The case of the stolen screwdriver continues…
If you missed the first episode (I didn’t realise either, until today, that it was a first episode), you can read it here – This Thing That Is Mine Which Belongs To Me – or I could just give you a quick summary in this post.
Yesterday while doing some dusting I found a screwdriver, my favourite screwdriver, hidden on top of my partner’s cupboard.
An argument started inside my head about a thieving magpie’s tendency to steal my tools, then…
An internal trial ensued…
While I was sitting on a bouncing washing machine during one of its manic cycles (and don’t Eric Idle nudge nudge know what I mean wink wink me about it, someone has already done that)…
And the magpie was found “not gillcup” because I was gillcuppier.
Judge: Not gill … cup? Not gillcup! (the foreman looks disappointed) You have been found not gillcup of the charges made against you and may leave this court a free man. Right. My turn. (the defendant leaves.)tiny excerpt via Another Bleedin’ Monty Python Website which won’t make sense if you don’t read or haven’t seen Court Scene (Charades) episode from Monty Python’s Flying Circus Series 2
The internal trial and the verdict resolved matters for me, and I said nothing to my partner about the screwdriver.
I hadn’t said anything before either, for several reasons.
I was in cleaning mode at the time and if I interrupt the process, I forget about it, and it does need to get done at least once a year or the dust ‘n’ dirt gathers together into an entity which is messy to fight. I hate level boss battles.
And my partner is in super-focused and rather stressed out mode at the moment due to being balls deep in an intricate work project and the deadline is this week. Hwaiting!
He doesn’t take his stress out on me, he’s very thoughtful and self-contained, and because he is, I try to return the favour and be considerate, keep my crazy in check.
He doesn’t need me to interrupt and distract him, even with some funny fun. Once his work is done I can unleash the madness again.
Also now that I knew where the screwdriver was… it was better to leave it there as moving it might mean I wouldn’t remember where I moved it to, and next time I needed it I’d check the top of his cupboard, be perplexed-annoyed that it wasn’t there.
And afterwards, after the trial and verdict… well, because I wrote about it in a post… I let it go, like a small paper boat on a stream, completely forgot about it.
I didn’t remember it again until I found, waiting for me this morning on the kitchen table, this:
I usually wake up before my partner.
And last night he stayed up very late working… and, it seems he also got up to some wee hours shenanigans, such as reading my blog and finding a novel, brilliant, witty banter way of letting me know about it.
My partner doesn’t read my blog on a regular basis (phew!), he drops in every now and then.
Sometimes he does that when I’ve been very quiet and he’s wondering what going on inside my mind. He’ll usually ask me first what I’m thinking about, but if I said say “Nothing” as a reply… well, would you believe me if I said that I wasn’t thinking, that there was nothing going on inside my mind, especially if you’ve noticed that I’ve been feverishly cyber-scribbling?
He does ask me on a regular basis what I’ve been writing about in my posts. Sometimes I’ll tell him and… his eyes will glaze over because I talk the same way I write posts, if you press the sharing of thoughts button on me.
Which reminds me…
I noticed recently that another blogger who usually doesn’t read my posts, and only “Likes” them when I’ve “Liked” one of theirs (that’s the “thank you for reading and liking” use of the “Like” button), had liked several of my recent posts in a manner which suggested they might have been reading them.
It made me curious… and my curiosity was sated when I read one of their latest posts, and in it they mentioned wanting to write in a more “stream of consciousness” style for a writing challenge which requires lots of extraneous words on a daily basis.
Their post was very good, it had a lively flow, I felt as though I was sailing on their thoughts shared freely… yet I could also feel an undercurrent which tried to rein in and reign over the free flow. It gets easier, smoother, flowier with practice, by letting go of the fear of appearing foolish for sharing yourself unchecked, uncensored, unedited.
I know they won’t read this as they’re done studying my blah blah, are putting what they wanted from it into practice, and they’ll be too busy doing it… but I’ll wish them well in their experiment, in meeting the challenge and succeeding, all the same. Best wishes!
“I mumble something, Terry J bravely launches into a school reminiscence. TG, with consummate timing, kicks over the urn with Graham’s ashes in. From then on, we’re invincible.”
― Michael Palin, Travelling to Work: Diaries 1988-1998
The real trick to writing in a stream of consciousness style, is to understand that the stream of consciousness flows within and also outside, all around you – the inside converses and communicates with the outside and vice versa. It’s like being in the matrix which is also in you.
While I do write in a stream of consciousness style, my writing is also reflective of the way I think, and the way I think is in conversations with myself.
Within the flow of what may appear to be extraneous wordus blah blah blah to others (and sometimes it looks that way to me too) is a focus.
That focus is like a guided missile, a torpedo homing in on what it is seeking to hit, while traveling through waters of words, the sea of extraneous wordus, ocean of blah blah blah, surfing undercurrents of thoughts, waves of ideas.
As the focus travels it listens for blips on the radar – messages, insights, valuable information. Those are easier to spot when there is more rather than less communication, talking, wordus because the real gems of information are often in the bits most people edit out.
The focus hones in on relevant messages, which are not always in word form but in other forms of communication, such as images, gestures, sounds… like a plinky-plink as a vacuum sucks up a wall plug which gets stuck in the nozzle.
“You’re not a has-been, you’re a has-now.’ I like that.”
― Michael Palin, Travelling to Work: Diaries 1988-1998
The focus notices things… which may seem irrelevant, white noise, but aren’t.
What it notices, when shared with others may cause discomfort at times (nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!), especially if someone was trying to do something stealthily, be unseen, and at other times it may make their heart leap in other ways too, bringing the comfort (no, not the comfy chair) of having been seen, heard, noticed.
My partner has a similar way of noticing, and of making my heart leap, sometimes with discomfort because he noticed something I didn’t want him to notice, but more often with joy.
Things like that note with the screwdriver make my heart leap with the joy of living with someone smarter, sharper, wittier, wilder and crazier than I am… he’s crazier than I am, M’Lud, because he loves me.
Shortly after I saw his “message”…
And I almost didn’t see it, because first thing in the morning I’m very tunnel-vision-blurry-eyed, partly because my hair is a messy curtain over my face (like the girl from The Ring) which I don’t bother pulling back to let in the light, in case I melt from the glare.
After checking the news to see if the rest of the world was still there, I checked out the headlines on Psychology Today and spotted a title which I would have ignored if it hadn’t been for my partner’s wonderful message.
Here’s a screenshot, can you guess which headline caught my eye?:
I didn’t click on the article to read it, because… why would I?
It’s not a reality of relationship experience for me. It’s not a question that I have… is mine, which belongs to me.
While the message my partner left for me to find this morning was brilliant banter and not a real apology… as there was no need for a real apology since nothing which needed one had happened… when things which require a real apology have happened, he’s quick to give one and sincere about it.
I’m actually the one who takes longer to give apologies… especially those I need to give sincerely to myself.
It’s nice to know when you’ve inspired someone else, indirectly or directly… it can be that moment when you realise it’s time to give yourself credit instead of taking it away, and say sorry for all the times you stole that from yourself, and perhaps because you stole it from yourself you stole it from others too, accidentally or on purpose.
“Know what I mean? Eh, eh, Nudge nudge, Say no more?”― Eric Idle