Is John a Narcissist or is John the victim of a Narcissist?

[This is a repost of a post published in November 2014. This is one of those posts which I not only remember writing, but I also recall exactly what inspired me to write it. At the time I was receiving quite a lot of comments on my posts about narcissists, 'narcissist' was a trending hot... Continue Reading →

Narcissistic Behaviour versus Being a Narcissist/Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder

I was recently asked a question in a comment: "You mentioned in one of the steps about making sure they aren’t acting narcissistic versus being a narcissist. I searched on google, “what’s the difference between acting narcissistic versus being a narcissist or NPD.” No site made a separation between essentially stating you can’t act narcissistic... Continue Reading →

My Past Life as a Narcissist

Like with most of my posts I'm going to jump around from subject to subject, go off on tangents, ramble seemingly randomly, babble about myself, and so on... if you haven't got the time or patience to sift through all of that to find what you're looking for, need or want from my word share,... Continue Reading →

Waiting to be Recognised

Have you ever had the feeling that you were waiting for something, but didn't know what that something which you were waiting for was... and therefore... . . you aren't sure how to get what you're waiting for or how to meet it halfway if it is waiting for you at the halfway point (wondering... Continue Reading →

Are You Asking the Right Questions

For as long as I have known myself, and been aware of a self of who to know and to get to know, there has been one consistent question I have asked of myself and tried to answer, and find the answer to (often everywhere but where the answer was actually located - within the... Continue Reading →

Who’s More Dangerous?

Alice Miller's work is a must read for anyone interested in child psychology, their child's or their own inner child's psychology, and how parenting affects the child, or how your parenting reflects your own childhood, and many variations on that theme. Her book - The Drama of the Gifted Child - is excellent and is... Continue Reading →

Book Promotion: Abundant Delicious – On Obtaining Your Heart’s Desire by Andy White

Many years ago, while searching for something to read in a secondhand bookshop, I came across - Going Mad to Stay Sane - The Psychology of Self-Destructive Behaviour by Andy White - in the psychology, mythology, alternative healing and self-help section (which in this bookstore was in a small alcove separated from the rest of... Continue Reading →

Chiron opposition Pluto – When Old Wounds Resurface

If I change my mind one more about about the subject of this post, the post may implode before I publish it... but I wasn't so much changing my mind as trying to focus it... usually I have what feels like a billion thoughts swirling around, all of which are in conversation with each other... Continue Reading →

What is Love?

What is love? Do you know what love is? Can love be defined? . . What's the first thought or feeling which pops into your mind or heart when you think about love? Or who is the first person who comes to mind or heart? Is it someone else? Are you allowed to love them?... Continue Reading →

Want Doesn’t Get…

What does want not get? What does Want lack in the way of understanding? Or am I misunderstanding what this - Want doesn't get - means? I heard this the other day while minding my own business, but it was said so loudly and emphatically that it made itself my business whether I wanted it... Continue Reading →

A Summer Snow Storm of Wishes

When I was a child I was told that the seed of a thistle was a fairy, and if I captured it without harming it while it floated by, I could make a wish upon it. . . For the wish to come true I had to let the Thistle Fairy go, blowing it gently... Continue Reading →

The Parasitic Life

At the moment there's a patch of garden just outside of the house which has become a bumblebee graveyard. I'm not really sure why so many bumblebees are dying, or why they keep choosing to die in that particular spot. It may be due to it being the only patch which gets sunshine... when there... Continue Reading →

Are you the Target or the Arrow?

“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target” ― Ashleigh Brilliant . Random things have a way of connecting, creating a pattern, a bit like random stars get clustered into constellations. I've often marveled at the designs attributed to constellations, wondered why whoever connected those sparkly dots... Continue Reading →

No Contact with the Narcissist… “But, she’s your mother.”

This is a wonderfully written and concisely expressed perspective of what it is like to be the adult child of a narcissist trying to share your experience… in this case in an environment which should be safe for you to share openly without having to deal with the usual prejudice or inability of others to empathise, a place supposedly populated with those who understand, or at least know to keep quiet if they don’t understand because they’ve been through something too and might known what it’s like when others ply you with platitude tea and sympathy.

I should add a warning: for those who are children of narcissists, please be careful while reading this, your head may come loose from too much nodding. You might also be inclined to bang said head against a hard surface as it might trigger a well known frustration.

Thank you for sharing.

ps. Something in it made me chuckle when I read it late last night, can’t recall what it was this morning, I think it may have been that bit about what happens when someone dies.

My father died recently and it brought everyone I’d been avoiding for years (especially my mother) out of the woodwork, and all the chaos they bring with them. Even if you could feel grief or loss… there’s no time for you to feel it in the kerfuffle others cause.

My Travels with Depression

We were born into a culture of idolising our mothers. People expect us to sit themthYS3WK643 gracefully on a pedestal, regardless of what they did, or who they became. When a mother and child’s relationship breaks down, there seems to be a predisposition to place the blame on the offspring.

I appreciate how difficult it is for those from functional backgrounds to understand how I could cut my mother off in the first place. People imagine the scenario to be fraught with a wide spectrum of grief. Their lips utter the words without thinking, “But, she’s your mother.”

As soon as people realise my experience is not as they imagine, they view my attitude with a mixture of suspicion and sympathy, their eyes say it all, ‘Awe, poor man… surely he must feel loss’. Many of them say, “But, she’s your mother.”

“Why don’t you try something different,”…

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The Narcissist – Up Close and Personal

When I first started blogging... on a blog which is now defunct... . I used this as an avatar . I didn't set out to write about narcissists at all. It didn't even cross my mind. It didn't even occur to me to write about my parents, my childhood, my issues, my life, my experiences...... Continue Reading →

The Age of the Narcissist – The Best and the Worst of it

. Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist? That's a bit of a trick question... tricky to answer. Why? Partly because the term 'narcissist' hasn't always meant what it means now. It used to mean someone who was very vain... . . ... in love with themselves, with their reflection which... Continue Reading →

Apocalypse Narcissist – Empathy, Sympathy, Sensitivity, and… Apathy

Why is it so difficult to figure out if someone is a narcissist or not? You’d think, after reading up on the traits and behaviours of NPD, that narcissists would be easy to spot. .   . They are selfish, rude, manipulative, critical, nasty people, right? Entitled, grandiose a-holes who don’t give a shit about... Continue Reading →

Love – Narcissist Style

Those who love me, follow me... My father used to say that all the time... but what did he mean by it? What he meant was that you - whoever you were, his wife, his child, his brother, sister, parent, colleague, friend, mistress (he had a lot of those), etc,  - were supposed to love... Continue Reading →

The Life Lessons which Narcissists Teach

. Catch me on a bad day, when everything seems to be going belly up, when every minor irritation flares into a major inflammation, when I'm throwing myself a pity party and no one is invited because they'd be a killjoy to my misery, and you'll find me tearing myself a new one for some... Continue Reading →

When the soul lies down in that grass…

Have you ever had one on those moments when... everything was just right... not right as in free from wrong... not right as in perfect, because perfection is... not right, or free, it's stressful, at least the human version of it is... isn't... because it requires too much thought of the intellectual kind which is... Continue Reading →

…that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm.

. And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood... Continue Reading →

The Honourable Judgement of Others

I don't normally like to comment on News stories, especially those which have become a hot topic online and are doing the world wide web outrage rounds. There are many reasons why I prefer to keep my opinion to myself. Mostly it is because what is reported in the News, and then spread from mouth... Continue Reading →

A Tale of Two Legacies

. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope,... Continue Reading →

The Awful Truth… take what you need

Sitting there so solemnly, A lady full of grace, In the Louvre gallery, With a smile upon  her face. I wonder what she's thinking, As she looks out at the crowd, Some people think she's winking, Others think she's proud.   . When I was about 9yrs old, my English teacher set us a task... Continue Reading →

Thoughts on Being a Hermit…

Greeting and glad tidings to Jen, and a cornucopia of thank yous for taking the plunge into my challenge (go here if you want to know more about the challenge), for joining in the fun, and for asking this question: . "You’ve said somewhere recently that you’re a hermit. I’m curious if you feel that... Continue Reading →

Somewhere Over the Narcissist’s Rainbow

Are you a magnet for narcissists? Survey says... possibly and probably. Based on shared experiences... we're all a magnet for narcissists, while no one is the narcissist for whom we're all magnets. And... You don't need to have previous experience to qualify for this position of being a magnet for narcissists. All applicants are welcome,... Continue Reading →

The Soul of… Fear

. “Fear cuts deeper than swords.” ― George R.R. Martin . What does the word 'fear' conjure up for you when you read, hear, are aware of it? Does it remind you of your own fear? What do you fear? Do you fear? Fear is one of those experiences that connects us with others, even... Continue Reading →

Andy White – Narcissism and The Fruit of Suffering

"The pain, the despair, the craziness of self-destructive behaviour is as loud a statement as it is possible to make that our soul is in exile and under attack." - Andy White . Isn't it typical. The moment you want something, it plays hard to get. However if you don't want it, it's there for... Continue Reading →

How Do I Integrate into the Whole… She Asked

. “As a young man I was scornful about the supernatural but as I have got older, the sharp line that divided the credible from the incredible has tended to blur; I am aware that the whole world is slightly incredible” ― Colin Wilson . How do you integrate into the whole? Do you feel... Continue Reading →

The Two Opposite Sides of Knowing About Narcissism

This is a wonderful post from a deeply introspective blogger, who shares themselves on their beautifully insightful blog.

If you’ve ever been involved in a relationship with a narcissist or someone you thought could, maybe, perhaps have narcissistic personality disorder… but you hope that they don’t, that what you think is somehow just you and not them… then please read this, and the other posts on this blog.

It is rare to get a male perspective of a female narcissist… This perspective is more than that, it is rich with heartfelt personal experience, empathy, and a need to understand.
Thank you for sharing!

apensiveheart's Blog


In my continuing evaluation of where my life was, is, and appears to be going, I have discovered there are certain things that I know now that I sometimes wish that I didn’t.  While I wish that I didn’t know them, I also understand that ultimately they are going to benefit me.  Are you confused enough yet?  To be more to the point, I often wish that I didn’t know anything about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  Why?  Let me explain.

My narcissistic wife (and now ex) moved out of our home 9 months ago.  This was in addition to us dating back in 1999, when she abruptly left me, dating again in 2001, when she again abruptly left me, and then getting together again in 2006 and ultimately getting married in 2009.  She also moved out without warning in November, 2013 only to return in late January, 2014, with the final move out occurring…

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