Reverting to Type

Recently I've noticed some changes in myself which I quite like and would like to be lasting, but you can never be certain how long a change will last, if it will last, or if it's just a temporary condition (perhaps a form of momentary madness)... these changes feel and seem natural, I haven't actively... Continue Reading →

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Can We Afford to be Innocent

The title of this post is a slightly altered version of a statement made in the lyrics of a song - Invincible by Pat Benatar (excerpt from lyrics posted below)- which I was reminded of the other day while watching - GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling). . . This song was typical of the 1980's... Continue Reading →

Unresolved Arguments

Arguments were a big part of my family of origin. Growing up the air I breathed was electric and heavy with human storms brewing, breaking, and never truly subsiding because no one ever won, nothing was ever resolved, and thus everyone was left frustrated. Disappointment seeking satisfaction is a hungry beast devouring all ahead, leaving... Continue Reading →

Awkward Conversations and Stifled Laughter

For those who are curious by nature, pretty much every conversation is going to be from the get go or become after a seemingly normal and comfortable start... awkward. At some point you, the naturally curious one, will ask a stupid question, make a dumb remark, say something idiotic to a cleverer-than-thou other who would... Continue Reading →

Ambivalence was from now on to be her almost permanent state…

The title of this post doesn't refer to me... although there have been times in my life when I felt exactly like that because life, and the experiences held therein, can make a person inclined to ambivalence... mixed feelings... conflicts of heart, mind, perception which permeate throughout... making it hard to commit to one way... Continue Reading →

Headaches and Heartaches

The other day I had a song stuck on repeat in my head, it had been used briefly in a TV show I was watching the night before, but it didn't start haunting me until the following day. As far as songs which get stuck in the head go, this one was one of the... Continue Reading →

My Past Life as a Narcissist

Like with most of my posts I'm going to jump around from subject to subject, go off on tangents, ramble seemingly randomly, babble about myself, and so on... if you haven't got the time or patience to sift through all of that to find what you're looking for, need or want from my word share,... Continue Reading →

Who is a Part of your Cluster

For the last couple of nights I've been watching back-to-back episodes of Season 2 of Sense8... . . I almost didn't bother with Season 2, even though I loved Season 1 and think the show is a fantastic sensory journey through the varied lands of being human, because the span of time between seasons was... Continue Reading →

Mindfulness, Authenticity, and Other Human Activities

Years ago I read an opinion which stuck with me, as opinions sometimes do... this wasn't one of those opinions which stick with you because they strike a nerve, it didn't hurt or cause pain, it didn't trigger an old wound, it didn't make me sad or angry (emotions which often accompany a personal issue... Continue Reading →

Living in a David Lynch World

Today started off with bright blue sky and radiant sunshine... it was scorchio even though this is England (summer is not supposed to be summery here) and early in the morning... but then the sky grew dark, thick with a fast moving ominous blanket of grey cloud which soon took on an eerie pink glow... Continue Reading →

Waiting to be Recognised

Have you ever had the feeling that you were waiting for something, but didn't know what that something which you were waiting for was... and therefore... . . you aren't sure how to get what you're waiting for or how to meet it halfway if it is waiting for you at the halfway point (wondering... Continue Reading →

Are You Asking the Right Questions

For as long as I have known myself, and been aware of a self of who to know and to get to know, there has been one consistent question I have asked of myself and tried to answer, and find the answer to (often everywhere but where the answer was actually located - within the... Continue Reading →

In The Company of Disorder

Do you know a narcissist? Not necessarily a super-charged, malignant, Bond-villain type of Narcissist... who is in all probability a sociopath/psychopath with narcissistic tendencies rather than a simple narcissist ('simple' in comparison to a sociopath/psychopath). . If you'd like to observe from a safe distance a superb rendition of a malignant narcissist, then check out... Continue Reading →

Where Do We Go From Here

Have you ever finally gotten something (or maybe someone) you wanted? Finally achieved a goal you worked hard to score? Finally found what you were looking for? Finally reached the end of a journey? Finally been noticed after years of invisibility? Finally become invisible after years of unwanted attention? Finally recovered from a traumatic experience?... Continue Reading →

The Empty Room Inside

What if you could empty yourself of all the things you have been conditioned to believe, programmed to think, told about yourself, made to feel... what if you could clear out all the clutter within... and start from scratch... redecorate, refurbish, refurnish... regain control of your inner world rather than find yourself controlled by all... Continue Reading →

Things My Mother Taught Me

The other night I was having all sorts of trouble sleeping while asleep... I grind and clench my teeth when I sleep... if you want your pencils sharpened, your pens destroyed, or to lose a finger... catch me when I'm sleeping and put them in my mouth when I'm not wearing my mouthguard - which... Continue Reading →

Things My Father Taught Me

My father died a few years ago... which was a bit of a surprise because he had been so convinced of his immortality that I'd begun to suspect he might be right about it, and wasn't as mad as he often sounded and seemed. While it was improbable, some improbable things do happen (the world... Continue Reading →

Private Battles and Secret Triumphs

Last night while watching an episode of the TV series - Midnight Sun - which is a Swedish crime drama with plenty of mystery surrounding every character, and Sami mythology, I was transported both outside of myself into a world I know little about... I did once spend an evening with a young woman who... Continue Reading →

To Obtain By Irregular Means

While sipping overly strong coffee this morning, waiting for my brain to untangle itself from the symbolic world of dreams (where it is more at home than in the waking world), playing a word game on one of my favourite sites - Merriam-Webster (I particularly like the ones where you have to unscramble words, find... Continue Reading →

The New Face of Children of Narcissists

What's your 'resting face'? Sometimes you'll hear someone say that they have 'resting bitch face'... . . which basically means others assume they are a bitch (which despite empowerment movements is still a pejorative) even though they don't know them... because when they're in resting mode, taking a break from being self-conscious, and a mirror... Continue Reading →

Power Love Anger

There were three abstract subjects which were of prime importance in my formative years, and early environment: 1 - Power 2 - Love 3 - Anger Of those three - Love - was usually connected to and on the cusp of Anger or Power... . . When certain people get angry they sometimes justify their... Continue Reading →

Your Personal Story through the Eyes of Others

In some ways you could say that a personal blog is a country, a land which has its own flag design, culture and customs, rules and etiquette, cuisine, art, language, definition and meaning, values, creeds, opinions about what reality is, and other variations to the human being human theme. . my inner child is always... Continue Reading →

Appreciation and Expectation

Someone recently asked me to share my thoughts on the quote below: . . The version of it which I've used here says the author is unknown, and most of the image search results for this quote don't attribute the words to anyone in particular. Most images of this quote advertise the website which has... Continue Reading →

How To Scare A Narcissist Away

. The title of this blog post comes from a query in my blog stats' search terms... The stats for my blog have been falling recently... which is logical, normal, natural, and expected considering that I've been taking a (self-ish) break. While I have narcissistic tendencies like we all do, prone to having its personal... Continue Reading →

When I Worry I End Up Killing Things…

The other day I repotted three house plants which were suffering and heading slowly, painfully, towards death... they were doing that because when I first got them I worried that I would kill them by forgetting to water them so I ended up almost killing them by overwatering them... once I realised what I'd done... Continue Reading →

Narcissists in the News

Recently on several different news sites there were articles about an open debate which had broken out between psychologists about whether they could professionally weigh in on President Trump's mental status. This is an excerpt from one of those: . via The Guardian online . Both sides of the debate have valid arguments... so I... Continue Reading →

Challenging Structures – thoughts on Pluto versus Saturn and vice versa

At the moment astrologically I am caught in the middle of transiting Pluto squaring natal Saturn and transiting Saturn squaring natal Pluto. For those who are not into astrology this roughly translates as - that bunker you built for yourself to protect you from the coming apocalypse and survive for many years... well the apocalypse... Continue Reading →

Learning to Figure Things Out for Yourself

There are moments in life when you may suddenly get the strong impression that you're on your own, that you're all alone... in some impossible situation which you're certain you can't possibly solve on your own... you need help, but... there isn't a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue, there isn't going to... Continue Reading →

Pop Up Problems

The other day I clicked on a link to an article, and as I scanned it quickly from start to finish to decide whether it was worth reading it properly, the whole page was frozen by a pop up problem which required that I either agree or disagree with it to unfreeze the page and... Continue Reading →

How To Deal With A Narcissist When You Can’t Go No Contact

If you have a Narcissist in your life and you ask for advice on how to deal with them the most common answer you will get is - Go No Contact - in other words get away from them, run and keep running and never look back, cut them out of your life, get rid... Continue Reading →

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