When Dandelions Fall From The Sky

If you visited my blog yesterday, you might have noticed that it looked like this:

About a week ago I read the latest article on WordPress’ official blog which (is worth following if you’re a WP blogger) invited WordPress bloggers to – Join Us In A Digital Climate Strike.

Now usually I don’t join in with anything much because I don’t play well with others, and when I do, I tend to do it all wrong and others wish I’d just fuck off back to whatever rock I was under… but since all I had to do was click a button in the settings… why not?

Do I think my participating will make any difference?

Yes, to me it made a difference. I did something which I don’t usually do and that sort of testing of self, of the personal version of reality, makes a difference. Sometimes it’s tiny… but tiny differences add up, join together, and maybe later a bigger difference is created.

Everything starts off tiny, and gradually grows from there or doesn’t grow – not every seed planted makes it to treedom or whatever it’s supposed to grow into.

We didn’t get to where we are now – which includes worrying about what humans have done to the planet and continue to do to it because once something gets going it is hard to stop it from keeping going and going, especially once you have millions of people joining in, playing, that group activity – by everything happening big time all at once.

We got here step by step, tentative at first, baby stumblings, uncertain, unsure, then confidence grew with practice, and adult steps replaced those of the child.

Usually it starts with one person walking like that, and everyone else watches them fall over. Then, once they’ve found their footing, and because that walk looks good to others… others begin to walk that way, and over time more join in to walk that walk to wherever it is going.

Sometimes it leads over a cliff… sometimes up a mountain, then off a cliff.

It tends to begin with an idea…

An idea which may get ridiculed – don’t be ridiculous, humans can’t fly, if we were supposed to fly we just would!

And because some people don’t crumble under ridicule, don’t give up when everyone tells them they’re crazy, don’t let being looked at by others as though there’s something wrong with them bother them, don’t let criticism stop them – in fact all of that may be just the sort of encouragement they needed…

Some time later we’re all bitching on Twitter because the person next to us on the plane stole the arm rest.

Do I think climate change is real? Yes.

I don’t need to believe what the experts are saying, I don’t have to listen to anyone else’s opinion about it… I just have to look around where I live.

The other day I took a long walk in a nature reserve which even in hot dry Summers tends to be boggy – it was bone dry, and we’ve had rain this year unlike last year, the stream beds had those large cracks in the earth which I recall from decades ago (I think it was the 70’s) when there was a nationwide drought which went of for what seemed like forever (I was a child at the time, one week can seem like a year, and it was more than one week).

The insects, birds, animals, plants, the weather, are behaving differently than usual. Nature is a-changin’. Tiny changes, tiny differences, which humans may or may not notice depending on whether it affects them or not in their day-to-day, whether they have the time to notice since modern life is busy busy stressful busy.

Do I think we can reverse it? No, we’ve never been able to reverse anything once it’s reached juggernaut levels of energetic movement.

We’re King Canute trying to stop the tide… although he was trying to prove that he couldn’t do it to those who insisted that he should and could.

Life moves forwards (even without human time keeping to give it some semblance of order), so it’s less about reversing than it is about what we do next based on what we think is happening now.

But I’m wrong about a lot of things I think… which is why I like to test myself and my personal version and perception of reality.

I didn’t always like doing that… I’ve grown into liking doing that.

It was one of those instances of – this is what life is going to throw at you repeatedly, just when you think you have a grasp of reality, what’s real, it’ll drop a mini-bomb just for you which will smash it to smithereens and leave you floundering trying to find some stability in the chaos. You can either try to run away from it and it will chase you until it catches you again and again, or you can figure out a way to enjoy it, work with it, run and flow with it.

Whenever I get some ground beneath my feet and feel stable, able to relax… the old fear pops up and warns me – this too shall pass, any moment now, it could all go poof!

That old fear used to never shut the fuck up and allow me to enjoy a bit of stability, feeling grounded. I was anxious, nervous, uptight all the time, constantly waiting for the shoe to drop, then the other shoe to drop. It drove me nuts, and eventually I’d smash my own reality just to get it over and done with.

I’m calmer now, maybe because I’m older and wilder – being wilder might sound like it should do the opposite of calm, but old wildness is about being in tune with nature, your own mainly which isn’t that dissimilar to that of the earth, trees, birds, weather… and climate.

When something happens now, I’m more likely to go – Well, that’s happened then… and once something has happened, it’s happened, time to deal with it. Rather than go – This can’t be happening, I don’t want that to have happened, how do I reverse the happening to make it unhappen!?! I can’t deal with it!!!

Last week I was chilling after several weeks of frenetic activity… had a lovely visitor stay for a few days.

On the morning of their visit I noticed a large chunk of roof tile had broken off and fallen to the ground.

This house… if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.

At first it was stressful to live here, walls were crumbling, plumbing problems, lots of things needed fixing, it all seemed like too much… I began to see why this house changed owners every few years… but it has slowly become a healing experience – learning to get in rhythm with the structure of the house rather than trying to force human ways and will upon it.

While waiting for the “slate ripper” (that doesn’t sound like a tool to fix roof tiles, does it) and “tile tags” to arrive, I climbed up to the roof this morning to check things out, and apparently there are slates under the slates…!?!

It’s a double-tiled roof – it reminded me of me.

Chip the surface off of me, break what’s on top off, and the same thing which was on the surface is underneath, although it might be arranged a little differently to complement what’s on top. Of course you do have to see the surface for what it actually is, rather than what you want it to be, what you’re projecting onto it or what it’s triggering, stirring up and out, in you.

I only just thought of that, it actually reminded me of me because I tend to overdo things, and if I’d done the roof I might have been tempted to double-tile it too. When I do a hem, I double stitch it. If I nail something, I extra nail it. If I tape something up, I double up the tape. It’s a habit I’ve tried to undo… but maybe it’s not as wrong as I thought it was.

Maybe I’m not as wrong as I often think I am.

The lovely visitor shared some information which confirmed some things I’d thought a long time ago… but then decided I was wrong about it, and because I decided I was wrong about it, I looked at reality differently, changed my perspective. It’s weird to know I was right then… it’s cool to have thought I was wrong though because the path I took led here.

And being right isn’t necessarily useful or helpful. But it can be interesting to look back and see the panorama of the past from a plateau in the now, as it shifts into a different landscape.

Up on the roof… it’s very pretty up there, there’s like a garden growing with beautiful flowers (see pic below):

Lichen on roof slate

That lichen looks like a flattened dandelion, as though picked and pressed in the pages of a book. Perhaps to keep a memory…

The lovely visitor also made me realise I was wrong about some other things, such as I was certain they disliked me… I’m still not certain if I’m wrong about that.

But the door is open now, left ajar, so fluffy softness can get it if it wants to, whereas before it was firmly shut and that’s why it couldn’t visit you, comfort you.

If you shut the door, how will what you’d like to come inside get inside? Perhaps it doesn’t have door opening powers.

Of course you shut the door to keep stuff you don’t want getting in, getting in… or is it stuff you don’t want getting out, getting out.

But then you’re trapped…

Waiting for…

It never comes… because it’s waiting for you to come outside, or to be invited in?

Sometimes it requires a mini-bomb made just for you to happen in your life, shattering personal reality as you knew it, so that you can be free for a moment, flailing and floundering, but able to choose a new reality for yourself.

15 comments

  1. Hi Ursula,

    Door… This is reminds me the last time I saw my muse, she was locking a door. Soon I’m going back to the school, i wonder if she still teaches there…

    Lol I just posted too πŸ˜‰ I got a question for you in my last post reply comment, you missed that?

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    • Hi Rev πŸ™‚

      Yes, I missed your comment with the questions. Not anymore though πŸ˜‰

      Usually you can look the faculty up… or maybe it is better to leave it as a surprise. It’ll be an interesting experience to go back there, whether she is there or not.

      Like

  2. Excellent post!! So true! And something I have come to terms with; or attempt to come to terms with in my old age. Of course I waffle back and forth and do alot of self counsel (when I remember to self counsel, the memory ain’t that great any more and it’s so easy to fall into old habits) and remind myself that I really don’t care what people think. Whether someone likes me or not, or agrees with me or not, really doesn’t change anything because I like me and I can have my own arguments with myself and I always win those.
    What matters to me has changed so much from what mattered to me 40 years ago. I don’t cry for myself any more, I cry for the whales that are dying, the forests that are burning and I worry about the world imploding and what will it be like when my grand daughter is 60. Will the earth still be here?
    Hope you are doing well in your little corner of the world. One thing for sure, there are never any guarantees in life. I think I just heard a shoe drop!!
    Hugsβ™₯️β™₯️❣️❣️

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    • Hi Carrie, thank you πŸ™‚

      Going by what we sort of know about the history of planet Earth – Earth itself will be fine, it’s been through asteroid hits, cataclysms, many climate changes, and watched its inhabitants come and go, change, throughout it all. Nature adapts and evolves.

      Humans are still newbies on planet Earth, and whether humans will still be around in a couple of hundred years, give or take, is another matter. I think the younger generations, especially the teens of today, like Greta Thunberg, are a force to be reckoned with.

      I like what Henry Rollins said in a show I saw on Netflix which was filmed fairly recently – What us oldies can do right now is support what the young ones are doing. Cheer them on in their efforts to make a difference.

      Sometimes the best way to help out is just by letting the flow takes us along for the journey, instead of fighting the current. We’re living in interesting times, I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end the way it is supposed to πŸ™‚

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  3. I love this, Perhaps because I can relate to it so well from my past as well. “I was anxious, nervous, uptight all the time, constantly waiting for the shoe to drop,… It drove me nuts, and eventually I’d smash my own reality just to get it over and done with.”

    I’m more the, “This can’t be happening” type. It’s like my mind can’t absorb something bad that happens (like my husband’s accident. A continuing saga on my blog that you’d need time to read). Bad news just bounces right off my brain at first. What I’ve learned over the years is that I need time to let the news settle. Once it starts to sink in, then I can take action and see what, if anything, can be done.

    I think the ultimate in narcissism is thinking we are in control of every single aspect of life, like nature, or other people’s behavior. What’s so soothing about nature is that it goes with the flow. It doesn’t fight against itself to force a different outcome.

    In case you ever have the time. Here’s the story of the accident. Don’t feel obligated. It all turns out okay in the end.
    https://loreezlane.wordpress.com/2015/01/27/a-tale-about-feet/

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    • Thank you for sharing, Lori πŸ™‚

      The story of your husband’s accident and recovery – WOW! Truly inspiring! What stands out is how strong you both are as individuals and as a team. How you both managed to maintain grace under so much pressure, and keep it together, keep going through so much ‘this can’t be happening’ is deeply impressive. Together you made your happy ending to the story happen. ❀

      It's beautifully written, you have such a wonderful gift for story-telling, for sharing yourself, your life and experiences.

      Have you re-read the story? If you ever doubt yourself, it's a good place to go to remind yourself of the beauty inside of you, of the power of your natural being.

      ps (added later). forgot to press ‘Like” when I read your posts earlier so I’ve ‘Like” bombarded your blog just now πŸ™‚

      pps. There was an interesting comment on the first post in the series which said “strange to find real life, personal incidents blogged” that made me hmmm… a lot since that’s what blogging is or was originally about, sharing our life in an online journal. I love what you said in reply!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Wow. Thank you so much for the exceptionally kind comments, Ursula. What a nice surprise to find that you read the story and commented. I really didn’t expect it.

        Since it happened to me, I can’t see from the outside looking in, like you. So, I appreciate the comment from a fresh perspective. I tend to judge myself.

        I didn’t feel filled with grace at the time. I felt more like I was debris floating around in a world of chaos with nothing to grab onto. At the time my mind was so flustered and cluttered, I forgot even simple things, like how to set laundry settings on the machine. I thought I was getting early dementia. Once things started to settle down and get back to a regular routine, my memory returned. I fill with anxiety when my life is unbalanced. It’s the Libra in me. At the time, I was taking xanax before bedtime to help me sleep.

        Thank you again for the wonderful comment. BTW, I didn’t remember that comment from that person you mentioned. They weren’t a regular, and I haven’t seen them around since.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. The door – yes. Mine has been closed (probably more like almost closed) from time to time. I’ve needed to do that occasionally. I’ve recently closed the door (turned the page?) on a relationship that has been sputtering for two years – it was time to let go.

    No, we won’t destroy the earth – we will destroy ourselves and the earth will recover , try again. It’s interesting to see how many people see the end of us as the end of earth.

    Lovely post. I hope you had a lovely visit with your lovely visitor. πŸ™‚

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    • Thank you, Lynette πŸ™‚

      This – “It’s interesting to see how many people see the end of us as the end of earth.” – is a great point!

      I think perhaps because the human race is still very young compared to all the other beings on this planet who have all been around much longer than us, that we’re sort of in the narcissistic phase of development where we think the world revolves around humans and is all about humans. What’s going on now feels a bit like growing pains, moving the human race into the next phase of development, time to leave the narcissistic perspective behind and widen our view to include more than just us, but we don’t want to grow up because growing up is scary πŸ˜‰

      The door bit of this post came out of observing something my visitor did – they shut the door to the bedroom and then seemed perplexed as to why our cat didn’t pay them a visit during the night (which is something we mentioned might happen, she’s spent the night with other visitors when they stay over), and they seemed hurt that our cat kept her distance. But one morning I saw our cat sitting outside of the closed door… if it had been open, she’d have gone inside. Our cat looked at me with a – Why is this door shut? – look, since we never close any of the doors unless we don’t want her to go into a room.

      That struck me as a – shit I’ve done that kind of thing in relationships! I’ve kept myself shut off from others and then wondered why they shut me out, been hurt by them keeping their distance.

      I’ve also been the cat sitting outside of the closed door. Sometimes that closed door becomes a focal point… and we don’t notice all the other doors which are open, all the other people who would love to have us visit them and are open-doored to us, instead we’re looking only at that one person who is closed off, hasn’t invited us in.

      If we insist on being let into the room with the shut door… we may end up realising that perhaps that room (relationship) isn’t for us.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Wow! That lichen really does look like a press dandelion. Too cool!

    I like that you’re getting in sync with your house. How there’s always something but you shrug and fix it, or not, or maybe later. Like not getting stressed about the shoe, or the other shoe in life. A house is an obvious but still awesome metaphor. Yours even has hidden decorations on top.

    I dont like chaos but I seem to have come to an unspoken arrangement with it. It’s been a part of my life since I was a wee lass. My daughters unfortunately grew up with chaos too and they both have a need for control. I dont need, nor want control. I dont know why or why not, maybe because I’ve got a very strong internal fortress to hide in when I’m overwhelmed, but I mostly ride along the chaos…if that makes sense.

    Gaia is gonna get fed up with us before too long and then bye-bye humanity. Some things dont need science to explain…trash in the ocean=bad. I’ve noticed changes. I’ve lived in the same area since birth so I’m pretty tuned into what’s normal. Its picking up speed.

    I had to check which house my NN Aries was in…2nd, Taurus.
    What I read made me laugh. It was about achieving financial independence. I’m 100% disabled after a hearing before a judge and recieve a monthly disability payment from the federal government. I was more financially independent 20 years ago when I could still work. I’m going to have to give the whole 2nd house thing more thought and research.

    I did find an interesting article about those of us with NN Aries born during the 67-69 era. The article made a connection to both the Vietnam war and the free love movement. I should’ve bookmarked it. Ugh!

    I do all this from a phone. No laptop or desktop in the house until Ben can stop being so destructive.

    Keep that door cracked, I think you and your house can handle whatever comes poking aroundπŸ’ͺπŸ˜‰

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    • Thank you, Angie πŸ™‚

      The 2nd house in astrology = personal values.

      Certain astrologers view it as the house of money/personal finances because… that’s what they personally value, and finances/money is a question a lot of people ask astrologers about.

      It’s worth remembering when working with astrology that those writing the interpretations have a natal chart too, and the astrologer’s natal chart will colour their perspective. If you can find an astrologer with the same natal position you’re looking up it can be more insightful, but not all astrologers will share their personal astro.

      This is a good write up on the node in 2nd – https://beyondthestarsastrology.wordpress.com/2013/12/09/analysis-of-the-2nd-house8th-house-nodal-axis-through-the-signs/

      And Midara on Elsa Elsa spoke about the NN in 2nd as being about exchanges of energy/matter which was an interesting spin on the ‘material’. Money is energy/matter.

      https://www.elsaelsa.com/astrology/interpretation-of-north-node-in-taurus-or-the-second-house/

      That statement you regularly make about – if someone has a problem with you, that’s their problem and not yours – could be connected to NN in Aries in the 2nd house, as that’s part of the lesson. To value (2nd house) your self (Aries) as you are. To know your own worth (2nd house), and define it for yourself (Aries). To not rely on others (Aries) for your self-worth, self-esteem (2nd house). To not take on the problems of others (Libra 8th house) as your own (Aries 2nd house). The Aries/Libra axis has a lot of self versus others dynamic going on.

      Your financial situation does sound like a NN in 2nd challenge – you can’t rely on externals for personal value, it forces you to turn within to find your worth. It also places you in a position where others will try to put pressure on you to conform to their standards, their values (8th house SN in Libra), to buy into their values which require sacrificing your own personal values for the group value. Also by judging you others “steal” your energy, they get self-esteem and self-value from it. They get energy rich by viewing you as energy poor.

      The past life angle which often goes with the nodes is interesting to explore – perhaps in a past life you sacrificed your values for those of the group (Libra SN), you focused on external manifestations of value – money, house, car, possessions, career, status, physical beauty and ability (Taurus/Venus) – for your self-worth. Maybe in that past life you judged people who were disabled and relied on government money. This time around you are being challenged to experience the other side of the story.

      I’m guessing I was probably a total narcissist in my previous life πŸ˜‰ hence being born to narc parents in this one.

      Where’s your Chiron, is it in the 1st house?

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      • Thank you for the links Ursula. 🌻

        They both resonated much better than the articles I found. The second one made me think of the “spark tree” again. I really need to write that post. The neon arrows are flashing at me. If I wait too long I’ll get thumped between the eyes and that’s never fun.

        Yes, I do have Chiron in the first house. Why do ask? Educated guess? You can look at my chart if you’re interested. I’ll give you the data. I totally appreciate the help but I dont expect/demand/assume it. (I hope you understand my messy explanation)

        You are such a fantastic resource to me on my astrological learning journey. There’s so much involved and I feel like I’m just jumping around here and there and not really grasping in its bigger picture. Thank you, thank you for helping me. I feel like I should be paying you as my tutor/teacher/Sensei.

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        • Jumping around here and there is very Mercury in Aquarius, I do that too – have you read my posts πŸ˜€ hehehe… don’t worry about the bigger picture, it’ll reveal itself once you’ve gathered the pieces from your jumping around here and there.

          Trust the process, the way you’re doing it, that’s exactly how you should be doing it – your way! That’s part of NN in Aries, learning that your way is the right way for you and shifting your focus away from how others are doing it, and saying things like this to yourself – “omg everyone does it better than me I’m not doing it right, everyone else knows what they’re doing and I’m just making a mess, one mistake after another”. Aries is about embracing making mistakes because that’s how the self discovers the self, and that’s also how you discover new ways of doing things, ways which may end up being better than the way others are doing it and then you can share your way with others and they might go – Hey, wow, that new way is really cool, thanks for sharing! (that’s part of the 2nd house/8th house dynamic – sharing resources, ideas and ways of doing things are resources, valuable resources).

          Ask me anything anytime, and I am very interested in your chart but I don’t want you to give me your data, just share the parts and data you’re interested in as you jump around getting to know your own chart, and we can chat about it.

          Btw – 2nd house is the home of Taurus, Taurus is associated with the throat/neck/voice, with Aries NN there… oh, Aries/Ariel… it’s important to own your own voice and not to give it away to a sea witch to get some legs πŸ˜‰ the mermaid tail is far more useful for swimming in the deep ocean of self.

          Just thought of that – jumping around see.

          I asked about Chiron in the 1st because of your disability – with Chiron the wound contains the healing, and those with Chiron in the house of self may have a physical disability which can become a source of healing/inspiration for others as well as the self. It’s considered the placement of the natural born shaman – you heal yourself and others just by being yourself, but allowing yourself to just be yourself may be a challenge, the challenge is part of the wound and healing ability within the wound. You can help others to find the healing within being themselves as they are and seeing that as the ability they are born with.

          You’re born during the Chiron in Pisces years, you have Aries in house 2, and I think I recall you saying that you have Aqua rising, so Pisces has to be in the 1st, but the degrees might change where things are.

          Sensei sea witch out and over πŸ˜‰

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