The Scorchioed brain edition of 40 Odd Things

It’s scorchio!

For those of you not familiar with The Fast Show, you probably won’t get that, but don’t worry about it because I’m here to not explain it to you.

There’s a heatwave in Europe atm, and since the UK hasn’t Brexited the EU yet we are still allowed to partake in European weather.

Until yesterday we were having a typical English Summer – Wet, wet, wet, and mostly chilly. Now it’s dry, sunny and lovely outside… so I’m staying inside to protect myself from this oddness, and using the “it’s too hot” excuse to be a lazy Jeremy (definitely not explaining that to you).

So I thought I’d have some fun and do the 40 Odd Things challenge that King Ben’s Grandma (aka super cool Angie) did the other day which was great fun to read and she invited others to join in.

Let’s do this!

But before we do… a word of warning or whatnot.

This odd set of questions has been around online for a while (since at least 2008, here’s my quick search online proof – Amy’s Wandering: 44 Odd Things About Me), and it seems that question #31 was always missing so if that kind of omission drives you nuts… it may have been intentionally done to do just that – drive you nuts – by the original creator of this Q-fest.

I have some suspiciamouses about the creator of this Q-naire… who is obviously American (that’s not a suspiciamouse, the questions point to that clearly).

These Q’s do seem to want to know things about you which, well, aren’t really odd at all and that makes me wonder about the motives motivating what they want to know.

The creator of this odd Q-fest seems to be trying to find out if you have valuables in your home, if you are unarmed, physically unfit, unable to whistle for help, and therefore less likely to put up a fight and/or call for reinforcements if they break into your home… and they may want to torture you after they’ve broken in and before they scarper with your valuables, perhaps by making you dance, eat cheese and drink Koolaid.

Maybe I should play Minecraft instead of doing this.

1. Do you like bleu cheese?

Bleurgh, cheese… if you force feed it to me I’ll make you stick around to smell the after effects. It won’t take long and once it’s out there you won’t be able to go anywhere else – it’s that thick and noxious.

2. Coke or Pepsi?

They’re both great for clearing a blocked drain and removing tarnish.

3. Do you own a gun?

I live in the UK, we don’t need guns for protection, we have tea.

Would you like a cup of tea?

Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on (reference material for the ‘go on’ bit is Father Ted)… you want a cup of tea, you definitely look like you need a cup of tea, a cup of tea cures all problems.

Now that you’ve given up all hope and accepted the cup of tea… this weather, let’s talk at length about it, it’s scorchio isn’t it, haven’t had anything like this in decades, no no last year’s heatwave was a fluke and doesn’t count, have some more tea…

4. What flavor of Koolaid?

Come on… even though it has been a while since it happened, everyone knows… Don’t drink the Koolaid!

5. Hot dogs?

It’s scorchio dogs today!

I actually used to love American hot dogs. When I lived in NYC I’d stop at every hot dog stand… but you can only do that for so long before it all catches up to you and that kind of karma is so much more than a bitch.

6. A favorite TV show?

I’ve just started watching season 2 of Happy… season 1 was friggin’ fantabunuts!

I usually don’t like season 2 of any season 1 I’ve enjoyed… although Psychobitches was great throughout, but they kept it short, psychobitchsweet and knew when to stop.

7. Do you believe in ghosts?

The real question is – Do ghosts believe in me?

8. What do you drink in the morning?

Whatever is in the cup of life on any given morning.

9. Can you do a push-up?

No. I’m very thankful to be flat-chested and thus don’t need to wear bras.

10. Favorite Jewelry?

I have a sea-horsed shaped scar on my finger caused by hot melted plastic dripping onto it and clinging to the skin… it’s like a ring.

11. Favorite hobby?

Not answering questions properly.

12. Do you have ADD/ADHD?

To have or to be… that is another question.

13. Do you wear glasses?

Sometimes. To protect my eyes from words.

14. Favorite cartoon character?

Ryu (Dragon Shiryu) from Saint Seiya.

15. What three things have you done today?

This.

16. Three drinks you drink all the time?

Someone has a thing about the #3… did we read a magic book?

17. Current health worries.

I’m a bit concerned about the illogical and delusional possibility that I might have inherited immortality…

18. Do you believe in magic?

Again, the question really should be – Does magic believe in me?

19. Favorite place to be?

As far away from my To-Do list, which is The Blob, as possible… nyah nyah To-Do list you can’t find me… merde alors, how did it find me here!?!

20. How did you bring in the New Year?

What!? Cazzo di merda… was I in charge of bringing in the New Year!?! OMG… I’ll do it later. I’m sure it’s fine, no one seems to have noticed my faux pas.

21. Where would you like to visit?

That field Rumi mentions…

22. Name four people that will play along.

This isn’t a question.

Curry plant in flower

But here’s a question for you – Why is a curry plant called a curry plant when it isn’t used in the making of a curry?

23. Favorite movies?

Are we still doing magic #3…

Oldboy by Park Chan-wook.

Face/Off by John Woo.

Intacto by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo.

24. Favorite color?

Monty Python.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

I like sleeping. Sleeping doesn’t always like me.

26. Can you whistle?

Usually I just shout, it’s more efficient and less likely to get you punched by a lady.

27. Where are you now?

Planet Earth.

28. Where would you rather be?

I would be there.

29. Favorite food?

Food when hungry.

30. Least favorite chore?

Dealing with… thankfully I don’t have to atm.

32. What’s in your pockets?

Sweat. Probably a bit of blood too.

33. Last thing that made you laugh?

I spotted this…

I’d forgotten that I’d done that… what a useless yet funny hahastrange thing to do.

I had a bit of leftover cement, which I’d managed to whip up really smoothly that day, and had just taken off the latex gloves I’d been wearing – Oh those days when I actually bothered with gloves. Latex gloves are environmentally unfriendly… yup yup that’s why I don’t buy them and wear them.

34. Favorite animal?

Why does it always have to be about favouritism in the humanisphere… haven’t we learned anything yet about how fucked up that ism is and how much it fucks us up.

35. What’s your most recent injury?

I killed quite a lot of insects yesterday. Most of the fatal injuries were not intentional.

I try not to kill insects unless…

I don’t think I killed that tiny beetle crawling on my leg just now, I just brushed it off with my big hand, no idea where it went…

But I was treating some wood with wood treatment and insects kept insisting on interfering with what I was doing, disregarding my warnings to them to get away and stay away as the stuff I was using seems to be toxic to more than just woodworm.

Sorry guys… I’ll be the insect in my next life and you’ll be the human…

36. How many TV’s are in your house?

That’s not what you need to be worrying about right now…

37. Worst pain ever?

Listening to people suffering from verbal diarrhea talk about themselves incessantly knowing that they aren’t listening to a word they’re saying but expect me to listen to it all and memorise it… unless a bit needs to be forgotten. I never said that, they say, after they said it = you must now edit that bit out and replace it with this new bit which they’re now going to tell you all about for the next ten hours.

38. Do you like to dance?

The real question is – Does dance like me?

39. Are your parents still alive?

Are you offering to kill them for me if they’re still alive?

40. Do you enjoy camping?

I’m not a big fan of champagne… but I’ll drink it if someone is celebrating something and it would be rude not to trink trink to their success. Besides I love it when people have good news! It’s like it’s happening for you too but you don’t have to deal with any of the stresses which come with it, so it’s even better!

That’s it…

Over to you!