain.

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*If you feel censored when in the company of certain people, controlled by them – and I’m not talking about social situations where you have to be well mannered and tone down your language, be diplomatic and courteous. If you feel that who you are somehow causes them pain, that your words of self expression hurt them, that nothing you say or do is right, good, welcome or wanted. If you feel that you have to become who they want you to be, who they’ve decided you are… if who you actually are feels locked in a cell, a prison of silence. Then consider that that person or those people may be Narcissists. Their censorship of you can be very subtle and gradual. Their censorship of themselves can be quite attractive to those who relate to it, to those who like to draw people out of their shells and encourage them to express themselves. Narcissist like this attention, feed on it, and never come out of their shell. They can’t, but they can suck you into it.

**As always my views are based on my personal experience of Narcissists. Please share your views and experience. Break the silence!

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The Zen of Narcissists: Lesson #8 – Relationship Rules for Narcissists

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As a Narcissist you approach life strategically. You’re very focused on being the best, popular, superior, successful and powerful. You need to keep your mind, heart, soul and body pure. You are special, brilliant, a genius, extraordinary, immortal, super human, and you need to be treated with the respect which you deserve, which is your birthright.

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To embody your ideal, to live your dream, make your vision a reality, you must make sure that you are in good company, with those who love and support you. Those who confirm your identity and help you to maintain it. Those who uplift and advance your purpose.

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You were born for greatness, your life has an important purpose, you are on a very important mission. For you to achieve the potential which burns within you like an eternal flame, you must have the right people in your life.

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Your greatness is clear to all who see it. They of course want a part of it. Your energy is very attractive and addictive to others. You are charismatic and irresistible. It is natural that ordinary mortals should flock to you and want you to lead them, control them and show them the way to be as perfect as you are. Unfortunately some of these people are of an inferior quality, flawed, damaged, unfixable, everyone is except you, but some are useful to you, others are not and may be detrimental. They want to leech your precious energy. Turn your stunning, radiant smile into a dull and dreary frown.

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You need horses to pull your chariot, not lead weights tied to the back of it dragging along behind you and slowing you down. You need an appreciative audience who will applaud your every word and gesture. You need a supporting cast who follows the script you have given them and are grateful for the opportunity of being a part of your magnificent production, your opus. You need helpers, not hindrances.

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You need those who will love you no matter what you say or do or don’t say and don’t do. Forgive your sins and forget them, never to be spoken of again as though it never happened. Their love for you must withstand all the tests and quests which you put it through. It has to be unconditional love…

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…even if you are contemptuous of their unconditional love because how could anyone love someone who treats them the way that you do.

They must never blame you, shame you, confront you, challenge you, make you feel guilty, or bad, or responsible for anything. They must not make any demands, or ask for anything at all for themselves.

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They must cater to your needs and make your needs, their needs too. It’s all for one. You are their one, and they must be your all.

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You must be careful with whom you share your life and specialness. You are very sensitive and it is important that you protect yourself. Not everyone is worthy of your attention.

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There will be many times in your life when you have to cut someone out of it, for your own good.

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They may react badly, it is understandable. They must face the harsh and painful truth that they are not worthy of you, to walk with you on your yellow brick road and share the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

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It is their problem not yours. You are good, they are bad. You are positive, they are negative. You are an elixir of life, they are poison.

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Remember this…

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You are a magical thinker, a dreamer who makes their dreams come true, a king or queen whose kingdom needs loyal subjects, a court filled with beautiful, successful and important people who all bow to your greatness and are subservient, a god and goddess creating a world from scratch and populating it with those who must serve, adore and worship you.

Learn the rules… improve them when needed as they were written by ordinary inferior mortals and need fixing to suit your special and unique superior immortal self… and follow them like the mind control freak that you are!

Live forever, prosper, and bless the world with your presence… we are not worthy, thank you!

*All of these quotes are ones which may be familiar to you and you may have even used them to inspire you and help you to deal with and heal from having been in a relationship with a Narcissist. To let go of the Narcissist, to realise your worth and make the changes needed to do what is healthy for you.

I am not knocking these quotes and the advice and inspiration which they may provide, I am just pointing out that Narcissists have access to them too, take them very seriously, and follow their advice to the letter. If I had a dollar for each time a Narcissist used a quote like these to justify their behaviour, I would now be a one-percenter.

A Narcissist can take anything and twist it to suit them, to serve their purpose. If something is not useful they discard it, dismiss it, ignore it or destroy it so no one else can use it. Narcissist’s adapt everything to fit into their version of reality and to support it, and that includes rules of relationship, life, behaviour, manners, self-help, pop psychology, spirituality, and so on. And they absolutely thrive when they have their noses stuck firmly into a How to be the Master of your Life book. Those sort of books supply them with weapons and excuses.

You use these sort of quotes and those sort of books to inspire you, they live by them. You have a heart which guides you, you feel, listen to more than just your mind to know what is right and what is wrong for you and others. They are only guided by their mind and The Fear – a darkness within them which terrifies them and threatens to annihilate them unless they can control it. They are control freaks who monitor everything and everyone, they censor and control themselves as much as they do to others, even more so as they are always on guard.

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Narcissists live in the mind, they study the rules of life, power and relationship to know what to do, how to feel (their emotions are mental constructs), how to behave, and also to excuse their behaviour should anyone dare to question it.

**People often struggle to understand ‘The Discard’. When a Narcissist unceremoniously dumps you, deletes you from their life, ignores you and pretends you don’t exist and never did exist. Usually without an explanation or the opportunity to discuss what has happened and why.

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Trying to confront a Narcissist after a discard tends to lead to frustration and confusion, which makes it very hard to let go of the relationship on your side of it.

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There are many reasons why Narcissists do The Discard. It depends on the type of relationship they think they had with you, what role you played in their charade.

Mostly they do it because you threaten their version of reality. You are a sharp pin which came very close to popping the bubble they live in. They see you as a threat and a danger to them. If their bubble pops their reality will be completely destroyed and so will they. It is a Narcissistic survival mechanism. When they blame you for it, they mean it.

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But it is not your fault so don’t blame yourself. Be thankful they did it. I know it hurts, but they did you a favour. You deserve to be happy and healthy and loved.

Take care of yourself!

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15 comments

  1. 1. I don’t comment on blogs. My massive self importance 😜 won’t allow the time. But really, I just don’t.

    2. That said, here I am. I’ve read like 100
    Hours of Narc research and this is by far the most entertaining and shockingly accurate description of what I’ve just lived…im speechless.

    I just came out of a ten-month relationship that I could not explain. Toxicity from day one, a mixture of the highest highs and the lowest lows and someone that literally seemed too good to be true. My dream girl. Ahh Hindsight….

    Oh and…ThIs human WORKED FOR ME! (Yeah, piss poor judgement rebound on my part coming out of the Sahara desert of divorce).

    Six weeks ago as it came to an end, and here was a mini discard for 2 weeks to see if I would whip into shape and start worshipping her, and….I fired her because we had broken up (but she thought it completely fine to just come into our small business and act like the 10 months of an intimate relationship never happened because “hey, she was just fine and over it!”….and I started literally losing my mind and having a nervous breakdown, (like almost admitting myself to mental
    Care), and not being able to figure out why in the HELL I was reacting like this, my new coach/therapist/Guru who just came onto the scene said “dude, you’ve been dating a covert narcissist. No question.”

    A what? Yes. That. And tre research and coaching turned full steam in co-dependent / narc relationships.

    This blog…Er, Bible? ✌️ It’s the best. Ever. It’s like you have literally been living with me this year. I won’t even begin referencing my favorite parts because that was all of them. Ok, anything specific to femaLes and relationship rules. #nAiledit

    And the icing is that even though she took one last financial swipe at me on the way out the door in an alarming sociopathic move, I’m still gathering the pieces my heart and working through cutting off what I believed was being in love with her. The insane cognitive dissonance of trying to make sense of where the f$&@ my sweet angel went.

    Amazing. The writing AND the exquisite pain I submitted myself to (yes I was absolutely a co-dependent role player here) in this process that will ideally heal my heart and soul.

    Cheers!

    Like

    • Thank you very much for sharing 🙂

      I love your comment about not commenting on blogs – it shows that your sense of humour is alive and well, and funny 😀 Having a sense of humour is a vital helper in recovering from a narcagedon. It’s a good counterbalance for the seriousness. It’s also a good gauge of how far along you are in your healing.

      It’s very important not to bash yourself on the head too much with hindsight – hindsight is a know-it-all, but how did hindsight learn everything it knows?

      Yes, you got yourself into hell, but you also got yourself out of hell – the latter skills are very valuable, and we usually only learn those by doing the former.

      When reviewing the experience and hindsight is listing what you did wrong/where you went wrong, take a pause to also list what you did right/where you went right, and to notice new skills you have acquired and old skills which have been improved (sharpened) because of the experience.

      Being in a relationship with a narcissist tends to increase our levels of self-awareness, partly because it shatters your sense of self and in sifting through the wreckage, you take a closer look at the different components which make up the self.

      For instance a lot of people before-narc tend to think they’re a good judge of character, but since their ‘good judge of character’ skill completely missed what a bad character the narcissist was, this self-definer is no longer a stable part of their sense of self. They may end up afraid of their judgement of character after-narc, and questioning every judgement of character they’ve made before narc. This can leave them feeling very vulnerable since it affects their sense of safety navigating the social and business spheres, and cause them to avoid relationships – how can they tell if someone is a friend or foe? They thought the narcissist was a friend and it turned out they were a mighty foe… how many other people around them and out there are narcs? On the flip side, in having to rebuild their judgement of character, perhaps entirely from scratch, they may notice traits and behaviours which they didn’t rate highly before-narc, but which after-narc have become valued.

      Q: What do you appreciate now about yourself and the people in your life which you may have not thought about or noticed before?

      While you do have to focus on the negative and the toxic to understand it, recognise it, and explore what it has brought to light through darkness (know your shadow), as part of the healing process, you also need to focus on the positives which have come out of the negative to turn the toxic sludge into fertiliser.

      For instance if you’d never met your narc, you’d most likely have never done 100 hours of narc research. Now you have information which could prove to be invaluable both in business and in personal relationships (including the one you have with yourself – all other relationships are influenced by your relationship with yourself).

      One of the pluses I got out of the narcissists in my life and researching narcissism was recognising narcissistic behaviours in myself. Since I grew up with narcissists, I had a lot of unhealthy narcissistic behaviours. Those unhealthy narcissistic behaviours are partly the reason I can write about narcissists the way that I do – I use them to understand the hows and whys of narcissists. I also use them to step away from the dark side (they didn’t lie about having cookies, but their cookies make you mad, sad and bad) – If I’m having trouble with someone, I tend to scan myself for narcissistic behaviour (I scan them too), and ask myself if I’m the one creating trouble because of a neurotic need (Karen Horney’s 10 neurotic needs are very prevalent in narcissistic behaviour, and narcissists tend to have them turned up to 11). Am I expecting too much from them, am I expecting them to fulfill a need which isn’t their responsibility to fulfill and/or are they expecting too much from me and I’m trying to live up to their expectations and failing and getting frustrated with them because of what I’m trying to do and failing at doing. Am I getting upset because they’re upset, when what I really need to do is be calm to becalm them, and/or vice versa.

      Your new coach/therapist/Guru sounds awesome. A covert narcissist is difficult to spot, and many of those who know about narcissists tend to only know about the overt narc, and thus they tend to miss the signs and symptoms of a covert narc. Signs and symptoms of a covert narc can be more easily noticed in those who got themselves into a relationship with a covert narc. Really great people suddenly/slowly become a wreck and no one can understand how or why, including the once great person who now doesn’t know who they are anymore or what has happened to them.

      Keep doing what you’re doing to recover and heal, it sounds like it’s working.

      Don’t be too hard on yourself, you’re obviously smart and successful – what happened doesn’t take away from that. Female covert narcs are very skilled at finding the best people on this planet to attach themselves to, they tend to be attracted to people they view as superior to others, special, worthy – in a lot of ways, it’s a compliment. Some compliments suck!

      Most of us when faced with a ‘too good to be true’ would choose to believe it even though we’ve heard the warning about that (maybe things will be different for us). A Covert narc tends to believe it themselves, that they are too good and it’s true – that’s what makes it so believable for us. Coverts can be exceptional salespeople – they sell us our dreams, which are similar to their dreams… pity the dream has to turn into a nightmare. It does that because of the bottomless pit of screaming fear and desperate need inside of the narc.

      In business as in love risks have to be taken and there’s a chance that a ‘too good to be true’ may be truly that good – would you want to miss out on having someone genuinely that good working for you and/or loving you? What’s the worst that can happen if they’re not as good as they seem? They still might be fairly good with a regular-sized amount of not as good as advertised, and a side order of bad (which could be a kind of bad we can relate to, have ourselves, and/or find exciting). They might be more bad than good, but maybe they could improve if they’re willing to do that and have the right kind of guidance. Yes, there’s a chance that they’re a worst case scenario…

      It will take time and giving yourself space to process everything, you may experience flashbacks, and moments when you hate yourself for being a fool – you’re not a fool! She’s the fool, she had you on her side, rooting for her, caring about her, loving her… and she effed it up and effed you over. That’s what narcs do, and keep doing, and doing, until one day they’re all alone and feeling very sorry for themselves because nobody wants to play with them anymore. Why does no one love them!?! If you have moments of wanting revenge – leave her to it, she’s really effing herself over with her behaviour.

      The good bits are good bits because you were a part of them. The bad bits are bad bits because she was a part of them. Don’t throw away the good because of the bad – it will be painful to remember the good, sometimes more painful than recalling the bad, but it can also be healing.

      Even Odysseus fell for Circe. If you are interested in observing with detachment examples of relationships with female covert narcs. In fiction there’s a lot of examples (and checking out fictional versions can be helpful in recovery), the one which springs to mind atm because of the business side to your relationship is the TV series – Enlightened ( https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1509004/ ) – Laura Dern is excellent, she makes you want to both kill her and save her character. There’s also a couple of examples in the celebrity world, both of which had acrimonious splits (one is still in the process of acrimoniously splitting, and includes a very publicised example of a ‘sociopathic move’). I’m not going to name names, if you’re interested you’ll figure it out because it will ring many familiar bells of warning.

      Your heart and soul will mend, and will be bigger and stronger because of the experience. One day you’ll find yourself looking back on this hellish trip through hellish hell, and smile the kind of knowing smile of one who knows they can not only survive but thrive.

      Apologies for the really long reply, you don’t have to reply to the reply, I enjoyed writing it, and truly appreciate your comment 🙂

      Best wishes!

      Like

  2. You know.. its a bit dubious this..
    On one hand.. nice accurate information.
    Other hand.. it makes you label people whereby you’re stuck in a vision about them.
    The more you hold on to the grudge and you judge them.. it makes you a prisoner of your own mind.

    Let go.. crack a smile.. follow your bliss.
    If your thinking your dealing with one..
    Just ask: what do you want from me?

    Ps all parents can come across narcisstic.
    Be in their shoes and you’ll understand.
    Beeing a parent is like running a factory.. trying to keep everybody happy and work.
    Every now and then solve problems, keep a gathering.. making visions clear.
    Balance between eveybody’s elses needs AND themselves!
    Just keep communicating.. 😉

    Have a nice day and weekend ♡

    Like

    • Thanks for sharing 🙂

      There’s a significant difference between a parent (person) who is being narcissistic in the way that most humans are and a parent (person) who is a narcissist (has narcissistic personality disorder).

      Like

      • True.. its not how i meant it.
        but like it would be better to have them diagnosed.
        In the way i meant it.. its a bit dangerous if people read this and make the diagnose themselves.

        It can be hard to get the real patiënt to the doctor.. because the whole world is wrong except them.
        If you have suspiousiosness i would suggest professional help.
        Every person and situation is different offcourse.
        The sad part i see sometimes is, in some families it can be a viscious circle because they dont know any better.
        Its like they miss the stage to maturation..

        Like

        • Have you ever had a blog? If the answer is ‘no’ then you should give it a go. Being on the other side of blogging, on the blogger’s side of blogging… will give you renewed faith in human nature (amongst many other things).

          The majority of people in this world are careful (especially about stuff they read online), intelligent, and considerate.

          Most people would not read a post like this one and suddenly diagnose someone in their lives as a narcissist – you didn’t suddenly go diagnose the people in your life as narcissists after reading this post, now did you? No, so why would others do that?

          Most of the people who read posts like this one – about narcissists – are those who are researching a matter – narcissists – which already has affected their lives. They already suspect that they have a narcissist in their lives which is why they’re searching for more information. If they happen upon a post like this one (amongst millions of other posts and articles about narcissists out there on the internet) they will read it the way they read all the other posts and articles (and books) which they’ve probably been reading about the matter – with discernment, looking for information, agreeing and disagreeing, comparing and contrasting with their own personal experience, thinking for themselves, et cetera.

          Very few of the people who read posts like this one are going to suddenly make irrational leaps to conclusions. The person who read #4 and got scared then called me a malignant narcissist was just having a fear-based moment – they have most likely moved on from it and completely forgotten about it. They needed to have that moment, and I also needed for them to have that moment. If it helps someone else for them to think that I’m a narcissist, then that’s what needs to happen for them to get where they’re going on their journey. It’s part of my journey too.

          Since you’re into human design, here’s a video which sort of explains my 3/5 ‘path’ in HD:

          Life is rarely as neat and tidy and nice as we keep hoping it will be (and if it was we’d probably be really bored by it)… it’s more often a mess, because humans are messy, being human is messy, and we all learn a lot from the chaos.

          Like

          • Thank you Ursula,

            I did read a comment (down below) which why i responded.

            I did came across (last year) more articles about this and with some people who responded one story was worse, more heartbreaking then another.
            For some an experience with your worst demon can be healing.
            Your weakest points exploited.
            Our dutch expression: a healing doctor leaves stinking wounds.
            Or rubbing salt in your wounds..
            Meaning you need to know what hurts you.
            And for some are used to the pain or victim stance (its works a bit vice versa) like you need 2 to Tango..

            I remember your cross of penetration wasn’t it?
            I have parts of that too..
            Something comes your way, you (can) retreat, than you can shock and penetrate into the issue, with new awareness.
            It also works two ways.. when you feel your “stuck” you appreciate some to shock or “wake” you up..

            I carry the gates 57.3 – 54.1 -53.1
            My own personality is gate 2.1
            I know i can be the eye inside a tornado, the calm while everybody else seem to panic or go mad.

            I thought of blogging.. but i rather meet people in person, you see more, hear more.
            With my design, i am (suppose to believe) to push people in the right direction. To follow their bliss..
            I am a 1/3, i investigate.
            I use tools like astrology/ human design to help people to understand themselves better.

            I used to value the bond you create with another. And took it personal when their direction changed..
            (Thats when gate 10 got activated by certain people in my environment) who shared their opinion and influenced me.
            Now i don’t take it personal and sometimes unconsciously i push certain people away..
            Because everybody has their unique path to discover themselves.

            Like

            • For me.. the real deep truth of life is peace.. thats homecoming.
              Beeing at peace who you are, where you are, no matter what the situation is.

              Like

    • Thank you 🙂

      It is interesting to review old posts. It was something I was fairly certain I’d never do because I’d convinced myself that I didn’t like to re-read the stuff I’d written. Ah, the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves! 😉

      I enjoyed Season 2 of Westworld. It’s a good series, lots of thought-provoking ideas to make the mind go hmmmm 😀

      Like

      • I just re-read my comment. It’s pretty flat – I’m on a ten-day training session in the far north after a long busy month and am really bagged. Dragging around like an old tired dog. Reading your post and other WP is a good respite though. 🙂

        Like

        • Well of course your comment looks flat, you’re re-reading it on a device which has a flat screen! 😉 But if you step through the screen (like Alice and the looking glass) you’ll find it is multi-dimensional and the letters are numbers, and the numbers are the language of the universe or something like that.

          Since we’re now rating comments… your comment didn’t come across as flat to me, but my reply was pretty blah. I did actually write a rambling incoherent reply before deciding it was rambling and incoherent, deleting it, then going for something simpler.

          But enough of that… tell me more about your northern adventure, come on, you know you want to or you wouldn’t have found a way (by totally unfairly criticising yourself) to mention it.

          At least I know you’re far from the killer Canadian heatwave. 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          • Hahaha. I’m living in a two-dimensional world hence the flat comment. 😉

            Not much to tell really. The first couple of days were interesting but now I’ve been stuck in a classroom for what seems like a decade (who cares if it’s hot or cold out?) and my brain is panting. I’m just whining.

            Liked by 1 person

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