Happy Birthday Season to Aries! May you get what you want and want what you get. Yes, I know that’s a gypsy curse. No, I’m not cursing you… but even if I was I know you can handle it. You love a challenge, and you love showing that challenge exactly who it should not have messed with!
That particular gypsy curse is one that I use (I USE is Capricorn’s motto) as an inspirational quote to uplift me when I’m nursing a headache caused by bashing my head against a wall which stands between me and a goal.
My interpretation of it is – What if I’m chasing after the wrong thing, and the right thing is something I already have.
Aries rules the head. The head is a formidable weapon. As long as you don’t lose your head, you can deal with pretty much anything which life throws at it. Stay headstrong!
This year Aries Season begins with a challenge in the shape of a wound (brought to you by Chiron in Aries conjunct Sun in the first degree of Aries) connected with the I AM – I AM is Aries’ motto.
Wherever your sense of self, your identity, individuality, is hurting – that’s where the challenge is located.
Your ideas of who you are, what defines you, what makes you you, what you want, what you need, your goals, dreams, ambitions, what motivates you, your intentions, will be tested.
The test is in many ways trying to get you to reevaluate your approach – perhaps, like me, you think X, Y, Z is the obstacle stopping you from achieving your target, but actually the real obstacle is you and your conviction that X, Y, Z is the obstacle.
I am getting better at identifying that the problem isn’t the wall, it’s me and my thinking that bashing my head against the wall is the way forward. Thankfully I am slowly getting quicker at realising that the wall signals a dead end, and I should retrace my steps and rethink things.
How you experience the test will depend on how comfortable you are with authenticity.
Not the version of authenticity which is really just another mask to wear beneath a mask and reveal as though it’s real, but the hard-hitting this is your real face version of the authentic.
It’s time to face our real face. To see ourselves as we really are. Get to know the raw and real I AM. Stop hating the real because it is raw, and give it a chance to step up, and stand out.
It doesn’t have to be an ugly experience, in fact it could be a very beautiful one.
Raw and real beauty has imperfections, and may not be aesthetically pleasing. It may have wrinkles, frown lines, strange features, scars, pimples, pock marks, rashes, birthmarks, blemishes, stretch marks, veins, sagging skin, yellow teeth, wonky smile – why are we so afraid of these things, of what is natural and normal. Why do we keep trying to cover them up, hide them, fix them, turn them into something they’re not.
“Chiron in Aries is not going to take its time to teach. BOOM… be simple and straightforward. Be authentic and make it part of your new way forward.
The full moon in Libra is the end of niceties that no longer serve us in our relationships. Some people call them lies. If they’re big enough lies, they’re a problem. I’m not talking “no that doesn’t make you look like a linebacker in heels”. It’s not specifics. It’s the things we do and say that keep people from knowing who we really are.
STOP IT. It’s time to stop that. You can be nice and still be authentic. But stop doing things that mask who you really are. Stop saying you like something when you don’t. Other people are going to stop. You can stop. You be who you are. Why not do it now while the energy supports it? Do it BOOM in one fell swoop with Uranus as all these uncomfy elements come together to make it easier, if not actually comfortable.
We may have people in our lives who make it very difficult to be ourselves. Either that tendency will go, or they will. Sometimes that happens at once. Sometimes it happens over time. But now is when it starts. Sometimes it’s not a person – sometimes it’s a view of us, a persona we hold ourselves.
It won’t be comfortable. But it will be easier. Consider playing along. You still do it all nicely. Just stop pretending. Just because you agreed to be a certain way long ago, doesn’t mean you have to keep it up. Be your own truth. Embody it. “– Excerpt from Elsa Elsa: Weekly Forecast for March 18 to 22, 2019
If we’re going to break walls with our heads, let’s break through that wall we’ve put up between our outer selves and our raw real inner self.
Smashing the propaganda on the warning signs we’ve stuck on that wall telling us not to like ourselves, not to look at our real face, not to share who we really are, what we really think, what we really feel.
The Aries action this season is supported by Uranus, the radical freedom seeker, in Taurus, and Mars (the ruling planet of Aries) is there too at the moment. Taurus rules the throat and voice. Taurus’s motto is – I HAVE.
What do you HAVE right here and right now. What do you HAVE to say. What do you HAVE to share.
What do you HAVE within you which would be of value (Taurus represents personal values) to others if you shared it, voiced it… and by giving voice to it, sharing it, it becomes of value to you too.
Perhaps you didn’t realise that what you HAVE naturally within you as part of your real I AM is valuable because you have it and have always had it.
What do you HAVE which you don’t consider to be worth anything – are you sure it’s not worth anything?
Now is a good time to test ourselves, to question our certainties about ourselves, and challenge the reality, the structure, fabric and viability of the bricks which make up the walls of our identity.
Are you sure you’re right about you? What would happen if you were wrong about you?
Can you handle being wrong?
Many people seem to be willing to fight to the death rather than accept that they’re wrong. Why are we so afraid of being wrong. Considering how many people have suffered at the hands of someone who was stubbornly determined to prove they were right come hell or high water… perhaps being right isn’t as wonderful as we all seem to think it is.
What if being wrong frees you from all those limitations which come with being right?
Have you ever listened to yourself telling someone else something about yourself, making an I AM statement, and as the words came out of your mouth, hit your ears and penetrated your conscious mind, you found yourself thinking – Is that true? Is that really who I am?
Have you ever heard yourself say something about yourself and thought – That doesn’t sound right, that’s wrong, that’s bullshit, why am I saying that?
Now what do you do?
Do you keep going, digging that hole for yourself, living by that lie (which may have once been true, but is no longer true), sticking with your narrative because you’re afraid to admit that it’s not true, it’s wrong… you were wrong about yourself.
Or do you own up to the mistake, embrace it and the opportunity which comes with it – you’re now free to find out what is true and embody who you really are. No more living up to a reputation which isn’t yours. No more having to follow rules which were designed for someone who you are not. No more trying to be someone else – time to be yourself.
A painful battle is illuminated. Light is cast on the wound, but you’re encouraged to step up and keep moving forward. We’re in the very early degrees of Aries, so the issue has just begun.
Sun/Chiron in Aries can also be the one who stands out (and attracts others) because of their wound – the one who people point at or take shots at, but who ends up being the pioneer.
This aspect will activate themes from March 20th’s Full Moon.– excerpt from Ruby Slipper Astrology: March 22nd, 2019 – Where It Hurts
Once you allow yourself to be who you really are, it leads to finding out what it is that you really want and figuring out how to go about getting it – getting it in a way which suits who you are rather than trying to get it the way someone else who you are not would get it.
Perhaps you already have what you want, you got it years ago but since you were living as someone else or trying to be someone else, that someone else didn’t want that and made life painful because they resented having what they didn’t want.
As with all my posts, this is all about me. My story. I write to hear and understand myself and my experiences.
Chiron in Aries is caught between a rock and a hard place in my chart – it’s transiting my natal Node Node in Aries conjunct natal Chiron in Pisces.
The Chiron conjunct North Node aspect is sometimes referred to as – you’re totally screwed – or at least that’s how I interpreted the few astrology interpretations which I found for it.
One astrologer seemed to be saying – there’s nothing I can say about this other than that I’m very relieved I don’t have it in my chart, it’s a difficult mess, I can’t help you, you’re on your own.
This aspect is in many ways all about being on your own, solving your own problems, relying on yourself and not being able to rely on anyone else to help you.
The moment you ask for help, everyone looks terrified and disappears.
Later on, once you’ve sorted things out for yourself on your own, everyone reappears and says – why didn’t you ask me for help, I would have helped you. In fact I would have done a better job than you did, look at all the mistakes you’ve made, you did it all wrong and you’ve wronged me for not asking me for help.
This aspect tells a very Aries story, one which goes well with 2019’s Aries season.
Of giving birth to yourself through adversity.
Of boldly going it alone even if you’re going in the wrong direction… maybe the wrong direction is the right direction for you. Of being able to change direction, do a U-Turn, if you discover that the right way for you wasn’t this way.
Of being brazen enough to admit when you’ve reached a dead end. Just because it’s an end, doesn’t mean it is the end. Go back and find another way to go.
Of becoming your own support system.
Of bravely embracing the uncertainty of being, of living, of being a living being living and being.
Of learning from experience, and being willing to have the experience to learn from it.
Of finding out who you really are, raw, authentic, wild nature.
And of realising that we all have an I AM story to tell, share, and live out… so keep in mind that everyone you meet in life is an individual too.
The moment you don’t see the I AM of others is the moment you lose your own I AM.
If others are just props supporting your I AM – then your I AM is not your own.
If others are just parttime players in your story, given roles to suit your self-narrative, then you may end up falling apart when they decide to leave the you-show and seek out a place where they can be all of themselves, free from the script you’ve given them, and the limitations you’ve placed on their I AM for the sake of your I AM.
Let’s stop punching ourselves, others, and punch the air instead with a cry of encouragement for one and all.
Celebrating the I AM of others, celebrates your I AM too.
Celebrating your I AM may encourage others to celebrate their own I AM.
It’s a very healing celebration.
That’s it from me…
Over to you!
“If others are just props supporting your I AM – then your I AM is not your own.” So very, very true. The issue is that the people using the others as supporting props often don’t know they’re doing that; their I AM is so buried that they don’t know it’s buried.
My ex-narc definitely fits that category. When he interacted with me, the stage lights came on, and when he was finished, I remained in the dark, in position, unmoving and unchanging, ready for his next interaction. But I think he was completely unaware of that. He didn’t have an I AM, really. Just a giant gaping hole.
Great post, Ursula. 🙂
Thank you, Lynette 🙂
The way you described your role in your ex-narc’s identity is chillingly spot on.
It was like that with my parents, I only existed when they needed me otherwise I was non-existent, on stand-by. It was like being an extra on a film set – you play the I AM part you’re given and it can change at any moment based on the role they need you to play and what they need you to be for their I AM. You’re a nothing and a nobody until they need you to be a something and a somebody. If you try to assert your own independent I AM, it threatens the fragility of their identity and your I AM has to be stamped out.
Narcissists highlight the extreme end of the dynamic of people being used as a prop for someone else’s I AM. The N’s I AM is completely reliant on their props. When they decide to adopt a new persona, they discard all the props who don’t support the new I AM, and acquire new props who do support it. Each person who is a prop is assigned a portion of the structure of the identity of the narcissist.
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Yup. It is chilling. They have their own soap operas and everyone else is a guest star to be manipulated to fit the story of the week.
My ex-n knew that there was something fundamentally wrong with him, but he thought it was something that he could just fix, like a leaky tap. He was looking for an answer but wouldn’t consider doing any kind of work. Work was for suckers ..
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You know how I love reading your posts is because your thoughts flow so freely thoughts your fingers. Lol, I’m not asking how you do that, I know, just bleed. However, the problem with me is that thoughts going thru my mind may or may not be written, and even it came out in words, it might get censored due my perceiving that it’s incoherent, not grammatically correct or maybe I shouldn’t say this haha… writing is a thinking-process for me as in I think thru it something like this.
There are on few occasions my thoughts flow out freely and I was just writing everything down. I had that when I was writing the answers to your Mystery Blogger questions 😉 Actually the other day I was planning to adopt Wong Kar Wai’s filmography to create a series of posts that I could relate my own stories. Becos his films are like fragmented in sequence yet it contained those vivid and intense emotions, I was thinking maybe that could be a way, to let out my emotions… Hope this is making sense. Anyway, let’s see if it works 🙂
Thank you, Reverist 🙂
The “magic” for me of writing posts is in the conversations I have with myself, all the various facets, while writing. What I’m looking for is “aha nuggets” within all the words, and I can only get those “aha nuggets” if I allow myself to just talk and talk. Censoring and editing tends to stop the “aha nuggets” from happening… except for that “aha nugget” which says – stop censoring and editing you’re making this conversation boring for yourself! 😉
I love what you did with your Mystery Blogger post. I saw quite a few “aha nuggets” in there. It was a beautiful and interesting post to read. Thank you very much for doing it and sharing yourself that way.
When you get an idea like the Wong Kar Wai film one – do it and see what happens! 😀
Thank you for reading 🙂
Ya I can hear me talking up there but most of the times words don’t seems to flow out in my case but the talking continues itself and usually I drift away with my thoughts… 😉
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Hmm, I just did a short prologue post to my Wong Kar Wai’s series lol…
Cool, I shall check it out later this evening 🙂
Thank you for reading 😬
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Ursula, your name has come up in connection to a crime, at this present time – you need not do anything, we have one of our detectives working the case – if their is anything untowards – l feel sure she will inform you 🙂
Haha! I’m not gillcup 😉
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Aha l see, some Italian on the horizon …
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If you have time, would you drop by R&R, try my new brew? 😉 Maybe leave a comment too, if you have any.
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