When The People In Hell Are Kinder Than The People In Heaven

The most recent posts on my blog are all part of a series. If you’ve read more than one, you may have noticed the thread connecting them, but don’t worry if you didn’t because on the surface they’re a bit all over the place.

They may appear unfocused, but there’s intense focus within the unfocused.

On the surface I’m a rather unfocused person.

I’ve been this way all my life.

It tends to drive people crazy, particularly those people who want to categorise me, pop me into a box, slap a label on it, put the box in a pigeonhole, and expect me to stay that way forever and ever.

My mother used to tell me this anecdote about wonderful-mommy-her getting frustrated at little-me because yet again I’d foiled her wonderful-mommy gesture by suddenly not liking something which only the previous day I’d liked and which she was giving me to prove how wonderful a mommy she was. She’d ask me why I didn’t like the thing today when I liked it yesterday = why was I doing this to her!?! After everything she’d done for me, how could I be such a brat!?! And my answer was – I’m different now.

Most of my interactions with my mother were her passive-aggressively trying to control me, usually by criticising me – nothing I ever did was right, good enough, as good as it could be if only I’d… luckily she was there to mercilessly point out the faults, flaws, errors, and tidy up the mess, fix me, shape me into the image she wanted.

Occasionally behind the surface appearance of scolding, nagging, punishing, criticising me for my own good to make me a better person mother there was something, someone else – a glint in her eye.

As much as she hated “different me”, there was a hint that she loved that me. That she admired the free spirit who refused to be tamed… no matter how hard she tried to tame it, and thought she’d succeeded.

I was reminded of that dynamic between me and my mother last night while playing a video game with my partner.

It was my turn to play, and… the way I control the character during a fight drives my partner nuts.

I don’t know if it’s due to having dyslexia, but I can only learn a few moves and those are the moves I use. To learn a new move I have to forget one I know. The fighting mechanics allow for lots of different moves, all of which my partner uses when it’s his turn.

He’s very good at fights. I’m lousy at fights and often get killed unless I run away (or hand the controller quickly to my partner) but I go for it anyway and…

I can hear him back-seat gameplaying.

Telling me what I’m doing wrong, how I could improve my gameplay if I’d just press those buttons I’m not pressing, use the targeting instead of slashing wildly at air, and on and on.

When I do make the effort and use a set of buttons I don’t normally remember to use while in the heat of battle… he points out something else I could do that I didn’t do, that I missed, I’d enjoy playing it more if I would just learn what he’s telling me to learn.

He’s right but… he’s also wrong.

My partner and I don’t fight that often.

We’re very similar… except in our gameplay, it highlights our differences (which work well together until they clash) and can lead to fights outside of the game.

We’ve had fights before about him criticising and nagging me for my own good about my limited range of fight moves.

It drives him nuts so he drives me nuts with it.

I didn’t get triggered or upset about it last night, so no fight ensued.

The previous night I simply pretend-stabbed myself in the heart with an invisible knife, slicing downwards, then mimicking guts spilling out that went on for a few minutes… afterwards I pushed it all back in and sewed myself back up.

He found that amusing if a bit disgusting and deranged.

Last night I just gave him the finger.

But I did think about it later on, not to work myself up into a lather of being angry at him, that’s not helpful or useful… since I’m focused on working through old issues, hidden stuff, bringing them out into the open to understand them, it was helpful and useful to hmmm about it, about what it connects to within me.

What’s the point of this experience, why is it a thing for me, why am I bothered by it, and how can I unravel this old knot inside?

The problem is mine… therefore the solution is mine too if I explore the problem. Don’t get trapped by it and think you’re stuck with it, search for other ways of looking at it which might lead to freedom from it.

The way out may be as simple as saying it out loud. Owning it. Claiming it with voice.

That’s the theme of this series, what connects all of my recent posts.

I’m challenging myself to say things which I might choose to keep quiet about.

Then I’m bracing myself for the consequences of doing that… and that’s where the healing happens because nothing happens other than me seeing that nothing happens so why did I think that it would?

The Moon via Aeclectic Tarot

The other day I read a post on one of my favourite astrology blogs – Elsa Elsa. The post isn’t about astrology (although it does mention the Moon), but about kindness.

Elsa, the main blogger of the blog (who has been blogging since long before the activity was easy to do, her blog is ancient in blog years) said that she was exploring the concept of kindness because she wanted to practice it more – she viewed herself as not doing it.

Here’s the post in its entirety, I usually only share excerpts of other people’s posts because that’s blogging etiquette, but I’m breaking that rule for this one:

““I want to learn to be kind,” I told my husband.

“Don’t break anything,” he answered.

This got me off to a humorous start, but I’m quite serious about what I’m doing.  I am on a quest in this regard. I’m studying kindness. It’s been thrilling, mind-boggling and best of all, it’s working.

A friend tell me that I am already kind. I’m not so sure. Generous, yes. Helpful, yes. Effective, yes. But kind? I don’t think so. I know some truly kind people and I’m not one of them. I admire them though, so I decided to try to cultivate this quality in myself.

As part of my study, I looked into the astrological ruler of “kindness”. It turns out to be the moon.  It makes sense this would be an undeveloped quality in me, considering I’m a Capricorn rising.  I’m disciplined and can be relied on to act with integrity but that’s not kindness! With the moon ruling my 7th house, this also explains how I can see this quality in others.

I’ve learned that “kindness” anticipates other’s needs and wishes. I do this at times but I want to do it more and I want to do it reliably.  I’m beginning to understand how the smallest kind word or action cannot only change a person’s day, it can change their life. It can save their life!  Is that not power?

I want this power to flow through me to help others. And if this means, I have to teach myself to be kind, then that’s what I’m going to do.

By the way, I was never taught to be kind.  It’s a real deficit and I’m going to fix it!

Are you kind?  Can you give us an example of what “kindness” looks like in your world?

The Moon Rules “Kindness” by Elsa of Elsa Elsa

Most of the people who follow Elsa’s blog think differently about her than she does about herself.

She’s very kind to her readers, to fans of astrology, she shares herself, her personal astrology (which a lot of astrologers don’t), her own journey through tough transits and what she’s discovered by going through them, and lots of astrological information, freely. Yes there are also paid services on offer.

It’s always intriguing to compare and contrast how others see us with how we view ourselves. How others experience us and how we experience ourselves.

I have Virgo rising and Virgo Moon. My natal Moon is in the 12th house – of hidden things. At the moment it’s being stimulated as transiting Mars, Venus pass over it. Stirring things which are normally hidden up.

My natal Virgo Moon is joined to my Ascendant – some astrologers interpret Moon conjunct Ascendant as wearing your heart on your sleeve, your emotions are visible to others even if you think they’re hidden, a few astrologers say it gives you psychic ability, other astrologers view it as your face is a mirror (since the Moon reflects the light from the Sun) and when people look at you they see themselves but think they’re seeing you.

I do get a lot of – Why are you looking at me like that? – Like what? I wonder since I was just gazing unfocused, looking at them because they were there, talking… wouldn’t it be rude if I didn’t look at them? When someone shares with me what that look they saw on my face meant, what they think I was thinking about them… I may end up very confused, but not for long since I remind myself it’s not me they’re seeing, and thank you for telling me what’s going on in your mind so I don’t have to mind-read.

I used to wish I could read minds… then the Internet came along and… be careful for what you wish comes to mind.

How it plays out depends on the sign of the Moon, the Asc (yep, I pronounce it that way too… heheh), on other influences (for instance my natal Mars aspects both my Asc and Moon. My Mars is in Scorpio – if I get stung I can sting, but I try not to do that since natal Venus in Pisces also aspects my Asc and Moon and it’s a very understanding, peaceful Venus – that side of me is often misunderstood, as in people take my kindness for weakness and I may end up agreeing with them about that in their case I should have hit them with my staff of Hermes), and of course on you.

There’s at least one post on my blog where I know that I’ve written about the confusion other people experience when perceiving me.

It confuses me too which is why I write and wrote about it. I get a clearer picture while writing, after having written.

The placement of Chiron in Pisces (joined with North Node in Aries in the 7th house) in my chart is one of those which accentuates the confusion. I can’t see how people see me because… I’m not supposed to, because if I could I might play to the audience and lose myself in the process.

There’s no might about it…

I have lost myself over and over again because of trying to be who I thought other people needed me to be for them, because I wanted to be liked, accepted, allowed to join their group, because it’s lonely outside on my own like a little match girl watching others play and party in the warmth inside while I freeze to death outside, because it’s exhausting, painful, to be constantly ejected, alienated, ostracised, and rejected, ignored, considered not one of us…

“Chiron in transit seeks to activate your emotional and energetic sensitivity, which will involve opening you to more vulnerability and, possibly, activate the childhood wound of rejection you likely still carry.

Before you realize that it’s about you and your own healing, you may notice others’ issues – pain, suffering, insecurities, inability or unwillingness to grow up, rejection fantasies, confusion over how to deal with their feelings, poor energetic and emotional boundaries, etc. – more, as well as more acutely. You might find others’ difficult experiences leave you feeling a bit stung, wondering if you need to close off from them (or just shut down in general) in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.

Chiron’s transit ask you to sensitize what it’s contacting in your chart. Your experience of this will depend upon several factors: The specific aspect (explained in the paragraph below), how comfortable you are with navigating hurt and other touchy emotions, how willing you are to take responsibility for what you feel and not wait for others to make you feel safe or save you from your pain, and if you’re committed to allowing your awareness of unhappy energies and emotions in others and in the world around you to unfold and deepen. Hint: You can be aware without absorbing! Learning this is critical to healthy energy/emotional management.

excerpt from Transits of Chiron by Tom Jacobs

Transiting Chiron is at the moment challenging my natal Uranus and Jupiter in an opposition, and also poking my North Node. I’m just moving away from my Chiron Return period.

So revisiting old wounds, old dynamics, scenarios is par for the course, and has been revealing, healing, liberating.

In the past, whenever I’ve lost myself to belong… it has eventually triggered my natal Uranus/Jupiter in Libra which also happen to be in league with my natal Pluto (Hades) in the 1st house.

What seemed like a heaven I wanted to enter, once entered… begins to look like a hell I want to leave. I feel trapped… I must break out, break free, break the bars of this gilded cage.

I was reminded of that process last night while reading an article – How Life Became an Endless, Terrible Competition by Daniel Markovits.

“A person who extracts income and status from his own human capital places himself, quite literally, at the disposal of others—he uses himself up. Elite students desperately fear failure and crave the conventional markers of success, even as they see through and publicly deride mere “gold stars” and “shiny things.” Elite workers, for their part, find it harder and harder to pursue genuine passions or gain meaning through their work. Meritocracy traps entire generations inside demeaning fears and inauthentic ambitions: always hungry but never finding, or even knowing, the right food.

The elite should not—they have no right to—expect sympathy from those who remain excluded from the privileges and benefits of high caste. But ignoring how oppressive meritocracy is for the rich is a mistake. The rich now dominate society not idly but effortfully. The familiar arguments that once defeated aristocratic inequality do not apply to an economic system based on rewarding effort and skill. The relentless work of the hundred-hour-a-week banker inoculates her against charges of unearned advantage. Better, then, to convince the rich that all their work isn’t actually paying off.

They may need less convincing than you might think. As the meritocracy trap closes in around elites, the rich themselves are turning against the prevailing system. Plaintive calls for work/life balance ring ever louder. Roughly two-thirds of elite workers say that they would decline a promotion if the new job demanded yet more of their energy. When he was the dean of Stanford Law School, Larry Kramer warned graduates that lawyers at top firms are caught in a seemingly endless cycle: Higher salaries require more billable hours to support them, and longer hours require yet higher salaries to justify them. Whose interests, he lamented, does this system serve? Does anyone really want it?

Escaping the meritocracy trap will not be easy. Elites naturally resist policies that threaten to undermine their advantages. But it is simply not possible to get rich off your own human capital without exploiting yourself and impoverishing your inner life, and meritocrats who hope to have their cake and eat it too deceive themselves. Building a society in which a good education and good jobs are available to a broader swath of people—so that reaching the very highest rungs of the ladder is simply less important—is the only way to ease the strains that now drive the elite to cling to their status.”

excerpt from How Life Became an Endless, Terrible Competition by Daniel Markovits

It’s a very long article, but it’s very worth reading it all – it’s actually adapted from a new book, The Meritocracy Trap by Daniel Markovits.

I very briefly got caught up in the edges of that trap, but I had an unusual ally which saved me from being sucked in deeper.

For most of my life I viewed that ally as an enemy. It wasn’t a person, it was a decision I made.

A decision which made me into an outcast.

A decision which everyone told me was a terrible decision, it was very very very wrong, and they seemed to be right… if what I wanted was to belong to and live in a certain societal version of heaven offered only to those who had what I had chosen not to have.

To have or to be?… ah, Erich Fromm! One of my favourite books.

I’ve hated myself for making that decision.

I saw it as the fork in the path where I chose the road less traveled and lived to regret it. The point where I chose to make my life harder for myself, why would I do that to myself?

It was the first thing which would pop into my mind when people asked – If you could go back in time and change one thing…? If you could give your younger self one piece of advice…?

I could have changed that decision in real time at any point… why didn’t I?

Was it because I was incredibly rebelliously stubborn aka stupid?

Was it because I was afraid to admit to myself that I’d made a mistake… or afraid to do what I had to do to rectify the mistake?

Was it because making that decision got me caught another trap and to reverse the decision I’d first have to get out of the trap the decision got me into and that wasn’t going to be easy because there was someone in my life who wanted to keep me forever trapped with them?

I dropped out of high school. Which means I didn’t go to college or university. I went to work instead.

I used to be open and honest about it. But over time the reactions people had to it ended up making me feel ashamed of myself – originally I’d been rather proud of myself because I knew why I’d made the decision. It basically saved my life to make the decision, but it ended up making me want to kill myself.

Eventually I kept quiet about it, because I was fed up of the reactions others had which were always the same, criticising and nagging, pointing out the flaw, fault, wrong… It was a broken record, a program stuck on a loop. The worst part of their reaction was that it was as though they’d been trained to have that reaction by someone else.

Keeping quiet about it was interesting… people tended to assume I’d been to college, quite a few people thought I’d been to Oxford. I have been to Oxford… I’ve had lunch there in a nice pub.

When I took one of those silly online tests which “guess your education level” it told me that I had a Ph.D. I don’t, of course.

When people do find out about it, usually because I tell them, and if they had this image of me as someone intelligent and thus I must have degrees… pop goes the image.

Sometimes they’ll be very disappointed in me about it.

Think less of me.

Look down on me.

It’s weird. I’m exactly the same person I was before I told them but suddenly I’m not, I’ve changed without actually changing.

A similar change in others happens when I tell them I have dyslexia… some people even start talking s l o w l y after they find out about the dyslexia.

Man is born as a freak of nature, being within nature and yet transcending it. He has to find principles of action and decision-making which replace the principles of instincts. He has to have a frame of orientation which permits him to organize a consistent picture of the world as a condition for consistent actions. He has to fight not only against the dangers of dying, starving, and being hurt, but also against another danger which is specifically human: that of becoming insane. In other words, he has to protect himself not only against the danger of losing his life but also against the danger of losing his mind.”

Erich Fromm

Those reactions often come from people who are certain they’ve reserved a place in heaven for themselves even if they’re atheists. Good people. Who view themselves as kind, considerate, thoughtful, empathic, moral, ethical, and so on.

Which they are until you offer them a challenge for which they were unprepared, you’re going off script, or to which they have a set reaction which is considered to be the socially correct one to have. They can continue to view themselves as good people while treating you badly, unkindly, inconsiderately, unempathically.

Did you read about that man in South Korea who has been arrested for murder – he turned himself in, the first time he turned himself in he was sent away from the police station because he was at the wrong one for the area where the murder had been committed… – when asked if he was sorry for having taken someone’s life, he said that he was a bad guy who killed another bad guy.

I have to admit I respect him for saying that instead of trying to stick with a narrative of him being a good person who did a bad thing which wasn’t his fault, it was the victim’s fault, etc.

People often claim to want authenticity… but then authenticity presents itself and they reject it because it’s not what they wanted.

Huxley vs Orwell by Stuart McMillan from Amusing Ourselves to Death

I wonder if your view of me will change now that you know that about me?

Do you know why I’m sharing… yes, the whole 12th house thingy, but… while I was writing this post my partner shared some momentarily mind-blowing news about someone we both know and have known for a long time.

They’re transitioning.

I think that’s great news.

It’s going to be hard for them, but it’s already been a lifetime of hard for them.

It’s going to be hard on the people around them, especially those who thought they knew everything about them, who relied on them for their own self-image, for stability, for security, and such, who will have to do their own version of a transition.

When someone close to us breaks free… we have to break free too from old training, patterns, ways of being.

Now they get to be who they truly are.

I was inspired by their news, by them.

This person is one of those people who has always accepted me as I am, and has always made me feel welcome on planet Earth.

It sometimes seems as though those sort of people are rare… are they rare?

Or is it that we don’t notice they’re there accepting us as we are because we’re noticing those who don’t accept us as we are, and are focused on trying to get those who don’t accept us to accept us?

Like when we focus on those who aren’t following us on social media or those who’ve unfollowed us… sort of taking for granted the ones who do follow us, and may have followed us from the beginning and are still with us.

Or is it that we look for them in the wrong places…

We’re looking at surface appearances, public image, facade and not looking beyond, below, behind what we see superficially…

This beautiful bitch… Persephone from The Atlantis DLC, Assassin’s Creed Odyssey

The title of this post is inspired by the story in the game which my partner and I have been playing, and where we are at in the story – we’ve just been kicked out of Elysium (heaven) into Hades (hell), which was our objective.

Frankly it’s a relief to be in hell after our stay in heaven.

Everyone in heaven was selfish, petty, mean, manipulative, power hungry, back-stabby, wounded and wounding others because of it, while wearing pretty clothes, lovely smiles and pretending to be perfect people.

Persephone was a total crazy bitch…. who thought she was the poor victim who deserved to make others suffer because their suffering was nothing compared to hers, besides she’s queen so there!

Persephone tried to kill us the moment we set foot in her queendom.

Hades on the other hand is a really reasonable, logical, welcoming guy… he was very understanding about the fact that we killed Cerberus (Persephone set this up to happen) and caused a big old problem.

Thanks to our deed all the worst souls in hell can escape hell and bring chaos to the living (not that there isn’t chaos already in the land of the living because of the living – The Spartans are fighting the Athenians and in the latest DLC the Persians have arrived to fight Spartans and Athenians).

Hades asked us to help out, fix the problem we caused… sounds like a rational and fair request.

The people in hell, thus far, even the nasty ones we’ve encountered, are far nicer and kinder than the people were in heaven.

I’m guessing this is done deliberately by the creators of the game… they have a rather wickedly twisted sense of human… I mean humour. That was a dyslexia typo… typos are awesome sometimes and so is dyslexia.

That’s a very long it from me…

I’m handing the controller to you now, it’s your turn to play and have your say!

Long comments are totally welcome here, as are comments which have nothing to do with anything I’ve said in the post. It doesn’t really matter if you read the post or not… what matters is being yourself as you are… but only you can make that decision for yourself.

Both dreams and myths are important communications from ourselves to ourselves. If we do not understand the language in which they are written, we miss a great deal of what we know and tell ourselves in those hours when we are not busy manipulating the outside world. “

Erich Fromm


  1. I am loving the synchronicities! Once again I typed a comment before reading a post and saw
    “gold stars” and “shiny things.”

    This is going to have a part 2 later, i want to check out the links.

    I graduated from high school but nothing beyond. I’ve gotten some of the same reactions. It seems I should hang my head in shame at the “wasted potential”. Nope!
    I can learn what I want to learn without major debt and someone else’s “plan”.

    Two questions then part one is done.

    #1 when you mimed putting your guts back in, did you do it neatly or just shove them in?

    #2 when you sewed it back up, was it neat stitching or a minimum to keep it closed?



    • Haha! Love the questions 😀 After I’d finished my partner asked me if I’d made sure to put everything back in and hadn’t left anything out.

      I just shoved everything back in and let it sort itself out inside. I didn’t have my glasses on so the sewing was slapdash, I stabbed my finger with the needle a few times and managed to sew my clothing to my skin 😉

      That’s an excellent point about the debt and someone else’s plan.

      I think part of the reaction people have comes down to what path they followed and how they truly feel about that path. If they took what is considered the correct path, and they are living their life according to someone else’s plan, controlled by debt – financial and the debt you owe to parents and others who made sacrifices so that you could have what they didn’t, the ambitions of others, then when you encounter someone who didn’t take that path, it can make you angry at them and angry at yourself.

      Sometimes when I got that reaction I could tell it was less about me and more about them. They had done “the right thing”, done what was expected of them, and it made them unhappy inside. I was sort of a symbol for the path they hadn’t taken which maybe they’d wanted to take, but they took the other path. So they weren’t really talking to me but to the part of them which maybe whispered inside about personal dreams which had to be sacrificed and they were telling that inner voice to shut up.

      It’s a bit like when you’re eating a piece of pie with cream in front of someone who is on a diet, so they lecture you about your unhealthy eating habits, tell you how many calories you’re consuming, how it’ll affect your insides, ruin your future body, and then tell you how happy they are that they don’t eat shit like that anymore (while their eyes tell a different story).

      Liked by 1 person

      • I love your answers! I was hoping that if you were gonna do the whole guts falling out that you’d made a good “show” of it! Being “overly dramatic” as I was often accused of being, has a kind of power too. It a great big middle finger that doesnt really give the other person a comeback except that you’re being overly dramatic. Plus you get to vent your feelings in a BIG way. That was my experience anyway.

        Yep. People projecting *their* disappointments or whatever into a “it’s for your own good”…even when I KNOW 100% that it’s just me being their mirror and it’s not really about me at all it’s still sometimes difficult to step back and be objective. Baggage, baggage, baggage.

        I had a thought recently that I’ll probably always be carrying baggage, but at least now it’s more duffle bag than steamer trunk. Maybe some day it’ll be a cute little beaded and sequined clutch.👛😉


        • Thank you, Angie 😀

          My partner and I often play-act out issues. In other words if one of us feels hurt by the other not being thoughtful or sensitive, etc, rather than stew over it and work ourselves up into a pissy mood, sulk, stay stoically silently, snipe at the each other, or do the tit-for-tat passive-aggressive thing, we dramatise it. Like I did with the guts spilling out mime. It usually ends up with both of us laughing whatever was bothering us out of our system.

          Sometimes we’ll play-act killing each other like in that episode of the TV series Spaced where they’re shooting each other child-play style – https://youtu.be/W2tLKjeOstg – only we use love bullets 😉

          I can’t remember when we started doing that. I think it began when we introduced “pink elephants” into the conversation – if one of us is talking and thinks the other person isn’t listening, then you work “pink elephants” into the conversation, replace a word with it. It’s a way to defuse with humour the whole – you weren’t listening to me and now I’m hurt scenario. Your point is made without it needing to become a huge issue which rolls on and on, snowballing.

          We all tend to use each other as mirrors, that’s a major part of why we’re drawn to have relationships rather than all of us avoiding each other, we need the mirror part of interactions to see ourselves because we can’t fully see ourselves without it. The hardest part is seeing that we’re looking in a mirror, it’s easier to see it when others are doing it to us or someone else, much trickier to see it when we’re doing it.

          I think our baggage is part of why we’re here, or what we’re doing while here, as our baggage is often not just ours, so when we sort through it and can let some of it go, we’re not just doing that for ourselves. I’m aiming at pocket-sized baggage because anything which isn’t attached to me gets left in the back of a cab 😉


  2. Awesome post, the hardest thing we ever strive to become is who we are. I too have played the shame game, there was great wailing and gnashing of teeth when I declined a full scholarship at USC! I was the ultimate wasted potential. Never regretted it, never looked back. I have PhD in the school of hard knocks and I’m cool with it. Hell’s bell’s, I’ve forgotten more about most subjects than most people will ever know. Hey, bury me upside down 😉


    • Thank you very much, JP 🙂

      The “wasted potential” point is such an odd one when you think about it. It’s the golden carrot to chase after… right over a cliff. People use it as though it’s the point which wins the argument for them, and once they’ve said it about you, that you’re wasting your potential, you have to bow down and do whatever it is they’ve told you to do. The potential they’re usually talking about is their hopes, dreams, wishes, etc, and not yours.

      A couple of times I was offered opportunities which brought me face-to-face with my “potential for evil” and I wasted that potential 😉


  3. There’s a saying (who said it and the context escape me currently, but it’s migraine city up in here, so any comment at all has to be good enough) about if the ‘best’ people are in heaven, then I wanna go to hell. Me? My own view of the here-after is vastly different from what most religions (including my own) teach it is. Humans don’t have a freakin’ clue either way, in my opinion, because to my knowledge nobody has come back to tell us definitively what is going on ‘over there’ or if it exists at all. I’m a bit shocked that anyone is judgy about you not graduating (formally) from high school. So the $#!@ what? was my reaction. Hubby didn’t graduate either, he got his GED while in the Army. And some of the most educated (with paper and letters after their names and all that) are the stupidest with regard to common sense or compassion. I’ve worked with all sorts and learned that over the years. Myself? I have an Associates Degree in Graphic Design and it’s about worth the paper it’s printed on. It’s never done me any great favors vis a vis a grand and lucrative career. And I barely graduated high school. Had 1/2 credit to the good. Like you, I dropped out in the last part of my Junior year and had the notion that I’d be able to get a great job and become independent. I really wanted out of my parents’ home. Fortunately that was one time I listened to my parents and finished the schooling. But it ain’t no big thing. These days high school diploma= nothing at all. One has a bit of paper. I don’t think (from observing young people I know) that they teach about life and reality any better than they did in my day or in yours. Schools are still missing that bit and that bit is the most important thing they could teach. To me anyway. Great post Ursula!


    • Thank you very much, Melanie 🙂

      That’s a good point about no one having come back after they’ve died. There are the near-death-experience stories, and past life recall stories, which are fascinating and do make you go hmmm… It’s interesting to explore all the theories, religious and otherwise, about the after-death. It’s also interesting to observe which one people pick as their favourite and why, and which one appeals to us personally and why.

      I think part of the challenge of life is not knowing what comes next. And not really knowing whether we have an influence or not on what comes next. Sometimes it seems like we do and other times it seems like no matter what we do or don’t do certain things are going to happen and others won’t.

      Humans are always trying to find formulas to control this and that, to know for certain. But for every certainty one person finds, another person finds an equal and opposite certainty, and then they argue about whose certainty is the certain one.

      There have been a few consistent themes in my rather inconsistent life, and being judged by others is one of them. I can do exactly what someone else does and I’ll get judged for it while the other person may get a pass or praise for it. When they do XYZ they succeed, but when I do XYZ I fail. It used to drive me nuts. It seemed so unfair. But life doesn’t have to be fair, and maybe it is being fair when it’s being unfair. Being constantly judged no matter what, made me more self-reliant when it comes to matters pertaining to identity… and that too gets judged 😉 The worst kind of judgment though is self-judgment because you don’t notice it and its rippling effect the way you notice the judgment coming from others.


  4. Another interesting post Ursula.

    A lot of people in my past have thought l went here or there with regards my schooling and education and further believed that l had qualifications bursting out of my ears. I don’t. I struggled at school because l was bored in many of the subjects – l studied hard only for the subjects that l really loved and didn’t bother with the others. I had wanted to be a vet , but didn’t make the grades. But more importantly l just wanted to be out of the grips of my father and so finding work was my first priority.

    I had run a couple of side line businesses when at school to have extra pocket money and independence from his wallet, but it also allowed me to take two years at college funded by my own efforts. I trained to be a chef and l left as a qualified chef, l wasn’t a brilliant chef, but l had only studied kitchen management to get into management which l did and then did very little ‘cheffing’ when employed as a manager.

    All the other learnings l have were home study courses or work based courses and then crafted with experience from the field l was working in. I have lots of diplomas and certifications on many topics and subjects that mean very little to a professional, but l have learned a lot more from the ground up by working and gaining experience.

    In truth most of the careers l have held down l wasn’t really happy with until l started my brokerage business with exotic livestock and this got me back to my original career dream – that was by far the best career/job/hobby and past time l have had to date, nothing else compares to it … l got there without qualifications of any sort that were specific to that subject.

    I t can take a very long, long and long time to find who you are and what pleases you and what doesn’t, some people find their true vocations easily and others are always searching.

    I have never had anyone treat me differently to the question of my qualifications or lack of them, but then in truth it is not something l tend to bring up. For most of my working life l have worked for myself and l don’t need to raise that question. Although the only thing remotely similiar whilst not being remotely similiar at all is for some bizarre reason, people always expect me to be taller.


    • Thank you, Rory, and for sharing your story 🙂

      Ha! Now that you mention it, I think of you as being tall 😀 and would probably expect you to be taller than I am, as I’m of average height. That’s the sort of thing which famous people experience quite a bit due to people not always looking like they do in pictures, although the few famous people I’ve met were exactly as I imagined them to be physically. I guess everyone experiences that now due to how visual we’ve become thanks to the internet.

      I think perhaps because I’m female, people, especially other females, feel that they can say things to me which they wouldn’t say or would be more hesitant to say to a male. They feel that they can cop an attitude which they might hide otherwise since females apparently are okay with being told what’s wrong with them, what they should be doing with their lives, etc, whereas a male might bash you with a club if you did that with them 😉 There are certain social behaviours which change based on your gender.

      Most of my experiences with being treated differently and getting lectured due to not having gone to college, etc, happened when I was in the USA. In just regular social gatherings or meetings which had nothing to do with business, one of the first questions people would ask in the US was about your education. When I asked someone why they did that, I was told that it’s because people want to know if you’re one of them, better than them, worth knowing and thus networking with, or not worth knowing thus not worth their effort to get to know you. It’s intriguing to observe the process once you know what’s going on and why. But it does create a certain amount of stagnation with people only wanting to be with others like them.

      Actually when I first started blogging, I noticed a similar process happening. It was a bit more clear cut, and was mostly based on what niche your blog was in. Things are a bit different now because the blogosphere has changed, it doesn’t feel so crowded like it used to, less jostling for position, less choosing team captains and teammates – Remember that in school. I invariably got picked last because no one knew what to make of me. I think platforms like Instagram have more of that going on than WP, WP has changed a lot in the last few years. Although lately I’ve noticed a lot of the bloggers I follow who have been silent for a long time have taken to blogging again.

      One of the things I’ve found is that the way people treat you changes when you change how you view yourself, because how you view yourself affects how you treat yourself and allow yourself to be treated. Women usually have a more challenging time with it than men it seems, or at least women tend to discuss it more openly. Usually the change has to be a natural one, rather than a forced attempt to change somethign which isn’t quite ready to be changed naturally 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes l think you are right, when your confidence is higher people tend to steer clear of more invasive questioning. I know when l was in my thirties l used to get asked a lot if l had children, or if l was married, what job l had – but it always came back to asking about kids and why l wasn’t married, why l didn’t have a house and why on earth l didn’t have kids?? I just couldn’t be bothered to go down the path of explaining all of those answers and simply replied with ‘it wasn’t their concern, so why concern themselves with it?’

    Of course women l feel get asked the children’s question more especially if they are in their thirties/forties and chasing a career and they looked at as if it is sinful, and yet l am often confused by the questions people ask of others and then judge and react on their answers.

    It’s strange l have heard that before about the Americans and the status network social thing and whether you are influential enough to know or not’, funny old world we live in. But l do agree with you, l think women get asked all sorts of expectation questions and treated differently and that still confuses me and more so when l think of the age we are at in so far as equality and diversity and STILL we have the sectors who funtion in Victoriana times.

    I am only five 9′ which l think is the most average height for men these days. It always baffled me why sometimes literally l would meet people and the first statement was “Right, mm, l thought you would be taller! But you are no different to me!?” Which makes me laugh even now how people sometimes say after speaking to you on the phone, “You sounded taller ha ha”


    • You are taller than I am 🙂

      I think some of the questions which people ask are based on their conversationalist interests.

      People with children like to talk about their children and the experience of being a parent because that is a big part of their lives, so they’ll ask if you have children as an opener and if you do then you have something in common which you can then discuss.

      Same with being married. If they’re married or have been married, and you are or have been too, you have something in common to talk about.

      It’s a shared experience social bonding. For instance you have a dog, so you might ask others if they have a dog. When you meet someone who does have a dog, you can both discuss dogs and being a dog owner, and your love for your dog, etc.

      Then there are those who’ll ask why you haven’t done something they’ve done because maybe they’ve wondered what their life would be like had they not done it. If they made a life choice based on social and peer pressure, but you didn’t, then they might be curious as to how you didn’t give in to pressure from others.

      Some people ask others questions which they want others to ask of them.

      Some people are simply super curious and just love to ask others lots of questions, they’re interested in people and want to know more and more about them.

      Other people will ask lots of questions but not due to curiosity or interest in others. They may or may not listen to the answers, if they do listen it’s to hear something they intend to use for their own benefit. Those sort of people hate it when you ask them the same questions they ask of others.

      It’s fascinating to explore the how, why and what of the questions people ask of others.

      I’ve only been asked about whether I have children a couple of times and it was part of the conversation, in context. Most people don’t ask me about it. I’ve been told that I’m rather intimidating and people tend to wait for me to share information rather than go fishing for it themselves.

      As I’ve gotten older I’ve been less inclined to engage in small talk and other social rituals, niceties, I tend to just keep quiet, I prefer to listen and observe, until I have something to say which I’m actually interested in saying. Basically I’m a typical Introvert. I do that online and offline 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think you are spot on in your assessments of the reasons people ask questions. I don’t mind what people ask me these days, but there was a time twenty odd years ago, that l didn’t want certain questions asked of me with regards certain topics as they were just asking raw nerves all the time and after a while it was easier to close down to certain topics and subjects.

        As l have gotten older l tend to be more relaxed about the social aspect – l am more social as l have said here online than l am in real life, but that is only down to circumstance and not actually doing any kind of socialising these days. I don’t need lots of crowd of people to function, and people online are easier to manage than being in a crowded place out in the open air – and yet l have found since and dare l say it, but since my father’s death l have had a strange release of sorts. I don’t think l ever truly realised the hold he had over my life till he was gone from it.


        • One of the benefits of socialising online is that you can do it while alone, so you’re sort with people but also by yourself 🙂

          That’s an excellent observation about the release and not noticing the hold people have over us until they’re no longer there. You get so used to certain dynamics, it’s only when they’re not happening that you see just how strong an influence they were. A death of a parent, whether you were close or not, in contact or not, takes a while to process. It hits you in waves, and each wave shows you something else.

          Liked by 1 person

          • You are right about the waves Ursula – l have noticed several of those since October of last year – l have not grieved for the man, l doubt l will ever shed more than the single tear – but l have noticed many things about him. I am working with his words each and every day and learning about him through the pages.

            Liked by 1 person

  6. As usual, lots of depth to get me thinking. First of all, I finished high school, went to college for a semester and quit. I’m not ashamed of it. Don’t care what people think and don’t believe that getting a “book and professor-led education” makes someone smart. To me, NOT going to college forced me to be a free-thinker, beyond what education or society tells me to think. I love your deep, free thinking. Do you think that you would’ve been as deep a thinker as you are now had you went through more years of schooling?

    Secondly, if I’m being honest, there are things people have told me about themselves that I didn’t know, and it made me think differently about them at first. Once I had time to digest the news about the new revelation, I found it enlightening. It explained things I may not have understood before and eventually helped the relationships.

    Third, I love this sentence right here. “People often claim to want authenticity… but then authenticity presents itself and they reject it because it’s not what they wanted.” So true.

    I do notice that you write from your stream of consciousness and it gets difficult to follow, but I love how you see things from all sides. That’s a Libra trait that I have, except I need things orderly. I’ve been called “rigid” with how organized I need my life to be, another Libra trait. I seriously can’t help it and literally can have a panic attack if something goes out of whack from a normal routine. Yet I need change in my life, but it has to be controlled change. I used to beat myself up for this “rigid” way, but I’ve come to accept that it is what it is.

    The Universe needs both kinds of people…the spontaneous and scattered and the organized and rigid. As a true Libra, I realize that’s how things get balanced out. 😉


    • Thank you very much, Lori 🙂

      It sounds like you could have Mercury in Virgo. Which is an excellent placement for Mercury since it is at home, and works well with Libra Sun. An eye for detail and the need for it to be in harmony, a good combo.

      I do appear to go all over the place when I write, sometimes that’s because that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t expect anyone to follow the flow of it, when people do I’m always a bit amazed because sometimes even I can’t follow my own writing even if I know the focus underneath it. I tend to free flow write and then see what stands out for me personally later, after the storm of writing. What did I say, why did I say it, hmmm… what’s that all about, maybe I need to explore that angle more, etc.

      I love some of the points you’ve made… I need to deep think on them. And that question… I don’t know, I’ll have to ask alt.me in alt.world who went the way I didn’t go. I think maybe if I’d stuck it out, got my degrees, I’d have not wanted and not been inspired to think as much as I think but I don’t know for sure. I reckon I’d have just rebelled later and then gone into deep thought. Some things happen sooner or later.

      I love how your spirit moves!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Ursula. I should’ve said that going to further education doesn’t necessarily make someone smart. I didn’t mean to downplay education. I know it works for many, but why does it have to be for everyone?

        I think you’re right that you probably would’ve searched deep eventually, maybe after school. Which means it would’ve taken longer to get where you are today. These days, universities can influence young people to think in one direction, and you don’t do that. You question everything. I love that. That may have even gotten you into trouble with professors if you did continue school. I know for certain it would’ve gotten me into trouble. I got into trouble plenty for questioning everything my cathechism teacher taught me when I was but a wee child.


        • It didn’t sound like you were downplaying education, you were simply sharing your personal experience and perspective. You’re doing that thing which anyone who has been around narcissists (or on the social media side of the internet) for too long does – looking for where someone is going to find fault with what you’ve said. I do that too.

          I had an amusing experience a while ago with one of my posts. As I wrote it I thought “I’d better say this, add this extra bit, because if I don’t someone is going to call me out on it”. Someone who read my post, the first time they read it they missed that bit and wanted to call me out on what I hadn’t said, correct my error, but when they re-read the post they saw that I had said it. I know that because they told me all of that in a comment, it was really cool to get the whole story.

          One of the benefits I’ve gotten from blogging is that I’ve learned not to be so worried about blurting stuff out. I don’t need to dot all i’s and cross all t’s, cover all the bases and circle the wagons. Most people aren’t looking to find fault with what you say, they’re looking for the parts they can relate to. It’s weird but the more you just blurt stuff out and don’t worry about it, the more you attract cool people to chat with. 🙂

          I do question everything… it took me a while to realise that the tendency to questioning everything also needs to be questioned 😉

          Liked by 1 person

          • It’s so true about thinking someone will find fault. I worried about offending someone who has had further education. It seems everyone gets offended these days for something, especially on social media.

            I like that you were able to call the person out, who called you out, on something you actually didn’t forget to add.

            I’m not as concerned as I used to be when I first started blogging about what I say. I used to re-read every comment 3 or 4 times before clicking ‘send.’ Now I just write and click send. With my blog posts, I try to make sure they are written properly (check for grammar & typos), mostly because of being an author who needs to show good grammar if I want anyone to read my books. 😉


            • The internet, especially social media, is a great way to work through issues and such. You get to see things you may miss in offline interactions, particularly as online you can return and review the interaction, re-read what was said, get different perspectives of it. Being online has helped me to be more spontaneous both online and offline, which is far more fun 😀

              Liked by 1 person

  7. In my humble opinion you are educated, Ursula. 🙂 I don’t believe that one needs degrees or diplomas in order to be “educated.” I do have degrees and a lot of other qualifications, and I am a big advocate of education, but I don’t believe it necessarily comes in the form of pre-fabbed semesters followed by caps, gowns and pieces of paper. Education is what you make of it and what you put into it. I knew of people in my uni years who learned nothing but still walked out with degrees.

    I am glad for your friend. That’s a very difficult decision to make and one that will no doubt cause lots of consternation from some. Yes, we inhabit boxes that we have helped our friends and families to build, and the idea of escaping, well! There goes the neighbourhood! Get in your box, the one I recognise, and stay in there too because if you get out of your box it’s not fair to me because I’m still in my box where I belong.
    Your educational background places you outside your box, Ursula. So scary for lots of people.


    • Thank you very much, Lynette 🙂

      I agree, education is important. It’s so satisfying to learn how to do something when you didn’t know how to do it before. To know something you didn’t know before. To explore the vast world of information, history, geography, science, thought, etc. I’m a voracious reader driven by intense curiosity. I think not finishing my formal education made me more ambitious to learn and keep learning. A lot of it goes right through me and doesn’t stick which is rather frustrating, but it’s interesting to see what stays and what goes 😉 Besides I quite enjoy re-learning something later on because there’s often new information which has been added, changes made, or stuff I missed the first time, second time, third time around.

      I used to crush myself with the thought that everyone else was leaps and bounds ahead of me, more knowledgeable, more qualified, etc, but now I’m a bit more balanced in the way I view things. There are pros and cons whichever way a person goes. We’re all intelligent, we all know things, we all have something to offer others, we all have areas where there’s a space, a blank, which needs to be there.

      Perhaps those who went to uni who learned nothing but still walked out with degrees were following a path which wasn’t of their choosing, they were doing what they had been told they should do. Maybe they were studying what they were not passionate about rather than studying what they were passionate about.

      I saw an intriguing film which played with that concept. It’s called 3 Idiots ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/3_Idiots ). It’s an Indian film which takes place in a college. Each character is there for a different reason. One guy is a natural genius in the subject, he’s there because he’s passionate about the subject. Another guy is there because his father decided when he was born that this is the path the son would take – but it’s not at all the path he wants for himself, so he struggles with the subject. A third guy is the first one in his family to go to university, he’s not completely passionate about the subject but he is passionate about the path he is on and what it means for him and his family. Then there’s this guy who is obsessed with making money and having an important status in society, getting into this college and getting a degree from it will put him on track to getting money and status. One of the messages of the film was – make learning fun for yourself when you’re learning and for others when you’re teaching.

      Being outside of the box scares me too, but being inside the box always scared me more 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Your mind is brilliantly wired, with or without a degree, you still glow 😉

    I’m still having my black moods atm, it’s gloomier becos it’s the seventh month lol feeling drained by my moods. Immersed in a Chinese fantasy action drama, L.O.R.D. Critical World and just finished the last episode, hopefully after another night of rest, the moods will wear off. And since tomorrow is the last day of the ghost month.


    • Thank you very much, Rev 🙂

      Transiting Saturn Rx is conjunct your natal Moon. That transit tends to coincide with gloomy moods. When I had that transit I went through a gloomy mood period which felt like the end of the world emotionally. I thought love was dead. It lifted once I let go of old illusions about love which were keeping me stuck in the past, which was making seeing the love in the present difficult. Love wasn’t dead. My concept of what love is had to grow up, become mature, be the same age as I was. Saturn transits take you through a maturing process, growing pains. It feels awful as it helps you to release yourself from what is restricting you from being yourself as you are here and now. It feels better once past you lets present you go and grow.

      My Sun (ego/creative self) is going through that now with t-Saturn Rx. Old concepts of self created by past me have to go.

      You’ll be fine, you’re made of powerful star stuff, the star stuff within goes through pressurised periods to rebirth itself 🙂 You too are brilliantly wired and glow! If you can see it in me, then it’s in you too because what we see in others is ourselves reflected back at us.


      • Thank you, Ursula! 😉

        It’s not just the star stuff; it’s the osmosis of star stuff and dark matter. You knew I’ll be fine. Even in a destructive mode, we take care of ourselves, otherwise it will be a hard time during revival.

        Hmm… I have questions for you,

        A: What is one word you would use to describe your view of the world, or a word with the nearest meaning to it for you?

        B: One word to describe your life thus far, or a word that nearest to it your interpretation.

        I just came out from caving, and these popped in my head—brilliantly hayed wired mind 😀

        I have answer for A, considering the other now.

        What do you say?


        • Cool, Rev 🙂 That’s a great point about taking care of ourselves even in destructive mode, sometimes destructive mode is the self-care.

          Hmmm… I’ve never been good at the “one word” game, that’s why my posts are so long 😉 but I’ll give it a go anyway. Just because I’m not good at something doesn’t mean I don’t do it or try to do it… although sometimes it’s better not to do it.

          A: Atoms

          B: Undo

          Your turn 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          • Haha 😀 Atoms… I like that answer.

            A: Karma

            B: Wonder

            Life – to live is a wonderful experience, and I’m still wondering what’s the meaning in mine? 😉

            Liked by 1 person

      • Btw, love never is dead to me, only that it evades me in this lifetime.

        Often I wonder what happened in my past life that brought forth my karma? My karma is I can never be with the one I truly love. Haha I should’ve been a fucking jerk in another life….


Comments are closed.