Have you ever had one of those moments when you get incredibly angry over something ridiculous and you know it’s ridiculous of you to be getting incredibly angry over it?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you don’t know what I’m talking about or why I’m talking about it? I have those moments all the time.
Last night I was browsing WordPress and came across one of those posts where a blogger is answering a bunch of sometimes silly and sometimes serious questions.
One question and its accompanying answer caught my eye and made my eye very angry. PLEASE NOTE: My eye wasn’t angry with the blogger or their answer which reflected a personal preference. This was a case of the irrational taking over and doing a little big jig in my head.
The question was: Is a pizza a pizza without cheese?
And the answer said something along the lines of: NO, never, not in a million years, pizza can’t be pizza without cheese, a pizza without cheese is a joke!
You might be wondering right about now what could possibly make me angry about that Q&A, maybe you’re thinking that, yes, the question is silly, but the answer is correct.
And right about now I’m gesticulating wildly, oaths flying out of my foaming mouth. If you were within earshot you probably would conclude that I’m talking (shouting) in tongues… unless you recognised the tongue as being Italian. If you didn’t recognise the language, you might recognise the word: Pizza. But do I mean Pizza pizza or Che Pizza?
“Pizza is what we know, a delicious food to eat. But pizza has a lot of secrets. In Italian, we also use the word ‘pizza’ for another meaning. In the spoken Italian ‘che pizza’ can be synonymous for ‘what a bore’ or in general for something or someone boring.
Che pizza! oggi devo pulire la casa!– slice of Pizza from Time to be Italian: Italian colloquialism – che pizza!
Ahhh che pizzeeee!!! (come per dire ah che noia o più volgarmente ah che palle)
Che pizza Francesco! Parla sempre tanto e troppo.
Questo film è una pizza!
And now I’m going to be a pizza.
I’m only half-Italian, and I only partly grew up in Italy. When I lived there (haven’t been back in a long while, and the last time I was there it was in Venice and that’s a tourist trap so it doesn’t count… sorry, Venezia, I didn’t mean it that way! Ah che pizza!), in a smallish town just outside of Rome, if you wanted pizza you had to be a bit more specific about what type of pizza you wanted.
Pizza of the round kind with a thin crust, tomato sauce, cheese and other toppings was something served in a Trattoria. If you went to the local Pizzeria… that was a bakery, and the pizza was very different from the round kind. It was baked flat on a huge square tray, then cut up into smaller slices (you wouldn’t have been able to carry it or get it out the door in its original shape and size).
I lived on that type of pizza, I even packed some in my little green suitcase every time I considered running away from home when I was 6 yrs old. It was very delicious, even when stale and almost rock hard.
That type of pizza had many variations without cheese. You could eat it hot, but it was also delicious cold. Pizza Bianca – my favourite, it has no topping other than olive oil and salt (it’s a bit like Focaccia only thinner, crispier and better… sorry, Focaccia, you’re tasty but I’m a breadist! Mannaggia la miseria… che pizzaiolo!), Pizza Rossa – tomato sauce (there was a version of this with cheese, but when it cooled down the cheese was like rubber), Pizza con Patate – french fries, Pizza ai Funghi – mushrooms.
I have no idea why I got so ridiculously angry about that. Maybe I was angry about something else and my anger decided to make a pizza of itself by expressing itself in something totally unrelated? But what could I have been angry about… I really can’t think of anything and usually I can (my Italian side can get angry about not getting angry about anything).
Anyway, let’s move on from this farcical and embarrassing contretemps… onto the others I’m sure I’ll create along the way.
Back in time, also while browsing WordPress, I spotted what appeared to me to be a fun blogging activity.
I first saw it done excellently by Carol of Wanderings of an Elusive Mind – Taking Stock
If you would also like to do it, you can find the list in an easy to copy and past form on the post/blog below:
Pip of Meet Me At Mikes – Taking Stock: October
Thank you for sharing Carol and Pip!
And now for my messier and ten miles long version of it (you might want to leave now if you haven’t already).
Making : Hay while the sun shines.
I’ve said this twice recently on my blog, in a reply to a comment and in my post yesterday. It’s expressive of how I feel right now… took me a long time to learn to feel safe enough to enjoy the moment and not constantly be in brace position for the shit hitting the fan. It also seems as though I’m getting better at bouncing back more speedily after being hit by a lead pipe wielder.
I have a photo of hay being made which I took a few years ago…
Cooking : up a storm. On my blog. In this post. About pizza (che pazza! and no that’s not a typo – pazza = she crazy)
Drinking : in the sun shining through my window. It will soon be shining directly in my eyes, but today I won’t turn the blinds. Let the sun shine… in my eyes!
Listening to: the voices within telling me it’s okay to keep being myself as I am, openly, I don’t need to hide anymore, there’s no point in doing that anymore… it never really did what I kept telling myself it would do. Sometimes… no, not sometimes, it always made it worse for me.
Reading: what I’m writing as I write it because it helps me to listen to myself, and notice what’s up and what’s down.
Next read: well, after I finish my post and press that worrisome button known as ‘publish’, I’ll check out what other bloggers have published today, yesterday, recently. I love listening to the conversations which others have with themselves. It’s always insightful…
…sometimes what’s insightful comes from the chat I have with their words. Occasionally that chat becomes an irrational pizza one.
Wanting: to understand myself, others, myself with others and others with me, human nature, the natural world, the nature of the universe…
Looking: backwards, forwards, up, down, upside down, inside out, outside in, in the mirror as the person in the mirror looks back at me and wonders why I’m looking at them.
Playing: fewer of those games people play. Or at least trying to catch myself when I do and stopping myself from continuing. Attempting not to get sucked into one when someone else wants to play.
“The attainment of autonomy is manifested by the release or recovery of three capacities: awareness, spontaneity and intimacy.― Eric Berne
Parents, deliberately or unaware, teach their children from birth how to behave, think and perceive. Liberation from these influences is no easy matter, since they are deeply ingrained.
First, the weight of a whole tribal or family historical tradition has to be lifted. The same must be done with the demands of contemporary society at large, and finally advantages derived from one’s immediate social circle have to be partly or wholly sacrificed. Following this, the individual must attain personal and social control, so that all the classes of behaviour become free choices subject only to his will. He is then ready for game-free relationships.”
Deciding: how to respond to the demands of the different facets of self, to life, to people, to pain, to misunderstandings, to mistakes, to the past, the present, the future.
Wishing: I could figure out that Ainigmata Ostraka riddle (Do NOT give me the solution, I prefer to torture my mind trying to solve it myself).
“Hungry for Misadventure: Behind the Ancient Stronghold lives an eternal king. His gaze is glazed and his bones are stones, and the ruins in the south he calls his home. I made the mistake of raiding his bed, and now I lie with the dead instead.”– ainigmata ostraka riddle, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey.
Enjoying: torturing my mind trying to solve a riddle, puzzle, problem by myself.
Waiting: for myself to get fed up of torturing my mind trying to solve a riddle, puzzle, problem by myself and ask someone else for help.
Liking: it when the person I asked for help can’t solve it either. Not really, but sometimes especially if they’re behaving like the smartest person in the room.
(What I said was that I was playing ‘fewer‘ of those games people play…)
Wondering: if that person who got mad at me will realise that they misunderstood what I had said. But it’s my fault really for expressing myself like an Ainigmata Ostraka riddle.
The Missed Understanding: Words spoken revealing the unspoken. Flowing through denial of ancient grief. Anger is a warm place beside an eternal flame, to leave it means making footsteps upon shifting sands. The bargain of the heavy weight causing a depression. Acceptance lost beneath.
Loving: the unknown.
Pondering: why that is.
Considering: consequences of considered consequences.
Buying: time to think.
“Conversation is a partnership, not a relation of master and slave, as most people try to make it.”― Alice Duer Miller
Watching: grey clouds roll in, shading the sun. Nature shading my eyes from being blinded by the light. I guess it didn’t agree with me about my decision.
Next watch: this space being filled with these words.
Hoping: that one day… this will all make sense.
Marveling: at how things change in small barely perceptible ways. What once would have had me reeling, no longer causes the mind to spin, the emotions to swirl, down and deeper down into a maelstrom.
Cringing: at the shit I’m saying, have said, have yet to say…
Needing: to say it.
No longer needing: to not say it. To delete the words. Edit. Erase myself. To be repressed. Suppressed. Oppressed. And censored.
Don’t pass the hemlock wine, I will not be drinking that anymore.
Questioning: everything and even that – why question everything?
Smelling: of roses. No, not me… I tend to prefer the scent of recently exuded salty sweat.
Wearing: your heart on your sleeve. What a funny place to keep it.
Following: my own lead. If I’m going to get lost… I’d rather it was me who was to blame.
Worrying: not as much as I used to about everything, everyone… except myself except when I was worried I’d hurt, offended, bothered, upset, annoyed, angered, and not done or said what I should have done or said but instead had said or done what I shouldn’t have said or done.
Noticing: all the subtle stories, messages, gestures, hints and clues which sometimes go unnoticed.
Knowing: nothing… gosh, it’s so spacious in here!
Thinking: something… 😉
Admiring: you… from afar.
“True change is within; leave the outside as it is.”― Dalai Lama XIV
Getting: a cup of freshly brewed tea when you’re chilled to the bone.
Bookmarking: ideas. To share.
Coveting: something I don’t really want and definitely don’t need.
Disliking: the feeling of disliking something or someone. Exploring the feeling to find understanding and meaning in the experience.
Opening: myself up more and more to the new and new ways of experiencing the old.
Giggling: because this post just experienced a glitchmare which caused me to lose a portion of what I’d written… and it’s always helpful when the universe steps it to let me know: “Don’t say that, don’t do that… start again with that, but the bit I didn’t delete, that’s okay, leave that as it is!”
Feeling: finally fine and good about being a very weird and crazy mistake-making mess.
Snacking: on… that reminds me.
Hearing: a penny drop after many years stuck in the pink labyrinth…
… maybe someone will find it, pick it up, and all the day they’ll have good luck.
Or something like that.
That’s it from me and my pizzetta…
Over to you!