Random Acts of Kindness Award

I’ve been gifted a Random Act of Kindness Award by Rory of a Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip.

Rory is a true gentleman.

He said some very kind and lovely things about me and the other bloggers he gifted with the award which you can read here —> R.A.K Award – A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip.

He referred to us as “ladies”… that made me chuckle with regards to myself.

If I make the effort, dress up, sit still and keep my mouth firmly shut in a shy smile, I can appear ladylike, but at some point the facade will crack open and out will pop something which will shock. Even bad boys get embarrassed in my company, and end up running away screaming.

Credit goes to my father who taught me that it was okay to be a female asshole – a very useful skill to have if you don’t want to get constantly harassed just because you have tits.

My mother tried to lecture, nag and shame his lesson out of me, and turn me into a nice passive-aggressive angry at having to be nice lady. She was always going on about killing people with kindness…

I’m fairly certain that’s not the kind of kindness which this award is about.

The award was created by Mws R Writings, and you can check out the birth of this award and her vision for it in her post —> Random Acts of Kindness Award/RAKA – Mws R Writings.

The rules are:

1 – Tell who you nominate and why.

I’m a misfit, an outsider, in RL and online – if you met me in person, the only surprise you might have is that I’m pretty much the same offline as I am online. I’m strange, weird, a crazy mess, a Janet from Another Planet. Other bloggers often don’t know what to make of me, and that can make them choose to avoid me and my blog.

I’ve had a few bloggers feel sorry for me because I don’t get many ‘Likes’ on my posts from other bloggers, but they can’t see my blog’s stats. Even when I share my stats I don’t think they register because for a lot of bloggers, stats are the devil, and the act of blogging for them is about being part of the blogging community, interacting with other bloggers, joining in with blogging activities, writing posts for other bloggers to read.

For me blogging is about sharing myself with the whole of the internet, the worldwide community. It started as a challenge from me to myself… it’s become a passion.

I have had the honour and pleasure of meeting via comment some amazing people from around the world. Thank you very much for visiting, viewing, commenting, letting me share myself with you and sharing yourselves with me!

Soon Svalbard soon… from what I can tell it’s the only place from where I haven’t had a single view.

I’ve been blogging for several years and have interacted with many different bloggers, quite a few no longer blog. I really miss a couple of them as they were really good blogging buddies.

Lynette from In The Net – Stories of Life and Narcissistic Survival is one of my longtime blogging buddies. I adore her and she adores me, she even dreams about me (I can say things like with her, which is partly why I love her). She’s witty, wise, insightful, curious, talented, feisty, fierce, brave and beautiful. We’ve had some amazing comment-chats. We’ve both been through a lot during the time we’ve known each other, both online and offline. She has been a great friend. I am very glad she’s still here. Thank you very much, Lynette, for everything ❀

2 – Copy and share the picture that shows the award.

3 – Share a paragraph of something that impacted your own life in the way of receiving kindness or how you extended kindness to someone else.

Both my parents were narcissists. They both saw kindness as a weakness, and as a means to an end. If either of them were being kind to you… it meant you were about to be used or were already being used.

My mother expected undying gratitude from those upon whom she bestowed her deliberate acts of saintly good person kindness. My father just expected you to do whatever it was he wanted you to do. They would both turn on a dime and turn into raging furies if their kindness didn’t get them the result they expected.

Growing up in that environment made me acutely tuned into genuine kindness which was simply done and expected nothing in return. Those moments of genuine kindness were like drops of water in a desert.

One time a friend of my father’s gave me a letter wherein he complimented me on something I had done, and told me never to give up on myself. I didn’t really know this man, and I didn’t think he’d noticed me. I was floored that he had seen what most people did not see, chose not to see. I do know why he did it, and I am truly grateful that he did. That letter was an oasis.

4 – Nominate anyone or share to your own page. If you so choose to Participate. Tag or pingback to the original person who gifted you, or the original post.

Done.

And I’m almost done with this post, I just have one more thing to say.

Rory mentioned in a post the other day that:

Recently l acquired an anon email stalker – who feels quite free to tell me what they think about what l do – sometimes in not so polite terminology.”

– excerpt from A Guy Called Bloke and K9 Doodlepip’s The Versatile Blogger Award

That’s been bugging me. For several reasons, one of which is that a lot of bloggers ‘Liked’ the post, and a few commented, but no one (including me) said anything with regards to that statement about a person harassing Rory.

Maybe no one else noticed it, but if they did…

Why are we all ignoring it, are we hoping it’ll just go away if we pretend it’s not there and not happening. Are we afraid that if we say anything that poison pen will point its nib and splatter us with its toxic ink?

I know Rory is an adult, fully capable of looking after himself, solving his own problems, and all of that, and that people gain personal strength when they have to deal with life’s challenges on their own without support from others.

I should probably not interfere…

So I’m not interfering.

But I am going to say something. If you would like some help and support with this email stalker, Rory, just ask me.

I’ve had people do things like that to me, mostly in RL especially when I was younger and trying to be a good person, kind, thoughtful, a lady, etc. I tried doing what my mother wanted me to do, and it was a very painful, frustrating experience. I allowed myself to be bullied, insulted, abused. I put up with others treating me like shit, and did it with a polite smile on my face, while internally I wanted to rip their face off with my bare hands but I couldn’t do that because I was supposed to be a nice person.

My father’s method works better.

If someone is being an asshole to you, and you’ve given them enough polite chances to stop treating you disrespectfully, then you’re well within your rights to let them know how you really feel. Being cool about it isn’t getting you anywhere, in fact that person just keeps going and going, prodding and poking you trying to get a rise out of you, break your cool and ruin your blogging experience for you.

Kindness towards others is wonderful… but sometimes it’s not the solution needed for a problem, especially if being kind towards another requires being unkind to yourself.

Ideally all of us bloggers should rise up against this kind of behaviour, and support our fellow blogger as a community who protects their own.

If you would like to show your support for Rory – Go do it! Let him know you’re a Rory Supporter!

Thank you!

32 comments

  1. Hey Ursula,

    Thank you for this post on so many levels, those that l display here now and on other levels as well, as in your continued support it is greatly appreciated.

    Strangely enough my stalker has been remarkably quiet – l am none too sure why?

    Whether they have nothing to say or perhaps because l have been starting to display to my readership in snippet form that l am aware of them. I called them out of sorts in my recent Podcast with Poddy .. but they are quiet.

    It does irk me and annoy me, l will not deny it. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It doesn’t upset me per se, more of a frustration that they choose to criticise openly only in anon format via email and not just straight forwardly slay me in my blog. I can only think they they do not wish to do that, because they don’t wish to be seen. but they would know that if they are a new reader to me, l am pretty sure that it would be a comment in my pending folder maybe. perhaps they do criticise me in my spam folder, but l am struggling with the sheer volume of bot comments that l receive, that l no longer am able to address those and simply when l have a moment free bulk edit 100-400 comments at a time without even reading them. But l get between 1000 – 1500 sometimes more a day so have no time, patience or tolerance for reading through them anymore. if l lose comments from genuine readers then l can only but appologise but l simply cannot read through any more CBD oil comments any more.

    What distresses me more perhaps is that the comment would not hit spam or even pending which means it would go live, and if that is the case, it means my stalker is someone who follows me daily., reads me daily, follows me as a friend when they are in fact a foe. If that is the case, it means that they are quite possibly a friend to others also, therefore they would not be seen as anything but foe.

    But for the time being they are currently quiet. I made the decision some time ago, that if l was to receive another and l was able to respond, l would fire two barrels worth back into them. I am a patient man, and a very tolerant man, but there does come a time when even l snap. With the current levels of pain l am experiencing daily even with my medication l am on tenderhooks with that patience so l have taken a back seat – probably doesn’t look that way with the amount of posts coming out daily – but the sheer quantity of posts is me when stressed.

    if l see a post arrive in email now, l can see pretty much what it says in the first line and if l think it is hostile – it simply is deleted.

    But thank you for your support, it means a lot to me.

    Now to the ladies comment πŸ™‚

    i don’t know what to say anymore ha ha – l am told it is wrong to say girls as that is derrogatory, women just sounds harsh, females sownds absolutely awful – so ladies it has to be.

    You are deserving of this award Ursula. You know l try and marry awards up based on their criteria. i like awards – but l like to when gifting out make sure they go to the right people for what they do, and you do a lot for so many people and that in itself is more than kindness.

    Rory

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much, Rory πŸ™‚

      ‘Ladies’ was the perfect thing to say! I just had some fun with it, ’tis all πŸ˜‰

      Re: The spam folder – once it goes over one page, just bulk delete. If a genuine comment gets deleted then so be it. I know that sounds awful, but sometimes you just have to be awful to survive the challenges of being a blogger. If the comment comes from another blogger they’ll understand because they’re dealing with the same issue on their blog. If it comes from a non-blogger… they may re-comment since that sort of mess happens with all tech.

      I’m half-British and half-Italian, and spent time living in both countries. Sometimes when dealing with someone who is being an asshat I’ll do the whole British ‘grit your teeth, grin and bear it’ approach. That often works, especially if that person was just having a bad day or week or whatnot. But if they’re just a consistent asshat, sometimes I’ll just flip out Italian style and “Ma va’ a morΓ¬ ammazzato’ (go die by getting killed) on them. My father, the Italian, used to when pushed to his limits threaten to hit you so hard you’d end up on the Moon – it always made me laugh when he said it to me, it’s such a wonderfully silly and fanciful way to express anger. It’s rather nice to be bilingual mentally and emotionally πŸ˜‰

      Glad to hear the email stalker has gone silent. Silent snipers like that may back off if you give them a genuine reaction. Sometimes all they want from you is to feel they’ve had an impact upon you – that they’ve been seen, felt, noticed. It’s weird, but people are weird. I used to think staying calm and ignoring the pokes and prods was the way to deal with that type of person, also I was very prideful so I wanted to appear unfazed for the sake of pride, but that seems to provoke them more than if you just scream OUCH! when they hurt you. I’ve found that being honest about being hurt tends to work better.

      If you ever need support, just sound the horn! You’re an awesome gentleman and blogger, it would be a great loss if you decided to quit blogging!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I did not know you were and or being bullied online. Rory. I am so sorry and like has been said , “we need to stand up for each other in this community”~ Many hopes that this person will get their own life and leave you alone.

    Like

  3. You KNOW I’m a ‘Rory” fan. No stalkers here though. Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed, but I wasn’t paying the strictest of attention either. And it sounds like the two of you (yourself AND Rory) have things well in hand any way. Cheers!

    Like

    • Thank you very much, Melanie πŸ™‚

      You’re a wonderfully supportive blogger. I’ve benefited a lot from your support over the years. We can’t notice everything that is going on with others, it would make us insane (or more insane than normal) if we did that, and our first responsibility is taking care of ourselves. I just wanted Rory to know he has support if he needs it. It’s always nice to know that people are there for you even if you choose to go solo.

      Like

  4. This is a true act of kindness- standing up for someone, whether they ask you to or not. Thank you for showing us how it’s done. I love this WordPress community. πŸ™‚

    Like

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