Why I’m Not Invited to Play With Other Children

To celebrate transiting Mercury going retrograde in Sagittarius, I thought I’d do a bit of a review, a retrospective, remember, recall, and perhaps have a rethink of experiences and issues connected to that other centaur, Chiron.

You are invited to join me and play along with me… I know I’m a tad on the strange side, a smidgen scary, rather odd, off kilter, and other weird things but I’m really quite harmless…

unless you’re afraid of your own shadow, then you may come to view me as being not harmless at all. No matter how much I try to stop it from happening, there’s something about being around me, in my company, interacting with me, which makes people’s shadows want to come out from hiding, from being ignored, and play, be noticed, acknowledged, heard and faced.

Partly because of that and the reaction it causes within people, I have spent a lot of time alone… but not lonely (although I have been that as well, particularly at school, and in other social environments full of people who would rather ignore me, pretend that I’m not there, don’t exist).

And because of that time spent alone, I have gotten to know myself well, talked with myself, played with the different me’s inside of me, and become friends with my own shadow.

Although the shadow is an innate part of the human being, the vast majority of us are willfully blind regarding its existence. We hide our negative qualities, not only from others but from ourselves. To do this we often criticize and condemn others to ensure our focus does not fall on our own faults and destructive tendencies. We go through life with a false air of moral superiority and a belief that while others act immorally and destructively, we ourselves are wholly virtuous and always in the right.


“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” (Carl Jung)

– excerpt from Academyofideas: Carl Jung and the Shadow: The Hidden Power of Our Dark Side

 I first met myself when my mother decided to place me in front of a mirror. I was a baby (so I don’t remember this) and apparently on seeing my reflection I gasped, held my breath, and my face turned blue.

I was an only child…

“When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box.
I was an only child….eventually.”

– Steven Wright

but I didn’t use Steven Wright’s tactic for acquiring that status.

Up until I was about 5 years old, I spent most of my time either on my own or in the company of adults. Every now and then a child would appear, brought along by an adult.

One of the first children I met when I was a toddler, apparently (I don’t recall this either and was told this story a few times by my mother) decided that the best social greeting was to shove me, which made me fall over onto hard cobbles.

That child was a boy, older than me by a year or two thus much bigger, his father was a friend of my father’s and had been brought along so the kids could meet and play.

According to my mother (who liked telling me this story because it proved to her that she had succeeded in stemming my childish and annoying tendency to cry), I picked myself up off the cobbles, faced the boy and just glared at him which made him run to daddy crying about the meanie girl.

I don’t know if any of that is true (my mother was not a reliable source… and it just occurred to me that most of her stories about shit happening to little me have her there standing on the sidelines watching while shit happened to me and doing sweet FA about it, leaving me to figure out how to deal with it all by myself… she was like that when I was older too. She did however always expect me to rush to her rescue when shit was happening to her, even when I had tiny little legs.), but… it does sound like me.

When I get hurt, when a bully shoves me, when someone treats me badly, when I fall down… I get back up without any help and just glare at the person, and then they run away crying about the meanie who just hurt, bullied, and treated them badly.

“If you have a Capricorn child, you’ll notice the inconsistency soon enough. From the time he’s an infant, your self-contained little Cappy will make you feel somewhat uneasy with his strange maturity. You’ll say something cheerful to him, like “Does itty bitty Baby Boo want a nicey sugy cake?” and he’ll give you a serious, thoughtful look, as though he’s wondering just how silly you can get. It doesn’t take many of those looks to shame the average parent right out of baby talk.

Capricorn youngsters are strong-willed and positive in their tastes, but they don’t make a big fuss in expressing them. Your little goat won’t throw a temper tantrum or dramatically pound his fist in the mashed potatoes, but he’ll manage to communicate his negative reactions quite plainly.

A mother may feel vaguely intimidated by a Capricorn baby, but she can’t put her finger on the exact reason. Somehow he makes her feel – well, he makes her feel foolish and flighty. Let’s be very truthful. He makes her feel like the child, instead of the parent.”

– Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs, The Capricorn Child

People often assume that I’m impervious to hurt, that nothing they say or do to me injures me. They can be quite aggressive about it, and have on occasion gone out of their way to inflict pain just to see if I have feelings. Those times when I have shown them just how many feelings I contain, and how strongly I feel, they’ve run away crying to complain to someone else about me. I know they did that because someone else then gets sent to tell me what a meanie I have been.

Pop psychology would probably diagnose me with antisocial negative asshole disorder, and recommend that others dump my toxic ass and soothe and protect themselves with positive affirmations mostly given to them by others to whom they are offloading their trauma of being with an evil villain like me.

I’m exaggerating… or am I? One day many years ago, a female friend of my mother’s whom my mother had finally broken, decided to come clean with me and tell me everything my mother had said about me behind my back.

Even though I knew my mother and her modus operandi of damsel in distress seeking knight in shining armour to kill her latest dragon (and I knew I was often the dragon when I refused to save her once again from another dragon… because the real dragon was saintly mother), it hurt deeply with the sharp slice of betrayal to find out that after everything I did to help my mother she was going around telling people I was evil and making her miserable (narcissists always love to talk about themselves even when talking about others).

  

   

Astrology on the other hand would take one look at my chart, and say: Well, there’s some bad news (hard aspects) and there’s some good news (soft aspects), and the two sides are intertwined together to create the whole…

One of those bits of bad news is the placement of my natal Chiron.

Chiron in the 7th shows that your unhealed wound is to how you relate to others. It may manifest through one-to-one relationships, social interactions, and social justice.


Other possibilities include:


A major relationship experienced as wounding which colours all subsequent relationships


Longing for relationship but also a strong desire to be separate


Find it hard to see yourself without the mirror of another


People pleasing and being too polite which masks a hidden hostility


Defensiveness and avoidance of painful feelings in relationships


Inadvertently provoking conflict and power struggles


Attraction to lost souls and wounded partners


Periods of isolation or separation that provide healing and creative inner balance


Ability to heal through therapeutic relationships


Healing comes from reconciling the needs of yourself and others, and being willing to accept some of the darker sides of human emotion.

– excerpt from Jessica Davidson: Natal Chiron in the 7th

My natal Chiron makes four (well, five if I include the South Node) hard aspects:

  1. a conjunction with the North Node (which means it is in opposition to the South Node) – the NN is the karmic lesson you’ve come to learn, it’s a new thing you won’t want to learn because you’re used to living the vida South Node. My SN in lovely looney Libra wants to be loved, popular, and please everyone all the time, to keep the peace, to see happy smiley faces. My NN in bossy gung ho Aries just wants to go there and do that, say what it wants to say, and everyone else be damned and get out of my way. The trick is to balance these two… and to find the sweet spot between the extremes of this: People pleasing and being too polite which masks a hidden hostility
  2. an opposition to Pluto Rx in the 1st house of self – this is very much a case of what the excerpt above said here: Inadvertently provoking conflict and power struggles – Pluto Rx drags you to your internal hell and forces you to face your own darkness. Ultimately what it’s trying to create through destruction is to teach the right use of power, personal power since it’s in a personal house in my chart.
  3. an opposition to Uranus conjunct Jupiter in Libra – this is two separate aspects to Chiron, but they’re so closely tied together on their side of the seesaw and Jupiter tends to enhance, expand what it touches, that I tend to see them as one, as inseparable. I sometimes joke about these two and have called them the crazy twins, but underneath the laughter there’s a seriousness, a deep dark desire to be free and a terror of being trapped. Basically this: Longing for relationship but also a strong desire to be separate – only with added oomph. At the moment these two have been squared by transiting Saturn and it’s been a time of learning at last how to tame the wild within which often bursts out and causes havoc.

This morning I was messing around with one of those silly personality quizzes which dare you to let them tell you who you are based on a few answers and an algorithm. This one asked: How Rare Is Your Personality?

So, I decided to find out. And apparently my personality is medium rare (see image below). I really like the result, I like the idea of having one foot on one side and one foot on the other, of straddling a divide and bridging it.

  

result from How Stuff Works: How Rare Is Your Personality?

   

I struggled to answer a couple of questions since (I’m an INTP and our MBTI always struggles with personality tests and quizzes due to lack of relevant options… and arguing with the questions) they didn’t have an answer option which matched my answer, so I had to randomly pick one to get a result.

One of those was the one below shown with what I picked highlighted in blue:

  

question from How Stuff Works: How Rare Is Your Personality?

  

I went to high school in Paris. In retrospect it was both an incredibly stupid decision on my part and an excellent learning experience (but not necessarily the way it was supposed to be).

I’ve explained some of the story somewhere on my blog, the quick version is – once again I made a choice in an effort to help my mother fix her relationship with my father, and once again I failed to fulfill the purpose of my birth.

My mother didn’t want to live in Rome where my father lived most of the time (on his Mount Olympus). My father didn’t want to visit London which is where my mother lived most of the time (having used my schooling as an excuse to get the fuck off Mount Olympus). My father had a studio in Paris – Paris was the middle ground between London and Rome. But as soon as we moved there my father suddenly hated Paris… we weren’t living in his studio as it was a bachelor pad, but… sigh! those two crazy kids!

“He turned to Frank who was trying to pull his fingers out of the Chinese handcuffs…
“Okay,” Frank relented. “Sure.” He frowned at his fingers, trying to pull them out of the trap. “Uh, how do you—”
Leo chuckled. “Man, you’ve never seen those before? There’s a simple trick to getting out.”
Frank tugged again with no luck. Even Hazel was trying not to laugh.
Frank grimaced with concentration. Suddenly, he disappeared. On the deck where he’d been standing, a green iguana crouched next to an empty set of Chinese handcuffs.
“Well done, Frank Zhang,” Leo said dryly, doing his impression of Chiron the centaur. “That is exactly how people beat Chinese handcuffs. They turn into iguanas.”


― Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena

The first year I was there I was in a smallish class of oddballs, so I was an oddball among other oddballs. We didn’t have time to socialise (plus I was a painfully shy person) because it was a cramming class – we were all foreigners who had to learn French ASAP so that the following year…

The following year the oddball group was split up and all of us were plopped into different classes within a grade (there were about five classes of about 30 students in each grade).

I landed into a class mostly full of very cool, sophisticated French kids who didn’t socialise with the foreign kids because we were ‘snooty’ (French people appreciate it when foreign people in France speak in French, if you don’t speak in French in France as a foreigner you’re considered snooty). All the classes were in French (except for English), and although I was fairly fluent by then it was all a bit too much for me because the curriculum in French Schools was densely packed. You go to school at 9am and work through to 6pm with an hour for lunch – extra curricular activities are done after 6pm.

I was a loner who didn’t really want to be a loner, but I didn’t know how to become part of a group in this huge and busy place where everyone else seemed to know where and with whom they belonged. I ended up joining the American group and they were mostly preppy.

  

by Gemma Correll

  

But I didn’t belong or fit in with the American Preppies… they were nice enough, friendly once I got passed their initial mistrust of foreigners and distrust of people who were not exactly like them, dressed like them, walked like them, talked like them.

I made a couple of good friends, but… the problem with foreign kids who go to a school in a land foreign to them is that they’re usually just passing through while their parents are on sabbatical or conducting business.

And the problem with me is that it takes me an age to warm up to people, get comfortable, come out of my shell… and then figure out how to not freak anyone out with me being me.

“Chiron’s presence in the seventh house signifies a dynamic of knowing the self through significant relationships on the personal level, and strongly affecting other people on a mass scale. This position is the essence of charisma: these individuals have enormous potential to express the collective unconsciousness of their times, and they have an uncanny ability to mirror the self-image of other people.

This is a voracious placement; the presence of Chiron encourages the native to crave the adoration and adulation of others, and more than any other position of Chiron, identification of this energy is a revelation to the native. They need to understand how they are affecting people around themselves, or the intensifying adulation will attach to the personal ego and destroy them.

Janis Joplin, Bob Dylan, Fidel Castro, and Richard Nixon have Chiron in the seventh house, and all are excellent examples of the power or confusion inherent in this placement.

Opposite the house of the self, the first house, is the place of maximum distortion about who we are, the seventh house. Who we are will always be distorted in the perceptions of the self by others until we master polarity. The truth is, each end of the polarity is the same: I am you and you are me. This is the essential teaching that natives with Chiron in the seventh must master.


Mastery of the other side, true comprehension of polarities, only comes with deep wisdom about life. Natives with Chiron in the seventh have a crisis about knowing who they are in relation to the other side.

Relationships are the big teacher for all of us, and that is why we work so hard at them. For those with Chiron in the seventh, the hardest issue, relationship, must be learned in the hardest way, with a Chiron crisis about who we are in this place, Earth.

The only way the learning can occur is in a relationship, so the astrologer must gather more information on significant relationships than usual. Chiron in the seventh is also very involved with mass consciousness, and often some really valuable work is going on in that area.

The degree to which the client is conscious of this work is critically important, for their concrete awareness of the effect they have on others will release their inner gift. This is an essential teaching about this position because the difficulties over interpersonal relationships are usually so potent and distracting that this individual is more blinded to the mirror source of knowledge than most of us. They literally cannot see the forest for the trees, so they need powerful and sympathetic help with the difficulties they are having interpersonally.

They need encouragement to become more conscious of the potent effect they have on others so they can know that the response from others to them is their teacher. And they need to become more conscious about the gift that the culture sees within them.

The key to Chiron in the seventh house is to carefully analyze relationships, identify what the inherent teachings are, and then help free the native from the astral grip while also identifying the palpable gifts to the culture which are occurring.

In the old mastery schools, awareness only came with concrete identification of actual magical acts such as moving stones with the third eye or levitating. This principle is very helpful for work on Chiron in the seventh house.

These natives do not see the power of what they are doing; they are not conscious of the effect they have on other people. If made conscious, they get control over their lives and they are tremendously empowered to give their gift.

They often feel bad about the long line of complex and seemingly disastrous emotional encounters.”

– excerpt shared on the linda-goodman forum discussing: Anyone have Chiron in the 7th House?

I know this is a really long post, but I don’t mind (and I don’t mind if you mind and give up on reading it), I’m writing all of this for me…

I’ve been going through my Chiron Return…when transiting Chiron returns to the position it was in when you were born.

I can’t remember when it started or when it’s supposedly going to end. Doesn’t matter, it started when it started and will end when it ends.

Before my Chiron return I’d read up on its possible effects and freaked myself out a bit (which is why I normally avoid predictive astrology of any kind). The last decade of my life has been… oooh what a ride! Fun, frantic, frenetic, freeing, and flummoxing. I was looking forward to that moment when how exhausted you are hits you, but it’s okay because you can relax now… and then I read up on the Chiron return and thought – I’m too effing tired for and of this!

But the actual Chiron return has been very relaxing… it has thus far been the plateau reached after a long and arduous climb, the tiredness hits you, but it’s okay you can rest and… look at that view!

I’m going to stop now and… play a video game with a good friend.

Oh, I just remembered that last night while playing that game (Assassin’s Creed Odyssey) there was a riddle to solve which involved finding a centaur statue in the middle of a lake, then moving in the direction where the arrow in his bow was pointing to find another centaur statue, and then pursuing his point to another, to another until you found… well, that would be spoiling the fun for you 🙂

Thank you for letting me play with you and for playing with me… it’s been and now it’s gone!

‘Til next time… over to you.

And a song from the Sagittarius rising Bob Dylan:

  

*Featured image is an illustration by Heinrich Kley featured on the front page of Jugend Magazine 1910, volume 5.


14 thoughts on “Why I’m Not Invited to Play With Other Children

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  1. Just came across your blog, and find your writing very interesting. I don’t mind that it’s long! : ) It’s really great to read your perspective on a subject that eludes me so much.

    I also have Chiron in the 7th (Gemini), conjunct my NN, Sun, and Venus. All (except Venus) oppose my first house Uranus in Sag. To make how I am perceived even more difficult, I have Mars conjunct Saturn in the 12th. (Still trying to decide if my Pluto is in the 12th too, or 11th.)

    Relationships have not exactly been easy for me. I’m estranged from my family except my younger sister, who has an alcohol addiction, which my parents blame on me since I stopped speaking to our older sister (who has proven herself untrustworthy over and over… ). From what I have read about BPD, I think my mom fits, but I am no psychiatrist. I have always felt like an outsider with that first house Uranus! In typical fashion, I scored an “Extremely Rare” personality on that quiz!

    “And the problem with me is that it takes me an age to warm up to people, get comfortable, come out of my shell… and then figure out how to not freak anyone out with me being me.” — this is so me, too!!! Tough in a world where first impressions are so meaningful.

    Anyway, glad to have stumbled across your blog and look forward to understanding more about my 7th house Chiron by comparing our experiences. Thanks for your thoughtful writing.

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    1. Thank you very much, TBB 🙂

      Wow that’s quite a multiple conjunction you have! There’s a really good astrology series on Beyond The Stars Astrology blog about the houses which I found insightful to read:

      The 1st house: To be, or not to be, that is the question

      The 7th house: The Shadow Self

      Having an opposition across the 1st and 7th is tricky, especially with Uranus involved in the 1st house because it’s an Outer Planet rather than a Personal Planet and it’s in a Personal House. The energy of Outer Planets is very BIG for a human to handle, like trying to fit an ocean into a glass. So it takes a while to learn to deal with it – it takes a while for it to teach you how to work with it. You kind of have to open yourself up to let it flow through you so that it doesn’t drown you or wash you away.

      In many ways the hard aspects (conjunctions, oppositions, squares) are fantastic to have because the challenges they cause yield great benefits in the long term, but they’re also a nuisance because the problems they cause keep repeating over and over – if the 7th is involved it means it’s going to repeat over and over in relationships and interactions with other people.

      Make sure when reading your natal chart that you also look at the easy aspects because they provide support for dealing with the hard aspects.

      With Uranus in the 1st you are sort of destined to be an extremely rare personality – this is great, because it means that you being yourself has a lot of new, fresh, and liberating ideas and things to offer everyone else. However it also sucks a bit because other people like their comfort zones (even if those comfort zones feel like cages) and Uranus in the 1st tends to affect other people by making them very uncomfortable, they don’t see Uranus in the 1st’s energy as liberating, as a way to break free from the cage. Uranus basically says – take a leap of faith and jump off this cliff into the unknown.

      Your experience with your parents blaming you for your sister’s alcoholism is typical of a challenging 1st/7th dynamic, especially with Chiron in the 7th. People are going to shift responsibility of wounds onto you, and that will wound you. So, what do you do? Exactly what you’re doing, because the dynamic only sorts itself out by living it, going through it, learning what it is teaching. It hurts like hell, but eventually you find the healing within the hurting, and then you’ll be able to offer others healing for their wounds BUT they still might not appreciate it because it requires of them that they own their own shit rather than passing it onto others, onto you.

      This is an interesting and informative blog – Jeremy Neal’s Chirotic Journal

      Doing things like exploring the wounds of others is helpful. If what you have read about BPD explains your mother to you, then research more from that angle. You’re not diagnosing her, you’re helping yourself figure things out for yourself. It helped me immensely to view my parents as having NPD, it helped to put puzzle pieces together and work my way through my own wound by understanding their wound.

      With Chiron in the 7th there’s a lot of overlaps between self and others, and so exploring the wounds of others can help heal yourself, and exploring your own wounds can help heal others, and many variations of that theme.

      About Pluto’s placement – if it’s on the cusp of the 11th and 12th, you may experience the effects in both houses. Different astrologers approach cusping planets differently. Some say it’s either in one house or the other, not both. You could play with different chart systems, as it can change where planets are placed, and make things more definite. But if I was you I’d read up on both house placements of Pluto and take from them what hits me as relevant. Jeff Wolf Green’s work on Pluto is the most in depth.

      Your Uranus in 1st is a great guide, but it may express itself in strange ways and take time to understand. It’ll be getting a boost from transiting Jupiter which has just started it’s journey through Sagittarius. You may find yourself suddenly taking a giant leap into the unknown or finally understanding what had once been unknown.

      Take good care of yourself, you’re a rare and beautiful being!

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      1. Thank you for your thoughtful reply and reading recommendations. Luckily (and not just bc it’s in Sag), my Uranus is retrograde along with all of my planets from Mars on out, which spares my Scorpio rising from wearing all of this very publicly! Or maybe that’s what I tell myself : ) I look forward to learning more from your blog!

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  2. Haha!! The title of this post… Hop over my isle when you free, I just brewed some tea. Hope you drop a comment too maybe. Thank you 🙂

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  3. How are you liking Assassin’s Creed Odyssey? My husband bought it and kind of liked it… But he hasn’t really gotten to far into it. I haven’t played any of the Assassin’s Creed games.

    I took that quiz and got “Extremely Normal’ Bwhahahahahahaha! I think something is amiss with their algorithm. ^_^ I haven’t been normal since the day I was born. Though maybe I’ve gotten more normal in my old age.

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    1. Haha! Well, you could interpret that result as meaning that you’re ‘extremely unusual’ because being ‘extremely normal’ sounds like an extremely unusual status. If you scratch the surface of regular normal people underneath there is usually lots of bizarreness, so If I were to scratch the surface of your extremely normal… I think I might find much magic going on in Skyrim.

      If you enjoy Skyrim, you’ll probably enjoy Assassin’s Creed, especially Assassin’s Creed Odyssey. It is free roaming and it is vast, I mean mega vast. You can, if you want to just spend hours sight-seeing all the gorgeously rendered landscapes, towns, sail the seas, and while you can’t pick flowers (except in a couple of side missions), you can pick up wood, metals, and loads of loot. People just leave their purses and treasure chests lying around… but you do have to be careful when it says ‘steal’ instead of ‘loot’ if people are around. There are also riddles to solve which require exploring the lands.

      My partner and I have been playing it for a few weeks now and while it looks and feels as though we’ve gotten far into it, we have barely played a third of it. They keep adding stuff too, so you won’t need to resort to adding mods to make it more interesting. The other night we were talking about how long it would take us to finish it and we reckoned that we’d probably still be playing it well into next year, so we won’t be getting around to playing the new Red Dead anytime soon.

      AC Odyssey is in many ways all the Assassin’s Creed series rolled (without the annoying and unnecessary bits) into one plus a whole lot more. It’s just magnificent, I keep marveling at all the subtle touches they’ve put into it. There aren’t any dragons (thus far anyway), but there are other mythical beasts since this one uses Greek Myths as inspiration. You also get to interact with famous Greek historical figures – Sokrates is a hoot and Hippokrates isn’t really living up to the Hippocratic oath atm. The characters are very funny, very well-observed, very human, the villains are brilliant.

      Your husband could probably use a team mate to help him, it’s more fun to play it with someone else as alone it… it is so huge!

      Like

      1. Doug just reminded me that it’s Origins he’s playing and not Odyssey. I might give it a go some day, but I thought I would enjoy Horizon Zero Dawn for the same reasons you pointed out. I got about 10 hours in to the game and just never finished it. It’s beautiful and all, but there were certain elements that I just didn’t like and really couldn’t get over. Still, I might give either Odyssey or Origins a try. 🙂

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        1. AC Origins was great fun. It’s smaller than AC Odyssey, but has a lot packed into it. The pyramids are stunning. The Hippos are scary. Bayek was a really good character, and they gave him an intriguing storyline. He’s the founder of the Assassins, so you get the build up to how and why the creed was created. One of the most funny and rather beautiful bits is when you’re wandering through the desert… ask Doug if he’s spent any time wandering through the desert and if anything strange has happened while doing that 😉

          My partner played Horizon Zero Dawn. I watched him play sometimes but I just didn’t feel the pull into the game. It reminded me a bit of Far Cry Primal, and I wasn’t that into that.

          Have you played The Witcher?

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          1. I started The Witcher, but there was something off to me about the camera angle. I have it on my computer, and I’ll probably try it again some day. I do that a lot, try something, decide I don’t like it. Put it away for a while, try it again, and then decide it’s the best thing ever. That might happen with The Witcher.

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  4. Kudos as always to an awesom post!😁😁Wow! Paris for school. Having to adapt to a “sophisticated” culture because you didn’t speak the language had to be a time. And no matter how much we build a thick skin to harsh words, when a mom says them it cuts like a hot knife through butter. (Been there plenty smh)
    I’m for kids playing with other kids because of socializing and stuff, but as a parent, there’s always this niggling feeling in the back of my head for the other kid not my own. People now, you have to watch their kids because they’re not. The other day, I took the boys to the park and there was an older boy about 7 yrs there with his parents. I was a little weary at first when he engaged my 3 yr old, but as I watched them(the boy’s parents were on the bench looking at their phone), I noticed how gentle the boy was with my son. He picked up on my son’s personality, that he could speak few words. The older boy’s mom would chime in when he wasn’t doing anything( I can’t speak for the fact he may be troublesome any other time but that day, he was being a typical 7 yr old), which pissed me off, cuz I’m like “get off the damn phone” in my head.
    Older girls like 7 or 8 yrs, think my oldest is cute, want to pinch his cheeks and things smh lol.

    I took the quiz and I’m an extremely rare personality which explains why people always look at strangely. I asked a friend what her first impression was of me and she said “strange”. I wasn’t offended because it’s the best way to describe me. But people like us, don’t fit the standard mold which makes us unique. We’re either too mature for our peer groups, or not trendy enough, etc.
    Like you, I’ve learned to embrace my personality and my strengths and weaknesses. Now, I’m like take me as I am or not at all.

    If you had the chance to do your school life all over again, would you?

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    1. Thank you very much, Scherezade 🙂

      If you’d asked me this question – If you had the chance to do your school life all over again, would you? – a few years ago when I was caught up in feeling frustrated by certain aspects of myself and my life, and was sort of laying the blame on choices I’d made in the distant past, I would have answered ‘Yes’ and would have probably gone all the way back to my very first school (several schools before Paris) and not left it when I did.

      That school was a boarding school, I went there when I was a bit too young (6 yrs old) to go there – the headmistress, teachers, and other pupils all kept telling me I was the youngest boarder and treated me a bit like a pet, which was sweet of them. The problem was an old matron (she was in charge of the kids after classes had ended for the day), she was rather mean and very strict, and partly because I was the youngest she decided to pick on me. The other kids tried to protect me from her, but when they did she’d punish them. So after the first term I refused to go back there.

      Had I stayed at that school, which was a very nice school except for that matron (who retired shortly after I left), I would have spent less time with my parents, especially my mother, only seeing them during school holidays. My leaving that school set in motion my mother moving away from the house she shared with my father, and that made the relationship between my parents worse than it was.

      When I was a bit older I did try to convince my mother to send me to boarding school, but she refused because it would have removed her excuse not to live with my father in Italy and she wouldn’t have been able to blame me and my schooling for keeping her away from him.

      I used to wonder if staying at boarding school would have made me less effed up, allowed me to become more ‘normal’ and thus made me more able to integrate into society. But I think that was an illusion, a pipe dream.

      Nowadays, my answer would be ‘No’ I wouldn’t go back and mess with the past. I’m good with how things are now, how life is, how I am. 🙂

      That’s cool to be an extremely rare personality 😀 it suits you. I wouldn’t describe you as “strange”, admittedly I’ve never met you in person, but the impression I have of you is of a person who is who they are rather than trying to be someone else, which is inspiring and beautiful. But I can see how that would be viewed as “strange” because most people feel pressured to not be who they are as they are, so to see, meet, know someone who is all natural and not hiding their nature… I bet a lot of people want to know what your secret is to being all natural and comfortable with yourself as you are.

      Liked by 1 person

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