Reblog: Do people-pleasers know who they really are? — maybesomeday2016

[This is a beautifully thoughtful post, sharing a personal pause to mindfully consider a big question and an intense experience.

There’s a strong undercurrent of peace to the post… but I may just be projecting my own experience of something very similar onto and into it (I’ve become more and more aware of how I project my own voice and myself into the writing of others – you probably do it too with my writing. It is both one of the joys and pains of writing and reading).

I’ve been a people-pleaser. I’m less of one these days. Why? Because I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m not good at it. It took a long time to figure that out partly because… when we’re people-pleasing we seem to forget at least two vital factors:

1) Other people may be people-pleasing us when we’re people-pleasing them, so they are people-pleasing us by letting us think our people-pleasing of them is working.

2) We’re a people too and if our people-pleasing doesn’t please us as well as pleasing others… resentment is going to build up inside of us until it explodes and ruins all of our people-pleasing efforts and results.

I’m better at pleasing people when I’m not trying to please people. I’m more pleased by people when they’re not trying to please me. I’ll be me, you be you, and let’s find pleasure in that.

I’ve lost myself many times, and not only due to people-pleasing activities. It’s agonising to realise that you have no idea who you are… how can you not know who you are!? How can you lose your sense of being yourself?

Very easily.

There are millions of businesses out there making millions out of ‘helping’ people find themselves and figure out who they are. There are also just as many businesses making millions by ‘helping’ people to be completely confused about who they are, and showing them how to lose themselves (while telling people that’s not what they’re doing at all, pinkie swear!).

There are a lot of products, gadgets, apps, etc, which we wouldn’t buy if we were fine as we are, knew where we were, knew who we are and liked who we are as we are.

In some ways we have and are more of a problem when we do know who we are and aren’t lost, than when we don’t know who we are and are lost.

In my experience being lost, not knowing who you are, where you are, what you are, why you are, or if you even are… can be one of the most peaceful, restful, and naturally zen moments in life.

“Emptiness which is conceptually liable to be mistaken for sheer nothingness is in fact the reservoir of infinite possibilities.” ― D.T. Suzuki

The only thing I disagree with about maybesomeday2016’s post is the bit about Google not coming back with many hits on – how to find out who you really are. I copy/pasted that very search term into Google and… there’s even a wikiHow for it: How to Figure Out Who You Are (with pictures) (but of course none of the results tell you specifically who you are specifically under and in your own skin).

Awesome post and blog, please check it out. TY.]


To be honest, lately I have this weird feeling that I am losing myself. There is this fear of not knowing who I am anymore, becoming totally lost in my being. I think it makes sense that I would feel that way. I think it makes sense because….. Well, as a people pleaser I have […]

via  Do people-pleasers know who they really are? — maybesomeday2016


  1. I have been a yes-person. Not so much a people-pleaser, although that has happened too. I have been a yessing person sometimes because it was just easier and I was too tired/lazy/uninterested to say no. But I was also raised to be a yessing person. The no wasn’t worth the wrath that was going to fall on your head and land in every corner of your life. I also come from a nation where yessing or people-pleasing is culturally appropriate and there can be a mutually accepted dance around I-know-you’re-pleasing-so-am-I. It’s a lot more dominant in some areas than others (and it’s also an annoying stereotype). Thanks for the blog suggestion. 🙂


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