SYW: The Lonely Guardian

Each of us is lonely in some way. Even when we are surrounded by friends, family, acquaintances, supporters, and colleagues, and are constantly caught up in social activities. There’s a loneliness within. What’s the purpose of the feeling?

To me, it feels as though one purpose of loneliness is to guard individuality. To keep us separate no matter how much we merge and become one with others. To show us our individual role in the whole.

The concept of loneliness has been on my mind. Whenever I contemplate something, I tend to see it everywhere, in everything and everyone around me. What is within us, what we focus upon, is reflected back at us, the world is our mirror.

This morning I noticed that Google’s homepage daily banner was announcing the celebration of the 30th anniversary since the World Wide Web was born.

“In an extreme view, the world can be seen as only connections, nothing else. We think of a dictionary as the repository of meaning, but it defines words only in terms of other words.

I liked the idea that a piece of information is really defined only by what it’s related to, and how it’s related. There really is little else to meaning. The structure is everything.

There are billions of neurons in our brains, but what are neurons? Just cells. The brain has no knowledge until connections are made between neurons. All that we know, all that we are, comes from the way our neurons are connected.”

– Tim Berners-Lee, Weaving the Web (1999)

In the news there was an article about Sir Tim Berners-Lee sharing his thoughts on his brainchild now that it is an adult and lives a life of its own.

The headline was typically clickbait tabloid – The end of the world is nigh! Read all about it. That kind of headline is one of the things which Sir Tim was bemoaning and highlighting as a factor in the “downward plunge to a dysfunctional future” of the internet.

In the photograph of him which which was used, he looked defeated. He’s still fighting to save his child from human darkness, but his fight seems to lack the vibrant energy which it used to have.

He sounded like a lonely guardian who shared a treasure, his individual spark, with the world, the collective, to make it a better place, and look at what we did with it.

We’ve turned it into a playground for our greed, lust, envy, avarice, misery, depression, anxiety, fears, insecurity, hate, vitriol, and so on. But we keep hoping to find hope in here somewhere.

As Sir Tim pointed out, hope for the world wide wide is within each of us, the users. We each hold within us a fragment of a greater hope, and we have to come together, join our fragments and forces, and create the bigger, better, brighter future which we envision… but keep expecting someone else to create and safeguard for us.

We have to be and become what we’re looking for in others.

Who Are You – Sam Kim (OST – Goblin)

Of course all of those previous words grouped together to form a thought expressed in cyber ink on cyber paper in a post on a blog online… is just my perspective and interpretation, viewed from the angle of attention focused upon the concept of loneliness.

It’s a conversation with the world outside of me reflecting a conversation that is going on within me.

Which leads me to…

Melanie of Sparks From A Combustible Mind’s Share Your World 3-11-19

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Hello, and welcome to Misfit Club!*

[*reference to this post – Hello and Welcome to Misfit Club]

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

My life circa 1990/1.

There was no one I could turn to for help, no one to reach out to, no one who could reach me, no one to trust, no one to talk to, no one to listen, no one to see, no one who gave a shit about me. I was utterly alone yet surrounded by people. I was unseen yet constantly watched.

That was how it had always been since childhood, but I’d had myself before – during that period I didn’t have myself either.

There was no place to call home. There was no one inside. I was an empty shell, and the surface was cracking, crumbling, turning to dust.

What do you think about when you’re alone in your car?

I don’t have a car.

How would you rate your memory?

Memory rating: E*

[*for Elephant]

While I am an airhead, spend a lot of time spaced-out, and would probably leave my head in the back of a taxi if said head was not attached to body… once something finally gets into the pink labyrinth, it tends to never find its way out again.

However accessing the information can be tricky, not unlike trying to find something on the world wide web using a search engine – you have to input the correct search term, including “- this” when you don’t want those results to clutter up what you retrieve.

Haha! My internet connection went into meltdown as I was writing this segment. I had to reboot the box and then wait for what felt like an age, alone, in silence.

What’s one song that always cheers you up, no matter how blue you’re feeling?

I don’t try to cheer myself up when feeling blue.

I usually listen to music which goes with the feeling, emotion, and mood. A sound which enhances, expands, expresses and explains it. Indulging it to connect with the narrative within it and release it.

If I find the perfect tune to go with the feeling, that often cheers it up because it feels understood by its feeler.

Emotions are excellent stimuli for accessing memories.

I can detach easily, and all the memories pertaining to that story get blocked for the period of detachment. While this can be a useful skill, it also has many drawbacks, and to heal what is hurting it is best to be attached to it, sink into it, swim in it to find the treasures in the deep. There’s a spark in the dark of the wound.

This is one which has cheered up my blues by capturing the mood:

S.O.B – Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

That one goes with those blues which come on when everything you did to change for the better just blew up in your face and you’re back at square one… and you’re wondering why you bothered, why not just give up, give in, and enjoy the mess that is you and your life instead.

Sometimes being a miserable s.o.b is exactly who and what you need to be, and trying to be someone, something, else is not who and what you need to be.

Did I forget anything?

Does it matter if I did?

26 thoughts on “SYW: The Lonely Guardian

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  1. Ah, the goblin OST, I watched 1 ep during the weekend and paused there, several chores and errands lined up. Then yesterday a niece was commenting how the charming the 1st male lead is from goblin, is that why you’re keen on the show too? lol πŸ˜€

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    1. Haha! πŸ˜€ Gong Yoo is not my type, he’s not weird enough for me πŸ˜‰

      It was the story which appealed to me, and also the fact that it is a kdrama fan favourite. I’ve watched a few episodes online, and what struck me the most is how isolated all the characters are from each other and the world they live in. There’s this strong theme of disconnection, which is particularly noticeable in the love story between the two leads. Since I’ve recently watched Coffee Prince I know that Gong Yoo can act as though he is passionately in love really well. I did wonder if perhaps the main love story has to lack passion because the female lead is considered to be too young, and the relationship is more a father/daughter one. It’s an intriguing drama.

      I’m also watching 2 Cops which is a mess, but very amusing.

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      1. Lol I thought Gong Yoo looked a little cockeye in one or two shots in Ep1. Yes, I read that the similar father/daughter love story sparked controversy in S.Korea when it was released. The pace in Ep1 is a little slow though which allowed me to pause, I’m interested to see what is end of the goblin’s bride.

        So which Korean actor is your type? So Ji Sub, Jang Dong Gun, Song Seung Hun, Jung Woo Sung… πŸ˜‰

        I wanted to send a link with a list of Korean actors pics to choose from, then I noticed that site looks similar to the one you gave last time to choose my type of smile which instead sent me to a page of pretty woman with big boobs (in my mind then was really ask thinking am I supposed to describe a lecherous smile lol) and decided not to in case it’s a spoilt link again and god knows where it will send you πŸ˜€

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        1. I kind of wish they’d made the Goblin’s Bride older. Kim Go-Eun is very good, and the character is done very well. I like how one minute she’s almost a child, and then she’s suddenly very adult. It reflects the age she’s supposed to be, the issues which being that age brings with it, and it goes with her difficult backstory. However it’s jarring. The love story is a bit like having a bad internet connection while trying to watch a video online, you just can’t get into it, you keep getting disconnected. At one point I wondered if Gong Yoo and Kim Go-Eun didn’t like each other. In Coffee Prince it felt like the two leads were good friends off screen and enjoyed acting with each other.

          Most Korean actors are just too good looking, too polished, and too young, for me to get all fangirl about them πŸ˜‰ I do like how So Ji-Sub acts with his face. He’s very good at doing the strong silent type who intensely stares with passion. But I did see him acting with two great female leads. I love Shin Min-A and Kong Hyo-Jin. There’s something abut him which reminds me of my partner.

          I’ll watch anything with Cha Seung-Won. He was so good in Hwayugi, You’re All Surrounded, and The Greatest Love. He’s got a quirkiness to his good looks which makes him stand out. I like eccentricity πŸ˜€

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          1. Haha, I see… πŸ™‚ Btw, it should be Cha Sueng-Won, not Jung Woo Sung in the names I’ve mentioned, I’m no good with Korean faces and names.

            Till today, I only recognize Lee Sueng ji and Cha Sueng-Won face from Hwayugi, the others all look the same and I’m unable to differentiate or remember them. Years ago I watched one or two of Bae Yoon Joon dramas and after awhile I can’t recall his face, ask me who’s Hyun Bin, erhmm… lol I only know he is the 1st lead in Memories of Alhambra which i just finished.

            Worst with females, I have virtually zero impression of anyone heehe… The female lead in Goblin did make an impression on me and I just realise why. She resembles a Chinese actress of a similar age Zhou Dongyu. I watched a couple of films/dramas that she had a part in. With Japanese actresses too, they kinda look unrecognizable, except for Yamaguchi Momoe and the singer Namie Amuro. I watched Momoe dramas when I was a kid, she has a very natural look. I’m not into Amuro but her face features does stands out among many and I heard she has mixed blood.

            From my point of view, Japs vs Koreans males/females, I would say Japs males are better looking, while Korean females are prettier compared to Japs.

            This is funny because I’m usually good at remembering faces πŸ˜‰

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            1. Facial recognition is an intriguing process. There are many theories about it in the science community. Some sound good and are kind of fun to explore. Others sound like someone is just making stuff up πŸ˜‰

              Part of the issue with facial recognition when it comes to TV/Film is that most actors and actresses wear so much make-up that if we saw them without it we wouldn’t recognise them. It’s like a whole new face has been painted onto to their natural face, and the painted face is a uniform – it’s the make-up artist’s work rather than the face of the person underneath.

              Also with all the plastic surgery which happens… everyone ends up looking the same because they all use the same plastic surgeon or template face.

              It’s so nice to see a real face with real teeth, skin, eyes, nose, hair… it’s sort of weird that this is an unusual thing to see. Or seems to be an unusual thing to see.

              One of my fav Japanese actors – Takeshi Kitano – omo!!! Such an eccentric genius! Loved his film Brother.

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              1. Ah, Kitano I googled, didn’t know his name but seen him in some film before, I remember that face πŸ˜‰

                Yes, faces are intriguing. Why do you remember some and forget some? There’s a Chinese saying η›Έη”±εΏƒη”Ÿ, sorry I know you don’t understand the Chinese but I just feel to include them even though I’m going to explain. Literally, it says your face takes the form of your heart, lol or the face can tell the heart of a person. This saying relates with Chinese face reading that depicts a person character and also fortunes.

                We shouldn’t judge people by their looks, yes but sometimes if your gut tells you this is a bad person not becos he is ugly, trust it. My inner fishes are sensitive to such vibe in RL πŸ™‚

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                1. I tried out the Chinese face reading system a long time ago, but I found it to be like trying to use the ancient versions of astrology where every planet and transit becomes a sign of bad fate, bad omen, doom and gloom. A mole in a certain place could mean you’re cursed with bad luck… ugh! And now there’s one more reason to hate your own face πŸ˜‰

                  I did factor in that I probably wasn’t using the system properly, but still…

                  I also tried out palmistry, but after calculating that I would live to about 115 years of age, I decided I wasn’t reading the lines properly either πŸ˜€

                  I like that you share the Chinese characters. I wish I could understand them. I did once try to learn how to understand the basics of the characters, but once again my skill of not doing things properly caused an issue.

                  I agree. It’s not the facial features and overall size, shape, organisation of the features and face which should be judged, it’s the expression and the feeling that expression conveys – that’s what the gut reads and informs you about. Some very pretty faces have very ugly expressions. Some very beautiful eyes are dead inside.

                  The Italians place a lot of importance on how you look physically, and spend a lot of time and money getting the look just right to make the impression they want to make on others – in other to deceive the person looking at them. But the expression, especially micro-expressions, is harder to control. Even if they use botox πŸ˜‰ The fact that they’re using botox tells you quite a bit about their character.

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                  1. Reading your new post and the comment here sent my thoughts flying to outer space. Was writing a reply halfway and thought it might get a bit long. Will put it in a post tomorrow night πŸ˜‰

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  2. Nifty. Your Share Your World posts are always unique and I LOVE reading them. This particular post garnered you (not that you need nor want exposure particularly) a reblog as you touched on a subject with your opening statement, that I need to write about, just didn’t have a clue how to address such a subject. Thanks Ursula!

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  3. The web is indeed dark, and goes darker on the occult side where crazies and psycho pass notes to one another. If I were the creator of the internet I would be sad too.

    I too don’t cheer myself up, but by being in my present, I evaluate why I’m feeling that way and come to some conclusion. I used to pick out mood music but it’s rare I get time alone, now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was commenting on your remark, Scherezade and *BOOM* my comment blew up in my face. I was remarking that I had encounters of the dark web kind recently. Whatever pond scum exists in that place tried hacking my email via the “My Fitness Pal” site, which apparently has had some serious security breeches (emails and other information stolen or hacked off their site). I don’t know what kind of moron sits around doing that kind of thing, but I wish there were ramifications for them.

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      1. I wish it were too, Melanie. I’ve heard so many weird and (they’ve wandered past) deviant stories of what goes through there, it’s frightening. And like the internet it’s so many like minded individuals smh

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      2. Like you my comment back fired in the form of SEND sitting right next to the damn cursorπŸ˜” I’m sorry that happened to you, and I’m glad they didn’t get too far. It’s sad when you go into sites that are supposed to be safe, turn out not or these f***kers figure out innovative ways to get info.

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    2. There’s a strong light side to the internet, it has done a lot of good and provided positive opportunities too. It’s a great mirror for humanity, and gives us insight into how stories evolve, how each of us affects the course of life on Earth, how every voice counts.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I also tend to find mood music which, as you said, tends to cheer me up a bit because it’s like finding someone who shares my mood and misery shared is halved or something like that.

    Doug (the hubs) is fond of saying that the Internet and everything that springs from it (Youtube, Twitter, Amazon, Netflix, &c…) is still in its infancy. We as a species are still trying to figure out how to use this new way of communicating quickly and anonymously. We’re applying archaic laws to new technology, and it’s not working, but eventually it will work itself out. Doug and I both have faith in humankind’s ability to adapt and overcome. It takes time — like, we might not live to see it — but it’ll work itself out.

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