Sometimes I Climb the Walls and Lie on the Ceiling
Why are we attracted to Narcissists? If you read enough articles about Narcissists... about how awful, how fake, how mean and nasty, how ugly, how evil, monstrous, and abusive they are... how they lie, cheat, steal, ignore, dismiss, invalidate, treat others like shit then dump them, discard them like a used hankerchief, or keep them... Continue Reading →
At the moment there's a patch of garden just outside of the house which has become a bumblebee graveyard. I'm not really sure why so many bumblebees are dying, or why they keep choosing to die in that particular spot. It may be due to it being the only patch which gets sunshine... when there... Continue Reading →
This is a wonderfully written and concisely expressed perspective of what it is like to be the adult child of a narcissist trying to share your experience… in this case in an environment which should be safe for you to share openly without having to deal with the usual prejudice or inability of others to empathise, a place supposedly populated with those who understand, or at least know to keep quiet if they don’t understand because they’ve been through something too and might known what it’s like when others ply you with platitude tea and sympathy.
I should add a warning: for those who are children of narcissists, please be careful while reading this, your head may come loose from too much nodding. You might also be inclined to bang said head against a hard surface as it might trigger a well known frustration.
Thank you for sharing.
ps. Something in it made me chuckle when I read it late last night, can’t recall what it was this morning, I think it may have been that bit about what happens when someone dies.
My father died recently and it brought everyone I’d been avoiding for years (especially my mother) out of the woodwork, and all the chaos they bring with them. Even if you could feel grief or loss… there’s no time for you to feel it in the kerfuffle others cause.
We were born into a culture of idolising our mothers. People expect us to sit them
gracefully on a pedestal, regardless of what they did, or who they became. When a mother and child’s relationship breaks down, there seems to be a predisposition to place the blame on the offspring.
I appreciate how difficult it is for those from functional backgrounds to understand how I could cut my mother off in the first place. People imagine the scenario to be fraught with a wide spectrum of grief. Their lips utter the words without thinking, “But, she’s your mother.”
As soon as people realise my experience is not as they imagine, they view my attitude with a mixture of suspicion and sympathy, their eyes say it all, ‘Awe, poor man… surely he must feel loss’. Many of them say, “But, she’s your mother.”
“Why don’t you try something different,”…
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When I started this series on what narcissists teach us, what I've learned from the ones in my life, I had an idea of how I was going to do it... but... that flew out the window. It is very windy around here... open a window and you're more likely to get sucked out and... Continue Reading →
Why is it so difficult to figure out if someone is a narcissist or not? You’d think, after reading up on the traits and behaviours of NPD, that narcissists would be easy to spot. . . They are selfish, rude, manipulative, critical, nasty people, right? Entitled, grandiose a-holes who don’t give a shit about... Continue Reading →
When they are good... they are very very good... And when they are bad... they are horrid. . . Children can be selfish, wrapped up in themselves, in their own world and version of reality... so much so that they can't see anyone else's (especially their parents') point of view. They have no empathy... and... Continue Reading →
I don't normally like to comment on News stories, especially those which have become a hot topic online and are doing the world wide web outrage rounds. There are many reasons why I prefer to keep my opinion to myself. Mostly it is because what is reported in the News, and then spread from mouth... Continue Reading →
Sitting there so solemnly, A lady full of grace, In the Louvre gallery, With a smile upon her face. I wonder what she's thinking, As she looks out at the crowd, Some people think she's winking, Others think she's proud. . When I was about 9yrs old, my English teacher set us a task... Continue Reading →
Are you a magnet for narcissists? Survey says... possibly and probably. Based on shared experiences... we're all a magnet for narcissists, while no one is the narcissist for whom we're all magnets. And... You don't need to have previous experience to qualify for this position of being a magnet for narcissists. All applicants are welcome,... Continue Reading →
"The pain, the despair, the craziness of self-destructive behaviour is as loud a statement as it is possible to make that our soul is in exile and under attack." - Andy White . Isn't it typical. The moment you want something, it plays hard to get. However if you don't want it, it's there for... Continue Reading →
. "And when, as is often the case, the misty discussion of 'Rosicrucians' and their history becomes involved with the masonic myths, the enquirer feels that he is sinking helplessly into a bottomless bog.” ― Frances A. Yates . How Does the Whole Fulfill through Me? This is the flip side of yesterday’s question -... Continue Reading →
. “In battle or business, whatever the game, In law or in love, it is ever the same; In the struggle for power, or the scramble for pelf, Let this be your motto - Rely on yourself! For, whether the prize be a ribbon or throne, The victor is he who can go it alone!”... Continue Reading →
This is a wonderful post from a deeply introspective blogger, who shares themselves on their beautifully insightful blog.
.If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship with a narcissist or someone you thought could, maybe, perhaps have narcissistic personality disorder… but you hope that they don’t, that what you think is somehow just you and not them… then please read this, and the other posts on this blog.
.It is rare to get a male perspective of a female narcissist… This perspective is more than that, it is rich with heartfelt personal experience, empathy, and a need to understand.
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Thank you for sharing!
In my continuing evaluation of where my life was, is, and appears to be going, I have discovered there are certain things that I know now that I sometimes wish that I didn’t. While I wish that I didn’t know them, I also understand that ultimately they are going to benefit me. Are you confused enough yet? To be more to the point, I often wish that I didn’t know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Why? Let me explain.
My narcissistic wife (and now ex) moved out of our home 9 months ago. This was in addition to us dating back in 1999, when she abruptly left me, dating again in 2001, when she again abruptly left me, and then getting together again in 2006 and ultimately getting married in 2009. She also moved out without warning in November, 2013 only to return in late January, 2014, with the final move out occurring…
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Image by V. Jarski from - Surviving the Narcissistic Parent via The Invisible Scar - please read this article if you think you're a child of a narcissist/narcissists. . . If you missed the Adult Children of Narcissists (ACONs) survey and study which Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of The University of Georgia’s... Continue Reading →
A great post about growing up and living with narcissists from an excellent blog and blogger!
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Narcissistic abuse can be in your face obvious, but more often than not it is so subtle that it is barely there, and yet it is always there 24/365. Drip, drip, drip, wearing away even the toughest of substances.
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From the outside, you are lucky to be a part of such a family. And you help to maintain this myth until you believe it too…
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but…
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On the inside you are slowly being worn away… until all that is left of you is a big Cheshire Cat grin, still pretending.
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This is a beautifully evocative insight into life with narcissists, and also a view of how to slowly emerge from it. It takes time, a gentle rebuilding after years of degradation which seemed normal and took a while to realise it wasn’t.
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Thank you for sharing!
Once while swimming laps several years ago, I was struck by this thought: That if I were to be happy, I’d be betraying my mother and sister. So long had I drunk the Koolaid that I thought this.
My sister’s narcissism was more overt, actually saying things like, “If you really cared about me, you’d know exactly what type of gift to buy me.” Or, “You’re not a loyal enough family member,” without actually defining what loyal meant.
For much of my life, I’d focused my anger onto my sister because her behavior was more obvious. She produced feelings in me of despair, fear, anger and guilt.
My mother’s scourge was so much more subtle and therefore insidious. I would even feel inclined to apologize to my sister for blocking her out as much as I did, except that I finally realized how much in collusion they were. I fear her…
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A very insightful, thought-provoking, and brilliant post by a wonderful blogger.
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If you’ve ever been in love with a narcissist, then you know the confusion that this kind of love can create. Narcissists turn love into a mythical, fairy tale quest – which usually involves you trying desperately to win their heart, but their heart is always just out of your reach like a carrot dangled in front of you.
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At some point you want to grab that carrot and eat it… before it turns rotten.
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But a narcissist’s love, as good as it looks on the outside sometimes, always tastes funny (and not funny-haha). This post explains why it tastes that way.
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Thank you for sharing!
The title of this post arrived in my search terms about a year ago. This query also came up for Ursula over at An Upturned Soul; she posted a excellent response that you can read here.
Frankly, I considered responding but then dropped it because I felt very ambivalent. I wondered if it was a real question or if it was in fact a narcissist who was just trolling. If real, what would I say to someone who is looking for an answer to this? I felt a little depressed every time I thought about it – there’s some poor, desperate person out there who is trying to save a marriage, an engagement, a friendship, a relationship of some sort. But Ursula encouraged me to try – to give my take on it.
This person – I’m going to call him or her “Terry,” has likely done at least a little…
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A very thought provoking post from a great blog and blogger, expressing an issue which can affect all of us, one way or another, when we’re faced with sharing ourselves, our stories, with others, especially when sharing our very personal and painful experiences.
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The question asked is one which is difficult to answer.
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Those are the best questions to ask, but the hardest ones for which to find just one answer.
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Thank you for sharing!
SO… I’ve pretty much worked through the emotional part of gearing up for my series next month. There is one final stumbling block that I really can’t get myself to address. I’m sitting here poised and ready to share my story with the world at large and I haven’t even really told my family. I’m sure at least one of my younger sisters has figured it out just because she follows me on Twitter where I post most of my private…er… well more private than the blog thoughts. I mean it’s eventually going to come to light so it’s not really an issue so much as the fact that I haven’t told my parents.
They are completely in the dark about it. Nary a clue that something so devastating has happened to their child. Of course just about everything I tell them in my life comes as a complete surprise…
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Are you a self-identified ACoN - Adult Child of a Narcissist? . . If you are please consider taking this survey - Parental Communication Measure Study . . The survey is being conducted by Valerie Coles, Ph.D. and Dr. Jennifer Monahan of the University of Georgia’s Department of Communication Studies. It is open to all Adult Children... Continue Reading →
. . “You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.” ―... Continue Reading →
. PLEASE NOTE - This survey has been re-opened and is available throughout the month of June 2015 for those wanting to participate in it. You can find it here - Parental Communication Measurement Study . What do you tell other people about your childhood? Do you edit it, rewrite it, make it sound normal... Continue Reading →
Please feel free to skip my blah blah and go straight to the article which inspired this post and which I highly recommend as a 'Must Read' if you've been affected by Narcissism, Narcissists, NPD, in any way. That includes if you think that you may be a narcissist, have NPD (this article will not... Continue Reading →
In celebration of this time of year, when a certain event happens which prompts a review of this and that, with trepidation I ventured into my blog archives and ended up on this piece which I wrote in 2013.
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At that time a lot had been stirred up, the past had circled around and made itself the present, and I did then what I always do (at least in the always of now) I wrote my thoughts out to see what emerged, and if it might help me to figure things out.
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It did then, in a way, and it has done now, in a way.
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Revisiting my old posts is not something I do as often as perhaps I should. I keep urging myself to tidy up my blog a bit, but I never do because I prefer to just keep going forwards, evolving this way and that. Sometimes though… a going backwards can assist with going forwards.
From the moment we are born, not our actual physical birth, but the moment our existence enters the conscious mind of others, the moment our birth mother realises that she is pregnant and our birth father realises that his sperm has created a being, people start giving us gifts.
Those gifts are a part of themselves, not a part of us, yet they become a part of us. We absorb them. Our growing self is nurtured as much by the thoughts and feelings of the world outside the womb as it is by the nutrients fed to us inside the womb by the umbilical cord.
If those gifts are positive they give us light. We feel welcome on Earth, safe, loved, wanted, good, and we look forward to being born. If those gifts are negative they give us darkness. We feel frightened, unsafe, unwanted, unloved, bad, and we dread the…
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Beautiful post, wonderfully written, please read it.
Thank you for sharing!
We are all bully capable.
The problem is some kids and adults are serial bullies. As a society we want to discourage bully mentality. Sometimes we don’t do enough and sometimes we do too much. There are hundreds of stories of people who don’t do enough, but I would like to point out that sometimes we do too much and in doing so we become the bullies ourselves.
There was a little girl, Amy, who had gotten suspended from school. She was 9. One of her friends did something mean so Amy told another friend she wanted to just kill her mean friend. This friend, the one she confided her hurt AND anger, told on her. Amy was interrogated the entire day in the school office, in part by an off duty police officer about what she said and why. She was scared but told the truth and confessed what…
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. . Every now and then a loud groan, a heavy sigh or an exclamation of exasperation will escape my lips. Which is fine as long as I am alone, but when this happens in the company of others… it can be quite awkward. They might take it personally, and once someone takes something personally,... Continue Reading →
Are you a thinker? Everyone is, we all think therefore we are all thinkers. So that question is easy to answer. Where things gets complicated is when we try to determine what type of thinker we are, as there are many options and sometimes we fall between the cracks of different options and then we... Continue Reading →
How do you use people? Does that question bother you, make you uncomfortable, make you want to perhaps vent in my general direction and say something along the lines of - I never use people! . . Having trouble reading the smallprint? Find this article and others like it in Wired magazine (this is... Continue Reading →
Why do we relive the past in our minds over and over again. It’s over, there is nothing we can do about it, no do-over, lifetime pushes us forward, so why are we trying to go backwards… into a funhouse mirror. . . . . Is it really just so we can get the last... Continue Reading →
. . Ever have one of those moments where your eyes lie to you, but you believe them, perhaps just for a fraction of time before your mind analyses the data and realises a mistake has been made. Why are your eyes lying to you, don’t they know that you don’t like being lied to.... Continue Reading →
All or Nothing? . . We need narcissism. It is a natural part of the human psyche. It helps to develop our ego. We need the ego too. It too is a natural part of the human psyche. Narcissism and ego are good for us, for our development, our evolution. They help us to define... Continue Reading →
. . “When you accept yourself and all your flaws, you don’t particularly need to focus on self-esteem per se. You focus, instead, on being as good as possible at what you actually do. You may have a positive sense of self, but you don’t blow your sense of self-importance up out of proportion. If... Continue Reading →
