Putty In Our Eyes

Let’s start again shall we… just talking to my selves.

I started writing a post this morning when I thought I had some time to do that, but then I got interrupted which led to lots of busy stuff elsewhere, and when I finally came back to the post many hours later I thought – I’ll delete it and start again… I didn’t really like it anyway.

My ex-post is dead now so it can’t be hurt by that… or can it?

The deleted post had the same title as this and I’ll probably discuss in this post some of what I discussed in that one because it’s what’s on my mind, what I’m chatting about with myself… but it’ll be different, hopefully I’ll like it this time.

So… where shall we start?

Do you find it annoying or not annoying when someone asks you about your beliefs?

I find it annoying.

It’s particularly annoying when the person asking isn’t doing it because they’re genuinely interested in your beliefs, they simply want you to put your heart on a table so they can stab it and tell you how your beliefs are wrong according to them.

It’s even more annoying when they don’t share their beliefs with you beforehand or at all because… well, they don’t want you doing to them and their beliefs what they’re going to do to you and your beliefs.

People who like to ask others on a regular basis about their beliefs or what they believe… strike me as people who are having belief and believing issues of their own.

Atheists seem to compulsively need to discuss belief with others, especially those others who belief differently from them… why? If you believe in nothing, then just chill, nothing is happy you believe in it and is hoping you’ll accept it with a smile when your time on Earth is up. Why must you keep discussing God when according to you and your belief system this is a unicorn… I don’t believe in unicorns (and yes, unicorns I know you believe in me…) and don’t talk that much about them with others unless they bring them up and then I’m like… whatever (typical Gen-X-er).

If you think about it… we tend to ask questions more often about things we’re unsure about than about things we’re sure about – we keep needing to check, double-check, triple-check with everyone else about such and such. But when we’re certain… why ask anyone anything about it because you’ve totally got this!

If you’re at home and comfortable in your beliefs… the different beliefs of others don’t bother you. They have their beliefs and you have yours… everyone’s okey-dokey with their system. Smile.

Okay some belief systems require fighting the belief systems of others… the humaniverse loves drama, drama, DRAMA!

What I really find annoying is the word and concept of “belief”… I prefer it when people ask me what I “think” or how I “feel” about something.

I don’t really believe anything.

I don’t really believe anything anyone tells me…

I came across this while I was rummaging through my WP media archives and it struck a chord, made me go hmmm… tied in with something I was contemplating.

I don’t even believe what I see… because what I see changes based on how I’m looking at it, when I’m looking at it, why I’m looking at it.

It changes based on my thoughts and my feelings of the moment, the lighting, the time of day, whether I’m wearing glasses, what I’m focused or unfocused on… and what’s annoying me.

For instance I’m not bothered by flies unless they’re bothering me… there’s a tiny one being a nuisance right now as I write this… there was a tiny one being a nuisance. Dammit, I just cleaned the windows and the blinds!

Now there’s a big one buzzing around me. I just waved my arms around a bit and it went to another room so problem solved.

While I prefer it when people ask me what I “think” or “feel” about something or someone… I do worry a bit about my perspective influencing the person who asked. It surprises me in an awkward manner when something I say alters someone’s perception… why?

I do know why… or do I?

It bothers me when I allow others to influence my perception, but not always. It depends… it always depends on a case by case context.

Yesterday Angie asked me what my opinion was with regards to the Enneagram.

Something bugged me about my reply…

So this morning I did a search or two or three and… then I found this great post which summed up how I felt and thought about the Enneagram:

“Originally the Enneagram was taught by secret oral tradition.  At first it was used for spiritual development.  More recently it has “gone public” with numerous books, workshops, and applications.  Is this a lasting important Typology, or is it merely the Typology of the moment?  In some ways people who use the Enneagram are similar to those who developed MBTI. There is lots of enthusiasm, new applications are being developed, new publications are being offered, and  the first international conference was held in 1995, with over 1000 participants.  In other ways it is very different.

Why do we need another typology system, particularly one built on a system of 9 types?  The hypothesis which seems to fit the two systems is that each system measures a different part of our mental apparatus which Jung calls the psyche.  MBTI appears to be concerned with the conscious, cognitive part of the psyche, while the Enneagram is focused on unconscious, motivating forces in the depths of the psyche, perhaps associated with its archetypal structure.  The two systems come at the psyche in two contrasting ways.

The MBTI starts with the assumption that there are four sets of fundamental choices, E/I, S/N, T/F, J/P, each of which are equally good.  The description for each of the 16 types is presented in mostly a positive light.  There is an emphasis on goodness–different styles and patterns, but  the overall focus is on positive attributes.  Only after one has learned the basic system, does one’s attention go to the negative attributes of a personality, for example, when one is in the grip of the inferior function.

The early teachers of the Enneagram started with a consideration of negative behavior.  In fact some related the different styles to the “Seven Deadly Sins” of the Christian tradition plus two additional “Sins” of Deceit and Fear.  The learner may be asked to choose what is their chief fault, which lies at the basis of their life script.  In Jungian terms, it is as though how we structure our Shadow archetype describes the underlying motives of our life.  Enneatype descriptions can range from extremely healthy (noble or altruistic) to extremely unhealthy (psychotic).”

excerpt from MBTI and Enneagram – Their Relationship and Complementary Use by By Tom Flautt & John Richards

If you’re into the Enneagram and are wondering what type I am… I’m the type voted most likely to question the Enneagram – Type 5w6 (type 5 is associated with my MBTI – INTP, the type most likely to question the MBTI too).

Both describe my type in their own way fairly accurately, but… if you consider that there are 16 MBTI and 9 Enneagram types for billions of people, and while each person may have similarities with others they also have differences, are unique individuals with quirks, gifts, abilities, which are theirs and theirs alone… it’s going to be a limited accuracy.

I like astrology partly because it factors in billions of people born under a sign, variables, allows for uniqueness, individuality, and a personal spin on a placement which others also have… but you do have to delve into the subject otherwise you’ll only have 12 personality types and their stereotypes with which to work with and crowbar yourself into before you decide it’s all bullshit because your sign sucks and you don’t.

Both the Enneargam and the MBTI view my type in their systems as being inept when it comes to feelings and emotion.

When I was younger that would have been more accurate, but only because the people in my immediate environment as a child, pre-teen, teen and young adult, regularly made me feel that my emotions were something I shouldn’t have and encouraged me to hide them, detach from them, discard them as useless, unimportant, irrelevant, become a mind without heart – at least not a genuine heart, fake hearts which please others the way others want those hearts to please them are a must!

I allowed other people to influence me with their thoughts, feelings, opinions, beliefs… and I damaged myself in the process, by doing things like cutting myself off from my emotions for their benefit because mostly I wasn’t allowed to feel anything only they were allowed to feel – my emotions were competition for their emotions, and since they were the “experts” and I was the “amateur”, I had to cede to them.

I don’t want people to experience me the way I experienced those others… which is why I worry about my influence on others.

But I don’t want to control others, so if they choose to be influenced by me, then that’s up to them.

Yeah… I realise… human shit is complicated.

While I was on the site which contained that post about the Enneagram & MBTI mash-up, I decided to check out what else was there…

And came across this:

“A recent event gave me pause – and scared me. As I was about to apply my dog’s monthly flea and tick medication, I noticed the black fur between her shoulder blades (where I always apply the medication) had the white residue this medication leaves. Had I already given it to her? When? I had no memory of this! I dug through a gloppy mess of chicken bones and other assorted unpleasantness in the trash can, only to find the empty tube that confirmed I had indeed given her the medication. Where was my attention, that I didn’t remember this act? What if I hadn’t noticed her fur and overdosed her by giving it to her a second time?

I have a regular practice of being mindful throughout my day, so this was disappointing to say the least, not to mention quite disconcerting. And I’ve been noticing lately there seems to be something missing in my mindfulness practice, or perhaps more accurately, something is present that blocks some of my experience. When I’m unloading the dishwasher, I look for ways to finish the task as efficiently as possible to move on to something I prefer doing. I rush through chopping vegetables, cooking dinner, and cleaning up, because there is always more work to do.   It seems I’m aware of what I’m doing, yet also not fully wanting to be where I am. I’m often not enjoying the experience. Is this really mindfulness? Am I fully present in those times?

I find myself procrastinating as well. I procrastinated organizing my overstuffed and chaotic closets for the last two years because it seems boring and somewhat overwhelming to go through all the stuff. When I finally did clean out my office closet, I was amazed at how much calmer and more focused I felt when working in that room. I commented on Facebook about these insights, and many others also commented that it makes a big difference to them as well.
And then this comment changed my whole mindset about mindfulness:

“We are so busy busy busy and taking time to organize/clean up/rearrange is a time for me to slow     down and take a moment to love my surroundings. Taking time to make the bed in the morning, pull back the curtains, clean all the surfaces….if I’m doing it mindfully, it becomes a nurturing activity for myself and for my environment.”  – Julie Lessard“

excerpt from The Facebook Comment that Completely Changed My Mindfulness Practice By Beth O’Hara

It’s a great post…

It’s one of those posts I love being able to read because it’s like visiting an alternate reality.

While I could relate to a few experiences the author mentioned having – like completely forgetting you’ve done something and trying to do it again only to… ruh-roh, and finding certain household chores tedious so you avoid doing them – I couldn’t really relate to their approach and perspective.

I find “mindfulness” annoying.

That might be because I’m an INTP and Enneagram type 5 – being aware of what you’re doing, saying, thinking, feeling, etc, at all times is part of those types’ normal.

Thus the concept of mindfulness = same as usual, what our types always do… INTP’s and Type 5’s love a bit of mindlessness. It’s a break from routine… ah, to not be mindful, how lovely it is!

Then again… I find a lot of things annoying.

I quite like being annoyed, it stimulates thought, feeling, emotion, stirs up internal sediment and makes me want to explore, dig deeper, figure out why it’s annoying me because something which annoys you has a story to tell you about yourself, perhaps it’s showing you a knot which needs unraveling or cutting.

It’s a puzzle which wants solving… look at that mess of muddled pieces, let’s make a picture out of them, but… will the picture we make be the one that we see?

One of the things I like about household chores is the fact that I don’t need to think while doing them… or at least I only need minimal thought – the thought required to do the task, which if the task has been done regularly is really just autopilot.

Don’t fall off the ladder (but if you do be sure to activate falling from ladder training aka judo rolls), swish with one side now swish with other, dry, done, next.

Time to mentally relax and… perhaps have an unexpected but always appreciated aha moment.

Over the last few days I’ve been cleaning the windows of my house, inside and out. It doesn’t require much thought… which gives my mind lots of space to think about things which it wants to contemplate.

Mundane chores put you in a meditative state without having to do all that goes with doing meditation properly according to that segment of human humanness – the perfectionist – which thinks there’s a proper way of doing things and nothing but that will do… all else is failure (fuck you, perfectionist!).

Sometimes the mindless task allows the mind to make connections between something which it has been contemplating and the task itself.

For instance… while cleaning one set of windows I noticed that the bottom edge on the outside had cracked and was crumbling away. Time to practice my window putty skills which need practice… especially if I’m going to replace that cracked window pane myself (which I’m totally doing myself).

The pic above was taken early this morning (hence the condensation droplets – aren’t they pretty) apres me testing my linseed putty application… it needs to dry a bit more before I paint it.

I tapped it lightly with my fingertip – getting still moist putty stuck to my finger.

Shortly after I’d done that… I wiped my eye and got a bit of wet putty residue in it.

Yup, I did call myself an idiot… but then my mind had an aha moment thanks to the idiot’s mistake.

It shouted with glee – putty in the eye!!!

Recently I’ve been contemplating a common phrase – What we see is who we are – and looking at it from new and different perspectives.

I was thinking about it while washing windows… and applying putty to windows… and accidentally putting a bit of putty residue in my eye.

Putty in the eye!!!

All we see is putty… how we shape it tells us who we are… but who is this “who” who we are?

I was going to expand and explain further but every time I do that WordPress goes into glitch mode… better listen to what it’s saying.