Making A Big Splash

You know that statement I made in my last post about my having a feeling of approaching temporal temporale, as in mental thunderstorms… did it happen because I thought about it, said it out loud, and thus brought it about so that I would be right, or was it going to happen anyway?

It didn’t quite happen as I envisioned it, so I guess it was always going to happen.

A few hours after I posted my previous post, a thunderstorm occurred. Water poured down – not outside but inside.

My partner has been working on the ensuite to his room, and has been learning how to do the plumbing from our plumber and the internet. He’s gotten very good at it, far beyond the little basic plumbing that I know – so he’s now the plumber in our relationship.

But there’s a steep learning curve which often comes with watery mess.

His ensuite is right above the hallway and the ceiling now looks like this:

The stain resembles a world map. The dark area is the water rather than the land mass.

See that line running across it like a fault where two tectonic plates merge – water poured through that like a waterfall.

The first time it happened I put on my zen game face, stayed calm, said nothing other than a “Don’t worry, shit happens“, put down some towels, and let my partner get on with sorting things out.

He was stressed out enough as it was, he didn’t need me adding to that by stating the obvious, trying to interfere, getting in his way, getting stressed about it and so on, what he needed was for me to leave him alone to deal with it.

The second time it happened was a few hours after that. By then I’d made the mistake of drinking a little bit too much red wine, which made me sick. I retreated to my bedroom, shut myself in, felt my mind explode, and wished I was dead.

Later on, after a short fitful sleep I woke up, threw up, and felt better physically. Mentally I was still exploding. I wanted to walk into my partner’s room and scream at him… but I don’t scream at people. I think I’ve only done that once or twice in my lifetime and it wasn’t satisfying. It tends to just make everything worse.

I grew up with parents who were always screaming at people, including me, and it never resolved anything, it simply led to more screaming. If they weren’t screaming, they were building up to a screaming. Then they’d expect you to get over it once they’d screamed at you because they felt better for about five seconds afterwards and they didn’t want you ruining their five seconds of feeling better with your sulking, making them feel bad for having expressed themselves and told you the awful truth about yourself.

Besides he was most likely imagining me screaming at him in his head – he confirmed that the following day. Apparently his mental storm version of me not only screamed at him but told him she’d had enough of him, she was leaving him, and packed her bags.

If that was wishful thinking on his part… that wish isn’t coming true. I actually admire his commitment to learning plumbing, to truly doing it himself, it’s wonderful in many ways, and when it’s not raining inside he’s doing an awesome job. I certainly haven’t had the courage to learn what he’s learning, nor do I have the brains for it – my mind scrambles details and forgets essentials.

The following day I slept all day, stayed in my room (and was thankful that we decided to have separate rooms to retreat to when we need to, have our own spaces and space apart). My partner called the plumber in and they merrily sorted everything out… except the ceiling. That’s my job once the whole plumbing in of the new bathroom is finished… there may be more waterfalls between now and then.

I needed a whole day of sleep. I knew I was tired, but just because I know something doesn’t mean I do anything about it. Sometimes I need a major push to follow through.

Yesterday also marked the official first day of having transiting Uranus in Taurus opposing my natal Mars in Scorpio.

One interpretation of that aspect is as follows:

interpretation via Astrodienst

Since my natal Mars squares natal Mercury (which in my case tends to mainly manifest as me arguing with myself about everything I think), any day now transiting Uranus will be squaring natal Mercury.

Which theoretically means the following:

interpretation via Astrodienst

Since my natal Mercury already aspects natal Uranus… I’m kind of used to having screws loose in my mind and my system shorting itself out due to too much input and overload. But it’s an easy aspect rather than a hard one – being confused and crazy in the membrane is my default setting and comes easily to me.

Luckily with difficult aspects there are often helpful aspects to balance things out if we let them do their thing…

Such as transiting Chiron sextile natal Mercury (interpretation below).

interpretation via Astrodienst

So while I’ll be losing my mental shit (more than usual), if I share it in a calm manner I may find that others will offer just the kind of insights I need to help me help myself.

Or maybe I should just start screaming at people……….?

What do you think?

12 comments

  1. Screaming is like a pressure release valve. Sometimes you gotta let it out. I’ve also heard deep breathing or going for a walk can be just as effective.

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    • I noticed with my parents, particularly my mother, that screaming was all about releasing the pressure inside which was partly why they were so addicted to doing it. They needed someone to be on the receiving end of their screaming.

      I used to scream underwater, that’s kind of fun.

      Thank you for the suggestions šŸ™‚

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  2. I’ve thrown myself down on my bed and had a proper kicking, arms flailing, screaming tantrum. It does release the pressure and you don’t have to apologize later. I’ve also taken a baseball bat and beaten the crap out of an inanimate object. For me, doing something physical is the only way to release all the negative energy when it’s really built up. There’s no way I can talk about anything in a rational calm manner until all the thunder and lightning is gone from inside me.

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    • That sounds rather satisfying. I’ve occasionally wondered what it would be like to have a tantrum, but I’ve never had the nerve to do it. I didn’t do it as a child either.

      I do sometimes channel it into physical activity, anger is useful energy for gardening, cleaning and other household chores, but certain types of stress can make a mess. Usually I go somewhere quiet and private, away from people, and wait until the inner storm has subsided. Writing a blog post can be therapeutic šŸ˜‰

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  3. Screaming is overrated. My mother was a screamer, and all that accomplished was folks running (literally sometimes) away from her, leading to isolation and lack of attention, which was part of the reason she was screaming to begin with (she had Borderline Personality Disorder). Getting attention is one of their primary reasons for existing I personally think. I’ve grown up stifling my desire to scream, which is sometimes very healthy apparently and that’s not good either. So there must be a middle ground somewhere, where one can release the anxiety and toxicity by screaming, but where one doesn’t scare the crap out of everyone they know plus those few random strangers who are always around when one loses their shit. I yell at my dogs and I always feel really guilty about it, so the screaming scenario will never be one I embrace. But if it works for you? There’s nothing wrong with that.

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    • Decades ago I considered starting a business which I called The Tantrum Center, which basically was a warehouse with soundproof padded cubicles in it where people could pay to go into a cubicle and scream. It was partly inspired by Primal Scream therapy, but mainly by my own desire to have a safe place to scream in because at the time I was super stressed, very repressed, and couldn’t express myself at all.

      I still think it’s quite a good idea for a business, but with all the health and safety issues, legalities, etc, it would probably be a nightmare to set up and run.

      I also thought there should be a zen garden type of place for people to go afterwards to have some calm and quiet after their screaming session. šŸ™‚

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      • I really REALLY need to get back into Yoga. One of the benefits for me was that whole Zen peaceful feeling. Of course to do that I’m going to have to find a) money to pay for private sessions until I get limber enough to do Yoga again and b) get over whatever physical iggie has raised its vile head and is making me so tired I want to die. Yeah. Life as we know it. Can I start screaming now? šŸ˜‰

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  4. I had water problems with my previous house. My son’s dog Rudy (who was still alive then and is greatly missed) used to carefully inspect me while I carefully inspected the leaking pipe (it was the shower causing the problem and was difficult to fix). I don’t scream either, but I love to swear and have an extensive vocabulary in two languages. My Quebecois French has a better impact on my frustration level though. It’s meatier. šŸ˜‰

    My dear Rudy always nudged me with his nose when he detected that I was headed down the house repair rabbit hole, and always communicated that he wanted a walk. He would drag me out, and 20 mins later I would feel better. He knew what was good for me even if I didn’t. šŸ™‚

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    • Rudy sounds like he was a wonderful human assistant and carer ā¤

      The other night when I shut myself in my room, after I came out to go to the bathroom briefly, my cat entered my room and settled down on the bed which meant I couldn't close the door again. She spent the entire night and following day keeping me company while I slept. Animals are such brilliant therapists for distressed humans šŸ™‚

      All I needed was a lot of sleep. All is good now. Usually if I'm feeling all screaming inside it tends to mean I'm overly tired and need some decent rest.

      I tend to get very Italian when frustrated, the range of swear words is quite picturesque.

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  5. Lol the only time I screamed is when singing an Aerosmith’s song in karaoke šŸ˜‰ i guess that’s like the middle ground Melanie said. Then though it doesn’t scare people off I’m not sure if their ears hurt šŸ˜…

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