If you visited my blog yesterday, you might have noticed that it looked like this:
About a week ago I read the latest article on WordPress’ official blog which (is worth following if you’re a WP blogger) invited WordPress bloggers to – Join Us In A Digital Climate Strike.
Now usually I don’t join in with anything much because I don’t play well with others, and when I do, I tend to do it all wrong and others wish I’d just fuck off back to whatever rock I was under… but since all I had to do was click a button in the settings… why not?
Do I think my participating will make any difference?
Yes, to me it made a difference. I did something which I don’t usually do and that sort of testing of self, of the personal version of reality, makes a difference. Sometimes it’s tiny… but tiny differences add up, join together, and maybe later a bigger difference is created.
Everything starts off tiny, and gradually grows from there or doesn’t grow – not every seed planted makes it to treedom or whatever it’s supposed to grow into.
We didn’t get to where we are now – which includes worrying about what humans have done to the planet and continue to do to it because once something gets going it is hard to stop it from keeping going and going, especially once you have millions of people joining in, playing, that group activity – by everything happening big time all at once.
We got here step by step, tentative at first, baby stumblings, uncertain, unsure, then confidence grew with practice, and adult steps replaced those of the child.
Usually it starts with one person walking like that, and everyone else watches them fall over. Then, once they’ve found their footing, and because that walk looks good to others… others begin to walk that way, and over time more join in to walk that walk to wherever it is going.
Sometimes it leads over a cliff… sometimes up a mountain, then off a cliff.
It tends to begin with an idea…
An idea which may get ridiculed – don’t be ridiculous, humans can’t fly, if we were supposed to fly we just would!
And because some people don’t crumble under ridicule, don’t give up when everyone tells them they’re crazy, don’t let being looked at by others as though there’s something wrong with them bother them, don’t let criticism stop them – in fact all of that may be just the sort of encouragement they needed…
Some time later we’re all bitching on Twitter because the person next to us on the plane stole the arm rest.
Do I think climate change is real? Yes.
I don’t need to believe what the experts are saying, I don’t have to listen to anyone else’s opinion about it… I just have to look around where I live.
The other day I took a long walk in a nature reserve which even in hot dry Summers tends to be boggy – it was bone dry, and we’ve had rain this year unlike last year, the stream beds had those large cracks in the earth which I recall from decades ago (I think it was the 70’s) when there was a nationwide drought which went of for what seemed like forever (I was a child at the time, one week can seem like a year, and it was more than one week).
The insects, birds, animals, plants, the weather, are behaving differently than usual. Nature is a-changin’. Tiny changes, tiny differences, which humans may or may not notice depending on whether it affects them or not in their day-to-day, whether they have the time to notice since modern life is busy busy stressful busy.
Do I think we can reverse it? No, we’ve never been able to reverse anything once it’s reached juggernaut levels of energetic movement.
We’re King Canute trying to stop the tide… although he was trying to prove that he couldn’t do it to those who insisted that he should and could.
Life moves forwards (even without human time keeping to give it some semblance of order), so it’s less about reversing than it is about what we do next based on what we think is happening now.
But I’m wrong about a lot of things I think… which is why I like to test myself and my personal version and perception of reality.
I didn’t always like doing that… I’ve grown into liking doing that.
It was one of those instances of – this is what life is going to throw at you repeatedly, just when you think you have a grasp of reality, what’s real, it’ll drop a mini-bomb just for you which will smash it to smithereens and leave you floundering trying to find some stability in the chaos. You can either try to run away from it and it will chase you until it catches you again and again, or you can figure out a way to enjoy it, work with it, run and flow with it.
Whenever I get some ground beneath my feet and feel stable, able to relax… the old fear pops up and warns me – this too shall pass, any moment now, it could all go poof!
That old fear used to never shut the fuck up and allow me to enjoy a bit of stability, feeling grounded. I was anxious, nervous, uptight all the time, constantly waiting for the shoe to drop, then the other shoe to drop. It drove me nuts, and eventually I’d smash my own reality just to get it over and done with.
I’m calmer now, maybe because I’m older and wilder – being wilder might sound like it should do the opposite of calm, but old wildness is about being in tune with nature, your own mainly which isn’t that dissimilar to that of the earth, trees, birds, weather… and climate.
When something happens now, I’m more likely to go – Well, that’s happened then… and once something has happened, it’s happened, time to deal with it. Rather than go – This can’t be happening, I don’t want that to have happened, how do I reverse the happening to make it unhappen!?! I can’t deal with it!!!
Last week I was chilling after several weeks of frenetic activity… had a lovely visitor stay for a few days.
On the morning of their visit I noticed a large chunk of roof tile had broken off and fallen to the ground.
This house… if it isn’t one thing, it’s another.
At first it was stressful to live here, walls were crumbling, plumbing problems, lots of things needed fixing, it all seemed like too much… I began to see why this house changed owners every few years… but it has slowly become a healing experience – learning to get in rhythm with the structure of the house rather than trying to force human ways and will upon it.
While waiting for the “slate ripper” (that doesn’t sound like a tool to fix roof tiles, does it) and “tile tags” to arrive, I climbed up to the roof this morning to check things out, and apparently there are slates under the slates…!?!
It’s a double-tiled roof – it reminded me of me.
Chip the surface off of me, break what’s on top off, and the same thing which was on the surface is underneath, although it might be arranged a little differently to complement what’s on top. Of course you do have to see the surface for what it actually is, rather than what you want it to be, what you’re projecting onto it or what it’s triggering, stirring up and out, in you.
I only just thought of that, it actually reminded me of me because I tend to overdo things, and if I’d done the roof I might have been tempted to double-tile it too. When I do a hem, I double stitch it. If I nail something, I extra nail it. If I tape something up, I double up the tape. It’s a habit I’ve tried to undo… but maybe it’s not as wrong as I thought it was.
Maybe I’m not as wrong as I often think I am.
The lovely visitor shared some information which confirmed some things I’d thought a long time ago… but then decided I was wrong about it, and because I decided I was wrong about it, I looked at reality differently, changed my perspective. It’s weird to know I was right then… it’s cool to have thought I was wrong though because the path I took led here.
And being right isn’t necessarily useful or helpful. But it can be interesting to look back and see the panorama of the past from a plateau in the now, as it shifts into a different landscape.
Up on the roof… it’s very pretty up there, there’s like a garden growing with beautiful flowers (see pic below):
That lichen looks like a flattened dandelion, as though picked and pressed in the pages of a book. Perhaps to keep a memory…
The lovely visitor also made me realise I was wrong about some other things, such as I was certain they disliked me… I’m still not certain if I’m wrong about that.
But the door is open now, left ajar, so fluffy softness can get it if it wants to, whereas before it was firmly shut and that’s why it couldn’t visit you, comfort you.
If you shut the door, how will what you’d like to come inside get inside? Perhaps it doesn’t have door opening powers.
Of course you shut the door to keep stuff you don’t want getting in, getting in… or is it stuff you don’t want getting out, getting out.
But then you’re trapped…
It never comes… because it’s waiting for you to come outside, or to be invited in?
Sometimes it requires a mini-bomb made just for you to happen in your life, shattering personal reality as you knew it, so that you can be free for a moment, flailing and floundering, but able to choose a new reality for yourself.