SYW: The Heart-Shaped Edition

Do you love me? Why? What is it about me that you love? Why? Please explain your love for me in detail until I’m satisfied with your answer. Will you always love me? Why not? What’s wrong with me that you can’t love me forever!?! Oh, I see… well, that’s not acceptable, change that about yourself immediately!

The narrative didn’t quite go like that, but I did interrogate my love quite extensively. Why? Because I just couldn’t believe that someone could possibly love me. It’s rather sad and pathetic, but there you go.

Before I fell in love, I had developed a certainty that I would never fall in love or be loved, and had come to an acceptance of that which made me rather cocky.

The universe took one look at me being all I shall doth remain loveless and laughed that laugh I hear from it every time I make a statement which is cocky.

Soon after I had nodded and shook hands with myself about remaining loveless for the rest of my life… I met the man who would challenge all my beliefs about myself and ruin my life plan to remain loveless in a very loving manner.

Once I got over the blow to my pride and ego, and stopped chafing at the sound of the universe ROFL-ing at me… I accepted the heart-shaped challenge.

A Map of the Open Country of Woman’s Heart
Exhibiting its internal communications, and the facilities and dangers to Travellers therein
By A Lady

Speaking of heart-shaped challenges…

It’s time for Melanie of Sparks From A Combustible Mind’s – Share Your Heartfelt World 2-11-19

What’s your favorite way to spend a weekend?

I have a very tenuous grasp of the human construct of time, so I often have no idea what day of the week it is. The day is whatever it feels like it is to me.

Thus the idea of ‘a weekend’ may happen on a Tuesday, while on a Sunday it may be Thursday.

I work from home, and I like my home. So I’m most likely spending my ‘weekend’ at home doing whatever it is that I’m doing which could be working, DIY-ing, housework, gardening, writing a post, watching TV or playing a video game with my partner (the man who ruined my loveless life plan by loving me), getting up to creative shenanigans, solving some puzzle, trying to escape a room, wandering the internet, reading, sleeping, pretending I’m going to go out but not going out, forgetting what I said I was going to do and attempting to remember where I filed that memo in my memory, trying to catch the latest ‘friend’ my cat has brought into the house… never did find the grass snake.

“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Who do you admire most in the world?

It varies. Admiration is a fluid act for me, which goes and flows where I go and flow.

Usually I admire something about a person rather than the person themselves, as admiration is a form of inspiration – I like that, I would like to be like that, I would like to do that, I am inspired by that, I admire what they have done, how they are being.

Consistently though, there are only a couple of people whose approach to life, being human, living, and interacting with the world, handling their life experiences, etc, has regularly inspired admiration in me for them.

One is my partner.

The other is the Dalai Lama.

I’m not a Buddhist. I like the philosophy of Buddhism, and the food for thought it offers.

I have admired the Dalai Lama ever since I saw him on a French TV Show which reviewed newly published books and interviewed authors, allowing the author to discuss the story within and behind the writing of their book.

The Dalai Lama’s story is very dramatic and fascinating, but what has always stood out is his calm, which appears genuine, in the face of chaos, change, conflict, drama.

“If you can cultivate the right attitude, your enemies are your best spiritual teachers because their presence provides you with the opportunity to enhance and develop tolerance, patience and understanding.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

What do you regret not doing?

As I get older, I’ve found myself gradually becoming more at peace with the consequences of my life choices and actions.

I used to dwell a lot on the “if only’s”, driving myself crazy with visions, delusions, illusions, of how things might have been if only I had done X instead Y, making myself increasingly frustrated and dissatisfied with how things were… and then I’d regret doing that because I could have been doing something more constructive with my time instead of regretting. And the loop looped de looped.

I hated myself for the choices I made.

If only I hadn’t been so frightened, stupid, shy, caught up in someone else’s version of reality, emotional, anxious, depressed, trapped in an ego trip, etc… then my life would have gone thataway instead of thisaway and it would all be perfect. But it wouldn’t have been perfect… even if it had miraculously been perfect, I would have still thought it wasn’t, and have been greener grassing anyway.

If only I had been someone else instead of myself.

But now I’m at that point where I’m pretty much okay with being myself and the choices I’ve made… sure there are some things which I still would be tempted to change and which stir up regret.

There’s one thing which I know for certain, if I share it which I won’t, always causes people to think I was insane for not doing it – in some ways they regret my not doing it more than I do.

By not doing it I made life ten times harder for myself. In other ways I made it easier now for myself by making it ten times harder then. I had to work ten times harder to figure certain things out which have taken ten times longer to bear fruit – I am picking that fruit now.

What happens next… we’ll see.

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

If you see a puddle on the ground, do you walk around it or over/in it?

If you see a puddle, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have good luck. That’s how the saying goes, isn’t it…

I avoid puddles.

They’re so serene, I don’t like to disturb their serenity.

Besides the puddle people are probably still pissed at me for all the plunging into them I did as a child. You do not want to piss off puddle people… that puddle may not be as shallow as it seems.

“We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves.”

― Dalai Lama XIV
Venus standing on a heart, holding a sword that passes through another heart. A man kneels beseechingly before her. Around them are various hearts, pierced with an arrow, aflame, sawed stabbed, broken, in a vise, etc. A facsimile after a coloured woodcut by Meister Casper, c. 1470 via Wikimedia & Wellcome Images

If you have an S.O. or spouse, how do you know that they want to make love, without them saying a word?

I’m married and you’re not supposed to have sex after marriage.

“A genuine, affectionate smile is very important in our day-to-day lives.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

What’s the most romantic gesture your lover has ever done for you?

Challenge all my beliefs about myself and ruined my life plan to remain loveless in a very loving manner.

“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes — I already have everything that I really need.’”

― Dalai Lama XIV

What items would your romantic dinner for two contain?

Food and drink. Cutlery and some glasses might be useful too.

“The ultimate source of comfort and peace is within ourselves.”

― Dalai Lama XIV

Does your lover make your heart pound and your pulse race or is it a more comfortable together, I’m so glad (s)he is with me kind of thing?   Do they make your heart melt?

We’ve been together for 20+ years…

I can never recall the exact year. He finds that funny rather than a reason to hate on me and try to change me. The other day I tried to figure out what year our cat was born in so that I could find her Chinese zodiac sign. I confused weeks with months, and… he was there to unscramble my scramble, and have a belly laugh together about it.

That’s very important to me. To be loved as I am, not as I could be if only…

That’s very important to him to. To be loved as he is… he’s amazing!

We’ve been through many stages and phases of relationship, including the I hate your guts period – that one really gets the pulse racing and makes your heart pound.

He never ceases to surprise, impress, thrill, challenge, perplex, puzzle, inspire, and make my heart, mind, soul, love him in a myriad different ways.

He thinks he’s the sane one of the two of us… but the glint in his eye thinks differently.

It’s always an adventure… one which is never tiring or tiresome.

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back to, and reasons to stay.”

― Dalai Lama XIV
A man with a large moustache and a woman with a large heart by Yves & Barret after A. Robida via Wikimedia Wellcome Images

Long before I met my partner, long before I decided that I would live a loveless life, when I was busy fantasising about the man I’d meet and marry…

Gluing the fabled ‘him’ together from characters I admired in books, actors whose roles in films had appealed to me, people I had crushes on, fairy tales, anime, and other romantic shreds and patches…

I would read those – How to have a perfect relationship – kind of books. I’m very glad I forgot most of the stuff and advice in those…

Sometimes being forgetful is very useful.

The bits I did remember all were similar in message – get to know the person, respect them as a person, give them lots of space to be themselves, don’t try to change them to suit you, and let the relationship be a journey for both of you, traveling together yet also apart. Oh and… make sure they get to know you, respect you as a person, etc, because things should flow both ways.

“In general, if we carefully examine any given situation in a very unbiased and honest way, we will realize that to a large extent we are also responsible for the unfolding of events.”


― Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness

Happy Heart-Shapes to you!

6 comments

  1. Seems your Boo helped you bring out the best of you too. Such a blessing to have someone in your corner, someone who’s cheering for you, where you can let your hair down without judgement. It’s Awesome!
    Happy 💘💘 Day to you both!

    Like

  2. Truly inspiring post 😉 Ahh… shall share with you some beautiful words from a Jap song and Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s day in advance!

    君と好きな人が
    百年続きますように

    (Don’t use google translate on them, it’s bad translation) I have a link to a decent translation in an earlier post though on RR. The song is Hanamizuki, I love the cover version by Tokunaga Hideaki lol he is a Pisces like me and our birthdays are near. He also did another cover Yuki no Hana which is also excellent! I heard both these songs years ago but only love them when I heard Tokunaga’s version. I did try to translate those lines to English or Chinese but I don’t think I can translate the poetic language fully, Jap culture hmm…i think these words in its original Jap form is most beautiful. It should reads something like that “You and the one that you love shall be together/go on/walk on for a hundred years” 🙂

    Like

  3. I had forgotten “share a belly laugh together”. To ME? Sharing humor, laughter, and a similar outlook on what constitutes ‘funny’ is the single most important thing a couple can share. Men who made me laugh were always men I took things further with. Thanks for Sharing Your Astute and Intelligent World with us this week Ursula! ❤ you!!

    Like

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