Learn Narcissist in 5 Minutes for FREE

So you want to learn Narcissist in 5 minutes for free. Okay. The clock is ticking. Let’s do this. But before we go any further I need to answer a few questions.

It won’t take me more than a kazillion years. Take a seat, shut up and put up with it.

No, not on that chair. Yes, it’s empty, what’s your point, don’t argue, you can’t sit there. You can’t sit on the stool either. It’s mine. The sofa is only for those who pay through the nose to be treated this way, you’re getting this treatment for free. I just had the floor polished.

Just sit down and stop interrupting me.

Not there. No, there is absolutely nowhere where you are allowed to sit, but you have to sit down or I’ll throw you out of here.

Where are you going. You can’t leave until I let you leave. Once you walked through that door you became mine with which to do as I please. No, you do not have free will or any of those other stupid ideas which keep coming out of your mouth.

Calm down. Ugh, you’re so sensitive and take everything seriously. I was just joking. No sense of humour either. No wonder you’re so desperate to learn Narcissist that you think it can be learned in 5 minutes for free.

You’re very gullible and stupid. You’re a perfect candidate for manipulation. No, I didn’t say that you were gullible, stupid and the perfect candidate for manipulation. You must have misheard. You should get your ears checked.

What I said was that there’s something very special about you. I’ve never met anyone like you before. The way you talk, move, are you sure you’re real. You’re a model, aren’t you. Wait, no, you’re too perfect for something so banal. Are you blushing. Is that a hard on. Now I’ve got you. Please sit down. No, not there.

Lesson over. Go away now. No, not through that door. I don’t care if you came in that way. Find another way out. Not the window. Oh, you’ve noticed that there is no other way out. Well done you. There is no way out. Now, go away and sit down.

And now for a word from our sponsor:

Warmpole’s Preparation 1909

In association with Fandango’s Provocative Question #12 (which is actually 3 questions)

1 – How do you feel about people who always seem to exaggerate when relating a story?

If the person is a Narcissist, then my feelings would probably be exaggerated too.

The narcissistic exaggeration can inspire awe, admiration, wide-eyed worship, but it can also inspire ire, confusion, and homicidal tendencies to rise up from the primal core which is very disturbing for civilised people who pride themselves on being always good and never bad.

The narcissistic exaggeration is very common, the news, media, advertisers, big business, politicians use it all the time to make us want what they sell and want us to buy.

The narcissistic embellishment is when someone who has listened to one song tells you that they’ve heard all songs ever recorded. They studied art at college and now they’re an expert on all things art. They once gave one party and thus they can now say they are an event organiser. Someone told them they had nice eyes and now their eyes are the only eyes.

2 – Do you equate embellishment with lying?


To add beauty to something is not a lie. Is decorating your home a lie. Is sprinkling herbs on a steak and serving it with vegetables, fries and sauce on the side a lie. Is dressing up, splashing some cologne or perfume on, wearing a ring, dabbing some make up on, a lie.

3 – As a blogger, when, if ever, is stretching the truth, other than when writing fiction, permissible?

As the blogger of this blog where I have shared my own personal experience of narcissists, which includes growing up with two parents who were narcissists and their narcissistic social circle… it’s nigh on impossible to tell the truth without stretching it into a more plausible and palatable form.

If I tell my life with narcissists stories without stretching the truth it sounds like I’m exaggerating, making shit up. So I edit out parts of the stories, toning it down a bit so it doesn’t sound as ridiculous as it actually was.

Since I’ve been blogging about narcissists I’ve had the pleasure of meeting many other victims of narcissistic abuse who have shared their stories with me because I shared mine with them in my posts, and they felt as though I understood.

One of the most common things for a victim of narcissistic abuse to say of their experience is – that even they don’t believe their story when they tell it because it sounds surreal, made up, like a nightmarish fantasy. And that’s when they tell the edited version of it.

And one of the most common experiences a victim of narcissistic abuse has to deal with is being considered a liar when they tell the truth to those who have never had a relationship with a narcissist.

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge, even to ourselves, that we’ve been taken. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.”

― Carl Sagan, The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark

Last night while reading the news which of course featured one particular rather prominent narcissist, a very corny but excellent scene from an old film… slightly altered… flashed in my mind.

Before this particular rather prominent narcissist was promoted to his current position someone else held his place.

That someone else was regularly accused of being a narcissist (it was a very hot and trendy accusation of the time and people saw narcissists everywhere in everyone). They complained about him, blamed him for the company losing power, hated his policies, felt he was making life worse. He didn’t know what he was doing, he shouldn’t have that kind of power, we need someone better, they said.

What flashed in my mind was the Universe doing its thing, knowing humans love to have clear cut criteria for comparison, and saying: You think that’s a narcissist, that’s not a narcissist… THIS is a narcissist!

Welcome to life as I’ve known it since I was born. It’s surreal isn’t it. It’s like living in an alternate reality.

If you were to travel back in time just a few years and tell your past self about it – what would your past self say, think, feel about your story?

Wouldn’t your past self think you were exaggerating, embellishing until it all sounded like a lie, making shit up, surely that couldn’t possibly have happened – did you go crazy? You’re such a drama queen!

You’ll survive it, and come out of it stronger, knowing just how strong you are.

This too shall pass.

In the meantime you might want to try:

Hamlin’s Wizard Oil

That’s it from me…

Over to you!

If you have a complaint about your failure to learn Narcissist in 5 minutes for free… fill out the form below.


  1. Okay, that Carl Sagan quote on being bamboozled pretty much explains why nearly four in ten Americans still support Donald Trump. So while I didn’t learn how to be a narcissist in five minutes, your post did give me some insight into the Trump phenomenon. Therefore, I will not seek a full refund of the time I invested in reading your post. And for what it’s worth, I think you need to give more thought to your seating arrangements the next time you invite people over.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Fandango, I shall take your honest criticism about seating arrangement under advisement (rolls up comment into a ball and slam dunks it into the bin – Booyah! She shouts, she shoots, she scores!)

      If you’re really into finding explanations for the things which are puzzling you about the state of your nation – Understanding Power by Noam Chomsky – is worth reading. In his bumbling professor manner he pretty much lays it all out for anyone who truly wants to know and see. He also explains why people don’t truly want to know or see.

      Why do you embellish yourself with a “Fandango” mask online. Don’t answer, just ponder it and then stretch that truth out like an umbrella to include others in its span, including those who puzzle you.

      Liked by 2 people

      • And then there is this quote from H.L. Mencken: “As democracy is perfected, the office of the president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

        As to my Fandango mask, that may be more reflective of who I really am than the kind, generous, and incredibly handsome visage that adorns me in the real world.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I really adore the graphics…love old tyme adverts. The whole post was fascinating and educational. Which ought, if things are equable (which mostly they are not), to stroke the narcissist’s ego. And I sat on ‘that’ chair too. Nah nah nah!! (drives that sort of individual of the self sustaining and irritating ego around the proverbial bend). Went out the wrong door and found a wall. So maybe they had a point…


  3. Lol an entertaining 5-min lesson*?… Mmmm…shouldn’t complain since it’s free, then again I’m a slow learner 😉

    And your insightful answers 👍🏼


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